**A/N: Two updates in a row :) Probably won't be one next week since I'm having a small medical procedure and will essentially be sleeping next week.

Chapter 10- Despondency

/ dəˈspändənsē/ noun. a state of low spirits caused by loss of hope of courage.

Tony's eyes burned slightly from the brightness of his computer screen. It was well past three in the morning, the year officially 2016. The group had filtered out of the kitchen and into their rooms slowly following midnight, but Tony didn't feel like packing it up for the day just yet. Usually, he would still be up at this time on New Year's Day, but for completely different reasons. This year, partying and boozing it up was the last thing on his mind. Hell, there had been a party raging in the very building. He had no doubt that it was amazing. Kiley had been to many of the Stark benefits and parties over the years and knew how to throw a party, but he was too exhausted. And maybe, just maybe, a little too old. Although he wasn't going to freely admit to that.

But he was using the excuse that he needed to revamp the security system as a reason to not turn in just quite yet. Everyone else would do their best to keep Jamie safe, he had to do his role as well. He had asked Vision to surveil the area, but it was less about running surveillance and more about just getting some alone time. The entire ordeal of the last two days was taking its toll. He knew that he was severely sleep deprived, but if he closed his eyes…

Seeing Bethany the way she had been… he never wanted to see that again. And yet, he knew that if he closed his eyes, he would. He was so used to seeing her as a strong woman. It was as if he was viewing a complete stranger, not someone he had literally known his entire life. He had seen her on some weak days, but never like that. Never completely lost. He knew how much she loved her little boy. He didn't need to see her like that to prove it. But it was placing a lot into context. If Bethany had the same reaction, even a fraction of the reaction, that she had the day before when Steve went under…

He couldn't imagine the pain his father went through, seeing Bethany in that position. It wasn't just temporarily, while they waited a few hours to look into a location and get him back. No. It was years of watching his little sister suffer, torturing herself, because she was capable of loving too much. Bethany always seemed to feel things on a multiplied level. Whether it was because she was bipolar, or just who she was, her emotions were always heightened. That wasn't always a negative aspect. In fact, Tony loved how when Bethany was happy or surprised, she was over-the-moon ecstatic. It was what made her so easy to love. But Tony had only been introduced to that happy-go-lucky Bethany when Steve returned. Before that, she was just… deprived of any emotion besides anger. He didn't want to see her return to that state. She might have been alive those years, but never living.

Hearing a creak in the floorboards, Tony turned his head to see Wanda wandering into the kitchen. She looked surprised to see him there still, but offered a tired smile. "Can't sleep either?" She asked, moving to the counter.

"I work better at night," Tony offered, but knew that he was lying to himself, as well as her.

"Coffee?" Wanda questioned as she pulled out some mugs.

"Why not," Tony replied with a shrug. "What's keeping you up?"

"I'm a teenager," Wanda returned, moving to start the coffee maker. "I'm supposed to be up in the middle of the night."

"Right, right," Tony nodded. "I remember those days."

They were both quiet for a few minutes as Tony typed away at his computer and Wanda leaned on the island, picking at her chipped nail polish. The only sound, besides the keyboard clicking, was the hum from the coffee maker. Tony and Wanda had never been particularly close. While Tony always just pegged it to the fact that Wanda associated the name 'Stark' with the death of her parents, it was actually just because they never had the chance to really connect. Or even attempt to connect.

Tony visited the Avengers' Facility once every month or so, unless Bethany dragged his ass out for an extra visit or two. But even then, there was always other people around. Usually Steve or Bethany. Wanda seemed to cling to their sides whenever he was around. And from what Tony could gather, neither Steve or Bethany cared. The couple seemed to have a knack for taking in broken things. They weren't exactly perfect themselves, having been shattered and glued back together a million times, but they knew exactly what to say and do to make others feel safe and comforted.

"So, you uh… happy here?" Tony asked, mentally squinting at how awkward it sounded. "Room is up to your standards and everything?"

Wanda looked at him with a blank face before giving him that sarcastic smile that teenagers seemed to master. "It's fine. It's better than where I was before."

"Right," Tony mumbled under his breath.

The hum of the coffee maker drowned out their silence while Tony wished that he hadn't said anything. It wasn't like Wanda had come from the typical home before she arrived at the Compound. And her circumstances of arrival weren't exactly normal either. It wasn't like Rhodey or Sam, where they technically had the choice of staying at their cozy homes or moving to the high-tech Facility. If he was in Wanda's shoes, he would have felt like it was his only choice, at least for the moment. He had no idea about her real intentions, whether she wanted to join the group or what she wanted to do in the future.

When the coffee maker came to a halt, Wanda turned away from Tony as she poured the black liquid into two mugs. He watched as she prepared hers, leaving the milk and sugar on the island before passing Tony his coffee. "Good night," was all she said before she disappeared back into her room like the mystery that she was to him.

Bethany could feel little fingers on her face, pulling her from a sweet slumber. Her body had felt heavy all night, as if it was going to fall through the mattress but she was instead floating instead of falling. It had been quite relaxing and exactly what she needed. Especially since she thought that every toss and turn, creak and click would wake her up. But instead, she had slept soundly, wrapped in Steve's arms and her arms in turn wrapped around Jamie.

"Stop, you'll wake her," Steve whispered, but by then, she was already accepting that she wouldn't be drifting back into slumber. She opened one eye, her vision immediately meeting Jamie's face. He was lying so his face was almost touching hers. When he saw her eyes flutter open, a large smile broke out across his face.

"G'morning," Bethany mumbled softly, tilting her head forward a little to press a kiss onto Jamie's nose.

"He wasn't supposed to wake you," Steve told her, his large hand moving up and down her arm soothingly.

"Mmm," she hummed, rubbing one of her eyes as she shifted a little on the bed. "S'okay. I slept well enough. How's my boy doing this morning?"

"He seems to be fine," Steve replied. "Acting the same as with any morning."

"Glad to hear it," Bethany smiled, pulling herself up on the bed. Once she settled into a sitting position, she pulled Jamie onto her lap. "Good morning, my Munchkin. Did you have sweet dreams?"

"Morn'g Mumma," Jamie cheered, resting his head against her chest. Bethany rubbed soothing circles on Jamie's back while she looked at Steve.

"You sleep well?" She asked him softly, smiling at how his hair was standing up in every single direction. "You sure look like you did."

"I did," Steve confirmed. "Surprisingly."

"I know what you mean," Bethany whispered, looking down at Jamie. "It was all a dream, right? None of it happened?"

Steve sighed, clearly wanting to tell her that it had been, but also knowing that they needed to deal with the consequences of the ordeal. "Do you want to deal with any of it today?"

"No," Bethany shook her head. "I don't know if I'll ever want to deal with any of it, to be honest Steve."

She knew that all the employees were currently in cells, waiting to be questioned by a multitude of organizations and leaders. She knew that she and Steve were on that list of people that were allowed to be present during the questioning. But frankly, she didn't want to see any of them. Or hear any of them. Or think of any of them. Because doing any of that would mean having to separate herself from the opportunity to have a perfect moment with Jamie.

"I don't either," He revealed, surprising her. "I know Natasha will, if we ask her to."

"We can't keep asking Natasha to do our dirty work," Bethany sighed, knowing that the ex-agent of SHIELD had gone on many business trips in Bethany or Steve's place over the last few months. Bethany always felt bad about asking, but she was caring a lot less about what politicians thought about her every single day. No one was going to agree on everything. What one country felt was safe and peaceful wasn't what another country felt was safe and peaceful. She felt more like a messenger and a compromiser than anything else in those meetings, and it was never messages or compromises she wanted to make.

"And I should go," Steve sighed. "I know I should. There's a lot that I want to say and hear."

"Tomorrow?" Bethany asked. She had no intention of going with Steve. That would mean having to leave Jamie, since there was no way in hell she was bringing him closer to those maniacs that called themselves 'scientists'. But she also didn't want Steve to leave just yet.

"Tomorrow," Steve agreed with a nod before smiling. "Oh, happy new year."

"That's right," Bethany sighed. "I completely forgot."

"I think that's understandable," Steve reminded her, kissing her shoulder lightly. "Any New Year's resolutions?"

"I'm already perfect," Bethany teased him, tossing him a wink. "And resolutions are made to help make you into a better person."

"Why don't we make one together, then?" Steve suggested. "Less of a resolution and more of a promise?"
"A New Year's Promise?' Bethany asked before smiling. "Colour me intrigued. What do you have in mind?"

Steve let out a heavy breath of air before taking Bethany's hand in his. "We know we can do it now. Have a crisis and not turn on each other. I mean, we had the ultimate crisis, Doll."

"You proposing we work on being a strong couple this year?" Bethany asked with a raised eyebrow. "Isn't that the whole point of this?" She said, raising her left hand and pointing to the ring.

"I just think that if we could successfully go through this, without yelling at one another, how could we possibly fail to do so in the future?"

"You have a point," Bethany agreed. "Does that include if one of us has a key hand in the crisis?"

"Trying to cover your ass?" Steve chuckled.

She feigned shock but broke out into a fit of giggles. "I'm more likely to mess up and have it lead to a crisis. My track record isn't exactly squeaky clean, now is it?"

"Not in the slightest," Steve whispered with a smile before leaning in to kiss her. "You hungry? I want to make you breakfast this morning."

"I'm hungry for any meal I don't have to cook," Bethany confirmed. When the three of them exited the bedroom and made their way into the kitchen, Bethany looked around the empty room. She never realized just how cold the area looked. There weren't any photos or plants, or toys. There was nothing to make it look welcoming. Even the couch and chairs looked stiff, as if they were purely there for show. She had spent such a long time in her house, surrounded by warm colours and blankets and photos of faces she loved and lost. Despite the fact that she felt safer at the Facility, she knew that her heart was pulling her back into their comfy and cozy home.

"Pancakes?" Steve asked as he rummaged through the cabinets.

"Sure," Bethany replied, slipping onto one of the stools at the island and sitting Jamie on her lap. She twisted around slightly before settling into a comfortable position, his head still resting against her chest. "How you feeling baby boy? Huh?"

Jamie twisted his head up to look at her, reaching one of his dimpled hands up to grab her lips. She pretended to nibble on them, which set him into a squeal of laughter. The beautiful sound seemed to calm her entire body and soul.

"Hey there little guy," Natasha said as she came into the kitchen, a smile on her face and eyes looking solely at Jamie. In response, the toddler let out a squeal of delight and reached his arms out towards her. Bethany reluctantly let Natasha take him into her arms, but Bethany kept her eyes glued on Jamie, not letting him out of her sight any time soon. "How did you two sleep?" Natasha asked the couple as one of Jamie's hands reached up and tangled itself in one of Natasha's growing fiery locks.

"Good, actually," Steve replied for the both of them. "We both slept soundly."

"I guess that happens when you don't get sleep for a few days," Natasha reminded him. "Listen, we all talked last night. You can stay here for as long as you need to. I know Tony was up late last night, updating the security for the house. And Vision was in charge of patrol and security. Whatever you two want to do, you got it. We're all here for you."

"That means a lot," Steve told her honestly, with a shy little smile.

They were quiet for a few moments, Steve moving around the kitchen, preparing breakfast with ease. Natasha reached out and touched one of Bethany's curls softly, gathering the woman's attention. "Are you okay?"

"Me?" Bethany asked, a little confused and shock. "I'm fine. I have my boy back, everyone is safe. What else do I need?"
"Everlasting security?" Natasha offered. "You might not have lost Jamie, but you did lose that security. And whatever faith you had left in society."

Bethany let out a dry laugh, shaking her head. "I lost all faith in society a long time ago. This is just a painful reminder of why. Part of me wants to forget this altogether, while the other part knows that I can't."

"You don't have to forget this, Beth," Steve sighed, leaning across the island to take her hand in his. "In fact, I know you won't. Not even if you try. But you can learn to live a happy, normal life with this in the rearview mirror."

"That's only if this is it," Bethany pointed out. "Who's to say that this won't happen again? What if this group has nothing to do with HYDRA? Then what? Huh? We already know that HYDRA is after him. And sure, some people believe that HYDRA is finally gone, but I don't. Because last time I believed that, it came back to bite me in the ass and make a fool out of me. Out of everyone I love."

The kitchen was quiet as Steve and Natasha absorbed what Bethany had said. They knew she had a point. But they both also knew that Bethany needed to live her life not terrified of what was around the corner. Bethany had been through hell and back, had faced some of the world's deadliest foes, had willingly and excitedly faced an army of aliens and none of that seemed to have really fazed her. But through that all, she wasn't scared for herself. And even today, she wasn't scared for herself. She would do that all again if she had a guarantee that Jamie would be safe through it all. When it came to Jamie, she didn't want to turn that corner. She didn't even want to think about turning the corner, in fear of what would happen.

"Since when are we a group of early risers?" Kiley asked as she and Sam came out of Sam's room. "Well, besides you Steve. Even Sam is back to normal sleeping hours."

"It's almost eight," Sam pointed out. "Since when is this early?"

"Since always," Kiley responded passionately as she pulled herself onto the stool next to Bethany's. "Molly's at my place, by the way. I fed her before I came here last night."

"Thank you," Bethany replied quietly. She wasn't feeling like herself that morning. She wasn't exactly tired, but was void of any actual feelings except fear. And being constantly afraid was quite draining. "How was the party?"
"I dunno," Kiley shrug, reaching for an apple from the fruit basket. "I left pretty early. After everyone else left, but pretty early. And I was really only dealing with the details, not exactly enjoying the party."

"I'm sorry," Bethany apologized, twiddling her fingers together in an anxious manner. She really wanted to hold Jamie again, but she knew that if she snatched the baby from Natasha, not only would she get stares, but they'd probably send her into therapy. The last thing she wanted to do was go to therapy. It might work for some people, but the last thing she wanted to do was open her dark can of emotional baggage.

"Hey, it's not your fault," Kiley stressed. "But I did postpone the fireworks until tonight. I figured Jamie would get a bigger kick out of them than middle aged employees."

"You're probably right," Bethany replied with a soft smile. "Thank you."

"'Course," Kiley winked. "What's for breakfast, Chef Rogers?"

"What do you want?" Steve offered, feeling oddly at home and at ease in the moment. He wasn't a stranger to making breakfast. In fact, he usually did.

"Pancakes would be just lovely," Kiley replied with a large smile.

Bethany felt a sense of relief wash over her when Jamie reached his arms out towards her, babbling her name. She collected him back from Natasha, her anxiety settling down almost immediately. She kissed the boy's head softly and listened to his words carefully. "Nanana," he spoke, reaching out towards the fruit basket.

Bethany reached for a banana and peeled it before giving it to the boy. It seemed like everyone was looking at Jamie, contently watching as he munched down on the soft fruit. Bethany sighed softly to herself, holding the baby a little closer to her as he ate. At that very moment, she wasn't sure if she'd ever feel like herself again.

Despite the fact that Bethany hadn't wanted to spend the day thinking or talking about Jamie's kidnappers, it was all she could think about. By lunchtime, Steve suggested that they go to the research department to look over what information they had. Bethany had sighed with relief. She hadn't said a thing to Steve since their talk at breakfast regarding the kidnappers, but he somehow knew anyways. On their way to the research department, Steve took a firm hold of Bethany's shaking hand. She was trying really hard to push her anxiety away, but it was close to making her ill. She hadn't felt like this in a really long time. And while anyone would agree that she had a right to feel this way, emotions always came with a price with Bethany due to her bipolar disorder. She didn't even want to consider that it was becoming an issue again. She just wanted to focus on keeping Jamie safe, and right now her increased anxiety was keeping her hyper-aware and she didn't think there was anything bad about that. The boy seemed to be fine and had no complaints about joining his parents in the research department for the afternoon. He quickly fell asleep in Bethany's arms.

The medical ward had sent their results of Jamie's blood work to the research lab that revealed that either he had yet to be injected with anything, and if he had been, it had quickly been burned off by his rapid healing. Either way, Jamie was completely healthy which seemed to make Steve feel less anxious. However, Bethany just kept thinking about how these people hadn't gotten all the answers they wanted. Or, in reality, hadn't gotten anything they wanted since they had apprehended all of Jamie's blood samples. If their mission was incomplete, would they try again? And if so, how soon? Would they be even more extreme in the future?

"And what about the questioning?" Steve asked Miranda Frems, the woman who was overseeing the entire research department, and personally overseeing their case.

"We're still waiting for some of them," She replied, but presented them with a tablet that had both video and transcripts of the interrogations already conducted. "We've only been sent some of the interrogations, and even then, they've been edited. We've had some trouble getting the door, however, so we haven't been able to interrogate any of them yet."

"We apprehended them," Bethany said, blinking in confusion. "Typically, that means we get first go at questioning."

"Typically, yes. But President Ellis has stated that this is a matter of American security."

"What?" Bethany asked, taking the tablet from Miranda.

"Who has them?" Steve asked, leaning forward slightly.

"The CIA," Miranda responded. "Which I was under the impression was not only okay, but was the instructions."

"Better than having them in the building," Bethany pointed out to Steve. "I guess I didn't think about where they would go. But even if they are with the FBI, CIA, or hell, even the DEA, we've always been presented the opportunity to question who we've apprehended first. And now Ellis has the ability to change that?"
"I thought you knew," Miranda replied with a sense of panic. "His secretary said he was going to contact you. I guess he hasn't yet."

"Yeah, 'cause he knows I'm probably gonna throw him across the room unless he comes up with a good answer," Bethany mumbled under her breath.

"We should call Sharon," Steve suggested. "See if she can get us in. Or any of us, really. If the CIA has him-"

"Sharon has very little pull over there," Bethany interrupted him. "Even if she should be running the whole damned thing. Every piece of information she has provided us hasn't exactly been through legal ways. She does it as a favor to us. And I'm not sure if her transfer has been officiated yet. She's supposed to be transferred to the Joint Counter Terrorist Unit."

"We should still give her a call," Steve stated firmly. "If Ellis has placed some kind of hush order on this, she'd know."

Bethany knew that Steve wasn't wrong, but the last thing she wanted to do was endanger her friend. But she had a feeling Ellis was grasping at straws, trying to hide something from her and the idea was really ticking her off. Especially since he was usually no help at all and they did this entire mission without help from anyone outside the department... Well, Tony. But Bethany was positive that Tony would never side with Ellis over her.

"Let's just focus on what we do have," Bethany suggested, gesturing to the tablet. "What have you gathered from the prisoners so far?"

"Well, we know that they were hired by a third party. One that was hired by someone else. There seems to be a lot of hidden ranks behind the operation," Miranda began to explain. "They insist that they were going to use Jamie's blood to find the key component of recreating both of your independent serums, but mostly the healing factor. With the results, they were going to use them to cure cancer and whatnot."

"But that's something that we've worked on," Bethany stressed. "With my blood. Which has a direct connection to the serum. Not like Jamie. In his case, it's genetic. And we've come up blank every single time."

"They somehow found out that Jamie's blood helped heal you when you were in the hospital," Miranda explained, carefully wording her sentences. She had worked with Bethany Stark for years at SHIELD, and she knew how short her temper could be. "They figured that this was because of the generation gap, maybe striping the serum's ability to remain in its host. They assume that Jamie's blood can heal others. We don't know for certain that it can't."

"Maybe not, but he's a baby," Steve reminded Miranda.

"I'm not defending them," Miranda asserted. "I'm just stating the obvious. They're scientists. They had an idea. They got the funding. They went to see if it would work. They didn't care that there were limitations to what was legal. Many scientists don't. That's something that happened at SHIELD, and before that, the SSR, on a daily basis."

Bethany sighed, shaking her head while closing her eyes. She knew that Miranda was right, but they never sunk as low as to take a baby away from its family. At least, not that she knew of. "He's a baby," She began. "If Jamie decides he's open to scientific experimentation when he's older, that's his choice. I won't convince him otherwise. But until then, for Jamie's safety, I think we should open a research file indicating that we're conducting a similar experiment and fill it with all negative results. We have the basis of the systematics from my blood work. Just change the basic genetic code a little to match his. Might as well use those blood samples they took from him to keep him safe."

"Good idea," Miranda nodded. "I'll get my team to start working on it."

"Wouldn't you rather see if his blood could heal others?" Steve asked quietly, looking at his wife.

"No," Bethany answered firmly. "Because if it can, it'll put an even bigger target on his back. Let people believe that it can't. It'll keep him safer. What about the thing they injected him with? Serum Four?"

"They could be lying, but no one seems to know," Miranda explained.

"There were no files stating what it contained," Steve began to theorize. "It's a high possibility that they are telling the truth. Compartmentalization."

The last word made Bethany roll her eyes, bringing back memories of their arguments regarding SHIELD and its secrets. That one word and everything it meant cause a lot of fights between the two of them at a time when they barely saw each other. Bethany couldn't even imagine going back to a time when they argued that often and saw each other that little.

"We were also lucky to get injury reports," Miranda explained, taking the tablet back from Bethany, opening a new file and showing it to them. This time, Steve accepted it.

"Really?" Bethany asked, unimpressed. She really didn't care about the reports of the injuries. "Why do they think we want these? Do they think we keep a tally? Who broke the most arms in 2015?"
Miranda chuckled, truly amused at the idea. "No, actually. Some of the prisoners have threatened legal action of their injuries."

"What?" Bethany asked. This was truly unheard of. In all the years she had been an agent, never once did she hear about a prison threatening to sue for what they clearly deserved.

"Some of them believe that… well, some of their injuries were uncalled for. That they were already subdued and the attacking that followed was uncalled for," Miranda explained carefully.

"How many people?" Bethany asked. "I can't imagine this is a common complaint. Most of them seemed like they were fine, except for the being shot with a tranquilizer part."

"Four," Steve replied, showing her a picture of the people that she had personally dealt with.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Bethany began, holding up her free hand. "Let me get this straight: they kidnap my kid with intentions of conducting illegal human experimentation both against his will and on a minor, and they're trying to sue me? Not to mention, I fought all of them off while holding a baby in one arm."

"Well, this woman was sedated when you broke her leg," Steve pointed out, feeling a little smug. It was no secret that he was a little proud of his wife. Not regarding the entire 'unnecessary violence' but for how far she was willing to go to protect their son.

"Okay, but the others weren't!" She protested. "I fought them off fair and square and they aren't getting a dime from me."

"No one is under the impression that they'll actually go ahead with the case," Miranda assured her. "I just felt like it was important to tell you, since some of their complaints are present in the interrogation videos."

"Alright, is there anything else we should know right now?" Steve asked, looking at Jamie's sleeping face. In his mind, Jamie was safe for now. And while they didn't know who was truly behind the kidnapping, he did have some answers.

"No, but I'll inform you as soon as I can. Right now, we're running background checks on all the prisoners. It'll bring us to a lot of dead ends, but we should find out who is behind this eventually."

"Thank you," Bethany told Miranda honestly. "Now to deal with dear, old President Ellis. CHRIS?" Bethany called out seconds before CHRIS's holographic image appeared.

"Yes ma'am?" CHRIS replied with a soft smile.

"Call President Ellis. Let him know that if he intrudes on my missions, I expect a phone call at the very least. But since I found out from one of my employees, I expect him to be at the Facility no later than noon tomorrow to explain to me what the hell he thinks he's doing. And if he refuses, tell him I have no shame of marching all the way down to the White House, kicking the hell out of his bodyguards and dragging him back here by his ear."

"Anything else ma'am?" CHRIS asked, as if this was a completely normal request Bethany was giving her. And for all Steve knew, it very well could be.

"No, I'll do the rest by myself, thank you," Bethany said with a small smile, but Steve could see a tinge of evil in her eyes, still on a high of anger towards the President.

"Very good ma'am," CHRIS replied before flickering off. Bethany then stood up, shifting a sleeping Jamie in her arms and marching out the door. Steve flinched when he saw her raise her fist up and against the glass window fitted beside the door, it cracking under the pressure. Bethany didn't even slow, but continued to walk down the hall.

"That's the Bethany Stark I know," he heard Miranda mumble under her breath before she left to her office. Steve looked at his feet for a moment taking the information harshly. He had known Bethany as a SHIELD agent, but never the dark, angry side that so many SHIELD employees saw on a daily basis. He never got to know that woman, filled with so much anger that it fueled a new type of strength not fully understood by man.

As Steve left the research department, he followed the trail of little pieces of glass and blood left behind by Bethany's fist.