A/N: please review!
~0~
It seemed an age until Ianto arrived a work that morning and Jack was tense and nervous until the cog door rolled back and the Welshman finally came in; calm washed over him, he was doing the right thing. The younger glanced up and gave him a smile before booting up the computer systems, checking the rift monitor and then going to make the coffee that Jack swore should be put on a pedestal and worshipped like the most important deity in the universe.
The immortal man headed down to the kitchen and pressed a kiss to the back of the Welshman's neck before wrapping his arms around his slim waist. Ianto felt a grin form on his face as he turned around and greeted his lover with a passionate kiss, "If you don't let me go then I won't be able to make you that coffee that you claim tastes so good."
"Mmmm, you taste better anyways." He replied happily and Ianto tried not to grimace as he looped his hands under Jack's arms and felt the bones poking out there.
"Jack, you and me really need to have a chat about your weight."
"Why, do you think I'm getting fat?!" Jack demanded, panicking as a whole menagerie of thoughts ran through his mind, would Ianto leave him?! Didn't he find him attractive anymore?! He wouldn't be able to function without the Welshman, some days it was him and only him that was getting him through his 'sessions' with Blake and preventing him from breaking down completely, an accented tone cut his worries short.
"No, cariad, exactly the opposite in fact, you're much too thin, it isn't at all healthy- almost as if you're getting thinner every day."
Jack let out a sigh of monumental relief and pulled his lover close, carding his fingers through his silky brown hair, "I have to talk to you about something." He mumbled, ready to just close his eyes right there and then as however many nights' sleepless hours caught up with him.
"What is it? You can tell me anything."
"Not right now, later, once all of the others have gone and it's just us here, alone."
"You could come back to my flat." Ianto offered, but Jack shook his head.
"It has to be here." So when you realise just how much I don't deserve you and how much you hate me, it doesn't taint your memories of home, he added in his head silently.
"Make you a deal," Ianto offered, "we talk about whatever it is that you want to talk about and then tomorrow we have a long chat about your health, deal?"
"Deal," the immortal said, "even if there's absolutely nothing wrong with me at all." That simply got him a trademark eye roll and an exasperated sigh that sounded a lot like 'stubborn git'. "So, I'll send all the others home at, what, half six?" The former time agent queried and Ianto nodded his agreement, "I'll see you there then." Jack said- trying for a grin and hurrying off before the Welshman realised that it didn't meet his eyes.
~0~
Half past six came around quicker than Jack would have liked it to do and so he sent everybody home, promising to call if there was a rift alert and waited for Ianto to finish up doing… whatever it was he did in the archives and come up to his office. The second hand seemed to tick by agonizingly slowly until finally the Welshman knocked on the door and entered his office precisely on time. The immortal wondered if maybe he should have requested a coffee as it was most probably going to be his last proper one that wasn't some horrible decaf for a century or two.
"So what was it that you wanted to talk to me about?" Ianto asked him cheerfully and Jack wordlessly beckoned him down into his bunker and they sat across each other on the tiny bed- when Ianto leaves him, as he's sure to do, he wants to be able to curl up under the covers, sobbing his heart out.
"Yan," he starts, wanting to say the nickname he'd thought up for his lover for one last time, "I'm sorry."
The young tea boy's brow furrowed, mind working overtime as he tried to decipher the cryptic message. Obviously the elder had done something that was most likely going to hurt him in some way or the other but he was showing genuine remorse, and, shit, what was he supposed to say now? "What do you have to be sorry for?" he asked, trying to keep his voice level.
"Ianto," a lone salty tear slid down a cheekbone that was much too prominent, "we can't be together anymore because, because…" he tried not to let himself break down in tears, "because I cheated on you."
"Who with and how long for?!" Ianto demanded, feeling rage boil up.
"Since practically the start of when I was away." He mumbled, and there was no doubt that the relationship was on-going.
"With Gwen?" the Welshman asked, and wasn't sure what to feel when Jack shook his head.
"With this guy…" he trailed off, absently noting the painful throb in his cheek where the younger had just punched him.
"You fucking bastard, you complete and totally utter piece of fucking scum I have ever laid eyes on!" Ianto fumed, pacing feverishly around the tiny room; Jack hung his head, accepting what he knew he deserved. "Why?!" Ianto asked, and he sounded just so utterly distraught and anguished that it broke what was left of his tattered heart to pieces. Jack shook his head under the Welshman's angry glare, feeling the starts of a waterfall on his face and knowing that it was nothing compared to what Ianto was feeling.
"I hate you." The younger said firmly once their gazes finally met, he slowly backed up against the metal ladder, slowly shaking his head, "I do, and I fucking hate you."
And with that, he turned and with shaky fingers scaled the ladder and fled, away from the immortal who was now silently crying on the bed.
~0~
A day later and Jack was curled up under the duvet in his tiny camp bed, trying his hardest not to fall asleep in fear of the memories that would come charging in. Jack buried his head deeper into the pillow that under the odour of tears, himself and dust still had a whiff of Ianto; wincing as a result of what Blake had done to him earlier, Blake… he was the reason he had lost Ianto, no! He shouted inside his head angrily, Blake wasn't the reason you lost Ianto, you were the reason that he hates you. If you weren't such a freaky wrong thing then the Tardis would never have taken off to the end of the universe and the Master would never have been awakened and then the year that never was would never have happened and you would never have met Blake and… his musings came to an abrupt halt by a sudden noise at the top of the ladder in his office and he hastily wiped his face on the corner of the duvet (and it was the one that Ianto had brought him for Christmas) and sat straight up, running a hand through his hair. He blinked stupidly when he saw Tosh staring down at him with wide eyes. Ok, now that was surprising.
Earlier in the day, Ianto had come in late and then proceeded to tell everyone just how much of a bastard their boss actually was. Owen had simply said 'told you so' whereas Gwen and Tosh had cooed out their sympathies before proceeding to mother-hen the Welshman until he had escaped to the archives. Then Gwen had ranted and raged and steadily got more and more angry as she was unable to find him to give him a piece of her mind. Tosh hasn't said as much herself but Jack just knew she would be thinking the exact same things as Gwen and probably worse- always watch out for the quiet ones.
The young Japanese woman continued to stare down at the immortal with an unreadable express on her face. She noted the thin layer of skin that was stretched tight over too many bones poking out, the pallor of it so white that it was almost as if he was a drawing coloured in with crayons and someone had taken an eraser to him; but most of all she noted the sad, dull, sunken eyes and the rings under them so dark that they were almost black.
Tosh looked down at her boss and was struck with a horrible realisation: this wasn't a man wallowing in a mass of self-pity, she was looking into the eyes of a man whose life had just gone down the pan because of the loss of the one thing that he had valued above everything else he had ever had. What really happened to make him cheat on Ianto? The young techie asked herself, Jack adored Ianto, so much that even a blind person could see that a mile off, he would have had to have had a good reason for cheating on him like that for so long. Coupled with the fact that he had told Ianto himself and the tea boy had had no idea so it wasn't as if he had felt pressured into confessing. Her head was spinning with all this new-found information and she quickly vanished, not stopping long enough to see Jack's face crumple as yet another person rejected him.
~0~
Tosh stared indecisively at her phone, her fingers tapping out an anxious rhythm against her thigh. Should she call Owen? Maybe, should Jack get help? Definite yes, would Jack contemplate going to any doctor ever? No, would Owen check him over even if he told him not to? Yes, even if it was just to piss him off further. Did that mean that she should call Owen? Yes. Trying not to think about what would happen if she was wrong, the techie picked up the phone and dialled Owen's number, glad that for once the medic wasn't going to be in a pub or stuck in a traffic jam with a bad mood like the last time- Owen was a stubborn drunk.
The voice that answered the phone was bleary and heavy with sleep and Tosh gave a wince as she glanced at the clock and saw how late it was, she had obviously been pondering alone in the darkness for longer than she'd thought. "Owen," she began, and it was an effort to make sure her voice was steady and even, "it's Jack."
"Oh, let me guess, you were in your 'concerned and/or mother mode' and you thought it a good idea to go and see Jack who I presume was hiding out down in that stupid bunker of his and then you saw just how fucking thin he is and thought you would call me in a stupid hope that I would be able to do something even though I bloody well can't!"
He stopped, breathing heavily and Tosh wasn't really all that surprised at the medic's outburst and forced herself to calm down before answering, "Owen, he's sick. I don't mean that fact that he's starving himself, I mean properly sick. The whole bunker smelt of puke and sweat and Jack looked so pale, a sheet of paper would be black in comparison; on top of that I think he's also severely dehydrated and, and I think we've all got it wrong and there was a very good reason that he cheated on Ianto."
"Since when did you become the bloody doctor 'round here?!" Owen grumbled but she knew that under the surly façade his mind was probably working overtime to try and figure out what was wrong with the captain, time to say why she had really called him up.
"I want you to go in early tomorrow and check him over and bloody well find out what is wrong with Jack before we all get in and then you are going to do your damn best to fix him and if you can't then… then… we're going to get Jack some professional help or we're going to get him to tell us how to contact his 'Doctor' and get him to help!"
"Would it be completely inappropriate to say how sexy you are when you're angry?"
"Yes, yes it would. Now, what are you going to do in the morning?"
"Go in early and check Jack over and make him better." Owen repeated, trying and failing to mimic her voice.
"Good boy." She said sarcastically before hanging up.