The Interlude
So called because it is set between Book 1 (just after) and Book 2 (a lot before) and it's nipped in before the third part of the "Why Not to Attempt Retirement" thingummy so it's an interlude for that too.
Other fics may also nip in before the end of that trilogy. The last part isn't finished yet :)
On with it then.
29th December - Four days after "The-fairy-thing-involving-trolls-and-tranquilisers-that-we-still-aren't-talking-about-yet."
"Butler?"
"Yes, Artemis?" the bodyguard answered.
"Is now a good time?"
Butler was currently half way up a stepladder moving decorations placed by Missus Fowl's *insert unflattering adjective here* Yule Tide Ball decorators out of the sight-line of a CCTV camera.
The fifth one. And that was just in the entrance hall.
"That depends on the task, sir," he answered truthfully.
"Oh... no it isn't a task. I just wished to talk to you about something," Artemis said in a quiet voice. Was that a shred or two of fear in his tone?
Butler didn't say he was too busy, but the boy could see he didn't want to talk. Perhaps for more reason than one.
"Could I help in any way?" Artemis asked.
Butler raised an eyebrow. Something was seriously up with his charge. Asking to help? He wondered if he should do a sneaky DNA test on the boy to check he hadn't been kidnapped and swapped with an imposter by The People's likely vengeful police force.
"I'm sure I'll manage, thank-you," Butler said, stretching over to hook some of the tinsel away from the lens and leaning back to check it really was out of the way. It wasn't. He muttered unpleasantries to himself silently, almost forgetting about his charge for a moment. Some of the decorators passed by and complained quietly to each other that he was messing with the symmetrical pattern of their tinsel. Very quietly. They'd already made the mistake of voicing their annoyance at the bodyguard once. Said bodyguard had assured it wouldn't be happening again any time soon. He glared at them. The pair shut up very quickly.
"Would you mind if I talked to you about something I'm concerned about?"
"Not at all, Artemis."
It was part of the job, after all.
"Well..."
Butler suddenly had a thought and interupted.
"Please don't tell me you just found something the fairies left behind as a Christmas present," he muttered, leaning slightly too far over on the ladder to pin the tinsel back up. It wobbled alarmingly and he rebalanced unnervingly nimbly for a man his size.
As much as he was glad Missus Fowl was back to full health, he did wish that she hadn't insisted on a New Year's Eve ball.
Just a few friends, she'd said.
Because I missed throwing a Christmas party, she'd said.
They won't get in the way, she'd said.
Now he had a list of over 100 people to background and security check for the party in less than two days, whilst keeping an eye on the builders who were fixing up the recently modified doorway and checking every single security measure was still fully functional and un-hampered by bloody tinsel.
Or baubles. Or plastic icicles. Or anything else Christmassy or New Year- ish.
And definitely not meddled with by anything fairy-like, be that frilly Christmas angles or slightly less frilly LEP related equipment.
It was times like this that Butler really missed his Uncle. Having an extra Butler around other than Juliet and himself would certainly make life easier. But no. That would be just too simple.
"No, no," Artemis said hurriedly. The bodyguard craned his neck round to make eye-contact with his charge. "It's nothing like that. Although it is to do with the... incident. I just wanted to converse with you about my feelings about the whole event...look out!"
The stepladder slid sideways, tipping alarmingly. Luckily, his manservant had pre-empted the happening and instead of falling, leapt backwards and landed lightly on his feet, even in time to catch the ladder before it clattered to the floor. He even managed not to swear.
"It doesn't matter Butler, it's not important. I'll ask again later," Artemis left hastily before he helped to cause any more incidents.
Butler watched him go and, due to recent events, couldn't bring himself to be very bothered about what his charge hadn't managed to tell him. The boy had already admitted it wasn't important.
Now, what other security measures could a few festive ornaments obstruct?
"Juliet?" Artemis greeted as he sidled into the kitchen.
"Hey Arty," Juliet was equally as busy as her brother. Although she was pre-occupied with the slightly less serious task of icing Christmas biscuits. The seventh batch. This morning.
"How are you today?"
"Why?" Juliet raised an eyebrow. What do you want? She added mentally.
"I'm only inquiring," Artemis sniffed, the snooty gesture actually causing him to inhale the delightfully appetising smell of freshly baked gingerbread biscuits.
"Well it's odd. You don't normally."
"Perhaps it's the Christmas spirit," he sighed.
"Well you're mum is certainly making sure there's enough to go round."
"Hmm," Artemis sat on one of the stools and watched her work from the breakfast bar.
"Something's up with you," she noted.
"No, no..."
"Yes, yes. You wouldn't be feeling guilty about anything?"
Artemis sighed. Why did Juliet have to posses the same seemingly mind-reading skills as her brother and equally be able to utilise her age and strong-acquaintance with himself to, for lack of a better phrase, 'get away with' bluntly demanding him to tell her what the matter was?
"In a manner of speaking, yes," he admitted unwillingly.
"And you are coming to me because you are scared of my brother," she guessed. Correctly.
"I have no reason to fear Butler," Artemis said adamantly. "He's the one everyone else needs to be afraid of, not I."
"But...?" Juliet prompted.
"I tried to convey my feelings about the past week's events. However, he's a little busy," Artemis sighed. And normally he'd drop everything and do whatever I say.
"Aren't we all," Juliet smiled. "If it's any consolation, I don't mind that you drugged us to save our lives. I had a bit of an issue with the kidnapping but you let her go so, you know. Have a biccy."
"Have a what?" Artemis had been following Juliet's speech of apparent forgiveness right up until the word 'have'.
"Biscuit. Go on, nick one. I think I've made too many anyway."
Artemis took one hesitantly and nibbled at the corner. "Thank-you Juliet. For the forgiveness... and the biscuit."
"No problem-o, Arty-mundo," Juliet laughed, snaffling a tree-shaped piece of iced gingerbread for herself.
After a moment or two of quiet munching, Artemis spoke again.
"Do you think your brother shares your mercy?"
"Mercy?"
"The wrong word, perhaps."
"With him, who knows? He's probably got grudges from back from his dark ages," she shrugged.
The play on the historical term "Dark Ages" that he and Juliet had always used to describe Butler's life before the pair of them, made the boy smile slightly, but he was still unsettled.
"Artemis this is you we're talking about. You could get away with crashing the Bentley and he'd still forgive you," Juliet said exasperatedly, taking off her apron and piling up the treats into a few sheets of kitchen roll.
"Damaging a vehicle is slightly less serious than tranquilising your bodyguard and his sister and nearly getting everyone killed," Artemis said miserably.
"Oh Arty shut up," Juliet flicked her apron at him. She was perhaps the only person that would get away with doing that. Either of those things. He was still looking at her forlornly so she relented. "Look. If it helps I'll sort him right? I'll casually slip in a few questions and tell you right?"
"And how do you suppose to do that?"
"Well you know, I'm slick as with the old sneaky-ness."
"Of course," Artemis frowned slightly. "Although I meant how will you get him to talk to you about it?"
"One, because I m his sister. And two," she winked at him as she left the kitchen with the small bundle. "I have gingerbread-men to bargain with, and I happen to know he's an absolute sucker for them."
Feeling as though he was Harry Potter and had just been given the secret to taming Fluffy the three-headed-dog, Artemis headed to his room, hopeful his mother wouldn't catch him on the way up.
Juliet sneaked round the corner and stood directly behind her brother, not even daring to breath in her attempt before...
"Hey, Dom."
"Is there any point in telling you anything?" her brother grunted.
Juliet shrugged. "Nope. How did you know I was here?"
"One; I smelt the food you're hiding behind your back," he said turning to face her. "And two; you scuffed the edge of the rug a few meters back.
"And three, 'because I'm awesome' right?"
"Something like that," her brother smirked.
"Aww you're no fun," she sighed, handing him her secret weapon of placation.
"Thanks," he took it and she wasn't sure whether he meant for the biscuit or the insult. Deciding to get straight to the point she dived in at the deep end, so to speak.
"You know Artemis is really worried you're holding a grudge on him over the tranquing."
"Yes, I did notice that."
"Then why are you..."
"Prolonging his agony?" he asked. "Because it's the only way I can immaturely and selfishly get my own back on him for putting us all in a ridiculous amount of danger, without going against the job description of bodyguard."
"You're evil, you know that?"
"It's been said," Butler shrugged.
"No, seriously, Dom. Stop it. He's really upset," Juliet told him.
"Yeah right."
"No, I mean really messed up."
"Go on why?"
"He ate one of my biscuits. That's how upset."
Butler raised an eyebrow. "And?"
"And he came to me to ask me what I thought and if I'd help him."
"Oh."
"Yes oh."
Butler got to his feet.
"Where are you going?"
"Well first I am going to either move that sodding angel-thing off the top of the tree in the hall, shift the whole tree to one side, or just lop the thing in half," her brother thought-aloud. "And then, I'm going to talk to Artemis."
"Good boy. You'll get an extra Christmas biscuit for that."
"Oh shut up," Butler grouched, grabbing the last few biscuits and biting into another as he headed down the corridor.
Juliet watched him go. She hoped he'd finish the snacks before he tried yelling at any more decorators. The gingerbread men did nothing for his scary hard-man image.
Honestly, she shook her head. Boys. Getting his own back indeed.
Did she have to sort out everything herself around here?
After thoroughly terrorising the people who put the tree there and moving the tree himself once they claimed they'd have to wait for the fork-lift truck to be re-rented, Butler climbed the stairs and knocked on his charge's bedroom door.
"Artemis?"
"You may come in, Butler."
He ducked through the doorway. Artemis was sat at his swivel chair, typing something on his laptop computer. Since he closed it down as the bodyguard walked in, Butler suspected it was the boy's virtual diary, he was likely writing up the whole turn of events and everything leading up to them.
"You wanted to talk to me earlier?"
"Yes... well..." Artemis began nervously, standing and swinging his hands together, wringing them.
"It's OK Artemis. I know I've been treating you a little rough since the whole fairy thing and... well I'm sorry for that."
"I thoroughly deserved it, Butler. I cannot say your reaction was not at least anticipated on my behalf."
"No Artemis. Everyone makes mistakes."
"Not on this scale, Butler. I nearly got us all killed."
"Well it's not as though it was the first time," Butler smirked. Artemis smiled slightly.
"Am I forgiven?"
"Am I?"
The boy nodded.
"Then yes, Artemis, of course," Butler smiled, reaching out and squeezing his charge's shoulder gently. "Now come on. Let's go convince your mother we actually want to be a part of this party."
"Indeed," Artemis rolled his eyes. They started down the corridor and Butler paused at the top of the stairs.
"And before she tells you otherwise, Juliet did not pay me in gingerbread-men to forgive you. Or at least, if she had, I would have done it anyway."
Butler dug into a deep pocket and handed his charge a small kitchen roll wrapped parcel before opening one of his own and biting off a chunk, chewing appreciatively.
Artemis ate his own considerably more delicately.
He had his bodyguard's pardon, his mother's sanity and half a ton of the Fairy People's gold.
There may be eccentric house-makeover teams invading the manor, a compulsory party to attend civilly and several other problems rolling around in the background, but right now, despite everything, all was good again.
Yeah this was nearly called "Ginger-bread Men" but this title fitted better.
Bit late for a sorta Christmas fic but hey, you gotta love gingerbread.
Yum, eh?
Wolfy
ooo
O