Make Up My Mind

"Yugi." He says my name slowly, closing his eyes and running his hand back through his spiky hair. He is sitting at my desk, elbows planted on the desktop. He looks worried, upset. "I think I'm going crazy."

I am lying on my bed across the room, on my back, head turned to face my dark. I make no move to comfort him, though I want to. He won't look at me.

"Things are so complicated now. I just don't know what to do."

Finally, I find my voice. "What is going on?" I ask, trying not to sound angry. He is struggling not to cry. I can tell.

"If I try to explain, will you promise not to hate me?" He winced at all the emotion in his voice. I find myself reluctant to find out his secret. He is sill not crying. Damn his stubbornness, and my weakness.

"Just tell me what is bothering you." He put his hand over his mouth, resting his temple on his other fist. This wasn't going to be easy.

I sit up on the side of the bed. He is practically choking on his sobs, tears run down his cheeks. I stand, walked over to him, start to place my ahnd on his shoulder, and against my will…I hesitate.

A bad feeling started in my stomach. I wish he would just say it already.

We both know he doesn't love me anymore.

He tries his best to compose himself, wiping the tears off his face with the back of his hands. He took a deep breath, and started.

"The first time you told me you loved me, do you remember?" I nodded. It had been just a couple of days after he had agreed to stay here with me… "I was excited, and very relieved. Yugi, I just feel like all that has fallen apart."

There it is. I can feel myself shaking. That's not good enough! I scream at him in my mind. You coward! Just say you don't love me!

I don't know why I need to hear it so badly. Maybe so I can move on?

"Why don't you just say it?" It comes out as a murmur. I meant to scream it to him- to the world, but I don't.

"Yugi-"

"Just say it!" That's better. He looks at me like I just slapped him. It would have been almost funny to me, but now is not the time to laugh.

"I think we should start over."

What?

"Don't you think it's a little late for that?" I realize I'm clenching y fists as hard as I can, and make myself let go. "Yami, tell me truthfully, look me in the eye and tell me if you love me or not. Because, if the answer is no, there's no point in trying again."

And then, he looked me in the eye and said, "I love you." And I burst into tears. I get lost in my thoughts as I sink to the floor, barely even noticing when my dark reaches out and pulls me to him.

I start to doubt my self. When did I start thinking he had lost interest in me, anyway? Why did I think that? Why couldn't I have tried a little harder?

I feel guilty now for all my thoughts. As I slowly come back to my senses, I notice Yami is placing little kisses on my neck, and is running his hands up and down my back, trying to calm me down.

So he really does love me, huh? The moment is almost perfect, so, naturally, I had to ruin it.

"What about Seto?"

And everything comes crashing down. I stand, backing away from my dark one, whose face is twisted. He looks sick.

"What? Seto-" Yami stops speaking suddenly, as if the name choked him. "He is nothing to me. I thought you knew that."

"You can barely say his name! When did you decide you love me? Was it after Seto Kaiba made it painfully clear he didn't want you?"

Yami turns away from me. I have struck something. Surely not the truth? When he turned back to me, his face was completely void of emotion, like he was forcing himself not to think about it, but I could see it in his eyes.

He was hurt, and angry. For some strange reason, this gave me a lot of pleasure. Yami is usually so poised. For someone like me to break him…

"Yugi, how could you say something like that?"

"It's the truth, isn't it? I saw you with him at the mall last night, when me and Ryou were coming back from the dueling arenas."

Again he looked surprised. Do people really think I'm so trusting?

"Yugi…" he murmured as I turned and ran. Am I that trusting?

I made it as far as the front door when Yami grabbed my arm, pulling me back.

"Wait, don't run away from me."

"Let me go!"

"No! You have got to listen to me!"

Not understanding and feeling horrible for it, I stop. He pins me against the door. His grip on my shoulders is painful. He just stares at me. Confused, I stare back-right into his reddish eyes, wondering if he's ever going to speak. When he finally does, I want to cry again.

"I did have feelings for Seto, feelings passed friendship." There is my confession. Why isn't it as satisfying as I thought it would be? Didn't I want it? "But he didn't feel the same…" The pain in his eyes is fierce. I almost feel sorry for him. "…so I started thinking about it. About you, and me, and him, and I realized I had rather be with you. Because, Yugi, I do love you, even though I've been a huge bastard about all of this. I know that it might not make much difference now, but I'm really sorry."

Well, that was surprising. I honestly didn't expect him to actually apologize for the way he's made me feel lately. He looks like he's being honest with me, but should I trust him?

He's waiting for me to speak now. He wants an answer. I'm having trouble making up my mind. Should I forgive him?

"I can forgive you, I think." Yami shook his head, smiling through the tears.

"Yugi, I'll be yours and only yours forever, if you'll let me."

My heart still hurts, but I've made up my mind.

Paladin: Thanks for reading!