Cruel Cruel World
Chapter 9: Who Would Have Thought?
Nobody told you that a heart is like a deep, deep freeze.
So many lies, so much of it broken.
Nobody told you deep within a well so cavernous, that maybe I could shed some light on...
The next morning, Kelly woke to Matthew's right arm draped around her.
She slowly turned around, and saw that he was still sleeping. She figured she'd let him sleep. After all, she knew he would probably be hungover, and therefore in pain once he woke.
She sighed as she thought about what had happened last night. She wondered if it was a mistake. He had promised her he knew what he was doing, but she still worried he had just been drunk, and that he would regret it all once he woke up and realized what he had done. Maria had just broken up with him that same night. What if she (Kelly) was just his rebound? What if he woke up, wanting to make things right with Maria now that his mind was clear? Though he had said last night that it had always been Kelly that he loved. That that is why it hadn't worked with anyone else. But, sometimes when people were drunk they said things they didn't mean. True, sometimes they'd say what was really on their mind that they never had the courage to say sober, but what if this wasn't the case? Or, what if he didn't even remember last night? He had been pretty drunk. She had sobered him up, but what if he wasn't as sober as she had thought he was?
Kelly closed her eyes. Last night had been so amazing. So incredibly amazing. She was more in love with Matthew than ever now. It sure seemed to mean something to him last night.
"You're so beautiful, you know that, right?" Matthew asked as he kissed her and made love to her.
She placed her hands over his temples, and held his face as she looked into his eyes. "It's always nice to hear," she said with a smile.
His eyes lowered and he kissed her again. "You're so beautiful. You're the most beautiful girl in the world."
She blushed. "I'm not a girl anymore. I'm a woman." She still felt old, seeing as he went for younger girls. She had never been good enough for him before, and she had a feeling it was because of her age.
"Well, lucky for you, I need a woman. I finally realized that girls just aren't going to cut it for me anymore." He kissed her yet again.
Kelly kissed him in return. Oh how she loved kissing him like this—especially now that it wasn't in character.
"You are the most beautiful woman in the world, Kel. I'm just sorry it took me so long to admit to myself how much you really meant to me—how in love with you I am," he said.
"It's okay," Kelly said with a smile. "You were so worth the wait."
They grinned at each other.
"Well, you aint seen a thing yet, my Darling," he said to her, his grin widening.
Her grin widened too, then he covered her lips with his own.
Soon, they were kissing passionately, and making love even more passionately.
Kelly closed her eyes, and dug her fingers into his back as he made her feel good in parts she hadn't even known she had.
Matthew started to stir. He turned on his side, his arm leaving her waist. Still, he didn't wake.
She gently pushed some stray hair out of his eyes. He was so beautiful when he slept. Of course he was deliciously handsome awake, but there was something about him sleeping, looking so innocent... He just looked beautiful. She stroked his cheek. He had a slight stubble. She didn't usually like stubble on men, but on him, it was just sexy. She snuggled down next to him, and wrapped her arms around him. She then closed her eyes and thought about last night again.
"That was amazing," she said once they had finished making love.
"Incredible," he agreed, kissing down her neck to the valley of her chest.
She titled her head back, and tangled her fingers in his hair. "I wish we hadn't taken so long to do that."
He looked at her. "It was my fault. I take full responsibility."
She shook her head. "No, first you were married. Then, I was going through a painful divorce for the second time and wasn't quite ready for a relationship yet. By the time you split from Naama, you already had Leyla. I guess I was already talking about not being ready for a relationship then. Then, I had Marcus, then was freshly broken up with him."
"We were both single for a couple of months," Matthew reminded her.
"But you were in California a lot, and I had to travel a lot so the kids could see their father, now I'm going through this custody crap, flying to France every three weeks. It seems like the universe is conspiring against us!" Kelly said.
Matthew gently stroked her left cheek. "I know it may seem that way, but we're together now, aren't we?"
Kelly nodded.
"I think we just weren't trying hard enough. That is what I take the blame for. I needed to stop waisting my time on girls technically young enough to be my daughter, and realize what—who—was right in front of me the whole time, and had been for almost six years!" Matthew said.
Kelly smiled, and stroked his left cheek in return. "Well, I could have told you how I felt about you a whole lot earlier. I guess I was just scared of rejection."
Matthew looked a little sad. "I'm sorry you had to feel that way. I'm sorry that you didn't feel you could tell me without me rejecting you."
"Sh... Will you stop apologizing? This isn't your fault!" Kelly smiled, and continued stroking his cheek. "Besides, we're together now, and that's all that matters, right?"
Matthew grinned. "Right!" His eyes lowered again. "And, now that I have you, I'm never gonna let you go."
Kelly's eyes lowered too as they kissed again.
They kissed until Matthew drifted off to sleep with Kelly in his arms. Kelly hadn't been far behind, for she had never felt more safe, protected, and loved in her entire life than she did right there, right then in Matthew's arms.
Kelly sighed in contentment at the memory.
Matthew started to stir then, bringing herself back to the present. She hadn't regretted a thing about last night. The question was, did Matthew?
Just then, Matthew slowly fluttered his eyes open, and looked up at her.
Kelly took a deep breath, and slowly let it out. She guessed she was about to find out!
Who would have thought it could be amazing?
Who would have thought the tiny courageous?
Who would have thought that love so belated could save me,
and bring me back to you?
Matthew looked at her, and immediately, he grinned. "Good morning, Beautiful!" He reached up and stroked her cheek.
She grinned in return, feeling her heart start to palpitate. "Good morning, Handsome!"
He gently pulled her closer, and they kissed.
Matthew broke the kiss after a moment, and hungrily licked his lips as his eyes scanned her body. He then gently stroked her cheek again, and looked into her eyes. "Last night was incredible," he said, his eyes still locked on hers.
She smiled, and blushed. "So, you don't regret it?"
He looked confused. "No. Why would I regret it?"
Kelly shrugged. "I don't know. I just thought that maybe, even though you thought you knew what you were doing last night, maybe you were still a little drunk. Or, I thought that maybe you'd regret hooking up with me the same night Maria broke things off with you. I thought maybe you might want to get back with her." She looked away. That last part would be unbearable now. Especially with everything she was already going through, having lost custody of her children and all.
"Hey," Matthew said gently, moving her chin so that she was forced to look in his eyes again. "Didn't you hear anything I said last night? I knew very well what I was doing. As I told you last night, it's always been you. You're the reason it never works out with someone else. I can't be with anyone else when my heart belongs to you, and always will!"
Kelly nuzzled her cheek against his hand, which was placed over her cheek. She smiled, and looked deeper into his eyes. "Really?"
Matthew nodded. "Cross my heart, and hope to die." He crossed his heart with the index finger of his free hand.
Kelly smirked. "Well, don't die yet! We just got together!"
Matthew laughed. "Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere." He winked at her with a playful smile.
"I'm also glad you remembered last night. I was afraid you might forget!" Kelly admitted.
Matthew laughed. "Trust me, Kel. There is not a chance in hell that I'd ever forget making love to you." Her kissed her neck. "Besides, you sobered me up, remember?"
Kelly nodded. "I know, but..." She trailed off.
"But nothing!" Matthew straddled her, and started kissing down her neck again. "Mm, making love with you was even better than I dreamed it would be. You are so incredibly sexy, and amazing in bed." He started nipping at the skin on the side of her neck.
Kelly closed her eyes, and moved her head to the side, giving him more access, as she sighed in delight.
"I just can't get enough of you. I want you even more now than I did before," he said as he ceased his kisses, only to kiss her breasts. He took them into his mouth, first the left, then he moved onto the right. His hands roamed down her body. "I have to have more..."
Kelly swallowed hard, and gently gripped his hair. He sure know how to get a woman all worked up! She bit her bottom lip. "Don't you have a hangover, or a headache, anything like that?"
He looked up at her. "Nope! Besides, even if I did, I wouldn't let it stop me from making love to the most perfect woman in the world!" He grinned at her, then slid back up her body, to take her in his arms again, and kiss her passionately.
She moaned into his kisses, and hungrily kissed him back, her tongue fighting for dominance with his.
He moaned as well, his hands roaming back down her body. His intent was clear.
It took all of Kelly's willpower to stop him, but she did. She grabbed his wrist to stop his hand from going any further.
He looked up at her with confusion. "What's wrong?"
Kelly took a deep breath, and slowly let it out. Matthew wasn't going to like this, and she knew it, but it had to be done. She decided to just come right out and say it. "We can't do this anymore."
Nobody told you there'd be days of silence that no one heard.
A river swells and overwhelms you.
And nobody told you deep within a heart so ravenous that maybe I could spare a beat for...
Matthew blinked a few times, as if trying to comprehend what she had just said. Finally, he spoke. "Huh? You changed your mind about us that fast?"
Kelly shook her head. Are you kidding me? Of course not! I'll never change my mind about us. What I meant was, you have a problem with alcohol. You drink way too much, and far too often."
Matthew looked away. "I don't drink that much!"
Kelly rolled her eyes. "Um, yes, you do. Matthew, you came to my house drunk three times, and the three times not being that far from each other at that. That's not even counting you getting drunk last night, and me having to bring you back here."
"Well, when you put it that way," Matthew grumbled, still not looking at her. "Still, it's not that much."
"I know it's not the only time you've gotten drunk, Matthew. What about that night I went to the club with you and Maria? You were drunk then too!" Kelly pressed.
This time, Matthew looked at her. "We were at a club though! Who doesn't get drunk at a club?"
Kelly crossed her arms over her chest. "I didn't. I bet a lot of other people don't either. Hello, designated drivers! Not everyone is irresponsible, you know."
"So now I'm an irresponsible drunk? Why are you being so mean?" Matthew asked her. "I thought we were finally going to be together!"
"We are, but Matthew, you have got to stop drinking. You have a serious problem. I heard stories in the past about your wild nights and getting drunk, but I didn't want to believe them. Now, after seeing you get drunk on several occasions, several occasions close together at that, I have to believe them. You can't keep doing this to yourself, Matthew. I'm not trying to be mean. I'm just stating the facts so that you can get the help you need. I want you to get help because I love you, and I want to be with you!" Kelly said, making sure he got how serious she really was about this.
"Where did you hear I get drunk a lot? Who told you?" he asked.
Kelly sighed. "I'm not going to rat anybody out. Though, I'll admit, you told me the majority of it."
Matthew blushed, and looked away. "I don't remember telling you any such thing!"
"Over the years, there have been several occurrences where you came to me bragging about a wild, drunken night you had with the boys. Heck, even with Leyla at one point. And Maria, for that matter," Kelly explained.
"Have any of my friends that you've met said anything?" Matthew asked.
Kelly nodded. "I'm not going to say anything more about it other than you need help. I think you should go to rehab."
"Where did this come from all the sudden?" Matthew asked, sitting up straight.
"I've just seen and heard about it over the years, and even more now recently. If you and I are going to be in a relationship, I want to make sure we start it off right, and that means getting you sober," Kelly stated.
Matthew raised an eyebrow. "And if I don't?"
Kelly looked away. "I don't know." She looked at him. "I'll be disappointed you wouldn't do this one little thing for me. If you really love me the way you say you do, you'll do this for me. I just want you to get better, Matthew. You need to do it for you. Do it for me." She took his hands in her own, causing him to look into her eyes. "Do it for us."
He sighed. "Does it have to be rehab?" he asked.
Kelly looked at him in confusion. "Where else would it be?"
"With you," he stated simply. "Let me stay with you. I'll live with you for however long it is for you to be satisfied. You can monitor me, and make sure I don't take another drink."
Kelly sighed. "Oh, I don't know. I am not a licensed councillor."
Matthew shrugged. "I'll start going to AA meetings. You can come with me to make sure I go to them."
Kelly thought about it for a moment. "Well, I don't have to leave for France until three weeks. I suppose we could try it for three weeks. But I want you to start your AA meetings right away!"
Matthew nodded. "I will! I promise. I'll look on the Internet later today, and see where I can find one."
Kelly grinned. "All right! Three weeks it is then."
"Wow, we move fast! Living together all ready!" Matthew teased.
Kelly laughed. "But no sex!"
Matthew's face paled. "What? Why?"
"I told you, I don't want to make love with you anymore until you're good and sober. I'll give you this three week trial, and then maybe, if you're doing well, I'll give you a reward." She ran her hand up his chest, and kissed up his neck, nipping up the side as he had done for her earlier. "If you know what I mean?" she purred.
He moaned. "Okay. It will be great motivation to keep me going."
She grinned at him, then kissed his lips. "Thank you so much for agreeing to do this for us, Matthew. It means a lot to know that you care about us enough to do this out of the blue. That you listed to me."
He gently stroked her cheek. "I'd do anything for you, Kel. Of course I'd listen to you! And I'd also do anything for us. I didn't wait this long to have you to stop now."
Kelly grinned, as did Matthew, and they kissed. And kissed. And kissed.
Kelly then gently pushed him away. "I have to go shower now." She noticed the eager look on his face, and added, "Alone!"
Matthew pouted. "That's not fair."
"The better you behave, the better your reward will be in the end," Kelly said with a wink and a smile.
Matthew grinned. "Can I use the other shower?"
Kelly grinned, and grabbed her clean clothes. "But of course!" She smiled and winked again, then disappeared into the bathroom.
She smirked as she shut the door, and heard Matthew groan in complaint.
I had to find you, had to let you know that you weren't alone, that
we didn`t make the rules.
I had to find you, had to get right back to you...
"Its a good thing we were able to find an open meeting. Thanks for agreeing to come to this with me," Matthew said as he squeezed Kelly's hand outside of the AA meeting. After their showers, they had gone for breakfast, then went to Matthew's place to pack some clothes. Matthew had also looked up AA meetings, and found that there was one today. So, they went back to Kelly's, dropped off Matthew's things, then headed right over to the meeting.
Kelly smiled at him. "Thank you for agreeing to go. I know I just kind of sprung the whole thing on you today. It's good of you to go the same day I brought it up!"
Matthew kissed her hand. "I told you I'd do anything for you, Kelly. That includes this."
Kelly pulled him close, and kissed him. "I love you."
"I love you too," he said, his eyes lowered with love for her.
"Are you ready for this?" Kelly asked, nodding toward the building.
Matthew nodded. "As ready as I'll ever be."
"I'll be with you every step of the way," Kelly promised. She squeezed his hand.
Matthew kissed her temple, and squeezed her hand in return.
They then headed into the meeting together.
When they got there, they saw that there was about fifteen other people there. At least it wasn't a huge group, Kelly thought. She didn't want Matthew getting scared away before they even started.
They took their seats, and soon after, the meeting began.
There were a lot of interesting stories told. Each person in there had a story to tell. It reminded Kelly of that old saying, "Everybody has their demons."
She was pleased to see that everyone was facing up to their alcoholism. They weren't proud of it, and they wanted to change. She had a lot of respect for people like that.
The meeting was almost over when the woman in charge, Cassidy, turned to Kelly and Matthew. "I see we have new members! Would either of you like to say anything? Of course, you don't have to say anything if you don't want to. We never put anyone on the spot, or make them do anything they don't want to do here."
"Oh, I'm just here for moral support!" Kelly said, holding up hers and Matthew's hands, which were firmly clasped together. "I'm Kelly."
Cassidy smiled at her. "Everyone let's give Kelly a warm welcome!"
"Hello, Kelly!" everyone said.
Kelly smiled, and waved. "Hello."
Cassidy turned to Matthew again. "And what's your name? Would you like to give us your story?"
Kelly thought for sure Matthew would give his name, but politely decline on telling his story, but to her surprise, he stood up, and talked to the other members. "Hello. My name is Matthew, and I'm an alcoholic."
He looked back at Kelly, who smiled at him encouragingly.
Everyone greeted him. "Hello, Matthew!"
"Hello," Matthew said, turning back to face everyone, and waving shyly.
Kelly knew he must be nervous. She had never seen him act shy before.
Matthew stayed standing in front of his seat instead of going up to the podium, but he did begin to tell his story of never really being happy with himself. Of how his drinking problem started out when he just wanted to party, and have a good time with friends. He admitted that he feels immature sometimes, and tried to fix the problem by dating younger girls and hanging out with younger people. He also admitted that he would drink whenever he had a problem, but he realized that it was the drinking that was a problem. His lifestyle and who he hung out with was the problem. He then finally admitted that he himself was the problem for letting it get this far. In closing, he said that now he has a reason to get out of this drunken hole he got himself into.
Everyone clapped for him when he was done.
He thanked everyone, and took his seat.
Kelly smiled at him, and gently squeezed his hand. "I'm so proud of you!" she said to him.
He smiled at her, and kissed her cheek.
"I want to thank everyone once again, for sharing, and feeling that this is a trustworthy place. I assure you that everything said in this room will stay anonymous and confidential. You all should be very proud for taking the first step—admitting that you have a problem. Your homework for this week is to find a sponsor if you don't already have one. And, if you do have one, spend time with your sponsor or anyone who will help you turn from your addiction. Spend time with people who will not make you want to head for a drink. And, as always, realize that there is a higher power out there, Who is there to help if you just learn how to ask. I'll see you all next week, same time, same place. This meeting is adjourned! Now feel free to stay and mingle over refreshments and coffee." Cassidy winked, then that was that.
Matthew took Kelly's hand, and stood back up.
"Let's get out of here, and go get some lunch. I don't feel like mingling so soon," he said to her.
Kelly nodded. "All right."
"I'm glad no one seemed to recognize me," Matthew said as they headed back out onto the street, hand-in-hand.
"Well, you're really not that famous," Kelly stated.
Matthew gasped, and playfully pushed her. "Hey!"
Kelly cackled. "I'm only joking!"
Matthew sighed. "No, you're right. Still, I would think in New York someone would recognize me. I mean, I guess I'm glad they didn't, but still..."
"Well, look on the bright side. At least you don't have any drunken fans," Kelly joked with a smirk.
"I thought they'd have to be drunk to be my fan," Matthew teased, making a dig at himself.
Kelly nodded. "True."
"You're so mean," Matthew grumbled. A smile played at the corner of his lips.
Kelly laughed agin. "Hey, you're the one who said they'd have to be drunk to be your fan—not me!"
"But you agreed, which is mean," Matthew stated. His smile was peering out a bit more.
"Well, how about I make it up to you? I'll treat you to lunch, then we'll go home, and I'll give you a nice massage," Kelly suggested.
"Will you be naked when giving the massage?" He wriggled his eyebrows up and down at her suggestively, and grinned.
Kelly rolled her eyes, and playfully shoved him. "You're such a perv!"
"Please? Since I was so good at my first meeting today? I spoke and everything!" He grabbed her by the waist, and pulled her close.
Kelly smiled, facing him. "All right. Since you were such a good boy today," she teased. She gently stroked his cheek.
"Yes!" He grinned, then his eyes lowered, and he kissed her softly on the lips.
Kelly kissed him back, then moaned, and broke the kiss. "But still no sex!"
Matthew groaned. "Ah, you're killing me, Kel!"
"Yeah, yeah, tell it to your AA sponsor!" Kelly joked.
"I just did! You are my sponsor, right?" he asked.
"If you want," Kelly said, taking his arm, and leading him down the street.
"You know what I want," he told her, his tone filled with seduction.
"Do good for three weeks, and we'll talk!" Kelly said.
Matthew sighed. "This is going to be the longest three weeks of my life!"
Kelly smirked. "You'll survive." She pulled him close, and kissed him hard.
Matthew licked his lips and moaned. "Longest three weeks ever!" he muttered. Kelly grinned as they walked hand-in-hand to find a good place to eat.
I had to find you, had to let you know that you weren't alone, and we didn`t make the rules. I had to find you, had to get right back to you.
It`s always been you. Now, tell me who would have thought it could be this amazing? Now who would have thought the tiny courageous? Tell me who would have thought that love so belated could save me, and bring me back to you?