Chapter 10 – Grace

Hullo all. I got a little emotional writing this chapter because it reminded me what a horrible thing this anime does to you. All the DEATH. (Yet no one dies in this chapter hehe)

Anyway, in this chapter, I bring a new OC. She's minor, but does star in this chapter. She's a rather curious nurse who likes to ask questions…. And then regrets them lol. (You will see what I mean). I basically went on an emotional rant towards the end cause I love those.

Btw if this chapter seems a little random and pointless, then dw, it will have significance in the future I promise you.

Also, THANK YOU IF YOU REVIEW I LOVE YA! PLZ REVIEW! Reviews are the best thing ever! XD

ISAYAMA OWNS THE ANIME. I OWN THE FANFIC. DON'T PLAGARISE OR I WILL SEND A TITAN AFTER YOU ?

'Friends?' I asked him cautiously.

He blinked at me incredulously. I suddenly realised what a stupid thing I'd said. Damn.

'Huh. I really am stupid.' My gaze drifted to the ceiling. 'How can a woman that can't feel for anybody hope to have a FRIEND? I can't be a decent companion. I'm sorry I asked.'

'What are you on about?' He sounded slightly irked.

'Someone like you doesn't deserve a broken, unstable friend with no emotion or reason to live.'

My eyes switched back to Levi.

'What do you mean... Someone like me?' He murmured. His eyes softened, his frown lifting.

'You deserve to be... looked after...' he raised an eyebrow, 'to have a friend who understands you.' Signalling that I was tired of this difficult conversation, I turned away from him.

'Idiot.' He sneered. I frowned.

What did I say to deserve that...?

'You DO understand me. You are the only person that does. Everyone else is clueless. You see right through my goddamn head.' He spoke without spite, as if he didn't really mind me seeing into his head. I turned back to face him.

I didn't know what to say.

'Besides, what kind of fool would want to be my friend?' He sighed. 'You think you couldn't be a good friend? Try being ME.' I narrowed my eyes in concentration, reading the look he was giving me.

I see embarrassment, a hint of sadness but also... anticipation, he's waiting for my response.

'Why wouldn't you be a good friend?'

He deadpanned. 'Because…'

'...Because you are socially awkward and don't know how to get your point across half the time?' I wondered aloud.

'Exactly that.'

'Well I have always understood what you are trying to say.'

'You are an annoying little brat, you know that, right?' His charcoal eyes flared agitatedly.

'I do now that you've told me.'

He shot a glare of pure irritation at me. There was a short silence.

'I'm sorry, again, for earlier. It was idiotic and selfish of me to think I could ever be someone's friend. Besides, I promised myself I wouldn't get close to anyone again in case they die.' I tried to shrug it off.

'Will you…' The Captain started. He looked as if he was struggling to get his words out. His irises shone silver, they actually lit up, like stars.

'…break that promise for me?'

His voice was tentative, like he was taking a cautious step into a dangerous land that he wasn't familiar nor comfortable in.

I stared at him, his expression unreadable. I wanted to say yes. I really did.

'... I will.'

What was I getting myself into? I'd just dismissed the idea of friendship and now I was making one? You idiot Kamoku. You are bound to die anyway. He nodded, a glint of happiness shone in his eyes and he muttered for me to rest, slipping away to dispel the weird tension around us.

The doctor told me that he would assign a nurse to "keep an eye on me", lest I get any more symptoms. The nurse was a fairly decent lady, with mousy brown hair and a pale complexion. She seemed a little freaked out by my emotionlessness. I don't blame her really.

'Hello. I will be taking care of you for a while. I'm Grace.' She'd beamed.

'Hello. I'm Kamoku.' I had said in my usual blunt tone. Her smile faded a little.

'I will be keeping an eye out for any symptoms, and I will have to wake you up several times at night to make sure you haven't fallen into a coma.' She told me.

'Oh, OK… I'm going to go and sleep now actually.' I rose off the bed.

'Now? But it's one o'clock in the afternoon.' She blinked at me.

'I know. I sleep at weird times.'

'Oh…' She frowned in confusion. 'Well, I'll have to come. I will wake you up every two hours, OK?'

I nodded and made my way to the door. She scuttled up to me to catch up.

I only slept for four hours. It was rather odd, kind of invasive actually, having someone watch me sleep. Still, I'd prefer it to falling into some coma. After being woken up for the second time, I declared that I was getting up. I hadn't even changed clothes, there just wasn't any point. It was too much of a non-event to bother.

'But you only went to sleep at one!' The nurse protested. 'You must rest.'

'I've slept enough thank you. I am going to clean the kitchen.'

'Oh, I really don't think you should do anything too physical.'

I turned to face her square on and looked straight at her. I did not fail to notice her ever-so-slight recoil under my stare.

'You've been in and out of this room for four hours. Sit and have a rest, I'm fine. Besides, you will only be in the next room so you will hear a thump if I pass out or something.' She looked a little stricken when I said that. Compared to Levi, whom I was used to, the squad, who I honestly didn't pay much attention to, and Hanji, who had no interest in other humans, Grace surprised me with her expressive face. She had a face like glass.

She followed me wordlessly down the corridor, shuffling nervously behind me. Levi met me in the middle and stopped abruptly at the sight of me. I saw Grace's eyes widen in my periphery. To her, he was "the one who had come in and shouted at everyone" back in the infirmary.

'What the hell are you doing?' He growled. I blinked.

'I'm going to clean the kitchen.' I replied innocently.

'You should be sleeping or something.'

'I have been.'

The Captain scowled at me. 'Tch. What are you going to do if you pass out again?'

'Get off the floor and carry on with whatever I was doing.'

I witnessed a smirk flash across his face. Apparently I amused him.

'Jesus. You really are like a programmed robot.'

'Thanks a lot.' I sighed monotonously. 'I prefer to call it "determination".'

He rolled his eyes. 'I'm gonna go do the shit ton of paper work making a mess of my desk. It's in my way piling up there.'

'You do that.'

He wandered off. Grace stared after him uneasily.

'You OK?' I asked her.

'Oh, um, yes, I'm fine.'

'You look a little relieved that he's gone.'

'Well, you saw him back in the infirmary…'

'Oh, he was only being a bit protective.'

'Ah, I see.'

We continued to walk.

'So, are you and him in a relationship?'

'A platonic one, yes.'

'Oh? Just friends?'

'Do I look like I'm capable of love?' I raised an eyebrow. She looked at the floor in front of her in embarrassment.

'Well… Um… I mean, sure, you could… Everyone is… right?'

'I don't think so.'

'Oh.' She laughed nervously.

'It's OK. I don't want to love anyone. Heck, I wasn't even meant to make friends.'

'Why not?' Grace looked at me with big eyes.

'Because we are always dying.'

'Yes,' She sighed, 'I really do feel for you scouts. You have such an awful job. I can't understand why you would want to do it…'

I thought about what she had said. Why did I do it? Well, I can't speak for anyone else, but it was a simple decision for me. I had no reason to live, yet I was not prepared to give up on life so easily as to end it myself. My parents were killed by titans, and humanity always needs more soldiers. I had no one to live for, save my adopted parents, but I was callous back then. I distanced myself from them, refused to accept their warmth. I just wanted to be left alone. I figured that death by helping humanity and avenging the people I loved would be a good way to go. A good thing to spend my life doing.

'It's all I have.' I murmured. 'I have no one to live for, and no reason, so I gave my life to humanity.'

She looked a little emotional. 'Oh my.'

As we reached her kitchen, she decided to help me make the tea. She was solemn and quiet as we did so.

I felt it was my duty to ask if she was OK. 'Are you alright?'

'Well… It's just… All a bit depressing, isn't it?' She smiled sadly.

'What?'

'All of this. This lifestyle…'

'Hm. I suppose so. Have you ever seen a titan Grace?' I leant against the counter, placing my teacup on the table. She shook her head.

'Well, let me tell you this. It's not so much that people die to them that is the worst part. It's HOW they die. Most of the time it isn't heroic, peaceful, calm. They are snuffed out pointlessly, chopped up and screaming in pain. There is no peaceful sleep in death either. They are in pieces, mangled, and their suffering is still there on their faces. That is the worst part of this job.'

I looked up from my teacup into Grace's eyes. Tears slipped down her cheeks silently.

'Oh god… Is this… What it does to you?' She motioned to me.

'What?'

'This job, does it make you this… indifferent?'

'Indifferent? No, that's just me. I have been broken in a different way.' I began to scrub the counter.

'B- broken?'

'Mm hm.'

'What do you mean, "broken"?'

'I haven't had the easiest of lives, let's just say that. Look at Captain Levi, he too has had a pretty crap life, but he is stronger than me. He is still going, still dealing with his pain. I was never that strong. I do not believe anything could fix my emotionless disposition.'

'Sometimes… A person can fix you…' Grace said quietly.

I frowned.

…A

…Person?