End of Sorrow

by grstormy

clary, Jace, Magnus, Alec, Izzy, and Simon all meet each other for the first time in the last place someone would expect and they all reveal there past to each other. the all become fast friends and try to help each other escape there lives of terror. contains rape, abuse, gang violence, alcohol, cursing, murder, and a lot more

10. chill nights and thriller days

clary*

we stayed on the beach and had bonfires at night for the rest of the week until Magnus and Alec went back home to work on the bar. Izzy and Simon stayed for two extra days because Izzy said she still needed to see a few things. she and I went shopping and we all went to sand dollar island on their last day here. when they left me and Jace decided we needed a night in to chill out. we ordered pizza and watched old movies. we had some fun after that but there was no chill with that if you know what I mean. I wake up the next morning in nothing but a sheet and the room is freezing. I snuggle closer to Jace trying to find some warmth and when I do I can't help but smile. I fall asleep again and am woken up by Jace rubbing circles on my stomach. "you slept late" he says "what do you mean it's only 8:00" I say staring at the digital clock on the bedside table. "yea but you are usually up by at least six. and that's the latest I've ever seen" he says "I don't know I'm just an early bird" I say "or is it from nightmares" this catches my attention. I haven't told Jace about those. I didn't ever plan on telling him. how did he find out."how do you know about that?" I ask. "you move and mumble a lot in your sleep, I've tried waking you up but I couldn't," he said, "do you want to talk about them?" he asks "no, I haven't been having them lately and I don't want to risk bringing them back" I say "ok I understand, but if you ever change your mind then I'm right here" he says "ok. now are we going to have another chill day or are we going out?" I ask. "chilling for the day but I'm taking you out tonight," he says "oh, sounds like a plan," I say. we chill for a while and around lunch, I go for a smoke run. on the way home I run into a face, I hoped not to see, I scream and run all the way back to my bike, I start the engine and turn to see if he caught up with me but he's gone. my mind is messing with me, he was there, and now all that is in his place is a hydrant and an old woman trying to tie up her old dog. I see a couple people staring but I ignore them and ride back to the room. I open the door and lay down with a cigarette already in my mouth. I light the end and inhale. Jace being Jace can tell that something is up. "whats wrong?" he asks "nothing I'm just tired" I tell him. eventually, I start getting ready to go out and decide on a casual look. I assume I chose right when I see Jace in his normal white shirt, jeans, boots, and leather jacket. I'm decked out in my own leather jacket and light wash skinny jeans, I had on a fitted black tank top with Raf's bar logo on the front. and to top it all off I had my favorite pair of black converse. we head out and ride Jace's bike to this mystery spot. we hit Brrrberry, an ice cream shop, and then went to see a movie. I don't know which one we saw because we made out the whole time. after that, we went to dinner at Michelangelo's. I forgot telling him that this is where Seb and I hung out a lot. the theater, ice cream, and pizza were all in an outlet and me and Seb came down here a lot. in the pizza place, we both split a pepperoni slice and Jace has another because I could never eat a whole slice here. those things are huge. we head back to his bike and I see him again. I am about to scream when I realize he can't really be there. I turn towards Jace to make sure I'm imagining it but he looks angry. "clary lets leave" he says. we hop on his bike and go back to the motel. we circle the block at least three times to make sure he wasn't following us. valentine is going to kill me and everyone I love. we leave next week and with how mad Jace is it might be sooner. we go inside and I immediately light up and so does Jace. "we have to leave soon. ill call Rafael and ask when he can come down" I say. Jace nods. I search for my phone and I can feel tears pricking my eyes but I force them back down. "clary I'm sorry" Jace says "it's not your fault. I should have known they would look here. we need to go home and then I'm going to go hide out somewhere" I say and I hit the call button for Rafael. it rings twice and then his voice comes through. "hello" he says "hey how soon can you get down here?" I ask "this weekend. why?" he asks "do not freak out. but Jon is down here" I tell him "what!?" he shouts. I flinch slightly but I don't care "can you come down here this weekend and help us get our stuff back home. I'm going to go hide out somewhere for a little while" I tell him "ill be down there on Saturday if you see him again call me. don't leave the room unless you absolutely have to" he says "I won't. I promise I'll see you soon" I say "ok bye" "bye". I hang up the phone and feel the tears pricking again. Jace's arms wrap around me and pull me into a sitting position on the bed. I cry into his chest and eventually, I fall asleep there in his arms. I don't know if I want to wake up because I know if he finds me that I'm going to have hell pay but when the nightmare comes I don't know if I ever want to sleep again either.

I feel his hands all over me and him pounding himself into me. I scream but no one comes. they never come. no one cares about me. I'm alone with him and my father. I'll never have anyone. I'm alone. forever. " look at me bitch" he demands. I force my eyes to look at his and I see nothing but darkness. "you are mine, you have no one but me, and you never will" he says and I believe every word. he cums and pulls out of me. he pulls on his boxers and that's when it all flies away and I'm back in my other hell. the whip cracks across my back and I can't help but scream in pain. another and I hit the floor. I scream again and look towards where my father should be. but it isn't him I'm looking at. it's Jon. it cracks again and then he is on top of me. he wraps the whip around my throat. I feel my own blood on my neck and then I can't breathe. I try to scream but I can't and I feel him unbuttoning my pants I try to scream more but I still cant. he pulls down his own pants and then he's inside me. I scream from the pain. it hurts more than the first time. I scream my head off and then its all gone.

I keep screaming and find myself in a corner with someone towering over me. I feel the tears fall but the screaming stops. I sit there and cry. he holds me close to his chest and I just cry more. "its ok clary its just me. I won't hurt you" he says. I force myself to stop crying and sit up. "I'm sorry. go back to sleep ill be fine I swear" I say "clary you don't have to be tough around me. I'm not going to just leave you to go to sleep" he says "I'll come with you, let's just sleep" I beg. "ok, come on" he says. we lay down and I wait for him to fall asleep. I grab the vodka and go down to the beach I take at least four shots before I can even make it down there and I blast music from my headphones into my ears.

I'm staring out into that vacuum again

From the back porch of my mind

The only thing that's alive, I'm all there is

I'm all alone. just like he said. I have no one

And I start attacking my vodka

Stab the ice with my straw

My eyes have turned red as stoplights

You seem ready to walk

You know I'll call you eventually

When I wanna talk, 'til then you're invisible

I'm just a lonely drunk girl who pushes everyone away. I thought I had changed but I'm still the same.

Cause there's this switch that gets hit

And it all stops making sense

And in the middle of drinks

Maybe the fifth or the sixth

I'm completely alone at a table of friends

I feel nothing for them

I feel nothing, nothing.

he is my switch. he comes back in and my whole life falls apart within seconds. I'm all alone again

Well I need a break from the city again

I think I'll ship myself back west

I've got a friend there she says,

"hey anytime"

I'm all alone. I have to hide and I have to leave my friends again and this time they can't come to visit or come with me.

Unless that offers expired

I have been less than frequent

She's under no obligation

To indulge every whim

And I'm so ungrateful, I take

She gives and forgives and I keep forgetting it

jace is doing everything he can and I'm just going to leave him.

And each morning she wakes

With a dream to describe

Something lovely that bloomed

In her beautiful mind

I say, "I'll trade you one

For two nightmares of mine,

I have somewhere I die,

I have somewhere we all die"

he is so positive and I'm just this darkness. I would give anything to have lived this abusive life and still be happy with him. we've been through so many similar things and I turned out a bitch.

I'm thinking of quitting drinking again

I know I've said that a couple of times

And I'm always changing my mind

Well I guess I am

But there's this burn in my stomach

And there's this pain in my side

And when I kneel at the toilet

And the morning's clean light

Pours in through the window

Sometimes I pray I don't die

I'm a goddamn hypocrite

I'm a bitch. a horrible person and I'm so alone.

But the night rolls around and it all starts making sense

There is no right way or wrong way, you just have to live

And so I do what I do, and at least I exist

What could mean more than this?

What would mean more, mean more?

I guess I'll follow this mans lead and deal with it and make the most of the shit pile I call life. if I don't then the body count in NC is going to have another added to the list.

I feel the alcohol kick in and everything is moving so slow. I plop onto the sand and have another drink. I light up and inhale and let it burn. I think about him and it instantly brings tears to my eyes. I take another swig and they fall. why do I keep crying dammit? I feel someone plop beside me. "Clare, you're going to freeze to death out here," he says "good," I say blandly "you don't mean that I know you're upset, and I know it sucks, and I know you're scared. but I need you to stay strong for a little longer. can you please do that for me" he begs. "yea. let's go" I say. we head back inside and I lay down with Jace. I put my earbuds in and let the music blast in my ears again.

She would not show that she was afraid

But being and feeling alone was too much to face

Though everyone said that she was so strong

What they didn't know is that she could barely carry on

But she knew that she would be okay

So she didn't let it get in her way

Sometimes it all gets a little too much

But you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up

And you don't have to be afraid, because we're all the same

And we know that sometimes it all gets a little too much

She would always tell herself she could do this

She would use no help it would be just fine

But when it got hard she would lose her focus

So take my hand and we'll be alright

And she knew that she would be okay

So she didn't let it get in her way

Sometimes it all gets a little too much

But you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up

And you don't have to be afraid, because we're all the same

And we know that sometimes it all gets a little too much, yeah

A little too much, I said a little too much, oh

Sometimes it all gets a little too much

But you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up

And you don't have to be afraid, because we're all the same

And we know that sometimes it all gets a little too much yeah

Sometimes it all gets a little too much

But you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up

And you don't have to be afraid, because we're all the same

And we know that sometimes it all gets a little too much

I feel you, Shawn. I feel you. after the song, I fall asleep. I wake up from nightmares again but I don't scream this time. it's already 7:00 so I get dressed and brush my teeth and hair. I go get breakfast and wake up Jace. we eat and then I make him get dressed. "ok get on your bike and follow me," I tell him. I lead him all the way to the place that I've wanted to go since we got here. I know I probably shouldn't go since Jon is in town and he could look here but I don't care. I have a Ruger Vaquero centerfire revolver under the seat of my Harley if I need it. valentine may not have loved me but he said I could be important one day so he made sure I was protected from people other than him. I don't know what he meant but it has come in handy a few times. I don't know why I never used it on him and Jon but I'm done hesitating. I park in the driveway and take in the sight of my old home. no one ever bought it so the yard is a mess and there are a couple of graffiti tags on the brick of it. Jace pulls up and parks behind me. "what is this place?" he asks "this is where I lived before new york. no one ever bought it so its just been sitting for 10 years. my mom left a couple months after the move and that's when Valentine went nuts. but I never forgot the address even after everything went down. it's still drilled into my brain" I say "you want to go inside" he asks "sure" I answer. we walk in and the inside is definitely better looking than the outside. the old furniture is still here because my mom wanted it all to be new when we moved. I walk around and eventually end up in my old room. my walls are still painted like a garden and my old bed is still here but is bare. my white dresser is still covered in sharpie from when I decided it needed a makeover and I and my brothers' initials are still carved in the top. I walk into the boy's room and see there bunk beds and dressers. the wood is chipped on the edge of the top bunk from where they threw things when they were arguing. I walk back into the living room and I feel satisfied and relieved that I came back here. I leave with a smile and lead Jace back to the motel. we start packing our stuff so we can just chill on the beach tomorrow and when we finish that we go get lupper. which is what I call the meal between lunch and supper. after we eat we snuggle up and watch a couple of movies and I eventually fall asleep. I don't have nightmares that night but I still wake up early. Jace and I go chill on the beach for a while and have a few beers. rafael gets here around 2 and then we leave. we get home late and I decide to crash in my halfway apartment and Jace stays too. I called Magnus and he said that he would set up a room for me in his soon to be bar. I decide to go back to work tomorrow since Jon thinks I'm in NC right now and I can't wait. I need something to distract me and work should be good. I fall asleep in Jace's arms with that thought in my mind and I don't have any nightmares. I just feel completely content. and I wake up with that feeling still and start packing my clothes and sketchbook. I wake up Jace and tell him I'm about to go take my stuff over there and that ill be back to make lunch for everyone to celebrate our return. he grunts and I take off. I drop my stuff off then head back over to Raf's. I start on hamburgers for lunch and everyone arrives soon after. I bring out the hamburgers and set them on the bar along with condiments and French fries. everyone eats and we joke and laugh for the rest of the day. I think I should be scared but I'm not. I'm just fine and I'm happy that way. at the end of the day, Jace insists on staying with me my first night at Magnus's and I don't feel like arguing. we all head over except Raf and Izzy who stay at the bar. simon got home and me, Alec, Jace, and Magnus all go to bed as soon as we get to mags' and once again no nightmares just complete peace.