When Dani walked into the coffee shop they had agreed to meet at, she found Santana was already sitting at a table, waiting for her to arrive.
"Hey," said Dani, taking a seat.
"Hey," said Santana, "Wow, bright pink. It's really different. It... it looks good."
"Yeah, I felt like changing it up," said Dani, running a hand through her hair.
"How've you been?" asked Santana.
"Good," said Dani, "You?"
"Good," said Santana.
There was a long, incredibly uncomfortable silence.
"Can we just fast forward to the reason we're here?" asked Dani. Santana nodded.
"I just want say, that I was really lonely, this past winter," said Santana, "And being with you made me feel connected to someone again, and I'm really grateful for that..."
"But?" asked Dani, waiting for the second shoe to drop.
"But... I'm not really sure that we have a future together, in the long run," said Santana, "I...I think our relationship has run it's course, and it would be best for both of us if we broke up."
"It's because of Brittany, isn't it?" said Dani, shaking her head, tears in her eyes, "I should have known. I mean, the first time we met, you told me you still loved her."
"No," said Santana, "This isn't about Brittany. I mean, sure, her coming back brought some issues to a head for us, but it's not like I'm... I mean, she and I are not... it's not what you think..."
"Well that clears things up," said Dani, sarcastically, "I'm glad I was useful in curbing your loneliness until Brittany came back."
"Dani, it's not like that," said Santana, "I didn't plan it this way. I'm really glad I got to know you."
"Yeah, well, I don't really think I can say the same," said Dani, wiping tears off of her face, "I was falling in love with you, Santana, and you were just... using me. I was just a placeholder."
"That's not true," said Santana, emphatically, "I wanted this to-"
"Please, just," said Dani, "Just don't."
"Dani-"
"I should go," said Dani, standing up, "Tell the band I'm sorry, but I quit. Have a nice life, Santana."
Santana returned to the apartment, emotionally drained. She grabbed a spoon from the kitchen and opened the freezer, looking for the cookie dough ice cream, but it was gone. She entered the living room where she found Kurt, on the couch eating it straight out of the carton and watching tv.
"Hey Hummel," said Santana, "Welcome back."
Kurt grunted in response, concentrating more on eating a large spoonful of ice cream than Santana.
"So, it looks like the band's down to four members. I broke things off with Dani," said Santana, sighing and sitting next to Kurt on the couch. She dug out some ice cream out of the carton with her spoon and ate it. "How was your trip?"
Kurt didn't respond, he just kept staring at the television. It almost seemed like he was in a trance.
"Hello, Earth to Hummel?" asked Santana, then she noticed his left ring finger was conspicously bare, "...Did something happen in Lima? ...Kurt? ...Kurt, what's wrong?"
Kurt finally looked over at Santana, "We broke up."
"Hello, you've reached Rachel Berry, star of the upcoming revival of 'Funny Girl'," said Rachel. It was her new standard phone greeting.
"Where are you Berry?" asked Santana, "Hummel needs you. Now."
"I'm introducing Brittany to the world of vegan supermarkets," said Rachel, "Is something wrong?"
Santana heard Brittany's voice in the background, "She told me she knew a place where I could buy food for Lord Tubbington. But I'm not sure any of this stuff is actually edible."
"You two need to come home now. We have a relationship emergency, for real this time. This is not a drill," said Santana.
"What's wrong?" asked Rachel.
"I don't have time to explain. Just empty your hand-woven, bio-degradable shopping bag and get back here, asap."
"What happened Kurt?" asked Rachel. She, Brittany and Santana were all sitting around Kurt, ready to comfort him.
"Oh you know, what's that saying? Cheat on me once, shame on you, " said Kurt, "Cheat on me seven different times, I burn everything you ever gave me and throw your engagement ring back in your face with all of the force I can muster."
"That bastard," said Santana.
"I always knew he wasn't good enough for you," said Rachel.
"At least it's over now," said Brittany, "And he can't cause you anymore pain."
"Yes, but just because he can't cause you pain doesn't mean you can't cause him any," said Santana, "I've still got connections in Lima Heights. I could have someone break into his house and steal all of his gel-based hair care products. Just say the word."
Kurt shook his head at Santana and bit back a smile.
"You're going to get through this," said Rachel. Brittany nodded and squeezed his hand, comfortingly.
"Is there anything we can do?" asked Brittany.
"Thanks, guys," said Kurt, "But I just want to be alone right now."
"How'd things go with Dani?" asked Brittany, as she and Santana walked down the freezer aisle of the grocery store. Rachel had sent them out to get Kurt's favorite comfort foods.
"We broke up," said Santana, "and it doesn't really seem like she ever wants to see my face again."
"Well, officially," said Brittany, "I'm sorry to hear that."
"And unofficially?" asked Santana.
Brittany smiled brightly, "Sometime in the near future I may break open a bottle of champagne and jump up and down joyfully."
Santana laughed.
"So, how do you think Kurt's going to handle his break up?" asked Brittany.
"I don't know. He was banking his future on Captain Bowtie, and now everything's uncertain," said Santana, frowning, "I think this is going to be way worse than in the fall. There's no way they'll get back together now. Kurt will never be able to trust him again. But if you ask me, I think he's lucky he found out sooner rather than later. Now he can move on without becoming a divorcee, and meet someone who's not a major tool. But in the meantime, he's probably going to be in full out grief mode."
"Well, according to Rachel, Kurt's never had a problem that a threesome with Ben & Jerry couldn't solve," said Brittany as she grabbed a couple pints of ice cream, "So let's hope this works as well as she says."
"How is he?" asked Santana, having just returned from working a double shift at the diner.
"He's lying on the couch with his boyfriend pillow, watching old rom coms and arguing with the characters when they make dramatic speeches of love and devotion," said Rachel, "So, it's gotten better."
"This is the worst," said Santana, "I've never seen him so depressed...not to mention it's been four days and he's yet to have showered."
"Even his hair's droopy and sad," said Brittany, frowning, "He's like a grief zombie."
"Well, we have to get him up and running quick," said Santana, "We're just barely able to cover his shifts at the diner, and he can't afford to miss many more classes. Isabelle is ridiculously understanding, but she's not going to give him more than a week off."
"We need to brainstorm," said Rachel, nodding, "We've all had our hearts broken and our dreams shattered. What did people do in order to try and help us during our times of need?"
"I'm not singing Kurt a stripped down version of 'I Will Survive' if that's where you're headed," said Santana, crossing her arms.
"I don't think anyone wants that," said Brittany, remembering lady music week, "We should try something, though. Maybe getting him to do some of the stuff that's helped us move on when our relationships ended would help."
"It's worth a shot," said Santana, "Berry, you're his platonic soulmate, you're up first."
Rachel sat on the couch next to Kurt and attempted to be emotionally supportive.
"Do you want to sing about it?" asked Rachel, "I've brought some song selections that I believe accurately depict your grief and sorrow while staying true to the theme that you can still move on and be happy without him."
"That's okay Rachel," said Kurt.
"How about we just watch sad musicals and cry?" suggested Rachel.
"No," said Kurt, "It would be nice to take my mind off the break up, though. How's your new romance?"
"Well, since you asked," said Rachel, "It's going great. He took me out for dinner and movie yesterday, and then afterwards we just talked for hours at this little coffee shop. I think this is the start of something really amazing." Rachel smiled dreamily.
"That's great, Rachel. I really admire your optimism," said Kurt, "When, in reality, your best case scenario is that he ends up barely able to tolerate your abrasive personality and later turns to drinking to deal with the inadequacy he feels because of your stardom. But you two stay married because it's financially viable. Since you wed without a pre-nup and your career doesn't need the scandal of a public divorce."
"Well... I hope that's not the best case scenario..." said Rachel, frowning, "Wait, so you think I'll definitely be a star?"
"Two words, Hummel," said Santana, "Retail. Therapy."
"I don't think that falling deeper into debt is going to help this situation, Santana," said Kurt, breaking into a Kit Kat bar.
"Fair point. I've also got angry female empowerment jams from the 90's," said Santana, holding up several CD's.
"That's okay, I don't feel like listening to music right now," said Kurt, "...and we also don't have a CD player...Anyway, how are you doing with your break up?"
"Oh, you know, break ups are never fun," said Santana, shrugging, "But it was the best thing to do."
"You know, I think it was really brave of you to break up with Dani. I mean, I'm sure you can reel in the ladies, no problem, but it's probably really hard for you to find someone who will stick around because they actually enjoy your mean spirited personality. Sure, you might get back with Brittany, but it's not like she can't find someone else. Someone who's actually nice and doesn't have all of your emotional hang ups."
"I can be nice," said Santana, "... sort of. And I thought I worked on my emotional stuff, you know, with my coming out of the closet, and all..."
"Please, even your trust issues have trust issues," said Kurt. Santana thought it over for a minute.
"Oh god, you're right," she said, sinking into the couch. She held out a hand to Kurt, "Break me off a piece of that."
Kurt handed her the rest of his Kit Kat bar.
"How about you call that cute guy you work with at vogue-dot-com? And just FYI, gay marriage became legal in New York in 2011, so that door is totally open," said Brittany.
"I'm not ready to rebound, just yet," said Kurt, "It's only been a few days."
"Right. ...We could listen to Britney Spear's 'Everytime' on repeat until your iPod's battery dies," said Brittany, getting lost in her own memories, "Because, he seems to move on easy... but you can't fly without your wings..." She got a little choked up, and clearly was no longer talking about Kurt and Blaine.
"Um, Brittany?" asked Kurt.
"I'm okay, I'm good," said Brittany, shaking her head, "Sorry, this is about you. ...Have you thought of publicly insulting your lesbian fanbase?"
"I... I don't think we really had one," said Kurt.
"Okay, well, we'll keep brainstorming," said Brittany.
"Can we talk about something else?" asked Kurt, "I'm kind of drained from Rachel and Santana trying to cheer me up."
"Sure, what do you want to talk about?" asked Brittany.
"How about you?" suggested Kurt, "I'm curious. If you and Santana get back together, do you think you'll be plagued by the constant fear that the minute another lesbian looks her way, she'll dump you faster than you can say 'energy exchange'?"
"Well, there was much more to it than just that..." said Brittany, taken aback, "...Did Santana say something?"
Santana, Brittany, and Rachel reconvened in Rachel's room after their individual attempts to lift Kurt out of his depression failed miserably.
"Hummel is out of control," said Santana, "and he's dragging us all down with him."
"He's like some sort of emotional terrorism mastermind," said Brittany, shaking her head, "Or like a giant black hole of despair that sucks the joy and optimism out of its victims."
"What do we do?" asked Rachel, "It's like he's lost all faith that relationships can work. He's going to be jaded before he gets out of his teenage years."
"Maybe we went about this all wrong. What worked for us won't work for Kurt, his grieving process is different," said Brittany, "We can't just snap him out of it, so he's resisting by pointing out cruel half-truths about our own relationships to make us see how miserable he is. He needs to recover on his own time. I think all we can do is be here for him, all three of us, together."
Santana and Rachel nodded in agreement.
"Kurt," said Rachel, "We are going to... approach... you now." Rachel, Santana, and Brittany sat on the couch, trepidatiously.
"Please don't tell us how romantically challenged we are, and that all of our relationships will end tragically," said Brittany.
"We just want to say that we're here for whatever you need," said Santana, "And if you feel you need to take a shower, that would be great." Brittany nudged Santana. "But we also want to say that we're done trying to fix this for you and we just want to help, however we can."
"Yeah," said Brittany, "We just thought we could help you by sharing some of our own break up survival methods. But it was probably just the blind leading the blind."
"Ooh, I just had a great idea!" said Rachel, "None of us know the secret to getting over someone, but we each have different strengths when it comes to the grieving process, right? So, a different one of us will be there for you when you're experiencing the grief stage we understand the most. So we can't mess you up even more when we try to be helpful."
"Who's going to take what?" asked Kurt, his interest piqued.
"Well, Santana's obviously going to handle denial and anger," said Rachel.
"What? I don't-" said Santana, then she considered it, "...actually that sounds about right."
"I'm depression and bargaining," said Rachel, "I have plenty experience in both from my high school days of sitting alone in my bedroom crying, making deals with the Broadway gods to do anything and everything to get noticed and appreciated. And Brittany will help you achieve acceptance. It's perfect, we'll be like your spiritual break up guides."
"What are we, the ghosts of grief stages: past, present, and future?" asked Santana, looking at Rachel skeptically.
"Does that mean I don't say anything, but instead bring him to a graveyard and point ominously?" asked Brittany, "Because I could be down for that."
"No, I meant spiritual like metaphysical," said Rachel, "Not spectral."
Kurt chuckled, and then began full on laughing.
"What?"
"You guys are ridiculous," said Kurt, smiling with tears of laughter on his face, "But I'm really glad I have you."
"We're really glad we have you too," said Rachel, hugging Kurt.
"At least, when you're not telling us why we'll end up dying sad and alone," said Santana, hugging Kurt from the other side.
"Even then," said Brittany, joining the group hug.
Brittany and Santana spent their Saturday morning together in the Laundromat. They were sitting criss cross applesauce, facing each other, on two adjacent dryers waiting for their clothes to finish. Both of them were sporting up-do's with hair scarves, their customary laundry-doing hairstyle.
"Is it large?" asked Brittany.
"Irritatingly so," said Santana.
"Does it have to do with Rachel?" asked Brittany.
"No," said Santana.
"Really?" asked Brittany, "You sure?"
"Yeah, why?" asked Santana.
"I thought for sure it was her elephant sized ego," said Brittany.
"That does fit the profile," said Santana, "But no."
"Is it expensive?" asked Brittany.
"Yes," said Santana, "Extremely."
"Would it fit in our apartment?" asked Brittany.
"Yes," said Santana.
"Is it currently in our apartment?" asked Brittany.
"Yes..." said Santana, worried Brittany was close to guessing correctly.
"Is it Kurt's collection of hand lotions and facial cremes?" asked Brittany.
"Yes," said Santana, reluctantly.
"Yes!" said Brittany, doing a fist pump, "That was a good one. I almost had to use all twenty questions."
"You're too good at this game," said Santana, frowning, "I never win."
"Don't take it personally," said Brittany, reaching out and patting Santana's knee reassuringly, "I'm just a freakishly good guesser."
"That's true," said Santana, nodding, "What's your secret?"
"It's easy," said Brittany, "You just have to get into the other person's head. Let their thought process become your thought process."
"Oh, yeah?" asked Santana, "Do you know what I'm thinking right now?"
"You're thinking..." said Brittany, scooching closer to Santana and looking into her eyes, "You want to go to the deli across the street and get us sandwiches, while I wait here and guard our clothes from laundry snatchers."
Santana smirked, "Uncanny."
"It's a gift," said Brittany, shrugging.
"I'll be right back," said Santana, getting off of the dryer, "You want your usual?"
"Yes, please," said Brittany, smiling.
Santana was about to exit the laundromat, when Brittany called after her, "Could you ask for-"
"Extra pickles?" said Santana, turning around at the door and nodding.
"How did you know?" asked Brittany, surprised.
"You're not the only one with mind reading powers," said Santana, winking and sliding out the door.
"So, how are you feeling?" asked Brittany, biting into her sandwich.
"About what?" asked Santana.
"Your break up," said Brittany, "I know Kurt's been priority one this week, but you're going through a break up too. So we really should be just as focused on you... I mean, I know you weren't planning on marrying her... well I mean, I think you weren't...Not that you couldn't have..."
Brittany stumbled over her words. She really hadn't meant to bring up the topic of weddings, since her own Mayan apocalypse nuptials remained a large source of embarrassment for her. She never wanted to think about them again, let alone discuss them with Santana.
"Oh my god, were you?" asked Brittany, slightly horrified after Santana hadn't responded.
"No," said Santana, laughing, "Of course not, we went out for less than three months. I'm not insane."
"Right," said Brittany, smiling and rolling her eyes at herself, "I guess I'm just used to everyone sprinting down the aisle."
"Yeah," said Santana, "Who knows? If I had been proposed to, the peer pressure alone might have made me say yes."
"Be serious," said Brittany.
"I know, that's a ridiculous reason to get married. If anything, I probably would have been blinded by the power of the bling," said Santana, facetiously, "I mean, I can't say I'd turn down a princess cut from Tiffany's. ...But considering my potential fiancee was a minimum wage waitress, I don't think that would have happened."
"Santana-"
"C'mon," said Santana, smiling fully,"I've got to have some fun to distract me from the fact that out of all of my friends, I'm the only one who hasn't been proposed to yet."
"That's not true," said Brittany.
"That stranger in the crowd at nationals doesn't count," said Santana.
"Why not?" asked Brittany.
"She didn't even know my name," said Santana, "It wasn't a real proposal."
"I guess she did only refer to you as 'congress pizza ad cheerleader'," said Brittany, thinking back on it, "You don't actually feel bad that no one's proposed to you yet, do you?"
"No," said Santana, shaking her head, "...Maybe. I know it's crazy. I mean, I don't even want to get married now. It's just... people have wanted to be married to Kurt and Rachel before someone's wanted to marry me."
"Trust me, that's not true," said Brittany, moving to sit beside Santana and put her arm around her.
"Yeah, I guess both of them faltered before they got to the actual marriage part," said Santana, misinterpreting what Brittany had said, "Am I not marriage material?"
"What? of course you are," said Brittany, "Who wouldn't want to be married to you? You make killer pancakes; you're honest, sometimes brutally so, but you never lie; you've got psychic Mexican mojo, so you can foresee trouble ahead; and you're the most thoughtful person I know, even if you try to hide it. You always know how to make someone feel special and loved. You just haven't been proposed to because no one's had the balls to ask you yet... well, the figurative balls, because, you know, they're women."
Santana laughed, "You really think so?"
"I know so," said Brittany, "There are probably thousands of ladies out there, just waiting to propose to Santana Lopez." Santana rolled her eyes as she grinned and pushed Brittany playfully.
"Well, I'm sure all the boys and girls are vying for the chance to lock you down. But I'm not sure any of them are worthy," said Santana, smiling, "You know, you can always cheer me up, even when I'm being ridiculous. I've really missed you, Britt."
"I miss you too," said Brittany, returning to being serious,"Anyways, we've gone off track. How are you feeling about your break up?"
"Well, I am kind of sad," admitted Santana.
"Oh," said Brittany, "Do you... do you think you made a mistake?"
"No, not at all. I'm sad, because I'm not sad about my break up," said Santana, "I guess I just wanted that relationship to be more than it really was, and I think I was getting in way too deep for what I actually felt for her. I just, I wanted somebody so badly, and she was there, and she wanted me. It was easy."
Brittany nodded, thinking back on her most recent relationship, "I think it's worth it to date the wrong person sometimes, because afterwards, when you're with the right person, it becomes all the more clear."
"I think you're right," said Santana, looking over at Brittany, her gaze lingering longer than necessary.
Then, the dryer's buzzer went off, and a man who'd been waiting to put his wet clothes in said, "Hey, you two gonna empty this machine anytime soon?" Effectively snapping them out of the moment.
'Thwarted by the bell...' thought Brittany, grumpily, as they got back to doing their laundry.
"What the-" said Brittany, upon entering the apartment, which was bursting at the seams with homemade desserts. Kurt was pulling a sheet of cupcakes out of the oven, as she and Santana walked in.
"It appears Hummel's entered the Betty Crocker phase of his grieving period," said Santana, "That, or we're finally opening that cupcake factory we've always dreamed of."
"Brittany, Santana!" said Kurt, whirling around in his apron, "Have a cupcake... or twenty."
"Kurt, what the hell," said Santana.
"I admit it is a bit much," said Kurt, looking around and realizing every surface in their apartment was covered in baked goods. There were pies, cookies, cakes, croissants, and cupcakes everywhere.
"A bit?" said Santana, "You're about two batches of brownies short of a bakery."
"Baking is my therapy. It's simple and easy," said Kurt, "You measure everything out, mix it together, heat it up, and it comes out perfectly every time. There are no surprises that leave you alone, left only with bittersweet memories of a love, you thought would last forever, but instead crashed and burned, leaving you to live out your life in the ashen wreckage of your former dreams."
Santana and Brittany exchanged a look of concern.
"I don't know," said Brittany, turning back to Kurt, "I tried to make a Baumkuchen and it was ridiculously hard. It didn't come out at all like the picture. I felt pretty abandoned by the author of the recipe, and the cake itself literally crashed and burned...although I never thought it would last forever."
"Brittany, why would you even attempt that?" asked Kurt, surprised, "You have to continuously pour cake batter on a revolving spit over an open flame, for over four hours."
"Well, Glee Club needed funding," said Brittany shrugging, "People weren't going to pay up for your run of the mill desserts, so I thought I'd go big. I should have just brought in my pot brownies, Puckerman had the right idea."
Santana nodded, "I still think about that red frosting sometimes ...but anyway, Hummel, you need to get rid of these pastries, pronto. We can barely move around in here without bumping into dessert."
"I know," said Kurt, "but we don't have to chuck them, we can eat them."
"Yeah... we're not all getting fat because you decided to bake off more than you could chew," said Santana.
"I'd say LT could take care of it, but we just found out he has diabetes," said Brittany.
"Type 1 or type 2?" asked Kurt.
"Weirdly both," said Brittany, "The doctors say he's a medical marvel, but, like, in a bad way."
"He's a twink, right?" asked Brittany, leaning over Santana's shoulder, looking at her laptop screen.
"I think so, I didn't know there were so many gay sub-types... like, why is 'ostrich' an option? That can't be real," said Santana.
"This is ridiculous," said Brittany.
"What are you doing?" asked Kurt, coming up behind them, looking at the computer screen.
"Nothing," said Santana, quickly, "Just, you know... normal ...lesbian stuff."
"You made me a grindr account?!" asked Kurt, reading the screen more carefully.
"...Who says it's for you?" said Santana, trying to salvage the situation.
"Are you trying to tell me you're trolling the internet for gay guys?" said Kurt.
"Fine, yes, it's for you," said Santana, "We just want to help, and possibly stop you from baking your weight in cookies. Just think of it as a cute boy delivery system. Maybe the best way to get over Blaine is to get under someone... or over someone... Are you more of a top, or a power bottom? We didn't know which box to check."
"They don't have that as a..." Kurt looked at the screen, "Oh, wow, look at that." Kurt shook his head, "Delete this now."
"But we're almost done," said Santana.
"And you get a free t-shirt if we finish in the next thirty minutes," said Brittany. Santana nodded.
"Shut it down," said Kurt, "I don't even want to know what's written on that t-shirt..."
"Now if I purchase the white dove release, should I cancel the confetti canons?" asked Brittany, talking on the phone, as Kurt walked into the room, "I don't want to put the birds in danger... Also, how much is sky writing? Do you charge per letter?"
"Brittany what are you doing?" asked Kurt.
"Um, I'll call you back later," said Brittany, hanging up the phone. She turned to Kurt, "If I tell you, you have to swear to secrecy."
"Consider me sworn," said Kurt, eager to get in on a secret.
"I'm planning a big, romantic gesture for Santana. So I'm pulling out all of the stops. I want it to be special. I want it to be better than special. Santana's done most of the big, beautiful gestures in the past, so I want to return the favor," said Brittany.
"What do you have in mind exactly?" asked Kurt.
"I don't know yet, but it can't be just your run-of-the-mill song and dance number," said Brittany.
"So, you're looking for something that will sweep her off of her un-sensible heels," said Kurt.
"Correct," said Brittany, "And unfortunately, our group of friends has raised the romantic gesture bar pretty high."
"Maybe subtlety should be your secret weapon then," said Kurt.
"How do you mean?" asked Brittany.
"Sometimes the big romantic gesture is too big. Think of your most special, romantic memory with Santana," said Kurt, "Was it a large, choreographed, public affair?"
"No, it was just the two of us," said Brittany, "Well, Brad was there, too."
"I think that's the key," said Kurt, "Just make it simple, honest, and heartfelt. And you can't go wrong."
Brittany nodded. She realized she wanted to do something that was big and romantic, but also intimate and personal. Now just to figure out what that was.
"When do you think is the earliest I can do this?" asked Brittany, "I want to respect the break up recovery window, but also not get scooped by some other girl."
"Two weeks?" suggested Kurt.