After being absent for three weeks to cope with her morning sickness, Billie returned to work in tip-top shape, flawlessly performing her duties as a public defender. Everyone gave her a hearty welcome back, except for Dan, who in poor taste, gave Billie a rubber-gloved handshake while dressed in a yellow rain slicker. After court was adjourned, Harry invited everyone into his chambers in order for them to hear the good news about Billie. The couple agreed to keep their engagement a secret until she resigned from her position, but thought that revealing her pregnancy would be a good idea, without revealing their engagement or Harry being the father of Billie's baby.
As they waited for their colleagues to arrive, Billie paced nervously back and forth in her fiance's chambers as Harry watched her.
"You know, Billie," said Harry, "if you keep that up, you'll end up making a permanent path on the floor."
"Maybe I should sit down, huh?" she inquired, wringing her hands.
"That may help," Harry smiled. "Just imagine how nervous my mom must have been when her parents found out about me."
"So you forgave her?" asked Billie, sitting down on the couch.
"I can't say that I entirely had," he answered, leaning on his desk and folding his arms, "but I can say that I developed some sympathy for her."
"I bet that when Aunt Ruthie told you those things about your mom, all of your questions have been answered about her, right?"
Harry shook his head. "Maybe."
"Maybe?"
"Yeah. I get the feeling that there is more to the story than that. Something about this just doesn't feel right."
"Like what?"
Before Harry could answer, the rest of the gang came in, unannounced, ready for the news that would shock them all. That is, except Selma, who secretly kept up to date on the expected family's progress.
"Okay, we're here," announced Dan. "Now make it quick. I got a date with this blonde I met in the cafeteria."
"Yeah, the one with no brains and the big knockers?" said Selma, dryly.
"Well, I wouldn't go that far, Selma. Besides, she could recall The Preamble and spell 'Fielding' correctly," defended Dan.
"And what's her name again?" questioned Mac, knowing what to expect.
Dan thought for a moment. "Aw, what the hell! Does it matter when there's a promise of debauchery to come?"
Harry rolled his eyes. "Alright, Dan, we'll make this quick so that we could all get back to our lives."
"I bet Dan says that after he pays for the room," snickered Bull.
"Very funny, Cro-Magnum," snapped Dan.
"Hey! Shall we get on with this?" said Harry.
"Sorry, sir. You had an announcement?" inquired Mac.
"As a matter of fact, Billie does. Ready, Billie?"
Billie took a deep breath and announced, "I'm going to have a baby, everyone!"
There were a few seconds of stunned silence until Dan broke out into laughter.
"That's a good one, Billie," chuckled Dan. "So, what's the real news?"
"That's it, Dan. I'm pregnant," Billie reiterated.
The gaiety in Dan's eyes slowly melted away. "You're...serious?"
"I think she is, Dan," assured Mac.
"Well, don't just stand there, congratulate her," pushed Selma.
Bull and Mac did as they were told while Dan stood there in shock silence.
"Thanks, you guys," smiled Billie. "Now we all know why I've been a grouchy, vomiting lawyer, huh?"
Dan was still silent.
"Say, Dan," said Harry, "doesn't Billie get a congrats from you, too?"
"Congratulations, Billie," nodded Dan, solemnly. "So, who's the proud papa?"
Before Billie could reply, Harry answered, "That doesn't matter, Dan. The point is that we all are going to be there for Billie."
"So, the father won't be in the baby's life?" asked Bull.
Billie averted her eyes towards the gentle giant. She hated that she had to lie about "the real father" not being involved, but it was to protect their reputations until Billie transfers to another courthouse.
"No, Bull. He won't," said Billie.
Dan couldn't resist. "A one night stand, huh?"
"That doesn't matter, Dan," said Harry, through gritted teeth. "The point is that I pledged to be there for Billie, and I would hope that all of you would be there for her, too. Right?"
Everyone affirmed their support, including Dan.
Billie added,"Also, I want to let all of you know that I will be leaving Manhattan Municipal Courthouse in September."
Everyone got quiet. Then, Dan decided to open his mouth again.
"Because of some jerk who left you squirming in wet sheets?"
Harry flashed him angry eyes. "Dan!"
"Okay, okay. So it's none of my business. I get it. Too bad that you ended up with a sperm deposit without the donor, huh?"
Dan ceased his chuckling when he noticed the glowers around the room.
"I see that I made everyone uncomfortable, so I'll leave for my date now with...what's her name."
Dan quickly made his exit.
"He had no business saying that, Billie," remarked Mac. "I mean, how the baby got here and the circumstances is none of our business, but do you really need to leave us? We'll be there for you if you need us."
Billie was touched. "I know, Mac, but my reason is a little more deeper than you think. When the time comes, I'll tell you all about it."
"You're not gonna just disappear on us, are you?" asked Bull, resembling a sad puppy.
"Of course I'll stop by, Bull. With a bigger belly, yeah, and soon a baby in tow. I think of you guys as my friends, and as my family. And you just may find me a constant presence. Well, at least once I get a babysitter."
"Well," announced Harry, breaking the mood, "I've got soda in my minifridge and papaya juice for our expectant mother-to-be."
"And I also got my potato chips and a tin of sardines in my purse," added Billie, getting her purse.
Harry stopped her. "Do you really want to open that purse, Billie."
Billie thought about it. "I guess I can wait until I get home."
With everyone relieved of smelling fish, they toasted to Billie's pregnancy and future, not knowing Harry's connection to it. That is, all but Selma, who shot knowing glances at the blissful couple.
The next afternoon, Billie was reading on her couch when she heard a knock on the door. She got up to answer it, surprised to find Dan in front of her.
"How are you, little mama?" he grinned, acting as though he did not utter any offenses from the night before.
"Dan, what are you-"
Before she could finish, Dan walked passed her with a couple of shopping bags in tow. Billie was so taken aback by his boldness that she just closed and locked the door behind her.
"I was kind of browsing through the maternity section at this department store where a former lady friend works. And because we parted on good terms, she gave me a discount on all this great stuff. Look!"
Dan started rummaging through the paper bags and pulled out various baby items.
"I got some bottles, a bottle scrubber, a package of undershirts for the baby, some diapers, and after my next pay, I'll going to get you a baby crib with one of those mobiles-"
"Dan! Slow down! I mean, what is all of this? I know what they are, but what is this all about? And aren't you broke?" she asked, reminding him of when the IRS cleaned him out.
"I have some savings," insisted Dan, "and like I said, the saleslady and I parted on good terms. All of this was practically a steal! I hope you don't mind that the undershirts are irregular. She also recommended this book about preparing for motherhood. I think you'll like it. She said it's a bestseller."
"Dan, I appreciate what you've done, but why? You never did strike me as somebody who cares about this kind of stuff, especially after last night."
Dan sighed and stood up. "Billie...I shouldn't had said what I said last night. I don't normally apologize to anyone, but this is my way of saying it. When you said that there was no father in the picture, I-I got indignant because I believe that a man should take care of his offspring no matter what! Hell, my family lived in poverty, but my father never ran out of us. And even if they weren't married, Daddy would have always made sure that Mama and I were taken care of, even if he had to sell the clothes of his back. Which were very few. And then your leaving Manhattan Courthouse? Why should you, Billie? I never thought that you'll let any man drive you from what you love doing. You still have a passion for being a lawyer, don't you?"
"Of course I love being a lawyer, Dan. But you don't understand. There is more to this than you know. And I can't talk about it until I officially resign," Billie explained.
"Why?" he inquired.
"Because...our jobs and reputations would be on the line."
Dan squinted at her. "Our?"
Suddenly, Billie and Dan heard a set of keys rattling and the door knob turn. Dan was stunned to see Harry enter the apartment with some bags of his own.
"Dan! What are you doing here?" questioned Harry, equally shocked.
"I could ask you the same thing," countered Dan. "And you got keys to Billie's apartment?"
Dan suddenly came to a realization.
"Now I see. Both of your jobs and reputations are on the line. Harry's the father."
"Yeah, Dan. He is," confirmed Billie.
Dan startled the couple with a loud clap of his hands. "Ha! I knew it! That night when you claimed you were robbed. And you said that Harry was in your apartment. It started then, didn't it?"
"Dan, you know damn well that this apartment being robbed was not a lie! Nick Wilson appeared in court, where we all agreed to a light sentence for him at a mental institution," pointed Harry.
Dan had to think about it. "Yeah, you're right. But you two have been together."
"Yes, we have, Dan. And we've been together for a while, more so stealing time to be together," said Harry.
"And you didn't trust any of us to keep your secrets? Some friends you are! You didn't even stop me when I was bad-mouthing you, Harry! Geez! Are we at least invited to the wedding?"
"Oh, you noticed my ring," said Billie, raising her hand for Dan to see.
"You're engaged?"
"Didn't you just asked if you were invited to the wedding?" questioned Harry.
"I was being sarcastic, Harry!" shouted Dan. "Well, I hope that you two will be happy, considering that you felt that you couldn't count on us to-to share in your happiness."
Dan went to leave when Billie followed him to the door. "Dan, wait!"
"You can keep what I brought you, Billie. Like I said, they're my way of apologizing to you. I'm sure that Harry would want to get the crib and everything else, as good fathers should. And don't worry. I'll keep your secrets!"
Dan slammed the door behind him, leaving Harry and Billie to feel more like a pair of heels than ever.
"We were wrong to not trust them, weren't we?" asked Billie.
"Yeah. Especially since they were there for us more times than we can count. We gotta show them that we appreciate them," suggested Harry.
"And I know how to do it. We're going to have a mini-celebration. An impromptu appreciation party. And I'm gonna plan it, Your Honor."
Harry laughed as he took his bride-to-be into his arms. "And I won't be in your way, Ms. Public Defender."
"Good. So, what did you bring me?" she inquired, looking at the bags that he set by the door when Dan was there.
"Well, I got your chocolate ice cream, your sardines, and a box of powder milk: your favorite weird pregnancy snacks," chuckled Harry.
"You know me so well, snugglebear," she crooned, kissing him.
"And what did Dan bring over? Two deflated blow-up dolls for me to 'enjoy'?"
"No, just some baby stuff." Then, Billie raised a brow. "Two blow-up dolls to 'enjoy', Harry?"
"Well, Billie, it was only a joke. But I have to admit that I do miss our lovemaking," pouted Harry.
Billie let one of her hands slide down to Harry's waistline. Harry's knees nearly buckled when she slid one finger over his fly.
"Baby, I'm not nauseous anymore," she whispered. "Put up my snacks first and come to bed."
Billie threw him a sultry smile, as he grabbed his bags to put up, avoiding tripping over Dan's gifts.
On Friday evening after court was adjourned, Mac, Dan, Bull, and Selma marched to Harry's chambers with murder in their eyes. Dan pounded on the door.
"Yeah?" called Harry from inside.
"Give us our paychecks, you miscreant!" demanded Dan.
"The door's open. Come on in," welcomed Harry.
Dan turned to Bull. "You hold him down while I go through his pockets and desk drawers!"
"Right," agreed Bull.
"I'll hold his Mel Torme picture hostage," joined Mac.
"I need a cigarette, so hurry up," ordered Selma, going through withdrawals.
Dan threw opened the door, only to be surprised with everyone else by Harry and Billie wearing party hats and blowing party squawkers.
"Happy Appreciation Night!" shouted the couple.
Their coworkers could only stare at them with mouths agaped.
"What's all this, sir?" questioned Mac.
"Well, Mac, ol' buddy, Billie and I have been thinking, and we realized that we don't appreciate all of you as friends and coworkers as we should. So, I collected everyone's checks, and Billie put them in envelopes with big bows on them. So, Happy Appreciation Night to all of you!"
Billie passed everyone's check to them while Harry passed out chilled fruit punch in plastic cups.
"In addition, we were wrong to not include you all on a couple of our secrets," said Harry, handing Mac some punch.
"What secrets, Harry?" asked Bull.
"Well," began the judge, wrapping his arm around Billie's shoulders, "Billie and I are getting married."
"Well, congratulations! A toast to the bride and groom!" said Dan, raising his cup, while the rest of his co-workers expressed confusion (except for Selma, of course).
Billie thought that it was nice that Dan acted as though he didn't know, and that he seemed okay by it. After all, she knew that Dan wanted to make her one of his conquests at one time. Suddenly, she thought that perhaps Dan's gifts were his way of gaining entrance into her bedroom. Bille quickly shook away the thought.
"Anddddd," continued Harry, "we're having a baby!"
"Sir, we already know that Billie's pregnant," reminded Mac.
"He's the father, Mac," announced Selma.
"You knew?" gasped Dan.
"Yeah. I knew what it was before she let it loose in the courtroom," said Selma.
"Selma!" glared Billie, not wanting that incident to come up ever again.
Selma smiled and popped a piece of gum in her mouth to hold off her taste for nicotine.
"Did you know that they were engaged before now?" asked Dan.
"Sure I did," answered Selma.
"Hey, how come me and Mac got left out of all this?" pouted Bull.
"Don't worry, big guy," comforted Harry, patting Bull on the back, "all of you know now, and Billie and I were wondering if you'll like to be godparents to our baby."
"I'm in, sir," nodded Mac.
"I can teach the little tyke taxidermy," chimed Bull.
"Maybe a trip to the zoo would be better," suggested Billie, gagging on the thought of her child collecting dead alley cats to stuff.
"Oh, what the hell. If it's a boy, I'll introduce him to his first nudie magazine. A girl- I'll buy her a chastity belt instead," remarked Dan.
"Leave that one to me," said Harry, through a forced smile.
"I guess I can tell the kid about the good and bad stuff of smoking," sighed Selma. "Anyway, thanks for the celebration, you two. I'm overdue for a cigarette break."
Selma took her leave of the gang. As she was walking down the hallway, she had a bad cough, and ended up hacking up blood into some tissue she had in her pocket. She looked to see if anyone was looking, and continued to the elevator for a much-needed cigarette.