The Baptism
Max's mother lived the whole week in fear that Millie wouldn't show up for Thomas's Baptism the following Sunday. The Baptism was scheduled after the 1030 morning Mass, and Max and Millie were told they had to be there fifteen minutes before the 1200 start. When the day arrived, Max and his family went to the Mass and stayed at the church between the two ceremonies.
They became increasingly nervous as 1145 drew nearer. All the guests had arrived. Max looked back into the church at the Sun Hill contingent, all of whom had been invited by Millie. Most of her uniform colleagues were there: Roger, Mel, Nate, Leon, Ben, Smithy – who seemed to have brought along Stevie – and even Sally and Will had showed up. Max wondered what they would think if Millie didn't show. Since the cat had been out of the bag, he'd been boasting about Thomas, pulling out photos to show his colleagues and giving them the impression that everything was hunky dory. He'd be so humiliated if she didn't even bother to bring their son to his Baptism.
Max admitted, though, that humiliation was probably something he deserved, considering what he had done. He knew he had brought it on himself. He decided if ever there were a time and a place to pray, this was it. He knelt, blessed himself and bowed his head. This was a sight that thrilled his mother, who got down on her on knees beside him and offered a prayer of thanks. Max's prayer was quite different. He looked up at Jesus on the crucifix. I know what you say about committing adultery in your heart being a sin, but doesn't stopping myself count for something? Why did you let me bump into Sonia last Saturday? Sorry, I know, it's my own fault. But does my punishment have to be losing Millie? What would it take for her to forgive me? Lord, don't let it be too late…
Max's prayer was disturbed by the sound of someone walking down the aisle. Nate's girlfriend Becky, who had gone in search of a bathroom, returned and told the others she had seen Millie in the carpark.
"It seems things haven't worked out between her and Max," she announced. "So everything's a bit awkward."
As she sat down, Millie, Annie and their mother entered the church with Thomas. Max looked back and thought he'd never seen a sight as beautiful as Millie that day. She wore a pale pink jacket and skirt that looked smart yet feminine, and was just the right colour to set off the brownness of her eyes and the porcelain of her complexion. Of course, she could have been wearing a potato sack and still looked wonderful to him after a week of not seeing her. Max smiled when he noticed Thomas, looking adorable in his white gown and cap.
Millie introduced her family to her colleagues. Max reflected on how, if he hadn't been so stupid, he, Millie and Thomas would be greeting everyone as a family right now.
"Are these your sisters?" Leon asked Millie, spinning a usually benign and highly unoriginal line. But Leon didn't know Millie's mother. She was certainly a very attractive, well-preserved woman, with dark brown hair (the girls' red hair being the legacy of their father). And she was rather young to be widowed. As a consequence, since her husband's death she had become quite a flirt. She didn't think an attractive young constable 20 years her junior at all out of her league. Much to Leon's horror, she winked at him.
Millie kissed and greeted everyone as Max watched from the pew at the front of the church. On the end of the row sat Will Fletcher, with whom Millie seemed deep in conversation. Max frowned when he noticed that Will had his arm stretched out towards Millie, and was resting his hand on her hip. Apparently Will had heard Millie was fair game again and thought he'd make his move.
Millie's family made their way to the front of the church, and the two families were introduced. Everyone was very civil. Max's family made room for Millie and Annie to sit beside Max at the front of the church.
"Isn't Thomas lovely?" remarked Mrs Carter to Mrs Brown, as she wrapped their grandson in her heirloom family Christening shawl.
"As long as I don't have to look after him, he's precious!" replied Mrs Brown. Max's mum looked at her as if she were an alien life-form.
Mrs Brown then leant forward and hissed into Millie's ear "How long will this circus take?"
"Shh," replied Millie. She sat and stared ahead of her. She hadn't even acknowledged Max. He tried to take her hand in his but she snatched it away.
"You didn't tell me Max's mum's name was Magda Carter," whispered Annie. "That's hilarious."
Millie couldn't help herself, and she joined her sister in giggling.
The Godfather, Tony, nudged Max and said, "Your missus is a cutie, isn't she? I've always had a thing for gingers. Maybe if you've finished with her…"
Max glared at him.
"It was a joke. The sister though, she's single isn't she?"
"As far as I know, but you'd be almost ten years older than her."
"I'm not planning on marrying her, Max." Tony leant over Max and shook Millie's hand, then the hand of her sister. He held onto Annie's hand for a long time. Annie didn't seem to mind.
The priest entered and the congregation stood. Max offered Millie help lifting Thomas, but she shook his hand away.
"You look lovely," he said quietly.
Millie blinked back tears and said nothing.
Everybody sat except the parents and Godparents. The priest asked Max and Millie what they wanted for their child and they replied in unison: "Baptism." He asked them if they promised to bring him up in the faith of the church and on cue they said "We do". He asked Tony and Annie if they would help the parents fulfill this promise and they said "We do."
They sat down while Max's two sisters gave the readings. Millie looked over Thomas's head at Max. He looked tired, she thought. Millie pictured how the day would be if last Saturday hadn't happened. Instead of reciting the vows mechanically, she could have looked into his eyes, and Max and she could have been sharing it all: their pride in Thomas, the amused glances at their parents' antics, some open affection. She could be picking that bit of lint off his jacket or straightening that tie. Instead, they behaved almost like strangers. She wanted so much to forgive him, but how could she trust him? Max caught her eye, and all she could do was sadly turn away.
The parents and Godparents were directed to the font. Thomas was held over it and oil and water was rubbed onto his forehead while Millie held him and Max protected his head against its hard marble edge as Thomas struggled against the priest's ministrations. Thomas cried. Cameras flashed. Millie and Max found themselves posing together as a couple with Thomas. Max slipped his arm around Millie's waist, and Millie fought the urge to reciprocate.
Then Thomas was handed to the Godparents who also posed for photos. Millie and Max took a step back and while this was happening, and Max took the opportunity to address Millie.
"I'm so sorry. I was really stupid," he said. "Can you forgive me?"
"Not now, I'll cry," Millie replied through gritted teeth.
"Millie, I was an alter boy in this church, and I wouldn't lie to you here. It will never happen again."
"What will never happen again?" Millie's eyes flashed for a moment. The she remember herself and lowered her voice. "You're admitting something happened then?"
"Millie…" Max began, but their moment alone had ended.
And Millie had been left with the impression that Max had just made a confession.
The sacrament ended and more photos were taken: Thomas with his Godparents, with his Grandparents, his aunts, his parents, with Millie's family, with Max's family, with both families together. The pretence that everything was OK was starting to get to everyone.
"Let's get the cake over with, so we don't have to deal with these dreadful people any more," Mrs Brown said to Millie. Then she smiled as she noticed Leon.
"Mum, you leave Leon alone. He's very sensitive. The love of his life was killed in a car accident!"
"So we're both widowed then?" said Mrs Brown. Millie could have kicked herself for saying that as she watched her mother slink over to poor Leon.
Thomas was being held by his paternal Grandmother, and Millie took a step back from the throng to grab a moment to herself. Soon she felt a hand on her arm and Will Fletcher appeared beside her.
"How are you holding up?" he asked kindly.
"Oh God, it's so exhausting!" Millie replied.
"I hear things didn't work out with you and Max," said Will. "That's a shame."
"Is it? Perhaps it's just the way things are meant to be. Of course, for Thomas's sake, it would have been nice."
"Say Millie, how about some time…"
"Will!" Will turned around to see Max holding out a hand to shake. "Good to see you. How's the new job?"
"Fine thanks Max," Will replied. He noticed that Max wasn't releasing the tight grip he had on his hand.
"Millie, everyone's moving to the hall now, if you're ready." Max made it clear he wasn't budging until Millie and Will followed him.
Millie and Will looked at each other and smiled. They had no choice but to walk to the hall with Max.
Max prattled on about work to Will, while Annie came up behind her sister and lead her away by the arm.
"Max cramping your style is he? That Will's pretty gorgeous. Why didn't you ever go out with him? He obviously likes you."
"Yeah, I know."
"So what's your problem?"
Millie took a deep sigh. "He's not Max," she replied, hating herself for saying it. "That's the problem."
Annie hugged her sister. "Look Millie, if you feel that strongly about him, maybe you should talk to him? Give him a chance to explain himself."
Their conversation was ended when they encountered the Sun Hill crowd.
"I hope you don't mind me crashing your party," said Stevie, "But when I heard Smithy was coming I twisted his arm til he agreed to take me as his 'guest'."
"That's fine, Stevie. You're welcome here. I left inviting CID to Max, and well, you know Max!"
"Your mother's an attractive women," said Nate. "But I was surprised she's not a red head."
"We're not the Weasleys, you know," responded Annie defensively. "And are you saying Millie and I aren't attractive?"
"I think you're both gorgeous," said Nate, who found he had gone from upsetting Annie to upsetting his girlfriend. "I'm just impressed how…outgoing your mother is." He couldn't hide his amusement as he indicated Mrs Brown cornering poor Leon.
"I'll go save him!" said Annie, rolling her eyes.
Leon soon found himself safely amongst the Sun Hill fold.
"I tell you, I'm never paying anyone's mother a compliment again! She was practically feeling me up!"
"Well she's not breaking her heart by the looks of things," laughed Smithy, indicating that Mrs Brown had now made her way over to Roger.
Magdalena walked up to Annie.
"So, do you think she'll forgive Max?" she asked.
Annie sighed. "God knows. He has hurt her pretty badly. But I think she loves him."
"He loves her too. But I don't know what I can say? He shouldn't have done what he did, even if he didn't sleep with this woman. I guess Max just isn't used to having strong feeling for someone, so he didn't know how to handle his feelings for Millie."
"So, what did actually happen?" asked Annie.
"He bumps into this girl he'd slept with a few times and stupidly thinks, this is a good way to test how I feel. But when push comes to shove, if you'll excuse the expression, he couldn't go through with it. So he is explaining this to her when Millie appears at the door. And of course he feels and acts guilty."
"I see. Millie has no idea what actually happened you know. She wouldn't realise he didn't sleep with her. I wonder if it would make a difference? Magdalena, I know he's your brother, but I have to say, all that I've ever seen of their relationship is Max letting her down. How can I encourage her to give him another chance?"
"I hear you. I love Millie like a sister too, and I don't want him to hurt her again. I'm just hoping he's learnt his lesson."
"Hmm, well I guess all we can do is leave it up to Millie. I'll have a word and let her know what actually happened, and let her take it from there."
"Fingers crossed, hey? For all our sakes!" said Mag.
Annie sought out her sister, who was showing off Thomas to Mel and Stevie.
"Can I have a quick word?" she asked. Millie left Thomas with the girls and followed Annie.
"Yeah, what?" said Millie.
"I just thought I should tell you I was speaking to Magdalena about the other day, and she reckons nothing actually happened between Max and this girl. Apparently she was an old lover and when it came down to it, he wouldn't do anything because of his feelings for you. I guess the idiot just thought he'd test himself."
"So, he brought this friend home for a meaningless shag, but ultimately didn't go through with it? So I should forgive him?"
"I know, he still did the wrong thing. But I thought you should know, and it is something to think about."
"OK, I will bear it in mind."
Gradually the guests began to leave, and only family members remained. Mrs Brown managed to score a lift home with a very nervous Roger (who persuaded Mel to join them). An aged nun appeared to get the key to the hall and lock up after them. Max and Millie had to run around getting everything tidied up before they left. Everyone was giving them a wide berth, hoping they might talk. Millie was feeling very conscious of this and was frantically trying to find her sister, to use her as a chaperone.
She turned around to find herself face to face with Max. "Have you seen Annie?" she asked.
'I think I saw her head towards the storeroom," replied Max.
Millie made her way towards the room at the back of the hall, with Max closely in pursuit. She swung open the door.
"Oh my God! I'm sorry!" She shut the door and turned to Max, who had also seen the tangle of arms and legs that was their son's two Godparents.
"Well, they're a fine example to our son!" said Max with a laugh.
"What chance does the poor kid have, considering that and the circumstances of his conception?" added Millie smiling. She paused and tapped on the door. "Sorry, but Sister Marquita is here to lock up, so we have to leave."
She and Max started to walk away.
"Millie, wait," said Max grabbing her hand. "I just want to say, I'm sorry. I'm a complete idiot and perhaps you won't forgive me, but what happened was something I'll regret forever."
"I hear you didn't sleep with this woman. Why not? Did I interrupt?"
"No, I'd told her how things stood before you got there. I told her I couldn't have sex with her because I love you."
"And do you?"
"What?"
"Love me?"
"Yes, with all my heart."
"But every time you feel insecure, you're likely to perform this test?"
"I swear, it will never happen again."
Millie sighed. "I wish I could believe you." She saw Annie and Tony emerge from the storeroom. "Look, maybe we should talk. Can I come to your house after this?"
"Sure."
"Just make sure you don't have any lovers there this time."