Chapter 10: Memory
. . .
After two weeks they had it pretty much worked out. Mac had managed to set their shifts in such a way that one of them was always able to take care of the kids. They took turns, sometimes staying at Jo's place, sometimes at Mac's. Actually, the only thing that wasn't convenient was that they lived quite far away from each other. At times when Mac got called on during the night, he had to drag the barely conscious Rick to Jo's place, which didn't make him happy at all. That's why when Ellie had a slumber party at one of her school friends', Jo offered Mac to stay at her place for a night. Rick slept in Ellie's room, while Mac slept on the couch. And that night, around midnight, Jo had been called on to the crime scene. Mac couldn't really sleep that night, as he had been concerned that Lily would have a nightmare and he wouldn't be able to calm her down. But much to his surprise, not long after Jo had left, Lily came into the living room and curled herself on the couch next to him. He couldn't sleep then, either, as he had been afraid that he would squash her when he turns over or that she would fall off the couch. So he kept awake while she slept calmly. That was the first night Lily peacefully slept through 'till late morning.
Mac smiled at the recollection. He was now sitting on the couch in Jo's living room, skipping through channels and waiting for her to come back from work. She texted him earlier, telling him she would be back around 5 p.m. Finally, he heard the key being turned in the lock.
''Hi.'' Mac greeted her with a smile as soon as she entered the apartment.
''Hi.'' Jo answered and smiled back, although not as wide as she usually did. ''Where are the kids?'' She asked while she took of her leather boots.
''They're playing some computer game in Ellie's room.''
''Oh, Ellie's back already?'' Jo asked, pleasantly surprised.
''Her art class got cancelled.'' Mac answered, watching Jo. Her movements weren't as vigorous as usual. And when she bumped into a small, round table, Mac became sure that she was deathly tired.
''So everybody's home, hmm?'' She asked jokingly, approaching the coach and dropping her bag next to it. Mac smiled upon hearing her. She probably had no idea how nice it sounded in his head. Jo slumped down on the couch next to him and sighed deeply.
''A long day, huh?'' He asked, looking at her.
''Yeah... We were processing evidence for 5 hours without any breaks.'' She murmured.
''Did you find anything?'' Mac asked out of curiosity.
''Enough to lock the killer up.'' Jo answered. ''How was your day?''
''It was nice.'' Mac told her, still smiling unconsciously. ''After breakfast we went to the park. The weather was really nice and we had some fun. Lily wanted cotton candy, so I bought her some. That was a rather bad decision, as she ended up all sticky and I barely managed to wash her up after we returned...'' His voice trailed off as he suddenly became aware that Jo was unusually quiet. He glanced down at her and noticed her head was strangely lowered to her chest and slightly leaned against his shoulder. He tilted his head slowly and looked at her face. Her eyes were closed and it seemed like she had passed out. He frowned lightly; getting a little concerned, as he thought it was impossible to fall asleep on the spot like that. But before he could decide if he should check Jo's vital signs, Ellie entered the living room.
''Oh, mom, you're...'' She started, but stopped as Mac looked at her and she saw his expression.
''What is it?'' She asked as she came closer.
''I don't know.'' Mac hesitated. ''One moment she was talking to me and the other...''
''Don't worry, it's normal.'' Ellie told him calmly.
''It is?'' Mac asked surprised.
''Yup. She's taking a power nap.'' Ellie explained quietly. ''You better not wake her up or she'll be grumpy as hell,'' she warned. Mac glanced down at Jo once again as he felt slightly uncomfortable not being able to move even a bit.
''Does it take long?''
''Nah.'' Ellie shook her head. ''20 minutes tops.'' She told him and went back to her room.
Mac sighed. At work Jo was always full of energy, even when everybody else was running on fumes. He couldn't quite recall seeing her this tired and for some strange reason, it had never occurred to him that she needed her batteries to be charged as well as everyone else's. He looked down at her and smiled lightly at the sight of her head leaning against his shoulder. He wanted to see her face, so he slowly reached his hand out in order to brush a strand of her hair off her face, but before he touched her, the sudden noise in the room spooked him and made him stop.
''Jooo!'' Lily squealed happily upon seeing Jo's bag that was lying next to the couch.
''Lily, shhh!'' Mac hushed her and she froze, rooted to the spot. Then she furrowed her eyebrows and moved slowly to the couch. She climbed onto it and then onto Mac's lap to take a better look at Jo. Mac held her with his one hand, as he was afraid that she would fall towards Jo and wake her up.
''Is she sick?'' Lily asked sadly, keeping her voice as down as possible.
''No, she's just tired.'' Mac told her.
''Oh, OK.'' Lily nodded. He thought she would slide down from his lap and walk away, but she just made herself more comfortable in a clear attempt to wait until Jo woke up. Mac sighed. Now he couldn't move at all. As he did, Lily looked up at him and he had no other choice than to admit that he was completely hopeless when it came to those big, blue eyes. He encircled her with his arm and they both patiently and quietly waited for Jo to wake up.
When she finally opened her eyes and pulled away slightly, she was surprised to see Lily sitting on Mac's lap.
''Hiiii!'' She exclaimed happily and reached out her arms towards Jo.
''Hi, honey.'' Jo told her with laughter and leaned forward to hug her. ''Did you miss me?''
''A little.'' Lily admitted.
Mac smiled upon hearing her. Then suddenly, when Jo's hair tickled his neck, he became aware of her closeness. With his next breath, he smelled a nice, fruity scent. He was sure it wasn't perfumes, as it was barely noticeable. Rather shower gel or shampoo. He took another breath and let the smell invade his nostrils once more.
Jo let go of Lily and pulled away. She looked at Mac and smiled.
''Sorry, I crashed without warning.'' She told him with a little embarrassment.
''Ellie told me it happens to you sometimes'' Mac said with a smirk.
''Yeah, sometimes it's the only way to bounce back after a long day.'' She sighed and stretched her neck. ''Now I'm hungry.'' She announced. ''I'm going to make a fruit salad. Will you help me?'' She asked Lily and she nodded enthusiastically.
Jo stood up and picked up Lily from Mac's lap. She lowered her to the floor and slowly walked to the kitchen, with Lily jumping in circles around her. Before she left the room, she turned her head and sent Mac a warm smile over the shoulder. Then she almost bumped into Rick.
''Hi, Ricki.'' She told him. He barely looked at her and moved out of her way.
''Hi.'' He said politely.
Mac could see how Jo's shoulder sagged slightly, but she didn't make another attempt to approach him. Instead, she turned around the corner and disappeared into the kitchen. He let out a little sigh while witnessing the scene. Even though Rick was getting more and more accustomed to Jo, Mac could still tell that he wasn't feeling completely comfortable around her.
He had to admit that he understood it. He himself remembered being slightly overwhelmed by her bubbly personality at first - her silly banter, her teasing and her quirky ways to make him spill his guts out. It was something completely new to him. No one in the lab took the liberty of doing something like this. Well maybe Stella sometimes, but even she had done it only to some limits, which Jo seemed to exceed on more than one occasion. But then, her charm would let her get away with almost everything. It didn't take him long to get used to it, though. To understand that it was all done out of caring which he found even more adorable.
But Rick wasn't quite there yet. Jo was very patient with him, as she didn't put any pressure on him, waiting for him to be ready. Mac knew that sooner or later he would.
He heard Jo saying something in an unnaturally low voice, which caused Lily to burst out laughing. Without really thinking, he got up from the couch and moved to the kitchen. He stood in the doorway and leaned against the frame as he watched how Jo was preparing a salad under Lily's scrutiny.
''What's this?'' Lily asked as she pointed at the kiwi.
''Which one? The green one? It's a kiwi.'' Jo told her. ''You've never eaten it?'' She asked, but before Lily had a chance to answer, Rick suddenly spoke somewhere close to Mac.
''She has eaten it before. Mom gave those to us.'' He said and walked past Mac. Hearing his oddly cold voice Jo put the knife down, turned around and looked at him. Rick glared at his sister and asked virulently, ''don't you remember?'' Lily shot him an unsure glance and slowly shook her head. ''How can you not remember?'' He asked angrily. ''You have to remember!'' He shouted and shook Lily by her shoulders like she was a toy that wasn't working properly.
''Rick...'' Jo said in a futile attempt to calm him down, but he didn't seem to notice her.
''Do you even remember mom?!'' Rick asked again, even more angrily and Jo was able to see how Lily's eyes welled up with tears.
''Rick, let go of her.'' Mac told him and gently but firmly moved him away from Lily. But it was too late as she started to cry and ran out of the kitchen.
''Rick!'' Jo gasped. ''Why did you do that?'' She asked reproachfully, but he pursed his lips and fixed his gaze at the wall to his right.
''Rick, you really shouldn't...'' Mac started, but he wasn't able to finish, as Rick turned on his heel and left the kitchen without saying a word.
Jo glanced at Mac and sighed. ''Lily or Rick?'' She asked.
''Lily...'' Mac murmured. He was too angry with Rick at the moment to deal with him and too worried about Lily. He walked out from the kitchen to look for her. He found her in Jo's bedroom. She was lying on the bed, curled up, with her face pressed into Jo's pillow. He sat on the bed next to her.
''Hey, Lily... sweetie... Don't cry.'' He asked quietly and gently stroked her hair. Upon hearing his voice, Lily raised her head and looked at him.
''I really forgot about those green things.'' She said sadly, wiping her own tears and rubbing her eyes.
''What green things?'' Mac asked, slightly confused.
''Kiwis.'' She said and sniffed a little.
''Aaah.'' Mac nodded with understanding. ''Come here.'' He told her and she moved closer to him. He placed her on his lap and hugged her.
''But I remember mom. I really do.'' Lily said quietly. ''I remember she cuddled me. Like you and Jo do. And she sang to me.'' She added and sniffed again. Not letting go of her, Mac reached to the nightstand and took a tissue from the box. He held it for her and helped her blow her nose. ''Why is Rick mad at me?'' Lily asked when she was done.
''He isn't mad at you. He's just upset.'' Mac told her.
''But he yelled at me.'' Lily said in a complaining tone.
''I know. He shouldn't.'' Mac said softly. He rocked her slightly for a while, and then he looked down at her. ''Are we going back to the kitchen?'' He asked.
''No.'' Lily protested firmly and clung to him.
''OK.'' Mac agreed. He gently cuddled her head to his chest and rocked her some more.
''Can you tell me a story?'' She asked him in a little voice.
''A story? What kind of story?'' Mac asked, furrowing his eyebrows.
''I don't know.'' Lily said and looked at him. ''Don't you know any?'' She asked with disappointment evident in her voice.
''Well... I know one about a princess.'' He started. ''She lived in a penthouse and...''
''Where?'' Lily interrupted him.
''On the top floor of a very tall building.'' Mac explained.
''Oh. OK.''
''She spent all of her time painting her nails, reading colorful magazines and watching MTV. And then one day...''
''What kind of story is this?'' Lily cut him off again and looked at him with a frown.
''A modern one.'' Mac said hesitantly.
''Oh well...'' Lily sighed.
. . .
Jo waited a while before following Rick. He was sitting on the couch in the living room. His arms were crossed on his chest and he was staring right ahead. She sat next to him and eyed him for a moment.
''Rick... what's going on?'' She finally asked softly.
''Nothing.'' He answered stubbornly, not even looking at her.
''Doesn't seem like nothing to me. You made your sister cry.'' Jo said, trying not to sound accusingly. She moved closer to him and reached out her hand, wanting to touch his arm and get his attention but he just jerked away.
''Leave me alone!'' He yelled, glaring at her. ''You're not my mom!''
Jo withdrew her hand instantly. She tried not to feel hurt, as it wasn't really about her right now but it wasn't easy to keep her emotions in check. She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself down.
''No, I'm not.'' She told him quietly. ''But it doesn't mean I don't care about you.'' She added, but there was no reaction. Rick was facing away and pretending he didn't hear her. ''Do you want to talk about it?'' She asked encouragingly.
''No.'' Rick answered without any hesitation. ''I want you to leave me alone.''
''Fair enough.'' She said and rose from the couch. ''If you change your mind, I'll be in the kitchen'' she added. Then she looked at him for a little while before she turned around and left.
She decided to look for Mac in order to make sure he was doing fine at calming down Lily. She quietly walked to her bedroom door and stopped right behind them. She didn't hear any crying, not even sobbing, only Mac's quiet voice. He was telling Lily about some prince who drove his white Mercedes around to the tallest building in Manhattan and had to climb up the stairs, as the elevator was broken. She smiled slightly and decided not to disturb them. She moved back to the kitchen and got back to preparing a fruit salad. She peeled mango and cut it into pieces, then cut a big amount of strawberries in halves, eating more than a few during the process.
She was just about to start with a pineapple when out of the corner of her eye, she saw Rick entering the kitchen. He stood in the doorway and looked at her but when she turned to face him, his eyes dropped to the floor.
''I'm sorry.'' He murmured. She didn't say anything, so he looked at her. ''Are you mad?'' He asked in a little voice.
''No.'' Jo shook her head.
''I didn't mean to say it.'' He admitted shyly.
''I know.'' She said softly.
''I just... Sometimes I think... that I don't remember her.'' He said with a quiet sniff. ''My mom.'' He clarified, although Jo was more than aware whom he meant. ''I don't want to forget her and I don't want Lily to forget her.'' He said brokenly and Jo noticed how his eyes got glossy. She crouched down in front of him and put her hands on his shoulders.
''You won't forget her.'' She assured him.
''I barely remember her voice.'' He complained. ''Or her eyes. And dad...''
''That's because our memory works like this.'' Jo explained to him calmly. ''You still have photos and movies to remember those details but you'll never forget your mom and dad. You'll never forget how much they loved you.''
''Are you sure?'' Rick asked brokenly, fighting the tears.
''One hundred percent sure.'' Jo answered and slowly pulled him closer. She hugged him and after a moment, she felt his little body tense up slightly and he finally hugged her back. She slowly let go of him when he pulled away. ''Are you feeling any better?'' She asked and smiled at him warmly.
''Yeah.'' He nodded and wiped his face with a sleeve of his jumper. ''Is Lily... crying because of me?''
''Not anymore.'' Jo told him honestly. He nodded lightly, understanding what she meant.
''I have to say sorry to her. I didn't want to make her cry.''
''I know.'' Jo assured Rick. He finally looked up at her and their eyes met. ''Sometimes when we're upset, we hurt other people, usually those who are the closest to us. That's why it's always better to talk about what's eating us before it's too much.'' Jo told him and he nodded again. Then she stood up, took a pineapple and showed it to him. ''Do you have any idea how to cut it?'' She asked in order to bend his attention to something else.
''No...'' Rick shook his head slowly. ''But I'm sure Mac has.'' He added with a smile.
''I guess you're right.'' Jo told him with a laugh.
. . .
As Rick correctly predicted, Mac didn't have a slightest problem with cutting the pineapple. He rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, took the biggest knife and with no time, the pineapple joined the rest of fruit in the bowl. Then Jo mixed all fruit together and added some thick, purple liquid.
''What's that?'' Lily asked, utterly fascinated by the color it gave to the salad.
''It's blueberry sauce.'' Jo told him.
''Umm...'' Mac made a strange sound, like he wanted to say something, but bit his tongue.
''What?'' Jo asked him, but he just shook his head and muttered 'never mind'. She frowned slightly and tilted his head. ''What?'' She asked again, more persistently this time.
''I'm allergic to blueberries.'' Mac said quietly. ''But don't worry, I...'' He added quickly. Jo rolled her eyes upon hearing him.
''I know that!'' She said. ''That's why I put a little aside for you before adding the sauce.'' She told him and gave him a small bowl. He glanced inside, then at her. He had to have a strange expression as Jo frowned again and asked, ''you want to add in something?''
''No, no. It's... it's perfect.'' He said and smiled at her.
''Oh right, so shall we move to the living room?'' Jo asked and took the big bowl of salad and four small ones. While in the living room, she placed it on the coffee table and turned around. ''I'll be right back,'' She said and left the room.
She went to Ellie's room and knocked on the door. There was no invitation, so she pushed it open and saw her daughter sitting on the bed with her earphones in. She gently touched her shoulder and Ellie looked up at her, as Jo indicated that she wanted her to take the earphones out for a moment. Ellie winced slightly, but complied.
''You want some fruit salad, hon?'' She asked.
''No, thanks, I'm not hungry.'' Ellie answered and wanted to put her earphones back in, but Jo stopped her. ''Maybe you'll join us in the living room? We can do something fun.'' Jo offered.
''Like what?'' Ellie asked and Jo slightly furrowed her eyebrows at the clear irony in her voice.
''I don't know... play something... or watch something...'' Jo hesitated.
''I have tons of homework to do.'' Ellie told her and put her earphones back in.
''OK.'' Jo sighed and moved away.
Before she left the room, she heard Ellie's voice, ''close the door behind you, please.''
. . .
A/N Soooo, yeah, I'm finally back with this one. Terribly sorry for not updating it for a while. I hope now it will be updated more regularly, although life is life and I'm not making any promises...
Again many thanks to Jessica ( csinyfan28) who beta-read it, correct all my mistakes and provided very needed feedback. I guess chapter "anniversary" is a good occasion to say that I really love working with you :)
As always, if you have any thoughts, please share.