***A/N***: Sorry, sorry, sorry! I screwed up the upload for chapters 10, 11, and 12 and many of you wound up re-reading chapters 7, 8, and 9 again. I'm fixing it!

**ANGEL POV** -Much Worse

God I love seeing Spike squirm. He's in deep because of the Harmony thing and he knows it. I wish we could get back to that topic, even though I don't want to keep hurting Buffy, instead of having to talk about the debacle in Rome with the Immortal right now. Why doesn't Xander seem to know about Buffy's relationship with him?

"I'm a little curious about this too; I haven't told either of you about seeing anyone and honestly I haven't had a real relationship since ... well, since Sunnydale," she said as she looked pointedly at Spike. Who by the way was not buying her story.

"Liar! We saw you, tartin' it up with that wanker," he yelled at her. Buffy's face went from amused to dark in a split second after he opened his mouth.

Wow, if he keeps pissing her off like this he's going to take himself right out of the running … not that he was ever my real competition for her heart but still … he's just going to make it too easy for me!

"Excuse me, mood swing much? One second you tell me that you were all of the accepting my new, and non-existent, relationship and then the next yelling at me for it? What the hell are you two on? I. Have. Not. Been. Seeing. Anyone!"

"Buffy, we went to Italy a while back when we heard about the relationship you developed ... with the Immortal," I tried to state calmly and objectively.

Hey, she's the one who said we all need to be open and truthful with each other. That should extend to her secretes too.

Buffy froze, and then turned her head to look at Xander who was raising an eyebrow at her questioningly before he asked us:

"You two knew about the Immortal? How?"

"Captain Forehead here had a man tailing her, up until she sent him to the hospital that is."

"Oh my god, you hired someone else to do your stalking for you? Angel, didn't we go over that topic a long time ago? No lurking, no spying, no you can see me but I can't see you. That extended to any of your hired goons."

"I know, but that was before I found out about you getting involved with this moron," I jerked my head over towards Spike, "and you left the country. I needed to know you were ok."

"You know, there's this crazy new invention called the phone. Very cutting edge, it actually transports your voice over many miles of wires and satellite signals, allowing one person to have a conversation with another. As a matter of fact, we have several of them and golly gee they sure are shiny..."

"Shut up Xander. Didn't Andrew mention something about that guy we had to deal with in Italy who was following 'me' around? Think it's the same one?"

Why is she using finger air quotes around the word me?

"Makes sense, he was human and didn't seem to have anything against you after all but he never talked. Apparently Dead Boy over here couldn't hire someone with brains enough to realize he was on the wrong trail ... damn. I just realized I can't call him that anymore, can I?"

My now beating heart seized in a panic as I stared into Buffy's smirking face.

There is no way these two are trying to lie about her involvement with the Immortal, is there? That seems a lot more plausible than what they are suggesting …

"What do you mean wrong trail?"

"Well, for one thing, I've never been to Italy. I mean, I'm glad that our system worked … but god really with the resources behind Wolfram & Hart you'd think they'd be better at trying to find lil' old me. I'd ask for a refund if I was you."

"What are you talking about? Like Spike said we went to Italy and saw you there on a date with the Immortal."

"And survey says: you are so wrong. I have impersonators you guys. Other slayers who look like me or close enough to pretend scattered here and there using my name. You just happened to come across the public one in Italy who was set up to be dating the Immortal. I've never even met the guy," she said as I let out a huge sigh of relief and I caught on that Spike was doing the same thing before she continued, "How long did you have someone watching me?"

I looked at everyone in the room, fidgeting uncomfortably as I did so. Xander grinning like a moron over my discomfort, Buffy could have frozen steam with her glare, and Spike was … well he was just looking at me with an air that said 'ha ha it your turn'.

He's just looking at me with his … stupid face, waiting for me to screw up. Not going to give him that chance. If this is all about honesty, I'll show him who can be the most forthright.

"About a month after you left California. I had a way to contact Giles but he wouldn't tell me anything about you when I did call, never let me get in touch with you directly, and I just couldn't help but get really nervous."

Buffy after a quick angry flash in her eyes she turned back to look at Xander again, and this time they both look a little surprised but they giggle a little derisively before she turns back to look me in the eye.

Apparently, Giles is a sore subject at the moment. Wonder what happened between the two of them?

"Ok, so you had someone watching 'me' and reporting back to you for almost a year. I went through a lot of crazy shit that year Angel. Yet you two only came after me when you heard that I was dating the Immortal?"

"To be fair, we didn't know the fake you was sleeping with him when we left. Thought he was just going to try to hurt you or something. It was much worse than we thought," Spike cut in.

"Kisses are worse than attempts on my life? There've been multiple assassination attempts on me in the past year and a half you guys, I'm sure your spy would have picked up on that. Why was this particular foe so much worse?"

"Spike and I, we sort of have a history with the Immortal going after our women."

"Ooookaaaayyy …" she slowly nodded to herself as all the pieces clicked together, " I didn't know why Andrew wanted my double to be dating him, but he promised us it was going to be spectacularly funny if 'I' was dating the Immortal. Guess now we know why."

"I'm gonna have to talk to him and get that full story some day," Xander chuckled, "hey … wait … my brain is thinking thoughts …"

I'll bet that hurts …

"You said something about accepting her choices eventually …," the buffoon said pointedly, "care to explain that little qualifier to us?"

"Hey yeah, I remember that too. Tell me, once you learned that he wasn't trying to kill me what went down?"

"Well … we obviously thought you were under a spell … I mean how could you honestly give a toss about that blighter? Anyway we were going to grab you and shake some sense into you, make you break it off with him," Spike stupidly admitted in the worst possible fashion.

Don't let him put a foot in both of our mouths! Say something that shows we were calm and objective about the whole thing, that we thought it through, even if we didn't.

"Until Andrew gave us a lecture about all of us needing to move on, then we …"

"Discussed locking you up in a box or casting a spell over you to keep you away from that prat."

"WHAT!" Buffy yelled as Xander laughed behind her.

"Hey, don't drag me into that. Those were your ideas, I only helped talk you out of them," I pointed out to Spike before I got any deeper into trouble tonight.

"Yeah right, after you took a long hard ponder about the pros and cons of my suggestions. An' even then, you only half-heartedly 'pooh-poohed' those ideas because you were sure they wouldn't work anyway."

"Gee these guys are swell. One quick look at your dating history Buffster and it's obvious why you tried out playing for the other team."

"XANDER!" Buffy screeched as she turned a blindingly cute shade of red and Xander slapped a hand over his mouth.

"What? What does he mean 'playing for the other team'?" I asked as I looked around the room, catching a glimpse of Spike.

Spike stared for a long time at her; he was practically drinking in the tension that had ramped up suddenly in the room as the silence grew. After gaping at her open-mouthed for a long while, Spike started to chuckle but it grew into a deep laugh that he couldn't stop. Apparently, whatever the hell Xander had been talking about Spike got it right away. No one said or did anything, and finally when he was able to collect himself he answered my question without removing his eyes from the Slayer's face.

"Peaches, you really need to watch more TV. It'll get you more up-to-date on modern idioms. What her boy is trying to say is that our little vixen here has learned to speak in tongues."

Buffy groaned and lowered her head to the table. Xander chuckled under his breath. I still didn't get it, and I guess I just sat there continuing to look clueless because Spike decided that it was his job to educate me.

"Oh come on you poof! She prefers carpet to hardwood floors? She's become a friend of Dorothy? She's got the fingers of the Little Dutch Boy? She's only wearing sensible shoes now? She's tipping the velvet?"

What the hell is he talking about? Everything coming out of his mouth is just gibberish, so why am I the only one here not getting it? Look at him with that stupid smug look written all over his face just because he knows all of these stupid sayings that aren't making any sense.

"Is your skull naturally this thick," Xander chuckles, "or was it all those blows to the head over the years?"

Buffy didn't raise her head from the table as she responded to the one-eyed wonder's comment.

"I could ask you the same thing Xand. This isn't exactly how I wanted this topic to come up."

"Sorry El Jefe, it just slipped."

"Yeah? Can I use that excuse when my knee just slips and connects with your groin? There's been WAY too much slippage from you today …"

"I know! If ya don't get this one then we'll all know that you never actually read the books you look at; that you just hold'm as a cover to brood some more. She's become an avid devotee of the works of Sappho," Spike explained slowly to me with a pointed look.

"Sappho ... of Lesbos? What the hell does her poetry have to do with Buffy's changing ... teams ...,"

I felt a click in my brain when I suddenly recalled Cordy mentioning something about 'teams' long ago. Back when she though Harmony had become gay instead of the reality of her being a vampire. I suddenly find that I cannot get my jaw to close, but I just let it hang there because I can't think of anything else except 'holy crap!' as I stare and Buffy's slumped over form.

"By George I think he's got it," Xander's voice vaguely made it to my ears.

Buffy tentatively raised her head to look into my face. I wanted to talk to her about this, but there was no way I was going to be able to actually ask her if it was true. I didn't need to. She read my face and bashfully nodded her head in confirmation before closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose as Spike spoke up.

"So Pet, after me you've found yourself ruined for all other men now eh? It's very flattering. So where is your new shag? I'd love to meet the bird who changed your appetite from hot dogs to fish tacos. It's not Red, is it? "

"For the love of god Spike, please shut up. No, it's not Willow, but she's not here. I swear, one more gay metaphor and my head is going to pop. Even dying and being resurrected didn't change the fact that you're a pig, huh?"

"Well, it didn't stop you from being a stubborn bint, now did it?"

"Don't get shirty with me Spike," she said threateningly as I continued to sit there frozen in shock.

"Ya finally figured out how to use that word, eh luv?"

"Well I have been living in Scotland for almost a year now, NOT Italy; it's close enough that I spend a lot of time in England. I've picked up on some of the slang from both countries."

"Is that right?"

"Aye, I may not be pure dead brilliant but I know enough. So don't be an eejit or I'll gie ya a bleachin', sassanach."

"Oi, mind yer gob ya chit," Spike laughed, with a somewhat proud look in his eye; oddly happy at her use of Scottish slang.

I cross my arms in front of myself in a huff, pissed off that everyone has been able to move on so quickly to friendly banter after such a revelation.

Hello? Am I the only one in the room who just heard that the first person I've ever loved, the woman I'd give my right arm to be with, has recently turned out to be gay?

"This is great, just great," I mumble to myself, loud enough for the room to hear, "I wait, hoping that the cookies will be done baking someday soon. Standing by while others get to eat cookie dough. Now I'm finally human, she finds me in hell to help me, but she's turned into lesbian cookies ..."

"Cookies. What is it with you and cookies? Nearly every bleedin' time she comes up you say something about cookies. Have you completely gone off the deep end?"

Before I can respond to his once again annoying comment, Buffy clears her throat to grab our attention.

"Um, I'm not a lesbian you guys."