So Much For Love

A/N: AH! This broke one hundred reviews. Thank you so much to everyone who helped with that. If I could I would send my love to all of you. Alright so this chapter is like this huge mix of fluff, a bit of humor, more fluff, family angst, and, well, fluff. The chapter title is the third movement of the Moonlight Sonata, but the story is far from over. I now have the entire Sonata ( in two parts ) on my profile page, so check it out. So, Beethoven, from whom we get the lovely Sonata, once said that only the pure of heart can make good soup. Makes sense to me.

Chapter Ten: Presto Agitato

"I, Sirius Black, don't get sick," Sirius Black moaned the next afternoon, as he lay in bed, feeling terribly and hopelessly sick. He was talking to himself because he was by himself. Remus had left nearly an hour ago and Sirius, while dying to know where he was, didn't have the energy to get up and do anything about it. Instead he was entertaining himself as he rolled about in his bed. "Does no one care that I'm sick?" he cried at his door, which was flung wide open. There was no answer. "Oh, the humanity!"

His nose was stuffy, his eyes were watery, he had what might possibly be the worst sore throat in the entire world and one minute it felt like he was covered in ice and the next he was in a burning inferno. Right now it was an inferno and he only just managed to kick the blanket off all while bemoaning the pain he was in. "Oh, God, why must you accurse me so?"

"Probably because you haven't been to church since last Easter." Sirius sat up in bed, abruptly and found himself glaring at Regulus. It wasn't a real glare, it was just that he wasn't sure how else to feel about his brother being in his room. The last time they had been together in his bedroom had been years ago, when there were no posters on the walls, when you could see the Victorian wallpaper underneath, years that Sirius could only just remember.

To have Regulus standing in his room was quite strange to say the least. "Did mother die, then?" he asked after a moment. "Not that I really care, it's just-just-just," he sneezed rather suddenly and then continued, "just that I'm wondering if she left me in her will at all. I'll take that look as she left everything to you?" He was referring to the raised eyebrow and crossed arms, the slight smirk on Regulus' face that seemed to scream out inheritance.

"Actually, no, you'll be disappointed to hear that she is alive and well," his brother replied, dryly. His eyes were drifting the posters, the bands he had never heard of and never wanted to hear of, the films that Sirius liked at that the rest of his family scoffed at. "Actually, uh," Regulus continued, stumbling over his words for some reason, "father is home and I figured you would want to know or something." He couldn't even look at his older brother as he spoke. "I doubt you would have heard what with you hollering about how sick you are anyway."

Then, just as suddenly as he had appeared, Sirius' younger brother was gone and the eldest sibling was left alone to roll over in contemplation. Either he could stay here in his bed and complain to himself about how sick he was or he could take a blanket to his father's office and complain to him about how sick he was. The latter seemed to be the only logical option in Sirius' mind, and soon enough he was walking down the hallway, rubbing his eyes and sniffling all the while, clutching a burgundy blanket around his shoulders.

"Dad?" he said, dragging out the word as he pushed the large, wooden door open to reveal the impeccable office. Orion Black sat behind a desk and a formidable pile of papers. He only looked up as his son and nodded him in with a sigh. It was as it always was. There was no getting rid of Sirius when he had his mind set on something and at the moment he wanted to talk to his father. Sirius shut the door behind him and bounded towards the desk, settling himself into one of the comfortable dark blue chairs across from his father. "I'm sick."

"I presumed something was wrong when all I got was a polite response at the front door," his father replied, his voice almost muffled as he leaned over the papers in front of him, apparently inspecting something. Sirius liked to believe that he got his good looks from the man in front of him. Though getting on in age, Orion Black was undeniably a handsome man, so much so that his graying hair was distinguished, not elderly and the wrinkles around his now-dull gray eyes were studious, not aging.

"Sorry dad," Sirius sniffled, "I know that must have been heart-wrenching." The sound of papers shuffling came in response to his remark. It was as it always was. Though his father took more interest in him that his mother or his brother that didn't really mean much. "Did you meet my friend Remus? He's over for the holidays, you know. I think it nearly gave mother a heart attack." Not that anyone would have batted an eye at that, he added to himself, thoughtfully.

For a moment his father said nothing, and then he sighed and stopped moving papers around and looked at Sirius. "Did I meet who, now?" he asked. Sirius disliked the tone of his voice, the whole façade of caring that his father was putting on, but it was better than the blatant uncaring attitude the rest of his family treated him to. The only interest that had been taken in his life, as fake as it might have been, came from his father. It was something that Sirius had rather mixed feelings about, but settled with, if only for the lack of something better.

"Remus Lupin, about this tall?" Sirius asked, reaching one hand up to about the height he imagined Remus was, which was just generally short and quite adorable, he though to himself happily. He sneezed as he did so and his hand dipped down to the floor as his whole body did. "Excuse me," he said, because no one blessed you in the Black family home. "Also, another distinguishing feature about Remus is that you would have no idea who he was and that he looks nothing like any of us."

Orion nodded, seeming to think about this for a moment. "No, I'm quite sure the only people I've seen this morning have been my wife and my two sons. One of whom seems quite sure that his father has nothing better to than sit around and talk about new friends." His father was putting on such a good mask today, even the slightest smile gracing his handsome lips as he spoke the words in a false, warm tone. Like he was asking Sirius to leave politely rather than insinuating that he should be gone.

"Oh, right, well, sorry dad, just wanted to say hello and happy holidays and all those other good things," Sirius said amidst a few sniffles and a cough or two. He even had the dignity to wipe his nose on the burgundy blanket and not on the dark blue chair he was sitting in. Sirius' father couldn't help but smile as his son left the office. Sirius was quite the gentleman, in the way that someone with no class was.

Sirius, did, however, find the time to wipe his nose on Regulus' maroon scarf.

"Hello mother."

"Hello Sirius." She was reading a book, daintily like she did everything. Turning the pages like they were made of cobwebs, liable to break at the slightest touch. She was dressed prim and proper like they were having company. They never had company. She was always dressed like that, just sitting in the sitting room by the fire and reading. The curtains drawn over the window so that she couldn't see out the window. Goodness knows what the weather might have done to her poor, little heart.

Stupid dramatics, Sirius thought to himself as he pulled the blanket even tighter around his shoulders and tried not to sniffle. Gentlemen didn't sniffle. Perhaps he could manage to do it in a dignified way. His father could probably do it, but Sirius wasn't at all like his father much to his family's disappointment. He promptly sat down in front of the fireplace because he wasn't sure where else to go.

"Have you," Sirius asked in the sweetest voice he could manage, "by any chance, seen Remus lately, mother?" He leaned closer to flames, letting their warmth engulf him, letting his eyes grow tired and a yawn escape his mouth. He yawned again, this time leaning backwards and rubbing his eyes in the process. All this time his mother only coughed delicately and turned a page in the book gracefully. "Mother?" he said, tentatively, turning to face her.

"Well, no, Sirius, I have not, because I wasn't the one to invite someone over to the house and then sleep well into the afternoon, even missing the arrival of my father, and somehow happen to lose my guest in the process." She didn't even bat an eyelash, just went about her reading elegantly, like she had taken classes in how to look like a fragile doll while turning pages.

"Ah, I see," Sirius said, standing up. His legs were a bit wobbly and he yawned once more, stretching up towards the ceiling. "I have to wonder if you're the reason that my relationships with women don't work," he found himself muttering as he walked towards the door.

"What was that?" Out of nowhere his mother's voice was harsh and full of malice.

"I didn't say anything," Sirius replied innocently, thankful that his mother couldn't see the grin on his face.

The last place that Sirius thought to look was the piano room. Which, in and of itself was not all that grand. His father had played the piano years back. When they kept the illusion of family and had people over for the holidays, other families and friends. Back when his mother and father were husband and wife, not just Orion and Walburga Black, two isolated figures living in the same house. Sirius had to imagine that was part of the reason that he liked Remus' talent, though he would never admit it.

Just like he would never admit his jealousy to the talent. Sirius just stared down at the black and white keys in front of him and wondered how in the world those lifeless things managed to produce the music they did. He felt much too sick to think about though, just those simple thoughts made him feel dizzy. Concentrating on one thing at a time was good enough for him and right now it was Where In The World Is Remus Lupin? His stomach was making some awful noises so he was also in favor of some food.

"God, is it too much trouble to ask for some Remus with a helping of, I don't know, whatever you got up there?" he said quietly to himself, laying his head on the cool surface of the piano and closing his eyes.

"I don't know about God, but, uh, I did bring you something to eat." Sirius' head shot up to see Remus half-smiling at him and looking almost nervous at the same time, a bowl in one hand and sheet music in the other. The bowl was handed to Sirius and the sheet music set on the piano as Remus sat on the bench next to him. "Are you feeling any better than when I left you earlier? Your kitchen is really confusing, by the way."

Sirius just stared down at the bowl – full of soup – and smiled at it happily. "Delicious, it looks just like the maids used to make it," Sirius said, although the fact that this was a small anecdote was lost in his sickness. It was hard to funny when you were trying to concentrate on not sneezing on the boy you were attracted to. Being sick was all kinds of awkward. "So that's what you've been doing for hours? Making me food?"

"Don't flatter yourself," Remus said in response, although he blushed as Sirius smiled at him. "I wasn't even going to make anything for you. You mentioned that you had two pianos last night so I decided to take the initiative to find them without you and I succeeded. Then I felt like playing something but all my sheet music was with my trunk, which is still in my – or rather what is supposed to be my – room, and searching for that was going fine until your brother suggested I do something to shut you up."

At the mention of his brother Sirius nearly choked on the soup he was eating. For a moment he just sat there, motionless, trying to imagine his brother suggesting that to Remus that he should, of all things, do something for nice for Sirius. Remus, with a sigh, used the sleeve of his sweater to wipe up the soup that Sirius had spilled on the piano and the bench they were sitting on. "Regulus asked you to help me?" Sirius said, trying to make his voice sound less surprised than he felt.

"Asked?" Remus said with a small laugh. "I think you understood me wrong. Your brother told me to, and I quote, 'make him shut up or something.' Does that sound more appropriate for him?"

"Yes, yes that does sound a lot more like the Regulus I know and…well, know, really," Sirius admitted with a small shrug, resuming his eating.

"Hmm," Remus said softly. Sirius froze; soup just centimeters from his mouth as he groaned inwardly. He knew Remus was thinking and that he was now going to have to endure some of his undying wisdom. Sure enough the next words out of Remus' mouth were: "You don't love him? Sure he can be a bit of a bother, but he is your brother after all. Don't you kind of have to – "

"Nope," Sirius replied, shortly.

"Oh," Remus said. They sat in silence while Sirius sniffled and Remus thought. "Well, can I ask, why not?"

"Sure, ask away," Sirius said, knowing full well that he was going to get a glare in response. "Alright fine, I'll give you an answer. Look, Regulus is better than me at everything my parents care about someone being skilled at. He's polite to them; he applies himself at school; he doesn't do anything they don't approve of. Basically, he's perfect to them. Outside of this place Regulus doesn't have a lot of friends, he's not very sociable. I am, in case you haven't noticed. It's a mutual dislike between us because we both wish we had something the other has so easily." Sirius sighed and moved the spoon around in the bowl.

"I suppose that makes sense to me," Remus said, smiling softly. "You can't stand to see someone around you that has exactly what you want and doesn't even have to try to have it. I can relate." He wasn't looking at Sirius anymore, instead he was staring down at the ivory keys, his right hand lightly tracing across a few of them. "Neither one of you admits it either, but you both feel the same way. You both care about each other, but you're so envious of what the other one has that you don't let it show."

Sirius just managed a short laugh, because he wasn't sure what else to say. Remus was all too good at reading people, because he had gotten the saga of the two brothers down perfectly, like he had read their minds. "Well, despite the fact that you're right about that I don't think it matters much. We've always been like that; we always will be as long as we live, and I can't say that it really bothers me all that much." Even though it did, because brothers weren't supposed to be like that.

"You two are the only people who can do anything about it," Remus said resignedly. "But you have to admit, as brothers, you should act a bit more civil towards one another. Just to let each other know you care. Or maybe I'm just being really, extremely queer right now."

Soup once more hit the piano as Sirius laughed raucously at this. Hearing Remus call himself a 'queer' in such a lighthearted tone during a serious conversation was just too much. "Maybe I will if I'm feeling really queer next time I see him," he said. Remus snorted as he, once again, used the sleeve of his sweater to wipe up the soup from the piano. "So are you going to play for me or not?"

"In a moment," Remus said, suddenly solemn as he pushed the sleeves of his sweater up to his elbows.

After what felt like a lot of moments to an exceptionally impatient Sirius Black he said, "Now?"

"I'm trying to think of how to say this," Remus snapped. Then he blushed, not like he usually did, but a real blush, his face was bright red. "Sorry, I didn't mean to get angry, I just, I can't think of how to say this, but I always know how to say things, so it really doesn't make any sense, Sirius!" Now he seemed to be just saying things that popped into his head, not making much sense at all.

"Just say it?" Sirius offered, smiling at how flustered the other young man was getting. The bowl in his hands was empty and he set it down on the floor, out of the way.

"I – there aren't any words to," Remus practically whined, looking positively helpless. Then, swiftly, his amber eyes lit up and he was smiling once more. "Well I suppose there's always just the music." He flipped open the sheet music while Sirius watched. "It's the third movement of the song." Sirius found himself smiling. He had been waiting for ages to finally hear this. "And, just, well, music is love in search of a word."

And then Remus played. Sirius was ashamed to say that he could barely focus on the fast-paced third movement because he was too busy thinking about the words that had just come out of Remus' mouth. Music is love in search of a word. All that Sirius could take that to mean was something completely impossible. Because wasn't he the self-professed non-believer of love? This entire time, ever since the kiss in town, Sirius had never once imagined that Remus loved him.

The thought had never crossed his mind. Love had never even surfaced over the waves of pure attraction that he had towards the boy and now here he was looking at a young man who had, in a way, just professed his love to him, or rather, was doing it by playing the piano for him. Now Sirius didn't know what to do, because he had never once, ever, really loved someone before. Not like this, and he wasn't sure if that was exactly how he felt about Remus, after all.

Sure, he cared for Remus and of course he was attracted to him. There was no denying those facts, but there was also no way that he could easily say that he truly loved Remus, as much as he might want to. But, then, wasn't that how Remus felt too? Playing the piano was hardly the same as telling someone that you loved them. Sirius thanked whatever higher power had helped to make sure the third movement was as long as it was. Hell, if there were such things as ghost he would write a thank-you letter to Beethoven himself.

Sirius was so engulfed in his thoughts that he didn't even notice that the music had ended and Remus was looking at him, almost expectantly. But Sirius didn't know what to do, he didn't have the words to say anything nor the talent to play music like Remus did for him. Instead he only knew how to do one thing and, damn it all, Sirius Black might not be good at much, but he certainly was a good kisser.

"I'm taking that as…uh, you like me too?" Remus questioned after their lips parted.

"Just a bit, Moony, just a little bit," Sirius said. "There's just one thing I'm wondering though. James told me…or rather, I've just heard around, that you don't believe in love."

"I bet you have," Remus said with a smile. "Take into consideration that I've heard around that you're the most terrible guy at school and anyone stuck in a relationship with you can expect two weeks of nothing but sex and then to never talk to you again. But again, that's just what I've heard around." Sirius grimaced, knowing that 'around' was synonymous with Lily Evans. "To answer your question, which wasn't really a question, but I know what you're asking regardless, I'm not quite sure how I feel about love anymore or if this is even it. It's just, well; it's the closest I've ever gotten to it I suppose."

"I don't know if this is love either," Sirius said contentedly, sniffling to himself as he thought. Finally he just let his head rest on Remus' shoulder and said, "Just play some more music for me?"

A/N: First off, I know. They kissed while Sirius was sick. Kind of gross and now Remus might end up sick, but it's the price you pay for not being sure if you love him, Rem. I know this chapter isn't very long, but it's setting up for the next chapter, which will be the last one during the holidays. Then we get back to school and all that good stuff. A few things to say. Nearly 60 people have this on alerts, but not all of you review, and I'm not mad it just makes me a tad bit sad. So press the little button that says Go! and leave me a few words of encouragement. Also, you should go read my newest fic if you like this one. I'll love you forever if you review it. Good night and good luck, my dears!

By the way, someone figured out where the plot is going, oh my. D: