Chapter 9

The Hospital

"Nothing worth doing is completed in our lifetime; therefore, we must be saved by hope. Nothing true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history; therefore, we must be saved by faith. Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore, we are saved by love."

Rienhold Niebuhr

I don't think I have ever driven that fast in my life. I am usually quite a law abiding citizen in all respects, but a mere fifteen minutes had passed as I pulled into the emergency parking of Forks Hospital. I shut the engine of my car off in a daze, staring at the dark dashboard in front of me. Everything felt like it was far away, or that I was hearing it from under water. I couldn't feel...I wouldn't let myself feel. With firm hands I tucked my keys into the pocket of my jeans before letting myself out of the car. Under any other circumstances I would have felt silly due to the way I was dressed, or worried about the fact that I just stood up the hottest boy in the school, but none of those things were on my mind now. None of it mattered. My mind was only utterly filled with my little brother. He couldn't be dieing. He just couldn't. I wouldn't let him. He was only sixteen!

With heavy limbs I made my way to the doors of the hospital. When I entered the sterile smell and florescent lights made me cringe. My stomach churned as my green eyes searched for an information desk. With a surprising air of calmness I made my way over to a kind looking young woman in green scrubs. I leaned my elbows on the desk, I think subconsciously trying to steady myself.

"Excuse me?" The woman looked up at me with a smile and I wavered. How could she go on like everything was alright when my world was falling apart? I steadied myself, clenching my fists tightly beneath me. "Where...uh...where is the emergency room?"

She was still smiling brightly. "Down that hall and your third door on your left... there are um...signs."

I simply walked away without thanking her. The signs of course were blatant to me now in their large red writing that read "ER" but I decided not to focus on them. It was a chore enough to put one foot in front of the other. I opened the large white doors with a feeble hand.

Upon entering the ER I very nearly almost lost it...nearly. Where as the rest of the hospital was rather spacious, I found the ER crowded and filled with too many people. There were two other families huddled together, holding one another, crying together, asking the doctors questions. I had to look away. There were stretchers being toed in by doctors, oxygen tanks connected to each of them. My stomach churned again. Biting a lip I rushed to the desk. When the man looked up at me I started a hurried explanation.

"I'm Kimberly Connweller. I got a call about my little brother." I swallowed hard. "Where is he? Can I see him?"

The man's eyes brightened with understanding. "Yes, Kimberly, we are glad you are here. He is in intensive care at the moment, I am afraid we cannot let you back to see him just yet." My eyes fell and got dangerously close to welling up with tears. "But, once we get him in and out of his CAT scan you will be allowed back there first thing. Please try to be patient."

I wanted to scoff. Yeah. Patient. Of course they would tell me to be patient when my brother was on the other side of that door in intensive care. I had to see him. I was the only one he had. Oh God! I was quite seriously the only one he had. A dangerously large lump rose in my throat and I forced it back down again, even thought it felt like I was gagging myself as I did so. I ran my hands over my jean pocket in a feeble attempt to look for my cell phone. Of course I did not have it with me. I was never good at keeping track of it, and the only thing that had been on my mind when I left the house was to get to Alex as soon as possible. What good it did me too, considering I was not even able to see him.

I turned to the man, hoping my emotions were well hidden on my face. "Can I...uh...use your phone. I want to call my little sister."

He gave me a look of pity before passing me the receiver without a word. As I dialed the number to Gracie's best friend's house I could not help but feel a great deal younger than I really was. My hands started to tremble as the line rang. I silently thanked God I had their number memorized from when my cell had been broken last year.

"Hello?" The questioning voice of Mrs. Winters came across the other line.

"Hi, Mrs. Winters it's Kim." My voice came out barely above a whisper and sounded not unlike that of a scared child. "Can I talk to Grace please?"

I could almost see the look of confusion of Mrs. Winters slightly wrinkled face. "Yes, yes of course Kim."

There was silence, she was searching for my sister I am sure. My heart began to beat a little faster. What was I even going to say? How do you explain this to an eleven year old?

"Kimmy?" Gracie's unsure voice came across the other end of a line. I almost let out an audible sight of relief as though I was expecting her to be in intensive care as well.

"Yeah Gracie it's me." I took a deep breath. "I need you to be a big girl for me right now OK? So promise you will be brave for me."

"OK..." her small voice came out a bit weaker, Gracie was a great many things but dumb was never one of them...unfortunately.

I anchored myself with a hand on the counter and attempted to sound like mom usually did in bad situations like this. My voice deepened and steadied a bit as I thought about my mother. She was strong for me, and now I had to be strong for her, for her and for Gracie. "Baby, there's been an accident. Alex is here at the hospital right now..." I thought of the words to say. I couldn't tell her everything was going to be alright. Things weren't alright and I had no idea if they were going to be. Her small gasp from the other end of the line unnerved me but I continued anyway. "He is going through some tests and then I will get to see him." There. That wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the full extent of the truth either...just what a girl of eleven needed to hear. "I want you to do something for me OK?"

I waited for her weak, unsteady response. "Wh—wh—what?" I could hear Gracie's tears even though I am sure she was trying her best to hide them.

I continued thinking about my mother,her strength, her passion... it helped my words come out smoothly. " I need you to ask Mrs. Winters to take you home. I want you there when I get back. Just have Janie bring her sleep over stuff and have Mrs. Winters stay with you there." For anyone else I would not have presumed to make such a large request but the Winters' were to Gracie what Davy's family was to me. I knew they would not mind. In fact they would probably be mad if I didn't ask them for a favor in a time like this.

After a few more minutes of attempting to calm Gracie down from an entire town away I asked to speak with Mrs. Winters again. It did not take long to give Mrs. Winters the whole story of what happened, and she then assured me that she would take care of everything. It was like making a business transaction. Needless to say I was relieved when I hung up the phone, slamming it down on the desk with more force than was probably necessary.

At least things at home were in order. Mrs. Winters was watching the house, Gracie, and had even volunteered to call my mother (a chore which I had not even contemplated yet). She was going to get a hold of Davy and Sarah and was sending one of them up here with my cell. I was covered. Things at home were taken care of. Now all I had to do was be here...and that was the one task I was not sure I was ready to handle.

I sank down into a wooden chair and let my head fall into my hands. I closed my eyes and secretly hoped I would wake in my bed from a very bad nightmare. I would march downstairs and give Alex the biggest hug of his life then proceed to tell him if that he ever drank again I would beat him. At least in that instance everything would end up alright. We would all be together.

But this was reality.

Things didn't always end as planned, and sometimes they even ended altogether too abruptly. That was one thing that my father taught me.

I felt tears well up in my eyes at the thought and I stood up at a violent pace, knowing I had to get out, and soon. I didn't like the feeling of the other people in the ER watching me. The man behind the desk looked at me with questioning eyes but when he caught sight of my face understanding dawned on him. His dark eyes looked sad as I turned away, groping for the door.

I ran. One foot in front of the other, flats smacking against the hard surface of the hospital floor. I had no idea where I was going, but I knew exactly what I intended to do once I got there.

I needed to cry.

I needed to panic.

I needed to realize that tonight could very well be the last time I see my brother.

As these thoughts and realizations flooded my mind, tears poured freely, unhindered by my self control no longer. They were not even tears but rivers as their hot, angry, tracks trickled from my eyes down into my mouth and off the tip of my chin. My chest tightened and I felt pain there. It was literally like I could not breathe. I gasped for air and it came out more as a gut wrenching sob. This action earned me a completely horrified look from a nurse wheeling a patient by. I wanted to glare at her. Like she didn't see people crying here all the time! It was a hospital for Christ's sakes! I didn't have time though. My feet kept moving before me, taking me father away from where my brother lay. If I ran from the truth maybe I could pretend everything was OK.

My tears blinded me as I stumbled through the hallway looking like someone or something possessed I am sure.

Just as I was about to round a corner and break for the exist sign, something hard and firm caught hold of me from behind, easily turning me back in the direction I had come. I did not even have time to wonder who or what it was before a huge pair of arms enveloped me. I could not even tell whether they were grabbing my shoulders or my waist, or both, but I didn't really care. My arms automatically reached out, desperate to answer the embrace. I need to clinging to the something that seemed to be willing to hold me together.

"Oh God, Kim." I heard a deep, familiar voice whisper in my ear, but whether it was to me or just in exclamation I did not know. I was too thankful he was there to be surprised that Jared Dawyer was holding me to his chest in the middle of the hospital. Without even thinking about it I buried my face in his sweatshirt, tears still pouring out my eyes. Now that he was here, they seemed to come even faster, soon soaking his chest where my face lay, darkening the fabric of his hoodie. I could not even pretend to muffle the sound of sobs as they escaped my lips and each time they did Jared's arms seemed to tighten around me. "Kim," he whispered for what sounded like the millionth time. It was as though he was trying to call me back to him, out of my world crashing in around me and back to him. I hiccuped a little, but my sobs lessened. My hands had locked themselves behind his back, making there no way for him to escape. I was slightly afraid he was going to evaporate into thin air, and I would be left alone again.

"Kim, everything is going to be alright." I could feel his hot lips moving against my hair. He rubbed my back with a large hand, making comforting circles over the blue fabric of my cardigan. With one hand he let go of my waist but only long enough to stroke my hair before he pulled me to him again. "I am here now."

The sound of his voice against my ear had a calming effect on me. I wiped a wet cheek against his sweatshirt. "J—j—j-ared?"

Stuttering out his name was the only thing I could manage to do before I had to wipe my welling eyes again. He "shushed" me tenderly his hot breath tickling my scalp through my hair. I found myself unconsciously pulling him made my breath come easier. He was my anchor. My North Star. The one thing that was grounding me.

Gravity.

I cannot begin to imagine how long we stood their. His huge arms cradling me against his chest, rocking me back and forth. His hot lips would press against my forehead every so often only to return to their place on my hair once again. We didn't say anything as the last few tear drops escaped my eyes. I didn't have anything left. Even if I wanted them to the tears wouldn't come.

I pulled away slightly, holding him at arms length so that I could look into his face. My hands remained on his forearms though, not totally willing to loose contact. My stomach felt cold the moment his body left mine. His face was so wrought and twisted with concern and pain I almost gasped. I wondered for a moment if he had been crying. I swallowed hard, my puffy green eyes searching for any comfort in his. I was surprised when I found some there.

"Jared what are you doing here?" Not that I wasn't completely relieved he was, but even in my emotional uproar I knew that there was no logical way for him to have known I was here.

"I – I got scared when you weren't there...you know for our date. I thought you got mad about me calling to tell you I was going to be a little late..."

I only heard his words with half an ear. That's right! Jared and I had a date planned. It seemed like years ago that he asked me out and it had only happened this afternoon! Everything before the accident seemed a bit dull and fuzzy. I had to concentrate to bring the memories of Jared and I at the school into focus in my head. I did not have time to think about it much though for Jared was continuing his explanation.

"So I went looking for you, and I followed your...uh...your friend's directions here."

"My friend?" I said, attempting to dry my eyes, I didn't get far in doing so before Jared wiped them gently with his thumb.

"Yeah," He continued but I was hardly listening, his fingers were running through my hair, caressing it softly and he soon was holding my head where my neck met the base of my skull. I was shocked by how large his hand was and how warm it made me feel. "the little one...with the metal on his teeth?" His fervent eyes never left mine, he looked like he was experiencing one of the most acute forms of agony a being could endure. It looked almost worse than mine. It looked like he had to make a great effort to do anything other than touch me. I was actually slightly shocked at how freely his hands roamed my body. Not in an inappropriate way of course, but they never seemed to be in the same place at once. He would touch my hair, hold my back, run his hands down my arms, and rub my shoulders all in rapid succession. It was like his hands were unconsciously trying to check me for signs of pain, for something amiss. I just stood there like an idiot, my small hand resting on his shoulder, griping it tightly.

He looked at me questioningly waiting for a reply and I remembered that we were talking. I could not help but croak out a laugh, though it did not sound quite right at all. "Davy?" I asked thinking of the description. He had got it spot on really.

Jared brightened slightly at the sound of my attempted laugh. "Yeah, Davy. Him. He told me I would find you here."

I could not help but pull Jared into a hug once again, this time rising on my tip toes to rest my chin on his shoulder, even then he had to bend down a bit to accommodate me. "Thank you so much for coming...I...I..." I found myself at a loss for words. How do you thank someone for bringing you a light in your darkest hour? How do you thank someone for holding you through a raging storm.

Jared pulled away only so that he could cup my small face in between his giant hands. "Don't you think for a minute,Kim Connweller, that I would be anywhere else." His eyes held such sincerity such...ardor that I could not help but know it was true. I swallowed hard and for a moment let myself get lost in his eyes. Those beautiful, giant, honey colored eyes. What I found there scared me. It was passion, it was desire, it was devotion, it was...love? I had to look away and down at the tiled floor.

"We should get back to the ER. I want to see Alex." Jared nodded in understanding and let go of me slowly. I walked out of his grasp, taking a few steps back the way I had come. I don't think he liked feeling like there was no contact between us for as soon as we started walking he easily caught up with we, lacing his huge, hot fingers through mine. The sensation was amazing. His entire hand engulfed mine with warmth, squeezing encouragement to me on regular intervals as we neared the ER.

Jared reached a long arm in front of us to open the door for us both. I shrunk back into him as the reality of it all began to re-sink back in. The same man who was at the desk before looked up, brightening when he saw I had someone with me this time. Yeah that's right, Kim Connweller isn't alone in everything. He rose from his swivel chair as we drew nearer. Jared took a step closer into me, his stomach brushing my back. I squeezed on to his hand.

"Is Alex..." I didn't even know what to ask. The word "alive" wouldn't come out of my mouth to finish the sentence and it seemed like a stupid thing to ask if he was "alright" because we wouldn't be here if he was "alright".

"He is improved. The doctor told me to let you know he is now in and out of consciousness. He has no memory of what happened but he was asking for you...and his father"

I let out a huge sigh of relief. My shoulders feeling like there was a weight lifted off of them. He man indicated the door behind him.

"His room is back that way if you would like to wait there for his test results." He glanced up at Jared behind me. "You can go in two at a time if you like but no more. Room 17."

I nodded in understanding and walked to the door, Jared tailing me closely. He had let go of my hand only to place his palm on the small of my back, guiding me with gentle assurance. We walked in silence down the stark hall as we both search for room number 17. It did not take us long to find it, but once we did I found myself hesitating. Would he even look like Alex? Would he be awake at this point or slipped back into unconsciousness. I felt my throat go dry and Jared reacted perfectly, bending down to whisper in my ear from behind.

"It's going to be OK Kim. I'm right here."

And he was. I took a deep breath and walked in the room, reaching behind me to seize Jared's hand as I did so.

Hey guys! I was going to make this chapter longer but thought you might like an update sooner rather than later. Sorry it took so long to get this up. Life is crazy :/ as Kimmy has learned.

It should be noted that there will be a Paul appearance in the next chapter. In case you didn't figure it out Jared never actually talked to Davy...aahh the intrigue.

Thanks so much for the reviews! I read them all and take everything you have to say in consideration. Let me know what you think!

PS the song I listened to on repeat for this chapter was Guardian Angel by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, in case you are a music nerd and like to know those things like I do...