Carrie had grown to learn how comforting Rick's embrace could be, and so she took the time to enjoy it. His arms were strong and reassuring around her, his lips light and gentle as he coaxed her to kiss him. Sharing a few moments alone, he brushed aside her various apologies as his hands rubbed the back of her waist, sending delightful shivers up and down her spine. Thinking of everything she had just escaped from, of the pain and frustration she was trying to silence with alcohol, she once again tried to deepen their kiss, needing the passion and urgency to soothe the chaotic emotions inside her. But he refused to let her, pulling away each time she tried, only to return with that painfully gentle kiss. He won of course…while he was there she'd take anything she could from him, and it seemed he knew better than she what was needed.
As the moments passed, the two of them simply enjoying their privacy, Carrie felt herself settling down, her state of fight or flight coming to an end. Breaking their kiss, Rick pulled back and peered at her in the dim light, their eyes having adjusted to the darkness enough to see one another. He scrutinised her before tenderly brushing her hair off her face, smoothing it behind her ear as a flash of annoyance crossed his face. There wasn't time to question this however.
"Are you okay?"
Hesitating, she considered her answer. "Yes…I am now."
"Good," he said whispered, kissing the top of her forehead and holding his lips there. Her heart swelled at this motion…did he had any idea how intimate that gesture was? "Let's sit."
Letting him lead her over to the back of the infirmary, he held her glass of wine for her while she sat down, forced to hike up her slim fitting skirt as she did so. Thanking him, she took back her glass of wine while he sat down beside her.
"So…you don't smoke," he muttered, having seen through her lie.
"No. But I'm seriously considering taking it up."
Leaning back against the wall he mimicked her position, his forearms resting on the top of his knees. Despite what had brought them out here, they sat in a comfortable silence and enjoyed the peace. The road behind the townhouses was cast in an ethereal glow, the bright lights from Deanna's townhouse shining out upon them. But Carrie and Rick's place by the infirmary's garage allowed them to hide in the shadows, invisible to anyone who might be looking out the windows.
There was just enough light for her to see his face, noting the patient expression she had become rather familiar with. He'd been wearing it a lot that night, particularly when talking to the Alexandrians…she wondered when exactly he would run out of patience next, and who would suffer the fall out when he did. Thinking on this, she raised her glass to her lips, letting the expensive wine soothe her stress as much as Rick was. Wondering if he needed it too, she held the glass out to him, gently nudging him when he didn't immediately notice. He hesitated before taking it, making her wonder if he even liked white wine. When they'd been drinking together at the prison it had been red wine they enjoyed.
"What is it?" he asked, taking the glass.
"A dry Pinot Grigio."
He took a sip. "It's nice," he remarked, taking another.
"It better be…it used to be worth almost a thousand dollars a bottle."
Coughing as he swallowed, Rick looked at the glass of wine in surprise before shaking his head. "Never thought I'd drink something like that," he muttered, passing it back to her. "That used to be a mortgage payment for me."
Carrie chuckled…a thousand dollars for her used to be a nice pair of shoes, but she chose to keep that to herself. As she took the glass back and rested her forearms back on her knees, she was surprised when Rick sighed and shifted closer to her, not trying to be subtle about it either. As though it was completely natural for him to do, he sat against her side and draped his hand over the top of her leg. He let it rest there as he looked up at the townhouses above, and though she felt her heart speeding up at his touch, she simultaneously relaxed at the same time. It was nice having him sit with her like this, his hand on her leg feeling intimate, but not in a sexual way.
"We haven't really…had a chance to talk," he began gently, looking at her. "Not since we got back."
She nodded in agreement. Since their return from the supply run, the opportunities for the two of them to hold a conversation were limited, let alone a private conversation. They'd been so busy unpacking the supplies, getting around to the day to day activities and then Judith's birthday, this was the first opportunity they had to be alone for more than a few minutes.
"So," he started. "Is this party as bad as you thought it would be?"
Carrie smiled. Now that the ice was broken, she knew she could find the words she was seeking. "Worse. There's a crazy person here, and she looks just like me."
Rick laughed under his breath at this, his hand absentmindedly rubbing the top of her leg.
"I'm serious," she insisted. "They're going to think I'm crazy."
"I hate to break it to you," he said, trying not to smile. He leant over a little and whispered the next part as though he was sharing a secret. "They already think you're crazy."
Groaning dramatically, Carrie sighed as she took another sip of wine, quickly following it with another. When he gestured for the glass she willingly passed it over, though she did raise her eyebrows when he promptly drank the last third of the wine in one go. Clearing his throat, he leant forward and carefully placed the empty glass on the road where they wouldn't knock it over. When he sat back and returned his hand around her leg, she got the feeling he did that not because he wanted it, but to stop her drinking any more.
"So, what was your first mistake tonight?" he enquired, his tone indicating that he knew where she was coming from, that he understood what she was feeling right now.
"Turning up."
"Not true. It's never a mistake to turn up for free food."
She laughed softly, appreciating his efforts to make her laugh. "Alright…in hindsight, opening my mouth and talking doesn't seem like such a good idea."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. Once I did, I just…" she trailed off, unsure of how to explain. She thought back to the things she had said, and why. "I knew I was saying the wrong thing, that they would think I was unhinged or something…but I said it anyway. It was like I wanted them to look at me the way they did."
Rick just nodded, listening attentively.
"It was embarrassing," she muttered, feeing ashamed. "God, the way they looked at me…I wanted them to like me."
"Of course you did."
"Well, I screwed that up." Clearing her throat, she brushed her hair behind her ears, looking at him. "I kept thinking that I just needed to find common ground with them, something to talk about that didn't make me want to claw my own eyes out."
Rick looked surprised by this, and he titled his head to the side. "Oh? You weren't interested in the January book club scandal?"
Like before, his comment had her laughing out loud, the action giving her the physical release she needed. "I heard about that. A tantrum over a book? My God."
"They were talking about it at the last party too. I couldn't believe they actually thought it was a problem."
"What were we doing in January?" Carrie began thoughtfully. "We were all on foot, freezing cold. Sleeping in dirt, wondering when our next meal would be. And they were here, getting all upset over a slow reader."
Nodding in agreement, Rick sighed as he moved his hand further around her leg. She felt tingles radiating from his touch, but given his focus on the conversation, she suspected he wasn't doing this consciously.
"You said you wanted common ground?" he asked, continuing when she nodded. "You're not going to find it with them…you've seen too much."
"I know," she said sadly.
"Keep trying," he encouraged, much to her surprise. "It will happen eventually."
"Really?"
"Yes," he nodded. "They're living in their own world right now, but sooner or later they're going to have to face it. They'll catch up to us, even if we have to force them."
"How would we force them?"
"By showing them the real world. Glenn and I were just talking about it. One day, the world is going to come crashing in on this place. We're trying to prepare them for that. When that all happens, if they're prepared for it…they'll come out the other side, and they'll understand."
"I hope so," she said sadly, the disappointment still weighing her down.
"Me too," he agreed with a heavy sigh. He looked at her kindly, his hand on the inside of her leg gently squeezing until she returned his gaze. "I'm going to need your help with that."
"With what?"
"Getting these people on board, getting them prepared."
She scoffed. "I don't know how much help I'll be now. I think I kind of blew it in there."
Rick shook his head, showing his belief in her. "No. Aside from the fact that Deanna loves you, you have a way of growing on people. Even if you do make a bad first impression."
Recalling the first impression she made on him, she smiled to herself, grateful for his confidence in her. "Good to know…what do you need me to do?"
He shrugged, perhaps not having thought that far ahead. "Make friends…win people over. I know how they perceive me. Having a friendly face like yours in my corner will help."
"Okay," she said quietly, their conversation lapsing for a few moments. "How long does it take for this feeling to pass?" she finally asked.
"What? The feeling that you're the only sane one in a nut house?" he questioned seriously. "I'll let you know if it passes for me."
Chuckling, Carrie closed her eyes and gave a long sigh, resting her head on Rick's shoulder for a few moments. When she opened her eyes she tipped her head back and looked at him with a tentative smile. Knowing what she wanted, and the topic she needed to broach in order to get it, she raised her head and then placed her hand above his knee, doing to same thing to him that he was doing to her.
"Have you been avoiding me tonight?"
His expression was apologetic when he answered. "Yes."
"Why?"
"Honestly?" he started, looking up at the townhouse when he continued. "I was starting to worry I'd pitch a tent right there in the living room."
Carrie frowned, not understanding. "How could you possibly pitch a…Oh," she rolled her eyes, picking up on his euphemism.
"What I meant, was," he started, grinning at her. "I noticed how nice you look."
"Thank you. So, you like my hair cut then?"
Tilting his head back, her peered at her in surprise. "You cut your hair?" he asked, smiling when she rolled her eyes. "Yes, I like your hair cut."
"Liar," she muttered, remembering him telling her not to cut it a while back. Grateful for him, for his efforts to help her get through her momentary self doubt, she started rubbing his knee as she starting thinking out loud. "The other day after what happened at Franklin? When I told you I didn't want to alienate myself from the people here?"
He nodded, indicating he remembered. "Good job on that, by the way."
She smiled, but continued. "You told me that you were already alienated from them, and that all you did was walk through the gates."
"Yes."
"Well, at the time, I thought I understood. But I didn't," she confessed apologetically. "I'm sorry."
"Do you understand now?"
"Yes. Or at least I'm starting to."
"Good. That's all you need."
"Understanding?"
"Yes. Understanding the differences between us and them means we can handle them. I just…" he trailed off, thinking. "I just hope they're willing to meet us half way."
"I hope that too."
Shivering with the cold, she began moving her hand further up his leg, mimicking the path his own had taken on hers. This movement seemed to illuminate him to exactly what he had been doing, to exactly how close to the peak of her legs his hand rested. When he realised, he didn't move it away. There was a long moment when the two of them simply looked at each other in the dim light, both knowing how badly Carrie wanted what they were thinking about, and how willing he was to give it to her.
She didn't have to move far, their entwined arms having already brought them close enough to each other. Starting slowly, she brushed her lips across his, feeling the weight of that awful night begin to ease when he kissed her back. Like their last one, the kiss was sweet and gentle, a way for him to bring her solace when she needed it. This was what they gave each other…a source of comfort, a source of relief…they could use each other to hide from the world whenever they felt the need to bury their heads in the sand for a few moments. Grateful that she had him, she brushed her tongue against his lips and coaxed him to open them for her.
Just as she had hoped, their kiss began to deepen now, the chaotic emotions inside her suddenly developing into restless energy. She suddenly needed more of him, knowing that having everything would ease the heaviness of her heart, even if just for a little while. Leaning closer, she reached her free hand into his hair and clenched it, holding him still as she boldly sucked on his tongue. The erotic groan he made was surprisingly loud, and she felt him shudder against her. Emboldened, he pushed her skirt up and then pressed his hand against the peak of her legs, and this time it was her turn to groan.
She broke away with a gasp, panting for breath as the most brilliant idea came to her. "What are the chances that you have a condom with you?" She knew exactly what she wanted right now, how she could exert the restless energy that was building inside of her. It wasn't a stretch to presume he was thinking the same thing, particularly given what her hand could feel when she placed it on the front of his trousers.
"Zero," he groaned, hastily pushing her hand away from him. "Y-you want-"
"Yes," she nodded, cutting him off. "Let's go home," she suggested hopefully, her voice muffled as she kissed him again.
"No, we can't."
Despite his refusal, Rick moved closer to her, turning his body more towards hers as they kissed. Swapping his hands, he put one around her waist and used it to hold her close to him, the other going back between her legs. She knew what he was getting at, and she knew she'd have to settle for that much. If he refused her suggestion that they ditch the party and go home together, it wasn't likely he'd be convinced otherwise, and she knew better than to waste her breath trying. Resting her forehead against his she let him do as he pleased, opening her legs just a little more as he slipped his hand inside her underwear now. Her breaths shuddered when she felt his fingers slipping inside her, a heady moan rumbling from the base of her throat.
"You have to be quiet," he told her, sealing his lips over hers.
His kiss went some way to helping her with this, but only a little. Gritting her teeth, Carrie closed her eyes and rested her head against his shoulder, beginning to kiss his neck. They were halfway down the block from the townhouse and shrouded in darkness, but still they could be caught by anyone who came looking for them. Given that there was no reasonable explanation for why his hand was inside her underwear, Carrie stayed quiet and simply enjoyed his ministrations, heading his warning to not leave a mark on his neck. She listened to his heavy breaths, feeling them against her as he once again pushed her hand away from the front of his trousers. The desire to make him feel as good as he made her came naturally, making his refusal frustrating. But his refusal was clear, and so she relaxed with her head against his shoulder, her hand joining his to remind and show him where to focus his attention.
A muffled gasp slipped through her lips when she came, her hips automatically trying to squirm away from him, but his arm around her waist held her still. Roughly pressing her lips back against his she kissed him deeply, using him to help stifle the stuttered groans that managed to slip out. As she began to settle so too did his hand, his fingers slowing to a stop inside her as he let her catch her breath. Giving a long sigh, Carrie smiled as she put her head back against the wall, laughing breathlessly. Rick echoed this laugh, pressing a sweet kiss to the corner of her mouth. Slowly taking his fingers out of her, he stroked her before replacing her underwear, his palm firmly cupping her. This final pressure made her hips lurch forward, her smile widening before she relaxed again. Enjoying the glow for a few moments, she turned to him for a kiss when she managed to get her head together. It was as gentle and sweet as when they had started, but it lacked the urgency that had been growing inside of her.
"Better?" he enquired.
Carrie nodded, stroking his smooth jaw. "Thank you," she whispered, trying not to laugh at the stupid look of pride he had on his face. "I needed that."
"I could tell."
Sweeping him into another kiss, she tried to draw out the moment for as long as possible. "Why don't you want-"
"I do," he assured her, knowing what she was referring to. "But Deanna's making a speech soon."
"Oh," she muttered, understanding. "We need to go then?"
"In a minute," he shook his head, though he started to pull her skirt back down her legs for her, feeling the gooseflesh across her skin.
They sat there in comfortable silence, enjoying one another's embrace for a minute or so, her head resting against his shoulder. Reflecting on everything that had happened, Carrie tried to remember what she had been so upset about, the embarrassment and disappointment feeling less awful now. Whether it was simply Rick's company or the fantastic things he could do with one hand, she didn't know…all she knew was that it was him, for which she was grateful. His hand was resting innocently on her knee now, and she placed hers over it, comparing them to one another. Larger than hers, his fingers were long and slender, and she knew them to be capable of both brutality and tenderness, a sharp contrast. Tracing her fingertips over his knuckles, she gently felt the bumps and ridges, picking up on a couple of lines that she thought might be scars.
Just as she was reminding herself to take a proper look at them in the light, he turned his hand over and held hers, entwining their fingers with one another. Watching him do that, she couldn't help but feel that despite its innocence, it was a rather intimate gesture. Just as she had done to him, he took the time to touch her hand at leisure, his fingers stroking her palm and sending shivers up her arm. Before she knew it they were kissing again, taking their time about it. Rick's other hand reached for her hair, but rather than clench it he stroked his hand over the side of her head, getting to know the way her hair felt now that it had been cut. He toyed with it as they kissed, rubbing the shortened ends between his finger tips.
"Why so short?" he enquired. Their kiss ending, he trailed his fingers down the side of her neck and across her collarbone, eliciting the shiver he knew would create. They were getting to know one another quite well, and she looked forward to learning even more.
"This is how I always wore it," she told him. "I don't like it long."
He kissed her again, though this one was shorter. "Do you want me to buy us some time tonight?"
She quirked an eyebrow at this, hoping he meant what she thought he did. "Alone?" When he responded with a nod, she replied instantly. "Yes."
"It will have to be after Deanna speaks," he mused, thinking as he glanced at his watch. "I'll take Judith home and put her to bed, and I'll give Carl a late curfew."
"He'll stay out? Won't he get bored at an adult's party?"
"He'll stay so long as he thinks I'd rather he not," he assured her.
"Reverse psychology?"
"That's right…best thing for teenagers."
"Thank you," she whispered, sealing it with a brief kiss.
He nodded, understanding where her appreciation stemmed from. Stroking her hair again, he looked at her very seriously, and she could tell he meant what he said next. "You're not the only one who needs this."
They kissed yet again, and though she could feel the urgency that Rick had been hiding until now, Carrie couldn't let him express too much. She could hear footsteps coming, and so while she indulged his kiss momentarily, she quickly broke it off and then shifted away from him, that motion enough to alert him to their surroundings. Taking their hands back from one another and maintaining platonic body language, they looked towards the courtyard where they could see shadows moving. A silhouette appeared at the gate, lit up from behind by the light coming from the townhouse. A low whistle echoed down the road, reminding her of how those on watch used to communicate on the supply run. As she thought he might, Rick returned the low whistle to indicate that he was there within ear shot.
"C'mon," Daryl called out impatiently. "They're waiting for yah."
Leaving it at that, Daryl's silhouette disappeared, his message prompting a long sigh from Rick. He slowly pushed himself to his feet and held out his hand to Carrie, steadying her as she too got up. "You alright?" he enquired, holding her hand as she swayed a little.
"Yes," she assured him, taking a deep breath. The amount of wine she had consumed must be getting to her, for her head now felt pleasantly light.
"Well no more of this," he said, still holding her hand as he picked up the empty wine glass from in front of them.
Although he phrased this as an instruction, Carrie knew that he understood he had no right to tell her what to do, that truthfully it was really more of a request…and a fair one at that. She knew how cautious he felt about being with her, about wanting sex to be an equal exchange of power and vulnerability, and why it needed to be that way. Starting towards the courtyard, he held her hand for the first few steps until he could see she was steady on her feet.
"I'll switch to water," she muttered, taking a few deep breaths as they slowly walked up the road. "I thought you said you weren't drinking tonight?" she queried. Not only had he downed a third of her wine, she'd seen him putting away a few glasses of whisky throughout the evening.
"I wasn't going to," he admitted. "I might switch to water too."
Entering the courtyard, Carrie looked up at the first floor of the townhouse in apprehension, glad that there was still no one on the terrace. Taking advantage of the better light, she and Rick looked over one another, fixing their clothing while he rubbed smears of red lipstick from around his mouth. Checking for makeup on his collar and neck, she told him to straighten his hair before giving him a nod of approval, receiving the same in return. Though there was no more reason to delay, Carrie found herself lingering a little more, straightening her skirt and checking that her blouse was properly tucked in.
"Just go in there, and act like nothing happened," Rick told her, knowing that she was stalling. "They like pretending. Trust me, they'll do the same."
"Okay," she muttered, once again beginning to feel the shame and embarrassment from earlier. Her time with Rick was over for now…she couldn't hide from the world anymore. "I don't have much of a choice."
Rick caught her hand as she said this, making her stop and look at him. "You do have a choice," he told her softly. "You don't have to stay if you don't want to."
Though she was grateful to him for giving her an out, Carrie knew that wasn't the choice she really wanted to make. If only the thought of going back in there and facing those people wasn't so hard. "Thanks," she sincerely, giving a soft sigh. "Let's just get this over with, and then get out of here."
He held her hand a moment longer before reluctantly letting it go, returning to their usual facade of platonic friendship. Together they climbed the stairs and headed across the terrace, Rick putting the empty wine glass on the table as they passed. Entering the townhouse, Carrie braced herself for the inevitable glances in her direction, making sure she smiled and looked at ease in spite of everything. Just as he had told her, it seemed the Alexandrian's who were privy to her poor choice of words were happiest pretending nothing happened, although she had little doubt that they weren't the only ones who knew. She imagined the whispers that had spread like through the crowd like wildfire, dreading the possibility of what had been said. Some time ago she wouldn't have cared what people thought of her…it was a little different now.
Similar to what he had done on her first morning when they went to start with the supplies, Rick disappeared into the crowd, leaving her completely on her own. Cursing this bad habit, she took a deep breath as she headed over to Rosita, Abraham and Tara who stood at the very back, latching on to their familiar faces. As she came over they looked up and saw her approach, knowing smiles crossing their faces.
"Well done," Rosita hissed at her, trying to hide her smile.
"Sorry?" she questioned in alarm. What exactly were they praising her for?
"You lasted an hour and a half before making a scene," Tara smiled, nudging her with her elbow. "You can't beat Sasha though. She only made it half an hour, and everyone heard."
Carrie cringed…it had indeed spread like wildfire. "Where is Sasha?"
"She made an appearance, but she's gone back on watch now."
"Was everyone talking about me?" she asked self-consciously, knowing Tara would tell her the truth.
"Only a little," she said, shrugging her shoulders.
Abraham cleared his throat and leaned closer. "What she means is, a lot."
"Come on, don't worry about them," Tara assured her, glaring at Abraham.
"I'm trying not to."
"Rick talked you down?" Tara asked, gesturing across the room.
Following her indication, Carrie looked up and watched as Rick made his way back through the crowd, stopping to talk to Carol who had Judith on her hip. Judith looked exhausted, her face pink and screwed up, her thumb in her mouth as she rested her head on Carol's shoulder. Though she didn't like to see her that way, Carrie couldn't help but see this as an advantage…it gave Rick a good excuse to take her home and put her to bed, for them to be alone together.
"Yeah, he did."
"Deanna has the supplies list ready," Rick said when he came back, but he was looking to Abraham.
Abraham gave a gruff sigh, downing the last of his beer and putting the bottle aside. "That's my cue. She'll expect you to speak as well."
"God help me," he muttered darkly, handing Carrie a red plastic cup. "Drink up."
"Thanks," she frowned, peering into the cup and realising it was only water. "I don't think I've ever had water in one of these."
This elicited a smile from Rick, he too sipping at his own. "Same here…it's been a while since my last game of beer pong."
Tara gasped. "They have a ping pong table in the garage," she began, looking between Carrie and Rosita. "Beer pong later? Please?"
"Sure," she lied, hoping Rick was able to come through on his promise the buy them time alone. She was never really any good at beer pong anyway.
A hush gently swept over the room, conversations and laughter fading as Reg started calling everyone to attention. It was difficult to hear what he said, but at the back of the room there was little she could do about this. Moving into a slightly better spot, she stood in between Rick and Tara as they looked into the corner of the dining room where everyone seemed to be paying the most attention. Seeing the top of Abraham's head through the crowd, she sipped at her water and paid attention, figuring that he too was going to be speaking. Deanna climbed up onto a chair and came into view, smiling and greeting everyone as the low buzz from the built in ceiling speakers began to sound.
Unexpectedly, Carrie felt something brushing her lower back, and when she looked to her right her eyes widened to see that it was Rick. The lack of space necessitated that they all stand close together, Rick taking advantage of this by placing his hand on her lower back. It rested there innocently, the weight of it there to remind her of his presence, of his support. While she appreciated it, the gesture didn't exactly help her relax, particularly when she could feel his fingertips moving ever so gently across the back of her skirt. Thankfully the only person who might be able to see what he was doing was Tara, and she trusted that Rick had ensured Carl was not nearby.
Not trusting her ability to keep her face straight, Carrie didn't risk looking up at him. Instead she looked around at the rest of the room, amused to see the way so many people were crammed in there. While before everyone had been spread out through the hallway, kitchen and living areas, everyone was clamouring to get a good view of the person who was speaking.
"Abraham's beard is looking top notch tonight," Tara commented. "It's quite the specimen."
Rosita chuckled. "He's using the beard trimmer I got him from Walmart. He figured out the hard way that you shouldn't use it on your pubes."
Hearing Deanna's voice filled the room, the four of them were forced to stifle their laughter, Carrie glancing up to see Rick's amused expression before looking to the front again. Standing on the chair at the end of the room, Deanna adjusted the microphone stand and then spoke, her voice coming through the speakers in the ceiling.
"Can everyone hear me well? It's too loud?" she worried, indicating to Aidan to lower the volume a little. She looked around at everyone, a proud smile growing on her face as she observed her community. "My, my, Tobin. I never realised you have such a good view from up here."
Still conscious of what happened earlier, Carrie was glad that everyone's attention was focused on Deanna and not on her. From her position at the back of the room she looked around at the residents, seeing the back of Barbara and Shelly's heads. Thinking about what Rick had asked of her earlier, that she make friends and start winning people over, she wondered if she was capable of doing that, if she had it in her. Trying not to dwell on that, she reminded herself that she only had a little while more of the evening to get through…it helped that she now had something to look forward to.
"It's always such a pleasure for the whole community to come together like this," Deanna began sincerely. "Although, at the rate we're growing we're going to need to relocate all further parties to the church."
"Church, slash games room, slash movie theatre, slash night club," Eugene called out obnoxiously, earning a rousing chorus of agreement.
Chuckling, Deanna continued speaking. "I'll not waste time with too many pleasantries, rather I'll get straight to the point. Quite a few weeks ago now, Glenn, Noah and Tara turned up on our doorstep with a bottle of Jim Beam and the offer of a truce with Aidan. The shenanigans that lot got up to that evening…well…"
"A truce about what?" Carrie whispered to Rick, pleased that her high heels brought her to exactly his height.
"Glenn punched Aidan at the end of their first run."
Carrie blew out a low whistle of admiration. "First Aidan, then Nicholas. He's got the set." Glancing at him, she was glad to see the wry smile this brought to Rick's face, feeling the way his hand moved on her lower back.
"In the midst of a raging hangover," Deanna continued. "Aidan told me his plans for the next supply run…that he wanted to embark on a journey that would take him all the way down to west Georgia. As his mother, to say that I was horrified would be quite the understatement."
An amused laugh grew and then faded, making Carrie smile. She'd heard how the plans for the supply run had come together, but Deanna had a way of speaking that made everyone listen intently, as though they were hearing stories of a wild adventure for the very first time.
"The next day, Glenn told me it was possible…and I was still horrified!" she said dramatically, her voice evening out when she next spoke. "But I was also hopeful. Two days later when Rick came to me and told me that he could make it happen…I wasn't just hopeful. I was honoured. From the first moment I spoke to Rick, when I met his group, I knew that they were something special, that they were people Alexandria needed very much. Within days they had become part of our community, taking on jobs and responsibilities…promising to serve and protect. But never did I expect that barely two weeks after living hand to mouth out on the road, barely surviving, Rick's group were willing to brave it all again…for people they barely knew."
There was silence around the room, the only sound coming from the microwave in the kitchen where Carol was heating up a bottle for Judith. She was grumbling unhappily, a low whine that caught Rick's attention for a moment.
"For people they barely knew, Rick and his group were willing to risk their lives just to provide for us. All the while knowing that they may not return, they left their loved ones behind and returned to the world that had taken almost everything from them. For this, we are in their debt…and we are grateful. To Rick and his group," Deanna toasted, holding up her wine glass.
Echoing the toast, the Alexandrian's raised their glasses and drank, a few murmurs breaking out until Deanna spoke again.
"And to Aidan, Nicholas, Aaron and Tobin…for showing their trust in people who until now, were strangers to them."
Echoing the toast again, Carrie felt Rick's fingertips on her back pressing a little, indicating his distaste for toasting two certain people who had just been mentioned. She wished she could tell him to behave, to give him the wry smile indicating that while she understood his frustration, he needed to reign it in. Tonight was not the time, although for her it was easier to forgive…after everything he had been through, Carrie suspected Rick didn't have as much in him anymore.
"The success of the supply run is astounding," Deanna declared proudly, pausing when applause broke out. "Not only have our supply runners brought back an abundance of food, medicine, weapons, ammunition and general supplies, they've brought back perhaps the one thing that is most important to us here…another community member. Carrie's arrival is a very welcome surprise, for not only are people the true lifeblood of this community, her contributions to the supply run's success are substantial. Aside from her demonstration of good character and hard work, Carrie brought about her own unique set of skills, expertise and experience to the supply run. It was these skills, expertise and experience that helped bring our families home to us here, particularly on one dark night when things could have gone so terribly wrong.
"The group stopped to make camp, settling in for the night without realising that a little further down the road was an enormous herd of Roamers, possibly in the thousands." Searching for her in the crowd, Deanna found Carrie where she stood at the back, locking eyes and speaking directly to her. "I've been told that without doubt that it was your skills and experience that led our people to safety…that led your people to safety. For that, we are also in your debt. To Carrie."
"To Carrie," the Alexandrian's echoed, raising their glasses and drinking once again.
"Growth for the future has been in the works for a very long time…and it starts now. First thing tomorrow morning, Tobin and his construction crew will be back at work, taking on our most ambitious two-stage expansion to date. The run crew will be planning their next targets, while Rick's family will be managing the security and safety of our community. Our garden will also be kicked up a notch, largely thanks to the abundance of plants from the prison, and Rick and Maggie's expertise in this area. One day, Alexandria will be a thriving community…with commerce, with manufacturing, industry…we are the ones who will build that. Together."
She paused for a moment, letting her words sink in. It was clear that she had the focus of everyone in the room, her passionate belief capturing their attention.
"There is not one person in this room, who at one stage or another has thought that goal to be unachievable, that it is nothing more than a pie in the sky, myself included. But if that's the case…it's going to be the damn finest pie in the sky I've ever tasted."
Unable to help herself, Carrie smiled and gave a short laugh along with everyone else, even Rick going to the effort. With her speech concluded, Deanna stepped down from the chair and handed the microphone to Abraham, although he chose to forgo the chair. Able to see him over the rest of the crowd, she could tell that he was a little nervous to be speaking on front of everyone, though he had no trouble commanding their attention just as he had on the supply run. As always, he spoke briskly and utilised his usual verbal creativity.
"I'd like to start with an apology," Abraham began boldly, surprising everyone with his serious and sombre tone. "An apology to Rick."
There was a slight murmur around the room, heads turning to look at him in confusion. Doing the same, Carrie tried to remember what Abraham had apparently done that required an apology.
"From the bottom of my heart, I sincerely apologise for helping Carl expand his vocabulary of curse words."
An amused laugh swept across the room, Abraham's apology making Rick roll his eyes in exasperation. Carrie too laughed, remembering the way Rick's jaw would twitch every time he heard Abraham swearing in front of Carl…for all the things a father had to worry about, he still worried about his son's language.
"Carl learnt a great deal from me on this supply run, certainly more than Rick expected him to. Anyway, enough of that. I just like to start things off with a bang," he remarked, peering at Rosita in the back of the room. "Isn't that right, baby?"
Rosita groaned, folding her arms in exasperation as another laugh erupted in the room. Still laughing at her expense, Abraham shrugged apologetically before taking a clipboard Deanna passed to him.
"Alright, down to business. Our group of eleven departed Alexandria on February twenty second, and returned as twelve on March fourteenth. That was twenty long days of sitting on our asses in cars, taking turns on watch, setting up camp and then packing it up again…Let me tell you, it's God damned impossible getting the stink of twelve people who haven't showered in weeks out of a car's upholstery."
Carrie's attention wavered, her heart beginning to speed up when she felt Rick's hand on her lower back beginning to move. She held her breath for a moment, trying not to look at him as his fingers flexed on her lower back before boldly moving down. The way his lips were parted indicated to Carrie that he knew exactly what he was doing, noticing the poorly restrained smile he had on his face as he moved his hand right down onto her ass. Letting out the breath she had been holding, she enjoyed the way the light weight of his hand sent a shiver up her spine.
As he moved his hand further down, stroking the curve of her ass and letting his fingertips brush the top of her thigh, Carrie began to regret wearing a such a close fitting skirt…Carol had certainly done a great job of making it fit her figure. Feeling the arousal he had stirred within her only a short while ago, she decided a little return favour was in order, and she just hoped he'd allow her this. Moving her cup of water into her other hand, she inconspicuously lowered her other down to her side, stretching her fingers out and touching the front of his leg. The sharp intake of breath she got indicated that the simple touch was having the desired effect…it was no wonder, particularly given the state he had been in earlier.
"…there were so many supplies it brought a tear to my eye. We spent the afternoon clearing out the bunker, and the following morning we moved on to Walmart where…"
Rick openly shivered when she lightly pressed all her fingers against the front of his thigh, boldly running them up to his hip. She flattened her palm now, and grateful that it was so crowded no one could see what she was doing. The moment she started moving her hand towards the front of his trousers, Rick gave in, taking his hand off her ass and batting hers away. Trying not to smirk, Carrie glanced down, both disappointed and relieved to see that any effect she had on him was not apparent. He was pointedly avoiding her gaze, slipping his hand into his pocket and then shifting his weight as though trying to adjust himself. It took all her self-control not to laugh out loud, focusing instead on the pride she felt for making him that uncomfortable.
"Many of you have spent the last three days sorting, cataloging and organising the metric fuck-tonne of supplies we have brought back," Abraham continued, taking a clipboard with the very long list of supplies that Olivia had been typing up.
Starting to get impatient, Rick looked at Carrie as they listened to Abraham talking, and his expression was a little difficult to read. While at first she figured he was looking at her with the same lust she was feeling for him, it seemed there was something else in his eyes too, something she wasn't quite sure how to put her finger on. She wanted to figure it out, to ask him why he was giving her such a peculiar look, but neither time nor place allowed for that question to be voiced. Thinking of what they might be able to later on, she took a deep breath to try and tide herself over until then, wondering exactly how much time he'd be able to buy them. They'd likely have to settle for a quick screw, but it would be enough to achieve what they wanted. Though she knew the opportunity for them to take their time with each other would be lost upon arrival in Alexandria, she couldn't help but be disappointed.
"…various tinned goods including tuna, salmon, soups, stews, beans, potatoes, chilli and everyone's favourite, spam. Assorted cereal, dried milk, long life milk, pasta, noodles, spreads and condiments, large tubs of dehydrated emergency foods…"
"So when can we go?" Carrie whispered.
Rick's jaw flexed, trying not to look at her. "Not yet."
"…solar powered batteries, assorted camping equipment, sleeping bags, tents, portable stoves, binoculars, lights, assorted shoes and clothing in various sizes…"
For a moment it seemed he was going to reach for her ass again, but perhaps he thought better of it. "Anxious, are you?" he enquired softly.
"…hand sanitiser, antibacterial wash, assorted over the counter medications, four hundred and twelve packs of prescription only medications, forty five bags of saline, assorted cannulas, cords and medical tools, three general observation monitors…"
"Sure," she whispered. "You're good looking, and well hung. Why wouldn't I be?"
While she managed to keep a straight face, Rick's expression twisted into a grimace of some kind, and Carrie could tell he was trying not to smile…thankfully he just came across as being in a sour mood. Knowing it was rather more difficult for him to hide evidence of his arousal, she didn't retaliate when he took his hand out of his pocket and returned it to her ass, choosing to keep her own to herself.
"Firearms of various makes and models, including forty rifles, eight shot guns, thirty one revolvers and forty seven hand guns. Other weapons include five crossbows and assorted bolts, hunting knives and machetes, pepper spray, tactical flashlights, speed loaders, radios, bluetooth headsets, riot armour, kevlar vests…"
"You're speaking next, are you?"
"Yes."
"What are you going to say?"
He looked at her as he answered, appearing to consider her at length. "I'm sure I'll think of something to say."
"…forty two grenades, and the God damned motherlode…three sweet ass RPGs that warmed my stone cold heart." There was an awkward pause, Abraham lowering the clipboard and looking around. "Uhhh…That's all."
A murmur built up slowly around the room before enormous applause broke out, everyone having been listening in sheer astonishment to the full inventory of the supplies that had been brought back. Even those like Carrie who had been on the supply run, who had collected and packed all that stuff had listened in astonishment, taking it all in. The extent of their success had been highly unexpected, most of all to the supply runners themselves. As Abraham turned off the microphone and then looked across the room to Rick, she knew it was his turn to speak next.
"Go on," she smiled, slipping her hand around to pinch Rick's ass. "Get up there."
He raised his eyebrows at her, handing her his empty cup as he walked past and made his way through the crowd. Watching him go, she was keen to hear what he had to say.
Grinning, Tara leant closer to Carrie and whispered, "So, I can see whose head you're not turning."
Grinning on the inside, Carrie maintained as much dignity as she could. "Oh?"
"He wasn't even trying to hide it," she grinned, nudging Carrie with her elbow.
Alarmed by the idea that Tara didn't realise the need for secrecy, Carrie turned to her urgently. "You can't say anything, Tara. Seriously, you can't."
"Chill, it's fine," she assured her, sipping her beer. "I get it. As long as your willing to occasionally share details, we have an understanding."
Unable to help herself, Carrie broke out into a fit of giggles, unable to picture herself sharing details of her sex life. She hadn't done that for years, hadn't sat around with a group of friends and talked about sex…this, like many other things she was slowly encountering, was a welcome change. After letting Rosita in on the topic of their amusement, they reluctantly settled themselves down as Abraham returned to their side. Having another sip of her water, Carrie took a deep breath as Rick reached the corner of the dining room from where he would be speaking, shaking hands with Reg while the room's loud chatter began to settle. She was curious what he had to say, figuring that he'd cover some general thanks about the supply runners…but what else? Unlike Abraham who had appeared a little nervous, Rick seemed unconcerned to be speaking in front of everyone, and he began promptly and without fuss.
"I'd like to start by thanking everyone for the birthday presents Judith received today. I used to think Carl got too many presents as a child, but I think I'll have to re-evaluate that. Many of you made gifts for her by hand, some clothes, blankets, toys, paintings…Bob's even working on a toy chest for her. Carl and I are very grateful, our whole family is. So thank you."
There was a short pause, the community breaking out into cheerful murmurs as they discussed the gifts Judith had received, people glancing into the kitchen where Carol was presently feeing Judith a bottle.
"Speaking of my family, I'd also like to thank those of mine who stayed behind while people they loved went on the supply run. In particular, I'd like to thank Carol for looking after Judith for me. I've always said this, but Carol is the one who runs our family…not much happens without her knowing, without her overseeing it, and I'm grateful to her for taking care of my daughter…and not just the last three weeks." As light murmurs of approval and agreement broke out, Rick paused, but only for a moment. "I guess that brings us to the supply run. I know Abraham touched on it briefly, but I'd like to thank everyone who came on this supply run. What we achieved is incredible, and our success comes down to us, to how we worked together. We had more than our share of problems and disagreements, but in hindsight I can see that we had more good days than bad days. When you're out there on the road, that's pretty damn rare."
Another pause was necessary now, loud cheers and applause breaking out. Rick waited patiently, amused by the loud cheers and whistles that seemed to be coming from Noah and Eugene.
"Good days aside, the supply run ran us into quite a few problems, only half which were caused by Walkers. My group have known for some time that although Walkers are definitely a threat to us, they're not our biggest threat. Like the rest of us did, I think Aidan, Nicholas and Tobin have learnt that the hard way on this supply run. Our biggest problems on the supply run were caused by people…by other groups. We've learnt that there is a large community of survivors based in Ohio, a community larger than ours that has greater means and organisation.
"These people are very dangerous. We ran into them on three occasions, and every time it turned very ugly. The fact is, there will always be people out there surviving, people who are desperate and have very little to lose…that means they're a danger to us. People like that won't hesitate to take what we have here in Alexandria, and they'll do it by any means necessary. For that reason, my group will be working on securing this place from the outside in. We're going to prepare ourselves for the likely event that we're one day attacked."
Rick seemed to pause again, letting the weight of what he had said sink in. Casting her eyes around the room, Carrie noted that although no one gave visible protest to what he was saying, she could sense their skepticism. They weren't concerned…if they were, they'd be showing that through their body language, they'd look tense and uncomfortable. In fact, Carrie would have gone as far as to say that they looked bored by what Rick had to say. Looking back to him, she could tell he sensed the same.
"There are a lot of things you can do to start protecting yourselves, things that my group will help you with," he started to explain, his voice authoritative, but not excessively. "With Deanna's blessing, everyone will learn how to safely handle a firearm, the children too. We'll be making emergency bags that will need to go in every house, and when we've got them prepared, we're going to start making runs out to safe houses so that everyone knows where they are.
"I know this feels excessive to you, but there's not one person in my group who would agree with you. Deanna allowed Aaron to bring my group here for this reason, to protect this place, but we can't do it on our own. Ultimately, we're responsible for our own safety, for our family's safety, because when something goes wrong, and it will, my group won't be able to protect everyone. When things go wrong, it will come to the fact that how you live is how you die. It's a choice you make now, and it's a choice that I'm going to help you with." Again, Rick paused, letting that sink in before he continued. "Deanna wants this place to be a thriving community one day. Her job is to lead you there, to make it happen…my job is to make sure there are people left for her.
"I'll finish up now, but I'd like to take this opportunity to properly welcome Carrie to Alexandria. Deanna was right when she said that people are the lifeblood of this community. We're incredibly lucky to have Carrie here with us…so, to Carrie."
"To Carrie," the group echoed, toasting her again while some looked around at her.
"I, uhh…" Rick began, trailing off before speaking again. "I've been thinking about something Carrie said to me tonight…about not having a choice."
Listening to this, Carrie felt her breath catch in her throat…where was he going with this?
"Even though we've had places to call our own before, my family have lived on the road more times than we'd like, and that teaches you a lot about choices. Until now, Carrie hasn't had the opportunity to live in safety the way I did, and what that meant for her was that her choices were limited. When you've got nothing except a body that's slowly dying, the only choice you have is whether or not you force yourself to keep going. The other choices that we take for granted? They're made for you. What you eat and drink, when you sleep, that's if you sleep at all…you don't get that choice any more."
Unlike earlier, it was clear now that Rick had everyone's attention, that the whole room was eagerly awaiting what he said next, hanging onto his every word. The same was true for Carrie, whose heart was pounding and hands were shaking. Everything Rick said was true. It was something only a person with his experience would be able to articulate, something only he would be able to understand. She'd never quite thought of her life after the outbreak as a series of choices, choices that became more and more limited until you had only one…give up or keep going. Rick understood that. He'd felt that before, he'd pushed through it in the same way she had. Taking a deep breath, Carrie braced herself when Rick looked to the very back of the room and held her gaze, and when he spoke next she could feel him speaking directly to her, his tone sincere and his words profound.
"Carrie, three weeks ago when we met, you and I were faced with a choice…the kind of choice that would change a lot of things. My choice was whether or not I was going to risk helping a stranger…yours was whether or not you could trust enough to accept that help. I think I speak for my whole group when I say this, but for me especially, that I think we both made the right choice three weeks ago. Welcome to Alexandria."
A/N I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as Carrie did! Thank for the reviews, please keep them coming as they are my life blood! They keep AngieB and I churning out chapters and ideas, so thank you! For now, back to the week end posting schedule, maybe in a few more weeks there will be an extra chapter posted mid week. Until then, please review and enjoy! Thanks.