AN:First of all, I just want to thank you all for the faves and follows, but also give a special shout out to Leona2016! Thank you so so much for all the reviews! I'm so glad you are enjoying the one shots and hope you'll like this one too.

Now let's get into it!

Desperate

"Look, I'm not saying we should do things the way the First Order used to,but-"

"Well that's reassuring,"she scoffed.

Kylo Ren was following Rey into an elevator on one of the Resistance ships; although he didn't really call himself that anymore, these days he preferred Ben. He let out an exasperated sigh. "You know what? Let's just forget this," he said, pressing the button that would take them to the main quarters. He could feel the annoyance coming off of her in waves. They were still deeply connected through the force and he was more aware of her feelings than he usually cared to admit.

"No, let's go on. Please do tell me all the reasons you hate the ways of the Jedi." Rey wasn't facing him, so when she spoke, she looked at him over her shoulder.

Ben could tell her arms were crossed and could feel her irritation. "I don't hate their ways," he explained, "I just think they can be improved. The way the Sith did it-"

She turned around, astonished at the fact that he would talk about the Sith, and that made him stop. "The way they did it caused so many people to die," she accused, coming closer to him and staring in his eyes as if trying to decide whether he was going off the rails again.

He returned her gaze, challenging her to say the things he knew she wanted to say.

"My way is better," she said but she couldn't look at him just then.

He took a step closer, forcing her to look him in the eyes again. "No, your way only kills you."

The way he had said those words, paired with the nearness of him, made her swallow hard. She knew why he was saying that, it was because of the boundaries she had implemented on her relationship with him. The Jedi weren't supposed to give into their emotions, it wasn't safe, it wasn't for the greater good; and she knew that if she and Ben would give into whatever they were feeling, it wouldn't end well.

"Rey," he said gently, but she was saved by the elevator doors that opened with a bing.

When she ran as far away from him as she could, Ben sighed and exited the elevator as well. He was taking off his black gloves, which for some reason he had chosen to keep, and watched her sit down in front of one of the monitors. Setting his gloves on the table, he asked: "Are we really not going to talk about this?" He saw her hands stop, saw her body stiffen.

"I," she started, but paused to clear her voice, "I thought we were done with that conversation."

"No, you were," he accused.

She turned around in her chair. "What do you want me to say, Ben? That we can work something out? That this won't turn out the same as last time?"

"What was so wrong then?" he challenged. "What are you so afraid of?"

She got up from her chair. "You want to know what I'm afraid of? I'm afraid of losing myself. I'm afraid because we are connected in a way that doesn't allow me to see where I end and you begin. I'm afraid that I'll chose wrong and this", she said motioning the the room around them, "would have all been in vain."

Her voice had been raised and she was breathing harder now, and maybe it was that, maybe it was the rosey colour of her cheeks; or maybe it wasn't any of those things. Maybe it was just him and his desire to have her close, to not know where he ends and she begins, that made him march up to her and kiss her.

The kiss had caught them both by surprise, but after regaining their senses, they both grabbed at each other, bringing one another as close as possible. The kiss was desperate, needy and trying to convey everything they both had kept hidden for so long. When they finally pulled apart, their ragged breathes mixing in the space between them, they simply gazed into each other's eyes, marvelling at the colour of the force hidden there.

It was grey.