Chapter 10

"And this is news to you?" Magnus asked. Jem just shook his head, sick with the usual disappointment, and then stormed down the steps and across the room. He grabbed Will's arm and pulled him away, and the vampire girl bared her teeth. Will cried out in protest. "You're violating the Accords! Both of you!"

"It was just a kiss," Will said his words with soft edges and Jem had to wonder if he had been upstairs longer than expected, or if Will had started drinking twice as much the moment Jem was out of sight. Both were good possibilities. "I can assure you that it was a peaceful endeavor. Dare I say we were making love with our tongues?"

"We're leaving!" Jem exclaimed. He jammed Will's top hat onto his head and pulled him out the door. He didn't speak again until they were onto the street, walking towards the side of town the Institute was located on. A storm was brewing, and Jem could hear the Thames lapping loudly against the river banks. He shivered a little and drew his coat closer to his chest. Will wasn't walking straight. He put an arm out to Jem for assistance, but Jem continued walking without him, leaving him to wander wayward towards the deserted street.

"Help me," Will said, and Jem ignored him.

"Are you out of your mind? You bit one vampire self defense; now you've kissed another? For what? A cheap thrill?" Jem demanded.

"That depends on what Magnus did for you," Will said. "What did he do for you?"

Part of Jem wanted to horrify Will with the filthy words he could use to describe what Magnus had the potential to do. He had seen Will a time or two before bearing the welts, scratches and bruises Magnus had left behind. Another part of Jem wanted to abandon this fight and then ask Will why he would make a girl love him one second and hate him the next. He wanted to know why he got such sick pleasure in hurting people. He wanted to know why Will had done any of the stupid things he had done in the last week's time but he wasn't about to indulge his hurt feelings, or even mention Tessa, so he didn't say anything. He just walked a few feet ahead of Will's staggering footsteps and thought about getting home before it started to rain.

"Magnus wanted to talk. We talked, that is all," Jem said. "I'm not fifteen years old anymore, Will. I'm not toy you can use whenever you feel like it."

Will laughed, obnoxiously. "Who was using whom last night? You threw yourself at me!"

"That doesn't matter," Jem said, spinning on his heel to face Will. "What we do for an hour or two doesn't matter. I'm not talking about the sex. I'm talking about the other twenty two hours of the day that I'm expected to be there for you, watching your back-"

"That's what we do. I keep you alive, and you keep me alive," Will said.

"The minute I'm not there you spin off your axis and it's my job to bring you back!" Jem cried.

"So stop," Will said.

"I CAN'T STOP!" Jem screamed. "I can't stop chasing after you because I love you and you're too stupid or to selfish to even care! And then you say that loving someone means you have allowed them to wound you. When have I truly hurt you beyond repair? Please tell me what I did to deserve this punishment."

"I'm not punishing you," Will said, easily, and he reached to touch Jem's face but Jem stepped just out of his reach. Jem saw pain flash across Will's face and knew he had hurt him.

"You punish people so you don't have to love them," Jem said. "You make people hate you so you don't have to worry about losing them, because you lost people and you're scared to death of losing anyone else. You punish me for your past and it is not my cross to bear."

"I'm not punishing anyone," Will said, and Jem laughed incredulously.

"You punish everyone!" Jem continued, "You punish me, and Charlotte, and Henry, and Tessa, and anyone who even attempts to get close to you! I tell you I love you after four years together, I love you, and you tell me after all we've been through that you can't love me. What can you do?"

"James…" Will began, and he reached out to Jem once more. Jem pulled away, avoiding Will's outstretched fingers, and he was rewarded with another flash of agony across Will's face. He turned his back to him and walked several steps more, and then stopped when he heard Will stop. For a moment they stood on the side walk, Jem's back to Will, and waited for the other to say something. Will was the first to speak. "I'm sorry."

Jem didn't respond. A part of him wanted to walk away, and part of him wanted to get Will home safely, and in the midst of it, the rain let loose and began to pour down.

It wasn't a gentle rain but rather a deluge of thunder, lightning, and fat raindrops that made their way into Jem's shirt collar no matter how tight he had his coat pulled. In a second his hair was plastered to his face and he did not care. He heard foot steps behind him and then Will was dropping his hat onto Jem's head. Jem took it off, shoved it back into Will's hands, and began to walk.

They were still some distance away from the Institute when a carriage pulled alongside of them. Henry was in the driver's seat of it and he jumped down and unlocked the door for them. Jem was half tempted to deposit Will into the carriage and then continue to walk by himself, but then Will tripped and landed on the carriage's floor. Henry looked shocked, and Jem shrugged, then pushed Will's feet into the carriage, and climbed in after him.

Will looked to Jem with bleary eyes as the carriage turned back to the Institute. Will looked terrible, like a drowned rat in the sewer. His face was pale and his eyes were blood shot and he stunk of sweet brandy and all Jem could think was that once again, Will had done this to himself. Jem shook his head, covered his mouth with his right hand so as to not say something smart and cutting, and avoided Will's gaze. His eyes filled with tears and he allowed them, knowing that Will could not stand to see him cry. Jem blinked and then hot tears slid down his rain soaked cheeks. He sobbed, unexpectedly, and sobbed once more before he shivered and looked out the window, a hand still covering his mouth.

"You're crying," Will said, "I've made you cry."

"I always cry when I'm faced with a lost cause," Jem said. "I know lost causes."

"What can I give you?" Will asked. "I have nothing to offer."

"You want so much from me," Jem said, his eyes filling with tears. "You want me to get better. You want me to get a place of my own, to live a life with you, and all I want is confirmation that you love me. It's a simple thing." Will shook his head and looked away. "When are you going to figure out that I need more than you will ever give me?"

When they got back to the Institute, they walked up to their bedrooms and Will fell onto his bed and closed his eyes, only to be roused a moment later by Jem, now dressed in dry clothes, slapping him across the face. Will felt Jem's hands on his coat and then the coat was gone, and then Jem's nimble fingers were unbuttoning each button on Will's shirt. Will grabbed Jem's hand and tried to put it where he saw it fit to go.

"Don't," Jem said, and then Will felt Henry pulling off his boots. Eventually he was dressed in something dry just as he began to become sober, and Henry walked him down to the drawing room. Jem was knelt in front of a roaring fire, warming his hands. He was sitting so close, Will thought he might actually be on fire, as the flames licked up and around Jem's silhouette and made his body look dark against the orange light. Charlotte was sitting in an arm chair close by, and she was carefully towel drying Jem's hair as they spoke softly to one another. This was nothing new. Jem always found someone to fawn over him.

The room fell silent save for the crackling fire and then Jem turned to Will. His eyes were pale silver outlined in red, and he looked exhausted. Will knelt beside Jem, so that their shoulders were nearly touching, and he felt the warmth seep into his frigid bones. Jem sniffed and stared into the flames. On either side of them, Charlotte and Henry were silent, even as another tear slid down Jem's cheek and hit the polished wood floor.

"Tell Charlotte what you did," Jem said. "Go on, now."

"I did nothing wrong," Will said.

"Tell her," Jem said, his voice cracking. "You did wrong!" He leapt up and stormed from the room, and Will heard his footsteps retreating before a door slammed shut. Henry took a deep breath and Will could feel his eyes, as well as Charlotte's, glaring at him.

"I French kissed a vampire," Will said, and Charlotte made a strangled sound and sent Will to the attic at once.

He was lying on the floor watching the roof spin in circles when Charlotte brought a pail of holy water. He sat up as she dropped the pail beside his head, and it nearly hit him. Charlotte looked tired, Will noted. She could say nothing to him. I had been five days of him causing problems, and while this wasn't anything new, Will rarely caused trouble in front of so many people.

"So if one was so have intercourse with a vampire, would one have to dip…" Will began, and Charlotte, disgusted, turned and walked back downstairs. The slamming attic door punctuated her exit.

In between sips of holy water, Will rested, and then went into couching fits that brought plenty of water back up, and he really wanted to, but wasn't yet prepared to admit how unwise French kissing a vampire had been. While the vampire's saliva wouldn't turn him into a fledgling, it could be enough to make him want to seek that very vampire out again for more physical activities, which could result in his conversion from Nephilim to Downworlder.

This wasn't like the last time he had been up here, first with Tessa, and then with Jem, on the night of de Quincy's party. Will and Tessa had kissed, yes, but Will and Jem had done so much more. They had begun in this very spot on the floor had had ended things practically bathing in holy water before going across the room to the davenport Henry couldn't bear to throw out. There, beneath a cracked window, soaking wet and naked, Will lay on top of Jem and kissed him between the shoulder blades. He put his hands on Jem's sides, holding him gently, and they did what Will called love and Jem called sex. Jem had bit Will so hard on back of the hand, Will had bled, not that either had noticed or dwelled on it. That had been nearly four days ago, and Will wanted to know what had changed in that time.

Will fell asleep once the pail was empty, then woke up a few hours later and staggered downstairs. It was near dawn and he wanted to sleep several hours more, but Will stopped outside of Jem's room, then carefully turned the door knob and walked inside.

Jem was curled up in his bed, covered by a white sheet. Will walked over and heard Jem was breathing softly and quietly. Jem whimpered, he rolled onto his back and pulled the covers up higher. He looked so comfortable, Will was fully prepared to climb into bed beside him and hold him tight until the morning. When they awoke together he would beg Jem for forgiveness, but even he knew he would never give Jem what he wanted.

Will was about to slide beneath the covers anyway when he heard Jem mumble something and part of him wanted to disregard it, for Jem occasionally screamed in his sleep. A few whispered sentences were nothing compared to that. Then Jem said a name, and he giggled and said the name once more, and it was clear that the name said was one he wanted to say again and again.

Will noticed the floor beneath his feet, which was good, because he felt like his world had been kicked out from under him. It was suddenly clear what had changed. He walked over to Jem's bed once more and determined that Jem was still asleep. Then, he walked over to the window sill where a paper crane sat, and it didn't matter who made it, it mattered that Jem had kept it. Will picked up the crane, crumpled it in his palm, threw it out the window, and walked out the door.

Author's Note: Thanks for reading! The last review really made my day, in fact, all reviews make my day. I like to know I'm writing for someone out there who might enjoy this.