You guys i'm so awful! It's been like three weeks since I said I was going to update! To be honest, I just wasn't motivated. I had only gotten either one or two reviews on my last chapter and so I just kinda took a break. But, I'm back! I promise it won't be long till there's another chapter! Until then enjoy this one!
The next morning I woke up alone. Cato had gone home, but not before calling Peeta and Finn, who were standing guard at my house when I walked into my basement the next day. We had a long talk and I apologized for not telling them sooner. After that I had been ordered bed rest the rest of the weekend. Cato came over later and sat with me for a while. We talked about the thing again and he vowed not to leave my side, something about not being able to live with himself if I got hurt anymore. Then my mom came home… and Cato had us talk… alone. So here she sits, waiting for me to speak to her. Probably wondering why her daughter is sitting in bed and wincing every time she moves. "What do you want to talk about?" She questions.
"That's just it; I want to talk to you. I don't want to have a one-sided conversation for once. I want to feel like you want me here, not that I'm just some burden. Ever since dad passed, you've been so busy with work, and don't get me wrong I'm very thankful for what you do, but I want to spend time with my mother while I have her. I don't have a father any more; I need you more than ever now."
"I understand. You just have to understand, you didn't just lose a father, but I lost him too. You have to understand that we have to work on one paycheck now, I have to work even harder than ever."
"No mom I know, but do you know anything that is going on in my life anymore? Did you know that the reason I am sitting here like this is because the guy that raped me beat me last night!?" I blurt out before I can stop myself. She straightens herself up and her eyes get wide. I clamp a hand over my mouth. Then I see something I never want to see. She starts to cry. She moves closer to me and pulls me in and rests her chin on the top of my head. I don't cry, I am all cried out from last night.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"You never wanted to listen. I tried so many times, so many times, but you never wanted to hear it." She releases me and looks me in the eyes for the first time in a year. Her chocolate orbs consume me; this is my mom, not the shell of a person that I was calling my mother for a year.
"I promise I will be here from now on. I'm so sorry. I'm listening now, why don't you tell me." I swallow hard and tell her the story. She doesn't interrupt me and is quiet for a while once I finish. I explain that I told Cato last night and that I don't think I broke anything. She asked if I wanted to press charges. I told her no, seeing as I had been drunk that night and I'm a minor may not sit well with a jury or a judge. She told me she understood and then proceeded to question me about Cato. "So are you guys official?"
I hear my name mentioned in the conversation. I had blocked out the retelling of the story, I didn't want to hear it again. My ears perk up at Clove's smooth voice.
"I'm not sure; I know I love him though, and I think he loves me too." I want to burst in the room and just scream that I do, but Mrs. Fuhrman begins before I can.
"Love is serious honey, are you sure?" I frown. She thinks we're too young.
"I've screwed up so many times so far in my life; nothing has ever seemed so perfect. When I'm with him, it's just so… I don't know… it's hard to explain."
"Try."
"It feels like I'm whole again. Like I'm no longer broken, it feels so heart wrenchingly perfect that I'm almost scared that he won't feel the same. I'm scared if I lose him. He's had so many opportunities and reasons to so far, he hasn't though, and that's why I think he feels the same way." I feel my heart soar. I decide I will tell her tonight.
"My baby is in love." They laugh.
"Oh, god. I just want to spend every second with him."
"Well honey, I hate to tell you this, he's not going to feel the same if you smell this bad. You take a shower and I'll make lunch." After that I hear footsteps and the door opens. I step back and pretend that I wasn't listening. "Oh, I thought you went downstairs sweetie. Clove's taking a shower, do you want lunch?"
"Yes please, ma'am." I follow her downstairs. "So Clove's gonna be ok?"
"She's a strong girl, always was, you know that. She will be just fine." She says pulling out a bunch of fruit. I take a seat at a small table in the kitchen. "I assume you don't want a fruit salad." She says then pulling out sandwich supplies.
"Thank you Mrs. Fuhrman."
"Call me Elina, how have you been? You've grown so much since I last saw you."
"I've been ok, you know, football, track, and swimming."
"I'm sure the girls are all over you." She was testing me I knew it, but I didn't have to lie.
"Eh, I don't care too much for them. To be honest with you, I never really forgot about Clove. She's always been there in the back of my mind." She smiles at this and nods.
"Good, glad to hear it. You know, I have to do all the scoping out since Clove's father can't." She says starting to cut a bunch of fruit.
"Right, well I'm so sorry for your loss, I wish I could have been there for Clove, maybe things would have been different for her."
"You wish, key word being wish. You can't change the past honey, just be here now, that's what'll make her happy." She says putting the fruit into a bowl. I smile and nod, that's what I'll do. The pills pop into my head again. I don't want to impose though, so I keep it to myself. Now that Clove and she have patched up their relationship, she'll tell her when she's ready.
The weekend passes and I spend it with Cato and my mom, Annie stops by and we talk, but nothing else really happens. I am grateful. Sunday night I decide I am well enough to go to school. I still have to have my mom wrap my ribs and I am forbidden from even picking up my lacrosse stick until I heal, but I can walk with little discomfort. Plus, I'll have Finn, Peeta, and Annie looking out for me. My hand still hurts me some, but I can move it around now as opposed to 2 days ago when simply lifting it was a challenge. Sunday night after Cato leaves, I go straight to bed, wanting to feel well rested enough for Monday.
The next morning I wake up in a cold sweat. It's been like this for the last few nights. I bet it's even at the same time to, you 6:00. Every night, and into the morning, it's the same thing. The same nightmare that I had after I reconnected with Cato, but every night it gets worse. Every night there's a new horror. I can't even remember it, but all I know is that it scares me to the core. It's getting to the point that I am regretting closing my eyes. I wonder if I should tell Cato about it, but no I don't want to worry him anymore. I get up and unwrap myself to get in the shower. The water pelts away at my skin. My mind goes numb for a while. I finally collect my thoughts when I hear a knock at my door. I shut off the water and climb out of the shower. Once I wrap a towel around me I answer the door. I step aside so my mom can enter. I go into the bathroom and pick the wrap off of the floor. I get dressed from the waist down. She sits on my bed and waits patiently. Once I have my plaid school skirt buttoned and zipped I walk over to her and let her wrap my torso. She is quiet for a while. Neither of us is a morning person so I understand that. Soon she breaks the silence. "So your sister is coming home from college this Wednesday. She just finished her exams. She'll be home until the day after Christmas." I love my sister Leila. She and I got really close during her senior year. She's a junior in college now. She has light brunette hair and brown eyes like my mom. Her and my mom's relationship is complicated. Leila blames my mom for a lot of the problems in our lives. She mainly blames her for the divorce. She didn't come home for the funeral, something about not wanting to remember him that way. I don't blame her. It was awful. I just give a tiny shrug.
"Well that's good right?" I offer up. "We haven't seen her in a really long time." Mom takes in a big sigh.
"I guess. I just wish things weren't as hectic now. With you and this and me working a lot, I wish she had picked a different time."
"I understand, but its ok she'll be fine." She just nods and finishes wrapping. Once she attached the last securer she stands and gives me a hug. "Mom?"
"Yes?"
"Can we not tell Leila about what happened? I already have to hold Cato back from attacking him; I don't think I can handle her."
"Sure sweetie. Are you going to tell her anything?" She says releasing me.
"I'll probably just say I fell off of my bike or something." She nods and leaves so I can finish getting dressed. I pull on my shirt and do a twist with my damp hair. I check my phone for the time and see I have two new messages, one from Annie and one from Cato. I read the one from Annie first.
Hop in loser we have to go to school!
I smile a little at the text. I peek out the window and see the cherry red bug in my drive way. I grab my bag, say goodbye to my mom and head out the door. I lock the door and remember the other text.
Good morning! How are you feeling?
I get in the car with an Annie who is currently applying lip gloss in the rearview mirror. I decide to reply before Annie starts her good morning pep. She is a morning person.
Morning! I'm ok, would be better if you were with me today.
I hit send just as Annie opens her mouth. "Ugh, these bags will not go away. School is seriously cutting into my sleep." Annie had straight A's and went to bed at 9:30 every night. I had A's and B's and went to bed at 11:30, that's on a good night. And the last few nights it hasn't been the soundest sleep. I just smile and let her go on. I feel my phone buzz as she pulls out of my cul-de-sac.
I know. I wish I could be there too I'll pick you up after school and we can do whatever you want!
I smile and respond
Yay! Can't wait, see ya then!
I rest the phone in my lap and start to stare out the window. "You feel ok today?" Annie asks directed at me as opposed to the people she's been yelling at for not having a blinker on.
"Yeah, Cato is picking me up from school so you don't have to worry about that."
"Anything else?" She knows me too well.
"Leila is coming home this week." Her lips from an "o" shape "She'll be here till after Christmas."
"Oh… is Cato going to meet her?"
I scoff. "Well I don't know how I would hide him for two weeks. They've met before; it's just been a really long time."
"Well, there's no avoiding it. Do you want me there when it goes down?" I roll my eyes
"I have a feeling you wanna be there not for his protection, but for your own amusement. But, sure, I need a buffer. Plus, Leila likes you." We pull into the school and we go straight into the building. There's not enough time to sit in Finn's car and chat today. Annie drove super slow today so we just made the first bell. Usually she drives like a maniac, but she slowed down on account of my fragile state. The day is a blur. Is it bad that the only thing I can focus on is seeing Cato? Ugh, I'm pathetic. I've never been like this. Usually I have my head on straight, but recently I've been in a dream like state. I needed to snap out of it.
I get two tests back, one in English on Catcher in the Rye and one in Math. I got an A+ on the English one and a B+ in Math, nothing out of the ordinary. Walking through the halls was weird, I got some stares. Most just stared at my bandaged hand, no one asked what happened they just stared. I didn't care though. Peeta, Annie, Finn, and Cato knew the truth and so did I and that is all I cared about. I felt my phone buzz; I looked at the caller id and smiled. "Hey stranger!" I say into the phone while entering the bathroom. Then I remember, another person knows the truth.
I couldn't shake the nightmare. It was the same one as when I saw Clove again, but slightly different. I couldn't remember why either. Regardless, I had to focus on Algebra now. Except it seemed almost futile to try to do that. I knew my thoughts would just go right back to that night. Every time I closed my eyes I saw the image of Clove crumpled on the ground. The lack of sleep and that everyone was staring at me didn't help either. My phone vibrates. A text from Marvel: What happened Friday night? Everyone keeps asking me about it.
Confused, I text back
Cato: How do people know? What do people think they know?
It goes back and forth
Marvel: People keep asking if you are really going out with a druggie who cuts herself. Apparently Gale told them at a party.
Cato: Well yes I am going out with Clove, but she's not a druggie and doesn't cut herself.
Marvel: Look I don't believe that, that's just what people are saying.
Cato: Well they're wrong.
Marvel: Never said they were right, I just need to know what I should say cuz I keep getting asked about it.
Cato: Ok, just say that yeah I am going out with her, but the rest is a rumor… cuz that's the truth
Marvel: K bud. Oh and congrats on the girl, can't wait to meet her.
We end the conversation there. I hate that everyone is talking shit about Clove. I wonder how bad it is for her. I'm glad that Marvel is happy for me though. Ok Cato, focus now, what does the board say? Too late, I have to scribble down the notes because the bell rings as soon as my eyes land on the board. I rush to scribble down the notes when I hear footsteps approach my desk. My favorite teacher, Mr. Beetee, was at my desk. He crouched down to my level and looked me right in the eyes.
"Are you alright Cato? You seemed… unfocused today." He slides a copy of the notes on my desk. I give him a smile.
"Thanks. It's nothing, just didn't get enough sleep, too much on my mind." Mr. Beetee was the only teacher who was willing to really give me a chance to redeem my grades. He sat me down and tutored me in all of my subjects until I got my GPA up to a 3.8. I owe him my high school career. He is a middle-aged man, maybe his late 30's, with black hair and dark skin. He always wore big glasses which he constantly adjusted so they would stay on his face.
"Wanna talk about it?" Clove popped into my mind, her smile, her eyes, her everything.
"Nah, its fine, I gotta be somewhere anyways, maybe another time?" I say gathering my stuff and stuffing it in my bag then standing to go.
"It's about that girl isn't it? I have my sources other than you to squeeze for gossip." I stop in my tracks.
"What have you heard?" I become rigid.
"That I shouldn't believe everything I hear about her, what's her name? Clove?" He gives me a pat on the back. "Sit, I'm sure she'll understand. Did you know I used work as an accountant?"
"No way. What are you doing teaching Algebra to a bunch of hormonal teenagers?"
"Oh the company I worked for went under, anyways, I made a good friend while working there. He was older than me always had such sage advice. His he had his desk plastered with pictures of his two little girls; one looked just like him I will never forget. Well, a short time after the company went under, he got real sick. I visited him in the hospital a lot; I was even there when he passed."
"I'm so sorry." He just raised a hand to me.
"Let me finish then tell me that you're sorry. That time I spent there was also the first time I met his littlest girl, or I should say youngest, she's not so little anymore. Another thing I will never forget was the look on her face when she ran in that night, tears running down her face, out of breath. Devastated that she was four minutes late." My head jerks up in response to the last part. That's exactly what happened to Clove, could Mr. Beetee know Clove? Better yet, could he have been friends with her dad? I don't say anything and let him finish. "Ah got your attention did I? Well yes this is about Clove and her father. We had grown really close during the time I spent there. I got her some water and tried to get her sobered up, after that she told me everything. She opted out of reporting it no matter how hard I tried to get her to. But, what she wasn't there for was what her dad told me right before he died. He knew it was gonna happen that night, that's why he made Clove go to that party. He told me to make sure that Clove was ok. He wanted me to help her get through it all. I took the role of a male figure in her life. In no way did I ever try to replace her father, I could never. Since I know you're a good kid I just want to let you know, I'm sure that her dad would be thankful that you came back to her especially now." He clapped me on the back one last time before I hugged him and left. But, before I did, he yelled after me. "Oh yeah and uh, good luck with Leila, I heard she's coming home this week." He let out a breath. "I mean it… good luck." I was so confused, what just happened? I need to talk to Clove.
Okay so Cato is confused. Next will be their conversation, then I'm gonna skip to Leila coming P.S. I couldn't think of a Hunger Games name that would suit as Clove's sister. Love y'all!