Chapter 9

Meditation

I was still standing at the right rear corner of Jessamine's truck. But there was something else that I wanted to ask him. "Hey Roy?"

He nodded as he pointed to a corner of the truck. I grabbed it and lifted it up exactly four and three-quarters inches. It's still amazing to me just how sensitive and precise these eyes are, that I can tell instantly exact distances and also know how far I moved something. "Thanks," Royal said as he slid underneath the truck on a creeper.

"How do you remember so much about your human life?" Edythe, Archie, and even Jessamine to a small extent remembered very little about their human lives. I wondered how he was so different.

I heard the sound of a ratchet turning on a bolt. He was messing with something, not that I really would know what. "Well, there are tricks," he said as he continued working on whatever he was. "But the biggest reason is because I want to remember. Sure there are parts that I'd rather forget and it'd probably be better if I did. I don't know if I would have sought out my revenge in the way I did if I did just forget about my human death. The biggest thing that helps to remember is just thinking about them a lot. That and meditating."

"Meditating?" I asked as he slid out.

His expression was soft and friendly, something he rarely showed towards me. He sat on the floor, his legs crossed Indian style and patted the spot next to me. "I'll show you." I set the car back down gently.

"Kay," I answered as I flittered next to him. It still surprised me just how easy it was to move in this new body. All of my former klutziness was completely gone.

Royal closed his eyes and raised his palms as his elbows stayed tucked next to his sides. He looked like a statue. If not for knowing that it was impossible and his breathing, I would thought he was dead. He stayed like that for a few minutes and his eyes opened. He lowered his hands and stood in a movement that could only be described as graceful, even if it was extremely fast.

"That's it Beau."

"Huh?"

He had a peaceful look on his face. "I don't really know how better to describe it then meditation."

"Oh," I gasped. "Do you mind?"

Royal shook his head. "Not at all."

The two of us sat next to each other, and we both repeated way he had just done. It was calming and made me refocus everything. And then, all of a sudden I felt as if everything had been stored. Anything I wanted to remember, I'd be able to recall. "Huh," I muttered as I stood up.

"Indeed," he answered.

I wondered if there was more to the whole reason he wanted me to stay away from Edythe. "Was there any other reason you wanted me to stay away from Edythe?"

"It may seem like eternity with your lover may be a blessing, but I knew where it was going. There are things that you just don't know you want yet."

"Are you trying to say that it's not great?" I knew some of the things that Royal had regretted losing in his new life but I wasn't sure if they'd affect me.

Royal shook his head again and he positioned himself to climb back underneath the truck. I grabbed the same corner I had earlier and lifted again. "I didn't say that," his words kind of masked by the whirring of some kind of tool, "but there are things that you'll give up for this that just aren't worth it."

"Do you regret that Carine did what she did?" This was the central question that I had wondered from when Royal first gave me the overview of his story during my change.

I thought I heard the whoosh of his head shaking even if he still was under the car. "No I don't; not really anyway. Losing my little sisters nearly destroyed me. I still tried to see them but anytime I got within a few yards of them I felt my thirst flair. That and I didn't have the slightest idea what I could say to them no matter how many years had passed scene I last saw them. But still, having El is more than I deserve, but I still hate the fact I never gave her the choice. I can't be sure what she would have chosen. But you give up a lot for this cursed life."

"But you get a lot in return," I countered.

He laughed. "True, but there are things that I wanted that I'll never be able to have."

"Like?"

"El and I will never be able to grow old together, sit on the porch swing watch our grandchildren play in the yard. We'll never be able to have a family; be parents really. I know that's what Earnest and Carine regret the most, even though they have us. We're still not their's biologically."

He was right. I didn't really think this through. I thought I would only want Edythe, but now I knew what she meant when she said that it was a damned half life. Being seventeen forever sounded great, but was it really? Never being able to have kids; shoot I was still a kid myself but it might be something that I would want one day. What would I know about that right now? But still, to never be able to; it was I high price. For Edythe, I was willing to pay whatever I needed for her but then Royal's words came back front and center. What about what she wanted? Did she want to be a mother? I didn't know.

"Thanks Roy," I said.

"Anytime. Now can you tell me something?"

"Sure." I owed him a lot for how he had treated me since I was changed.

"Actually, I want you to do me a favor."

"Alright."

"Don't go looking for trouble Beau. I don't want to put Edythe through anything more than she's been through. I know first hand what she went through while you were being changed. I saw it with Eleanor. The way she begged me to kill her to make the burning stop, it nearly destroyed me. Please don't put Edythe through anything like that again. Don't risk your life Beau. You'll get your chance for revenge, but let it come to you. Believe me, the good lord will work in his own time."

"I promise," I said and I meant it. It seemed kind of weird; a vampire speaking of religious ideas but then again, the Cullens didn't exactly follow vampiric cannon.

After learning the tricks from Royal to help me remember everything that I possibly could from my human life, I made sure to often think about everything I could still remember. I committed to meditate at least once a day. So I thought that it was best to try it for the first time as soon as possible. I didn't know if because I was so new that meditating more frequently was necessary or not, but the only thing I was certain of was that I didn't want to ever forget my parents or a few of my better friends from Forks, like Allen. That and I just wanted to think about everything Royal had said for a little bit; let everything sink down deep into my very being.

"I think I'm gonna go in for a little bit," I said as I stood in one graceful move. Huh, graceful; a word that never would of applied to me before two months ago. "You'll be okay without me?"

"I can use a regular jack, I suppose," Royal said as he blurred to the corner of the garage that held his tools.

I wondered how many times he actually needed a jack. "I could send El or Jess out," I suggested.

"That'd work too," he laughed. It seemed weird how good of a mood that Royal was in. Always in the past, he was guarded when I was near but now he seemed like he was making an honest attempt to be more like I imagined he was before I joined the family.

We had a couple of hours before the wolves would show up, so it made sense to have another meditation session right now. I went up to Edythe's and my room and just sat on the couch, closing my eyes; just thinking about what Royal had said to do but not before telling Eleanor that Royal wanted some help. Jessamine and Edythe snickered, and I wondered what thoughts were going through El's head. Refocusing on my meditation, my mind went straight to the first time I saw Edythe. It was weird, seeing the memory through my old human eyes; it was very cloudy and dim. And then remembering all that had happened since then; things that I both lost and gained.

I focused back on that first meeting and remembered just how much everything had changed since then; how perfect everything ended up. Even with the instant replay, it was still weird. The memory was so cloudy, trying to remember through my old flawed human eyes but it was still the happiest memory I had. The first time I saw Edythe, the first day. The day I knew I was… well toast.

Edythe came barging through the door just then, accidentally taking it off the hinges. "Did you say something Beau?" She asked, noticing she still held the doorknob in her hand with the door still on it.

I was too surprised by seeing her to even notice that she had yanked the door off the wall. "No," at least I didn't remember actually saying anything. "Why?"

"What were you thinking about just now?"

It seemed like an odd question. Sure, it was one that she frequently asked we were together and she could see me thinking about something, but we weren't even on the same floor in the house. She couldn't have seen my expression. "The first time I saw you in biology."

Edythe gasped. "I heard you!" She crowed in genuine bliss and excitement. "At least I think I did. I saw it."

"Huh?" Okay this was seriously weird. Edythe had never been able to hear me. It was kinda nice, having my thoughts be private, but at the same time it was kinda difficult. I wished a few time that I could show her through just my thoguhts how much she meant to me. Now it was freaking me out. "How are you hearing me now?"

She looked at me as she always did. Trying intensely to focus in on my thoughts. "Huh," she said with a frown. "You're mute again."

"Sorry," I said as I sat next to her. I wondered what was going on. Maybe it's like with Archie, I thought, where the more in tune he gets with you, the better he can see you. Could she finally hear me? "Huh?"

Edythe looked even deeper into my eyes and I knew what she was trying to do. "What are you thinking?"

"Just trying to figure out what's going on; how you heard me," I answered. It was completely honest.

"What were you doing?" She asked.

I wondered what that had to do with anything. "I don't know," I said, "just meditating I guess. Trying to make sure I don't forget things I don want to. Something that Royal said would help me remember what I wanted to about being human."

"Royal's idea?" She said even though I just had admitted it.

"Yeah." Was it a bad thing that I told her this?

"You know, Royal had the hardest time with what we are," Edythe admitted.

I wondered how mad that Edythe would be with Roy for telling me about him. "I know. And I'm glad he felt good enough with me to tell me everything." This might be the understatement of the century. Royal had been an unbelievable asset with dealing with a lot that I was new to in this awesome new life.

"I kinda wish he wouldn't of, but he's right about one part, Beau. You don't need to go looking for trouble."

"Huh?"

"You're a danger magnet Beau," she laughed, her smile genuine. "Somehow, someway everything seems to line up against you. From ending up sitting next to me in biology to being in the wrong place at the wrong time on more than one occasion."

"Or the right place at the right time," I countered. Even in the times I knew that she was talking about, she was always there to save me from whatever was out to get me.

Edythe smiled wider, her genuine glowing dimpled smile and I could tell she was happy; I mean genuinely happy. "Oh Beau," she gasped.

"If not for that first day, I never would of met you," I said, proclaiming how devoted I was to her. "My life wouldn't be so," I only knew one word to adequately describe how I felt now, "well… awesome."

She frowned and it hurt me; cut me to my very being, deep into my soul. The soul that I still knew I had despite what Edythe thought about the subject. She looked up into my eyes and slowly her frown left. "Can you try again, whatever you were doing?"

"Okay," I said. I closed my eyes and started breathing deeply. Slowly breathing in through my nose, and taking in all of Edythe's amazing scent and then out through my mouth as to not sour her incredible scent. Focusing on everything I smelled, Edythe and her absolutely wonderful honey, sunshine, and lilac perfume that hadn't changed to me at all. All vampires smelled somewhat the same, with small differences between us. Carine always had the faintest scent of latex, while Earnest always smelled a little like blueprints. Archie, flowers because he enjoyed doing floral work. While Royal smelled like motor oil for his obvious reasons. Jessamine and Eleanor both had the scent of dirt because they liked to spar with each other. Every now and then, I'd join in but they would always kick the crap out of me. They were both so much better at fighting than I was although I was slowly getting better.

I focused again on that first day and then when Julie told me the stories she did on that day in La Push; the day I first figured out exactly what Edythe was. I didn't really understand any of it and, at the time, I thought Julie was just trying to scare me but in the end, everything worked out awesomely.

I sat there like a statue for almost five minutes, i wouldn't have realized how much time had passed without looking at my watch, and then looked at Edythe. "Anything?" I asked.

Edythe shook her head with a frown. "Nothing."

"Huh. I wonder how you heard me a few minutes ago."

"I don't know," she said as she pulled me up onto the couch to sit next to her, my arms automatically winding around her as she pulled herself into my chest. It felt so right, like our bodies just fit together absolutely perfectly. She looked up into my eyes and added, "But I know that you'll figure it out."

"Or maybe my mind'll never work right," I laughed in reply as I pulled her tighter into my embrace. I'd love nothing more than to be able to show her everything; about how much I loved her, how much I wanted her, what she meant to me.

I started to fiddle with her ring again. Archie had taken it back to Charlie's house the night after I proposed but brought it back for her in the aftermath of my dad being killed. And for the first time, I actually realized what I was going to miss about having forever with Edythe.

"What are you thinking?" Edythe said softly as I felt my face droop from the crushing pain that was overtaking me. Edythe wrapped herself around me and her lips were at my right ear as she playfully nibbled on the earlobe.

I looked at her again and took her hands in mine. "I just finally realized what Royal was talking about; the real price behind all of this."

I felt her hands grip mine even tighter. "And that is?"

"My folks'll never know," I said being completely honest. "They'll never know the best decision I ever made; that I'm with you. That I love you like I do."

Edythe looked just as crushed as I did. "I tried to tell you there was a high price to this," she said softly as she wrapped her arms around me again. "There were a lot of things that you weren't ready for, but Archie was right about one thing."

As if on cue, there was a knock on our doorframe and annoyed, Edythe asked, "What do you want Archie?"

"Just wanna talk to my main man Beau," he said as he walked through the doorframe that held no door any more. He sat on the floor at the foot of our couch and I sank from the couch and onto the floor next to him. I still couldn't believe how unbelievably easy it was to move in this new body, even after the nine weeks or so it had been since that fateful day where I met Joss. A day that had been the very worse, but also best day of my entire life. It might be kind of fun to make a list- like a top ten of my very best days of my life… so far. I knew that having an eternity with Edythe would definitely add to that list in the future.

"What's up?" I asked as I slid my right arm around the back of his neck and gave a gentle squeeze.

He returned the bro-hug and started saying something, but I was focused on something else. I was kind of meditating again, but I found something else. It felt somewhere between aluminum foil and an elastic band. I just stared moving it around, trying to feel how far I could stretch it before it would snap back. It wasn't exactly easy, because I could barely get it outside of my body before it would instinctively retract. But after a couple of attempts I felt a new source of light come underneath the foil cover. It was brilliant, both black and gold. That's when I heard Edythe gasp again and I felt the elastic snap back into its original place.

"What's wrong Edy?" Archie asked still sitting next to me. His face had one of those 'come on girl, your losing it' looks.

Edythe's face kept going between the two of us. "I lost you for a second," she said finally focusing on Archie. "I wonder," she started to mentally speculate on something, but then she took my hand and led me down to Carine, Archie following just behind us.

"Something wrong Edythe?" Earnest asked as he saw the two of us all but fly down the stairs to the main level of the house with Archie behind at a human like pace.

"I don't know," she said to our father- it still felt wrong to have to think that my real dad was dead but I knew that Earnest would be my dad in all but biology in the not too distant future. "I think that we need to have Beau see Elena though."

"Elena?" I asked, not completely remembering why she would want me to see any of the Alaskans right now when they had refused to come help us against the newborns.

"Elena can sense vampiric gifts," Edythe said, sensing the apprehension in my voice. "She might be able to tell why I can't hear you."

"Oh," I gasped. "Yeah, that could be helpful." But that wasn't the real reason that it would be neat. To actually know what was going on, why my thoughts were private, would make Edythe feel better. Not to mention that if I was somehow special that it would be kinda cool.

But as I continued thinking about what was to come, the fight with the newborns, I wondered how we would do it. "Hey Archie?"

"What up bud?" He asked as he sat on the floor next to me.

"Well, I mean," wow I was super nervous all of a sudden. "How… no I mean where… arggg!" I growled out in frustration.

"P-p-p, today junior!" He mockingly stuttered out.

I wasn't annoyed anymore. Archie had this way of making me so super comfortable no matter how flabbergasted I was. "I mean how are we gonna fight them. The newborns I mean."

I saw him search the future and I started looking at Edythe for any clues. Completely blank, both of them. So either I needed to be more specific or they really didn't know what I was asking.

"We can't take them on in Seattle," I said explaining myself further. "I mean it would be wayyy to dangerous for all of us. Forget the property damage and the danger to humans, we'd expose everything."

"Dammit!" Jessamine growled in frustration. "Beau's thought this out so much more than any other one of us."

"He's right," Earnest agreed. "We'd have to get them out of the city somehow, but we don't know exactly what they're after."

I had a pretty good guess after all. By now I was pretty much convinced that it was Victor behind everything, and if he felt similar to the way that I did about Edythe, he'd certainly be after either me or Edythe.

"He is," Carine agreed with Jess. "South isn't an option, neither is north," she thought out loud. "So that leaves east or west. Moving a bunch of newborns through the Sound isn't something that would be easy. It'd be much simpler to find a way to leave a scent trail east towards the mountains."
"Scent trail?" I asked almost panicked about what she could drop to entice them to leave the city.

"The easiest would be a blood trail," Carine said, her voice now more confident in the plan that was taking shape. "Assuming the newborns have only fed on human blood, that limits my options. But obtaining donated blood isn't difficult, if you're a doctor that is."

Thirty miles of blood? That would exhaust so much donated blood that it was worse than anything else that I could think of. There had to be another way. If it was Victor, then surely he was after me. Me or the rest of the family. It felt weird, thinking of myself as one of them but I was now. Edythe and I would marry soon enough to make it official. "So where do we fight them?" I asked

"You won't be fighting anyone." The voice was Edythe and was supremely confident.

"Why not?" I groaned. I really hated it when she babied me.

"Should I explain, Jessamine, or would you like to?"

Jessamine frowned. "She's right Beau," she said sympathetically. "You're still too new to this life. You'd be too instinctive. There'd be no way to adequately train you in the few weeks we have. You'd be an easy target and Edythe would be more concerned with your safety than watching the rest of our backs."

"That sucks!" I protested. "I supposed you're gonna make someone babysit me, like one of the young wolves."

"Hmm," Edythe thought out loud, "not a bad idea really."

I stormed out of the living room in protest with another annoyed growl. I didn't like this one bit. The two of us separating the last time had been the blackest kind of wrong and it led to both of us being incredibly worried about the other. Here they were all willing to take a huge gamble with this whole thing and they would let me help. I looked down at my watch; only half an hour before the wolves would be over. Maybe Jules would take my side on this one. Maybe I could convince them to let me join them in the fight. No, I should know better than that. In this case, Julie would definitely agree with Edythe. When it came to my safety, she wouldn't let me take stupid chances.

I wasn't sure why, but I headed for the clearing where we would train. It was the same one where a few months ago, my life had changed forever but in the most awesomest was possible. The day I learned just how much Edythe loved me and how certain I was that I wouldn't want to live without her. As I though about all of this, I was more certain in my path than ever. I wanted to tie myself to her in every single way possible, no matter what happened. That left two options. Surely Archie would be pissed that he wouldn't be able to throw the most over the top wedding he could if we eloped.

"I know what you're planning Beau and I'm not gonna let you do it," a voice called out as I heard the gentle footfalls that could only be Archie's. "You're not screwing with Earnest's and my fun."

That left another option, assuming that I wouldn't be allowed anywhere near the fight. I didn't need to be with the rest of the family, just with Edythe. But I tried to let that thought pass, but Archie must have already seen my intent.

"Hmm, that's at least a more practical idea."

"Do you think that Edythe would?" I asked. "I mean let you guys fight without her?"

"You're worrying about nothing Beau. In fact, I think Jessamine would insist. Think about it; she'd be a nervous wreck during the fight if she wasn't with you."

I'd have to think about this more. How could I convince them to let me fight with them? But I knew that I couldn't let my plans cement themselves too much or Archie would see what I was planning.

AN: There it is; another chapter done. What'd y'all think? Next time Archie starts to read the riot act to Beau because of something he's planning that'll steal Archie's fun. Then someone Beau never thought he'd see again surprises all of the Cullens. Who's it gonna be?