The first ten days back at work were like a whirlwind for Alex. By Tuesday evening the following week, she was exhausted. She didn't get home until nearly 10pm that night, and tried to slip in quietly so as not to wake anyone. As she came in, though, she saw a light under Lily's door. She let herself into the room, and saw Olivia in the leather armchair, Lily almost asleep in her arms, Olivia's nipple in her mouth.
"Hey," Alex spoke quietly. "All okay here?"
Olivia looked tense. "She's got a little fever," she said. "Rebecca says there's a bug going around. Bethan had it last week."
Alex looked and saw that her daughter's face was flushed, and realized that she was a little more snuffly than usual. "What can we do?"
"Not much," Olivia said. "I've given her Calpol. Rebecca says if her fever's not gone by tomorrow to let the doctor take a look. Bethan had it quite badly, she says it was a difficult few days."
"But Bethan's fine now, right?" Alex asked.
"She is. And you'll be feeling much better soon too, peanut," Olivia kissed the top of her daughter's head. She looked up. "How was your day? You look shattered," she said gently to Alex. "You should get some sleep."
"Thanks very much!" Alex laughed, and then yawned. "I'm fine, it's just been a long day. But we have everything prepped for Lucy's Grand Jury testimony tomorrow. Let me just get changed, I'll take over here."
Olivia shook her head. "The only thing you're getting changed into is pajamas. We're fine here, aren't we Lily? I don't want you to be tired tomorrow Alex. This is so important for Lucy," she looked pleadingly at her lover.
Alex hesitated, and then nodded. "Okay," she kissed Olivia tenderly. "But you call me if you need me, you swear?"
"I swear. She's nearly asleep now. Go to bed, I'll be there soon."
It was just before midnight that Alex felt Olivia slide into the bed next to her. She smiled even in her sleep, and turned and buried her face in Olivia's front.
Three hours later, Alex turned in the bed, and realized she was alone. She shrugged on her robe and went to Lily's room. She saw Olivia holding Lily, her mouth at her breast.
"She hungry?" Alex asked quietly.
Olivia shook her head. "Not really, just comfort I think."
"How's her fever?"
"Still there. The doctor's office opens at 7am, I think I'll take her in."
"I'm coming with you," Alex stated. She put a hand up to stall Olivia's objection. "The Grand Jury isn't until 10.30am. I have plenty of time. I'll drive you."
Olivia nodded. "Thank you, Alexandra," she looked down anxiously as Lily whimpered. "Go back to sleep now, though, huh? For Lucy?"
"Okay," Alex was reluctant. "Call me? I'll leave the monitor switched on."
"We will if we need you, I swear."
Alex rose again at just after 6am, heading straight for Lily's room. Olivia looked utterly exhausted, the baby still clamped to her breast. She looked up as Alex came into the room.
Alex took one looked at the whimpering child. "She's worse?"
"A little, I think," she placed her hand on the baby's forehead. "You're having a rough time, aren't you Lily?"
Lily whimpered under her touch.
"I'll get some clothes on, then you can dress and we'll take her right in," Alex said soothingly. "We'll get you all better, baby."
Alex was back in three minutes, dressed in jeans and a loose shirt.
"I'll take her," she said gently to Olivia.
Olivia placed her hand behind Lily's head, and was just about to pass her over when Lily moaned and vomited suddenly, regurgitating a stomachful of milk onto Olivia's front. Lily set up a high-pitched wail.
"Oh baby, it's alright," Alex knelt by her head, stroking her cheek soothingly. "We're gonna get you to the doctor, they'll fix you right up." She looked at Olivia, who was distraught. Alex grabbed a towel from the side and wiped Olivia down as best she could. "You go shower, Liv; I'll get her cleaned up, and we'll be ready to go."
Two hours later, the small family was back in the apartment. The doctor had diagnosed Lily with a bug that seemed to be rife in the city, and had prescribed her fever-reducing suppositories to be given every three hours. Already, the first one seemed to be taking hold, and Lily was finally asleep in Alex's arms.
"You have to go, Alexandra," Olivia was shattered, but knew how important it was for everyone that Lucy Stark's Grand Jury testimony went ahead, and the traumatized teenager would need Alex there for her. "Please, honey? We'll be okay. And you'll be back here by lunchtime."
Alex hated the dilemma, but knew in her heart of hearts that Olivia was right. "I'll be back the minute I can," she handed over Lily.
1.20pm
"How did it go?" Olivia looked up as Alex entered the room.
The first thing Alex noticed was the deep shading under Olivia's eyes; her lover had been awake for nearly 30 hours now. Second, she saw that Lily was asleep in Olivia's embrace.
"It was good, she did really well. How's Lily?"
"Still feeling lousy, I think. She got real restless, but I gave her her second suppository an hour ago, and she's settled down again."
"Did she get sick again?" Alex asked.
"Not since she threw up in the doctor's office," Olivia sounded relieved. "I called Rebecca, just to ask her what it was like with Bethan. She says she'll likely get sick again, but that it's normal. She says Bethan was feverish for nearly three days, and that she couldn't keep anything down. She advised giving her rehydration salts if she throws up again."
"I don't think we have any," Alex said.
"I got the pharmacy to deliver," Olivia nodded to the side table. "And I got her to drink a little. We just have to keep trying."
"Let me just get out of these clothes," Alex said. "Then you are going to get some sleep Liv. Lily and I will be fine."
Olivia slept for nearly five hours, sitting bolt upright when she awoke and realized how long she had been away from Lily. She looked into Lily's room, and saw Alex holding her tenderly. Lily was restless and whimpering a little. Alex looked tense.
"She got sick again," Alex kept her voice low. "But I managed to get her to drink a little of the salts. She slept after that. She's due some medicine soon, so she's not feeling so good right now."
Alex passed Lily over to Olivia for a small feed, and because Lily was comforted by Olivia's breast. Once she was done, Alex took her back and changed her diaper, inserting a suppository as she did. She took her back into her arms, and soon the baby was asleep.
Olivia's heart twisted when she saw how Alex was with their sick child. She had always known how caring Alex was, but now, watching her tending lovingly to the baby, she wanted to cry. "I love you Alex," she kissed her softly.
"I love you too, Liv," Alex said. "I love you both. Please try and sleep some more for me, huh? You can take over later if you want."
In the event, Alex didn't surrender Lily, but held her all day and most of the night, tending to her lovingly. At 9pm, Olivia squeezed onto the chair with the two most important people in her life, her hand on Lily's back. Alex laid her forehead against Olivia's, and smiled tiredly. "So this is parenting, huh?"
"Looks like it is, baby. She'll be okay, won't you Lily?" Olivia whispered. "She looks a little better."
Eventually, at just over 5am the next morning, Lily's fever broke.
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After Lily had slept peacefully for nearly four hours, and was showing no sign of waking, Olivia finally persuaded Alex to go to bed. She looked in on her after fifteen minutes, and saw that she was already deeply asleep. She had hated seeing Lily so sick, but her heart had been filled with love at the sight of Alex tending to her so sweetly, with no thought of her own self.
So Olivia was saddened, but not surprised, when she got a call in the middle of the following Tuesday morning from Alex's assistant Louanne, telling her that Alex was sick and that she was bringing her home. Just over a half hour later, Olivia heard the doorbell ring, and she opened the door to see the kind, matronly Louanne with her arm round Alex's waist. Alex looked white as milk.
"I have a key," Alex was saying crossly, as she searched fruitlessly in her pocket.
"Olivia doesn't mind coming to the door," Louanne kept her voice even; she knew how snappy Alex could be when she was sick.
Olivia reached out and took Alex from Louanne's grip, startled to feel Alex sway a little. "Thank you," she mouthed at Louanne, who smiled and gave a little wave as she left.
"Call me if you need anything," Louanne said over her shoulder.
"I'm okay," Alex said. "I don't need help," she sounded pissed.
Olivia loosened her hold on Alex's waist, but immediately regretted it as Alex paled further and grasped the back of a chair. Olivia took her more firmly. "Humor me," she said.
Alex leaned gratefully into Olivia. "I'm sorry; I get bitchy when I'm sick. That's something you didn't know about me," she tried to smile.
"It's allowed," Olivia smiled. "You look awful Alex," she said softly, as she helped her sit on the bed.
Alex nodded. "Yeah," she said weakly. "How's Lily?"
"She's in her room, playing in her crib. I expect you'll hear her real soon," Olivia said. "She's full of energy today."
"Tha's good," Alex's head was drooping already. "She's all better then."
"She's great; I'm just sorry she gave it to you," Olivia helped Alex out of her jacket.
"S'long as she's okay," Alex rubbed her temples.
"Headache?" Olivia asked. "How bad?"
"Bad," Alex swallowed painfully.
"I'll get you some Tylenol," Olivia skilfully unzipped Alex's pants and pulled them down her slender legs.
"'kay," Alex shivered, involuntarily.
Olivia grabbed a blanket from the bed, and wrapped it round Alex's shoulders. "I'll be right back," she promised, sprinting to the kitchen for a glass of water and some Tylenol that they kept in a high cupboard.
As she headed back to the bedroom, she heard the main door to the apartment opening. "Hi," Sarah said. "Are you okay?" she gestured to the pills and water in Olivia's hand.
"It's Alex," Olivia sounded worried. "She caught Lily's bug."
"Oh God, poor Alex," Sarah sympathized.
"What are you doing here at this time?" Olivia asked her.
"I was just going to dump my books before I meet Jay for lunch," Jay replied, and then heard a cry from Lily's room. She made a quick decision. "I've got her," she put a reassuring hand on Olivia's arm. "I'll call Jay, we'll take Lily to the park, get lunch at a café there. Lily loves the park."
"Oh that's great, thank you," Olivia said. "Are you sure Jay won't mind?" she asked.
"She'll love it," Sarah says. "She's totally fallen for Lily. I swear she'd rather spend time with her than with me. Your daughter is a heartbreaker!" she smiled.
"I really appreciate it," Olivia said. "Do you think you could call the doctor too, for Alex? She looks awful, Sarah."
"Of course," Sarah said. "Go to her, I'll handle things here."
Olivia went back to the bedroom, the pills and water in her hand, but Alex was not sitting on the bed where she had left her. She set her burden down, hearing a low moan coming from the en suite bathroom. "Oh Alex," her heart broke when she saw her lover, crouching, shivering on the floor of the bathroom, clutching the bowl of the toilet. She put a hand to her forehead, feeling the fever burning in her. "Alexandra?" she spoke quietly.
Alex moaned and dry heaved. "Wanna be sick," she whispered. "But nothing...," she gagged again, spitting very little into the bowl. "Hurts," a single tear tracked down her pale face.
"Let's get you back to bed," Olivia said softly. "I'll get a basin, so if..." she felt Alex's body convulse again, as she fought for control.
"No," Alex panted. "I need... oh God," she whimpered.
"Okay, honey, it's okay. Try not to panic. I know it's awful. It won't last long, Alex," she rubbed her back, feeling the shirt damp under her palm. "Wait there, baby."
In a moment, she was back, with Alex's robe. Carefully she peeled the sodden shirt from Alex, and unhooked her bra, so that she was sitting there in just her panties. She took a warm towel and dried her off swiftly, guiding her arms into the fluffy robe. "We need to keep you warm," she told her. Olivia took a washcloth and ran it under the hot faucet. She wiped Alex's face, hoping it would make her feel better. Alex closed her eyes, leaning her head into Olivia's supporting hands.
"Think you can get up now?" Olivia asked.
"No... I'm... oh God, Liv, help me, I'm..." Alex could feel her stomach churning. She jerked forward, just in time as her breakfast landed in the bowl.
"That's it," Olivia put her hand to Alex's forehead, startled by the heat she felt there. "Good girl. And again, huh?" she grimaced as she felt Alex's body convulse again. "Once more? Think you're done? No? Okay. It's alright, baby, you can do it. Just try to relax. Breathe deeply. Don't force it. Good girl. That's it, there, that's good Lex. And again? That's it, you're doing well. Try to relax. It's over now. You'll start to feel better soon."
Alex's eyes were half closed, and her head was nodding as she strove to remain conscious.
"C'mon, baby, we're gonna get you into bed. And then the doctor'll be here soon, give you some magic pills."
Olivia half-carried Alex back to the bed, concerned at how quickly her fever was rising. She noticed gratefully that Sarah had left a basin by the bed. "Okay, honey, in you go. I'll just check when the doctor's coming, be right back."
Olivia was back in a moment. She slid onto the bed next to Alex, holding her close. "She'll be here in a half hour, honey. Just try and rest."
Alex moved closer to Olivia, resting her pounding, sweaty head on Olivia's thigh. She felt Olivia's hand tangle in her damp hair, resting on her forehead. "Sorry," Alex mumbled.
Olivia smiled. "It's okay, Alex. It'll all be over soon," she whispered.
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Olivia was grateful to Sarah and Jay for taking charge of Lily, as she tended to Alex. The doctor visited, and prescribed similar medications to that which Lily had had, only in adult strength. Jay had arrived by then, so insisted on going to the pharmacy to get the prescription filled while Sarah played with Lily. By early afternoon, Alex was sleeping, though even in her sleep she became very distressed if Olivia left her even for a moment.
So Olivia stayed in bed with Alex as much as she could. She emerged from the bedroom at 6pm to check on her daughter. She looked into the living room, where Sarah sat on one end of the couch reading one of her college books. At the other end, Jay sat crossed legged, little Lily in her lap, playing with her and making soft, silly noises. Olivia heard Lily's giggle as soon as she looked into the room, and she just stood watching the idyllic scene for about 15 seconds before she made her presence felt.
Jay smiled widely as Olivia came fully into the room, and for a brief moment, Olivia could see exactly why Sarah had fallen for her. Not being a willowy blonde, she was not Olivia's 'type' at all, but she was strikingly beautiful, and her open, friendly nature made her quite enchanting. And Lily loved her, and Olivia knew Lily was a great judge of character.
"How is she?" Sarah looked up from her book, a concerned expression on her face.
"She's having a rough time," Olivia admitted. "She'll be okay. She's sleeping now. I'm hoping her fever will break soon. You want me to take over?" she nodded over at Lily.
"No!" Jay said humorously. "I'm keeping her. I'm gonna take her home with me," she smiled softly. "Seriously, we're doing fine here. Just tell us what her schedule is, and we'll make sure she follows it."
"Did she eat?" Olivia asked.
"She had a bottle at 5pm, she seemed hungry," Sarah said.
"That's perfect," Olivia said. "I'll come out and feed her myself at 8pm, then maybe you could give her a bath and put her to bed? Is that okay? You two want to go out, surely?"
"We're staying here," Sarah was firm. "We'll be here all night, so you don't have to worry about Lily."
"Sarah's promised to cook," Jay winked. "So I'm not going anywhere. She's a hell of a cook."
"Did you eat yet?" Sarah asked Olivia.
"Not yet," Olivia realized she was starving.
"I'll call you when it's ready," Sarah promised. "And I'll sit with Alex while you eat."
"You're a lifesaver," Olivia said. "Both of you," she smiled at Jay, her hand gentling Lily's cheek. "You gotta new friend there, huh, Lily? You be a good girl for her. We want her to come back."
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Alex passed a miserable night, burning with fever, yet unable to get warm, the cold seeping into her bones and making feel that she just wanted to die. She clung to Olivia as a drowning person clings to a liferaft, only feeling safe with Olivia's arms around her. Every three hours, Olivia gave her fever-reducers, which worked for little more than an hour. She persuaded her to take sips of rehydration salts, but often as not they just came right back up again.
By the time morning came, both women were exhausted. Olivia stuck her head outside the bedroom door, to see Jay sitting on the floor, playing peek-a-boo with Lily, who was propped up between Sarah's crossed legs opposite her. Lily's laugh lifted Olivia's spirits.
Olivia fed Lily and returned to a thankfully sleeping Alex.
At midday, Alex's fever broke, and she was finally able to get some proper rest. Olivia went out to check on the rest of the family, spotting a note on the table.
Lily wants to get some driving practice, so she's taking us out to lunch. Don't worry, we'll make sure we put her seat near enough for her to reach the steering wheel.
We'll be at Jay's dad's for an hour, if you need us. He wanted to meet Lily, and he makes a great lasagne. We'll be back in time for you to give Lily her 3pm feed if you want to, if not don't worry, there are still three bottles in the fridge. My cell is on if you need to call.
Hope Alex is doing better.
Sarah
xx
Olivia smiled. Jay was really becoming one of the family. They would have to invite her father over for dinner some time. Sarah had told her how much she liked him, and Olivia wanted Lily to have as much extended family as possible. She had felt so isolated as a child, she always wanted Lily to have someplace to go, even if it was only to complain about how awful her mothers were.
Olivia had a quick sandwich and went back into the bedroom, where Alex hadn't moved even an inch. She sidled in next to her, checking her temperature with the back of her hand, feeling relief that it had fallen again.
She settled down to sleep for a couple of hours, holding Alex tight. She kissed the top of her head.
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Alex slept solidly for the next two days, only emerging from her slumbers to use the bathroom and to take sips of water. It was nearly a week before she could keep food down, and Olivia was so relieved that she was at last on the road to recovery.
Jay stayed at the apartment for three nights, only leaving when she had to go back on duty at the fire station.
"Tell Jay I'm so grateful," Olivia said to Sarah. "To both of you. It would have been awful, having to take care of them both."
"We were pleased to do it," Sarah told her. "It was the very least I could do, after everything you have done for me. And Lily's such great company. She barely cried. And I told you, Jay is in love. I think I may have lost her to a younger woman..." she grinned.
"We must have her dad over for dinner some time. There's only two steps outside the apartment, I'm sure we could get a ramp."
"He'll be fine for two steps, he can stand for short periods, so it won't be a problem. That would be great. You'll love him, he's so funny. And Jay's funny when she's with him, he's always trying to tell stories about her, and she's always trying to stop him."
"A proud father," Olivia felt a sudden lump in her throat, thinking of all she had missed out on.
"He really is," Sarah agreed.
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Alex went back to work after a break of ten days; she was still a little pale, but she was determined to get back, so Olivia didn't argue. She did call her several times during the day, but Alex knew that was only because she cared. When she got home after that first night, Alex's heart melted when she saw that Olivia had cooked a special meal for her, followed by a candlelit bath for the pair of them.
As Alex relaxed back into Olivia's arms in the tub, her hands trailing in the scented water, she almost hummed with pleasure. She turned in Olivia's embrace to kiss her. "I love you so much," she whispered.
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The next day, Alex opened the mail without paying attention to the handwriting on the envelope. A check fluttered out. Her blood went cold for an instant when she realized what it was.
Dear Alex,
Thank you for replying. I know I can't expect too much, certainly not yet. I still haven't had the courage to write to Sarah direct. I would, however, like to do my duty as regards her schooling. It was wrong of me to let you pay for her.
I do so hope you are all well and happy.
Carolyn.
"Alex?" Olivia picked up the check and looked at it.
"She can't do this," Alex's voice was hard and cold. "She can't decide now that she wants to a mom. If she had had her way, Sarah would never have been able to stay at school. I don't want her money."
"So we won't take it," Olivia said in a quiet voice. "We'll do whatever you need, Alex."
"We should tell Sarah, though," Alex was anguished. She didn't want to cause her niece any further distress; ideally, she would have preferred that Carolyn had never made contact. "I promised her we'd tell her if she contacted us again."
"I promised too," Olivia said. "We'll let her see the letter. She's old enough. And it is an overture, Alex. Maybe Sarah will want to forge some sort of relationship with her mother. We have to be prepared for that."
Alex looked up at Olivia. She nodded. "I don't want her to leave," her voice was small. "I don't want her to go back there."
"I don't think she'll want to. And if she does decide to leave, I don't think it'll be to live with her mother," Olivia smiled. "She's much more likely to move in with the hot firefighter, don't you think?"
Alex nodded. "Yeah. I just love her being part of our family, I don't want to lose that."
"You never will, Alexandra; she loves you. She loves us all. She especially loves Lily."
"Everyone loves Lily," Alex tried to cheer up.
"Of course they do. She's your daughter; she's beautiful."
"She wasn't beautiful when she needed a 4am diaper," Alex remembered with a grin.
"Hey, I did that one," Olivia pouted. It had become a long-running joke that Olivia never changed Lily's diaper, a rumor that in fact had no basis in truth. But the idea that Alex was there just to scoop poop amused them, so they both played up to the tale.
"I know," Alex grinned. "I gotta go," she said, regretfully. "I'd rather spend the day here. Ideally in bed with you," she slid a hand inside Olivia's robe, and pulled her nightshirt to one side so that she could caress the naked flesh of a rounded breast.
Olivia whimpered with pleasure. "Sarah's staying with Jay tonight. We'll get an early night, huh? No interruptions."
"Tell that to your daughter," Alex smiled, as she reluctantly withdrew her hand.
"I'll make sure Lily's up with the programme," Olivia grinned. "What time can you get back?"
"Shouldn't be late today, 6pm? I'll try anyway."
"That would be perfect. You can play with Lily for an hour after dinner, and put her to bed. Then you can put me to bed," Olivia's voice was seductive.
"It's a date."
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The next few months went by without incident. Jay's father came over for dinner, and they all had a hilarious evening, watching Jay blush at his tall tales.
Lily seemed to be growing at an alarming rate, but she remained sweet tempered, quick to laugh and full of joy. By the time she was five months old, she was down to two feeds a day from Olivia, as she ate ever more solid food and drank formula milk. Olivia was a little saddened to feel her milk supply falling off, but she knew that Lily would stop feeding from her when she was ready. Lily was still happiest when in the arms of one of her mothers, and loved to snuggle at any opportunity.
"She's definitely your daughter," Olivia laughed as Lily fell to sleep, cushioned on her ample breasts.
"She's the smartest kid on the block," Alex teased. "She knows all the best places to sleep."
Olivia and Alex started discussing a return to work for Olivia. They provisionally agreed that they would try to arrange it so that they both worked a four-day week, so that Lily would only need taking care of three days a week. Their friend Rosie, Melinda Warner's long-term girlfriend, would take Lily for those days, which would thrill Olivia's eight-year-old goddaughter Gracie.
"When she stops feeding," Olivia stipulated. "I don't want to force her to stop before she's ready."
"Whatever you want, honey," Alex agreed, kissing her tenderly.
Olivia spoke to Cragen, who told her that he would be thrilled to have her back for as many days a week as suited her. Elliot was also relieved, having had a slew of temporary partners.
One Friday night, Olivia snuggled up to Alex on the couch and fell to sleep in her arms, as Alex read a book. So it was Alex who picked up Olivia's cellphone when it started to ring.
"Hello?" she said quietly, trying not to disturb her lover.
"Liv?" Elliot's voice was tinny.
"It's me, Alex, Elliot. She's asleep, want me to wake her? Is it important?"
"It is," Elliot replied. "I need her help. Can you give her a shake?"
"M'awake," Olivia mumbled as Alex stroked her face gently.
"It's Elliot, baby," Alex handed the phone over.
"I need your help," Elliot told Olivia. "I need you to come to the hospital, talk to a victim."
"Why me?" Olivia asked.
"Please Liv, trust me on this one. I need you here."
"I'll be there in 20 minutes, meet me at Reception?"
"See you then Olivia. And thanks," Elliot rang off.
Olivia was suddenly fully awake. "Gotta go," she kissed Alex as she disentangled herself from the couch. "Elliot says it's important."
"You're not even back on the clock yet," Alex said.
"I know, honey. But he wouldn't have called if he didn't need me. I'll call, okay?"
"'kay," Alex was disappointed. "Be careful out there."
"I swear. It's only talking to a victim at the hospital," Olivia was clipping her badge on her belt, reaching for the key for the lock box where she had been keeping her gun since the arrival of Lily. She took her handcuffs out of a drawer.
"Call me?" Alex asked, as Olivia headed for the door.
"If I can," Olivia promised.
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"How come you need me?" Olivia asked Elliot as soon as she spotted him in the hospital corridor.
Elliot looked her right in the eye. "It's Alex's sister," he said, putting a gentle hand on her arm.
"Carolyn?" Olivia paled. "What the hell happened, Elliot?"
"That's what we need to find out," he told her. "He did a real number on her. He left her for dead, she's been on the roof since last night, Warner thinks."
"Will she make it?"
"They hope so. She's been badly beaten, and she's running a fever, likely due to the extended exposure. I thought you'd want to be here," he said.
"I do. Thank you. Rape kit?" she hated saying the words.
"Done; I think they got some fluids, and there's definite tearing and bruising. This is a rape case, no doubt."
Olivia's blood ran cold. How was she going to tell Alex?