A/N: This was a hard chapter to write. Following on from what has happened in the previous chapter this solely focuses on Regina and what she is remembering whilst sleeping.

May be a trigger warning for some and perhaps a little upsetting. I do hope you enjoy it and can understand both Regina and Emma's behaviour throughout.

Enjoy x

Whilst the Charming's ran around looking for and trying to locate their wayward daughter, Regina Mills was still managing to get some slumber. It wasn't peaceful of course, but at least it was rest and by her side, her son Henry had also drifted off. As he dreamed of adventures and superheroes, his mother recollected the morning after she had learnt of Emma's deal with Hook in order to save her from her mother and the cruel plan she had.

Regina hadn't been able to bring herself to touch the scars on Emma's body after she had pulled away from their embrace. The blonde's instincts to protect herself had kicked in then and she had wrapped her arms around her exposed torso and chest to cover up best she could. Regina remembered how saddened she had been to see Emma looking so vulnerable. In fact she didn't think she ever had. She had admitted to Henry once, just after the curse had been broken by the Saviour that she didn't know how to love very well. In that moment with Emma she had realised just how true that could still be in some situations. Mainly the one she had found herself in with Emma then. She struggled as she toyed with ideas of what she could do.

Emma said nothing and the silence that had filled the small void between them had been haunting.

Regina unconsciously whilst sleeping added that moment to the pile she was currently compiling as another where Emma had started to slip.

Eventually the brunette had managed to coax Emma to bed but she had been unsuccessful in establishing any sense of closeness to her blonde. Emma had been unresponsive once wrapped up in the sheets. She felt so naked lying opposite Regina in her current state, and with the truth and price of her deal exposed, slowly her insecurities started to bubble up to the surface again.

Teary green eyes had briefly made contact with her own before falling away. Regina had watched sadly as Emma had then silently cried with her face twisted into her pillow until she had fallen asleep. The sleep wasn't peaceful and Emma had been awfully disturbed for hours before she finally settled, which Regina put purely down to the blonde having exhausted herself with all the earlier distress. She herself had then managed to settle but for no longer than an hour or so, she had been just too upset for her blonde to manage anything longer.

The next morning, the first day of a brand new year and Regina had found herself awake before Emma, watching over her as she rested and outside the darkness became the light. With the sun just rising and streaming in through the gap in the curtains, a golden ray had illuminated sections of the bedroom. With everything in the room having a golden hue, Regina observed the Saviour sleeping at her side. She was grateful Emma had managed to sleep and drank in the beauty of her glistening blonde girls and beautifully illuminated pale skin. She hadn't realised that a smile had developed on her lips whilst she watched but she soon felt it melt away when the blonde wriggled under the sheet and it slipped down exposing the top half of her back.

The marking that ran the length of Emma's back now stood out like a sore thumb and was momentarily illuminated by the ray of sun before cloud cover sent the room into dullness. Now everything seemed a shade of grey. Lifeless, depressed and unpretty. That included the horrible scar upon Emma's body. In morning light it had looked so much more painful than it had done fresh the night before. It held it's redness but was fading to pink that bled into pale, whitened flesh at the edges. Tears had pricked in Regina's eyes once more as she did as she had done the night before and tentively reached out again and her shaking fingers and lightly touched Emma's skin.

Upon contact Emma had flinched, instantly waking at the sensation of being touched. She had gasped and lay still a little frightened to move until she felt the fingers retreat. It was silly because she had known she was safe at home with Regina but still any touch frightened her after what she had experienced.

Cruel people with every intention of hurting her had never phased Emma Swan, however an attack because she had let herself become vulnerable had shook the foundations of the cracked and weakened walls she had put up and made them crumble. She had dealt with the best of the best, all sorts of criminals and lowlifes in her time, but Hook was very different. Firstly he had always been a character to her until she had learnt the truth about fairytales and then when she had gotten to know him, especially in Neverland during 'Operation Save Henry', she had told herself he wasn't so bad. Didn't mean she liked him, but she was happy to tolerate him but after yesterday she no longer trusted Hook, not even a tiny little bit. He had used her for his own gain and hell he had known how she had been used in the past and hurt like that with Neal.

Emma had spent all her life building her defences and the past eleven rebuilding them after a rugged and handsome thief had broken them down and wormed his way inside. She only let them down now when it came to Regina but sometimes she wouldn't even go that far for the woman she insisted she loved. A bit like now, her running away that was a perfect example of her shutting Regina out, keeping love at bay, preventing hurt and pain. All those things Regina understood of course but she also understood the need to share. She had been starved in her youth of support and a strong shoulder to cry on. She had hoped she could be that for Emma and vice versa. Unconsciously Regina Mills continued to reflect on that thought as she applied it to the past. Her and Emma had always shared until recently.

There it was a moment that Emma had first disconnected from her. As they lay in bed on that first morning of the new year, they were in a pool of devastation, whereas the rest of the town would have been waking up happy and in good spirit and Emma was still concealing some truth from the brunette.

Having retreated her hand, Regina had sunk back down into the blankets to face Emma as the blonde had pulled her face out of the depth of the plump pillow and looked in the direction of her sleeping partner. Those green eyes had been red and veiny, sore from crying and tears shed before sleep. There was no smile either; no happy good morning greeting and no intrusive cuddles or affections from her lover either. That had caused the first tear to fall and then it was quickly followed by another and another and another until out from under the duvet Emma's hand had slowly risen and made contact with Regina's cheek.

The brunette's reaction to this action from her lover had been indecisive. She had sort of choked out a sob, but it was laced with relief and then it had followed by what could only have been described as a crossed giggle come cry. Then it had clearly been sobs that had continued to escape the woman as she had stared with her own teary eyes into Emma's.

It had felt like she had been staring into an empty shell. Emma was there physically but not quite as mentally as she should have been. Still she was capable of loving Regina though. Her thumb had been steadily wiping away every tear that had fallen until they had finally ceased and Regina had just been left sniffling.

What had happened next though had been very difficult to describe and was even harder for Regina to relive through the medium of thought now.

The moment had been almost surreal but not without a fair amount of awkwardness, under the sheets a physically scared and hurt body had shuffled toward a body blanketed in scars made not visible by magic. Regina's seemingly perfect skin housed many a mark of its own. Just because they weren't visible didn't mean they weren't there, and although Regina wished she could show Emma so that the blonde didn't feel so damaged, she wasn't able to.

Emma's naked body with exception of her white lace boy shorts touched against Regina's silk pyjama's and then shaking hands pressed firmly against the silk upon her torso. Emma had come so close that their heightened breathing had caused their breaths to mingle. Regina had been wary, of course she knew what was happening but she wasn't entirely sure why. Emma had pushed gently against her as their noses had touched and lips brushed. Emma was being intimate but why, what did it mean?

Regina went with it, her upset subsiding as they locked a kiss and she felt Emma's hands brush lower, under her pyjama shirt and hook into her silk pyjama bottoms. They moved with ease, in rhythm with one another as bodies contorted against one another and kisses grew into deeper, more passionate affections. The Queen's hands flew up and scooped into blonde locks as she gripped gently to the golden strands and kept Emma close to her. Down slipped silk, over smooth tanned hips and lower, floating passed thighs and then calves before Emma could reach no lower without breaking the kiss, and the brunette had to remove the item of clothing by gently kicking it from her ankles.

Still shaking hands glided back up olive skin on smooth thighs as they made there way back to Regina's hips. Emma was so gentle, her touch so soft as she skimmed over waistband elastic of a black and red lace thong covering Regina. She had refrained from being her usual clumsy and quite rushed, rough self and instead was taking time to explore Regina's body in every inch of its detail.

When Regina had realised this wasn't going to be like one of their normal sessions she released her harder grip on Emma's hair and stroked through it as she let her tongue dance effortlessly with the blonde's. She was enjoying this more relaxed experience with the Sheriff, allowing herself to become lost in the moment and reciprocate by tenderly brushing down Emma's arms and then down her side. That had all seemed to be alright, unmarked skin not causing the blonde to flinch or react negatively.

Emma too had been thoroughly losing herself in her act of pleasuring Regina. She was suppressing a horrible memory by doing something she knew she loved and enjoyed. It was the truth, Emma liked nothing more than to see Regina smiling and happy no matter her own feelings or mood. So she had continued, hands brushing all over Regina with no real plan until both index fingers had finally hooked into her thong and peeled it away from her. Down over hips the lace stretched and then it slid away with ease down her legs until again, Regina had found herself kicking them off at her ankles.

White lace had then pushed against her as Emma's slightly sweaty, pale torso had brushed against her own, followed closely by the blonde then pushing her chest into Regina's and finishing my pushing her tongue harder against Regina's before pulling it from her mouth and biting gently on her full bottom lip as she retreated.

"Emma" Regina had whispered breathlessly, her heart pounding away in her chest as her eyes had fluttered open only to stare into dull green.

Everything about what had just occurred between them seemed highly sensual, but something didn't quite feel right. What it was though, at that particular point in time, Regina had not been able to fathom but she soon found out.

Emma had just stared at her, expressionless and reserved before she had leaned in again to give Regina a gentle kiss before she could question her. Those kisses then developed again, deepening to as they had been previously. One of the blonde's hands had stroked gently along Regina's body as she lay on her side and the other ran down that toned, tanned torso until fingertips found themselves lost in groomed dark curls.

Regina had welcomed the blonde's touch between her legs, the gentle rubbing of lace against her and the lightness of Emma's fingertips brushing against her had left her moaning lightly and in a state of bliss. As her blonde lover had gently entertained her sensitive spot with feather light strokes, Regina had pushed back against her and slipped her arms through Emma's and onto her back. The act had seemed very one-sided as Emma had taken the lead, but Regina didn't want that. she wanted them to both be involved in this, both engaged in the sexual activity if it was really what Emma wanted to do. She wasn't careful in her touch and beneath her palms and fingertips she felt that large scar that ran the length of Emma's back. She flattened her palms against it and started to stroke when Emma had reacted.

The roughness of the blonde suddenly returned as her fingers jabbed as they pushed against Regina's opening in a sudden motion. A loud gasp escaped the brunette as her hands fell away from the centre of Emma's back and gripped lightly at her hips. She hadn't been expecting that action from the blonde. Emma jabbed again at Regina's opening with two fingers and a firmness as she flipped the woman suddenly onto her back. Short sharp kisses had followed with the gentle biting of Regina's bottom lip as Emma had acted upon feeling, the defences were going up.

Emma seemed disengaged suddenly as she kissed away at Regina's neck but made no further effort to advance in her finger work. Her hand fell away from between the brunette's legs and thumped down into the mattress as Emma steadied herself on all fours over Regina. She had wanted so much to do it, be intimate and close with Regina but she just couldn't focus for long enough without being reminded. Kissing had been enough of a connection between herself and Emma for Regina to suddenly realise what was going on.

Emma was trying to hide.

Her hand's shot up and grabbed at Emma's arms which were rigid and supporting her weight. The second Regina had made that slightly forceful contact the affections of kissing and sucking lightly at her neck stopped. Lips hovered there though, still resting against the skin they had just been caressing and Emma waited. Her body was tense as Regina effortlessly rolled, taking Emma with her so that they were as they had been upon coming together. With Emma back on her side, Regina had released a hand from Emma's arm and pushed two fingers under the blonde's chin, forcing her head up gently until their eyes met.

"Emma?" She questioned gently.

The blonde's head dropped, Regina's fingers slipping gently out from under her chin and she had just simply run them over and through the blonde curls. She didn't need to say anything more to her lover. Emma had just needed a bit of gentle encouragement, so Regina had given her just that.

Shuffling closer Regina gently and very slowly pushed her body into Emma's. She wanted to understand, she wanted to make it better. She searched green eyes for a hint of anything, sign of life, her Emma still inside. She found nothing. Pity radiated from her own eyes as she brushed her lips lightly against Emma's before kissing her. It was soft but meaningful, telling Emma that she loved her no matter what. The blonde didn't reciprocate, she was still disengaged, lost somewhere between the moment now and her experience with hook.

Emma started to cry silently.

The brunette kept kissing lightly as Emma tried to hold it together. Regina's hands travelled lightly over Emma's scarred torso. As they did that toned stomach of Emma's tensed, so tightly Regina knew it must be causing the blonde some pain. The salty taste of a tear entered her mouth as she continued to kiss, the wetness of both of their lips making it a little sloppier and she lightly pushed against Emma's still tongue with her own. She needed the blonde to feel something, she needed to bring her Emma back to life.

Manicured nails scratched over white lace before hooking into them and slowly Regina pushed them down as Emma stilled. The blonde had been holding her breath and had become nonresponsive as her lover kissed harder and whipped her underwear away like she were removing a band aid.

"Emma?" she whispered pulling back from the blonde and seeing her with her eyes screwed up tight.

"We don't have to do this baby" she whispered.

Emma's eyes slowly loosened and fluttered open. Green eyes so full of hurt just looked at her as tears continued to leak from them. Emma wanted to but she was scared, every time she tried to engage properly she just saw him, felt him, tasted his kiss; it was a disaster. She repeated herself, gently placing a hand on each of the blonde's pink cheeks. This didn't have to happen if Emma wasn't comfortable. The blonde had only cried harder at Regina's kindness and also because now her underwear was gone, what she had been trying to hide was finally on show.

"No I want to" Emma whimpered sadly as she suddenly pushed against Regina.

Her lover hadn't wanted to refuse her, and although she didn't really feel it was appropriate for them to be behaving in such a way given the circumstances and in the delicate state her blonde had seemed, she kissed Emma back when her lips had pressed against her own for the third time that morning.

Slowly Regina lowered her hands, careful not to touch Emma's scars, so she had placed her hands straight back onto Emma's hips. She stroked down and forward, tracing her fingers over Emma's hip bones and pelvis before she felt the blonde tense again.

In her own head Emma told herself, 'its not him'. It was like a mantra she had to keep repeating until this was over, she just needed to get through it without raising further suspicion from Regina.

"it's not him, not him, not him" Emma had silently whispered to herself as her eyes had screwed tight shut and her breathing had increased to an unregulated and rapid speed.

Regina continued seeing as Emma hadn't retreated from their kiss and allowed her fingers to trail lower until she felt something and stopped. Pulling away from Emma suddenly she kept her fingers in place and motion as they stroked away over what felt like an unfamiliar patch of skin. Staring at Emma she noted how the blonde had arched her back slightly and pushed her head back a little. She had also noticed upon closer examination that Emma was gritting her teeth and her eyes were tightly closed once more.

Instantly suspicious the brunette had thrown back the sheets so that Emma was revealed to her. Chocolate eyes fell straight upon the spot her fingers occupied and her eyes widened and lips pursed. There under her fingertips was a red mark. She had known instantly what she was staring at and where it had come from. Without hesitation she pulled her fingers away for a better look. Emma didn't move.

It was the shocking gasp that came from Regina as she drank in the sight of a small carved red X in Emma's flesh below her panty line, that made the blonde wriggle and move. She had gone to grab the sheets and cover her body back up but Regina had stopped her. Her eyes fixated on the scar, she didn't know what to say.

When she had finally looked up sad green eyes had then been watching her. Emma had swallowed and wriggled her legs so that they were crossed and concealing part of it. Still Regina had stared though, trying to compute what she has seen and trying to find reason in such a brutal act.

"So I don't forget" Emma whispered, choked and upset.

Regina's head flicked quickly back down to the scar and then up again as she looked into Emma's eyes. She grabbed her lover then and held her tight; finger's gripping so tightly on the Saviour's pale flesh that they left marks. She hadn't wanted to let go, not now, not ever. Her poor Swan, wounded in battle because of her.

The Queen swallowed in her sleep at remembering that cuddle. It had been a terrible way to start a new year. Under her eyelids her eyes moved frantically at suddenly feeling everyone of those emotions run through her body again but she didn't wake. The unsettled slumber lasted only a few moments before she managed to settle down again.

Henry though, who had been awake for a few minutes before his mom had become unsettled wondered what she was remembering now. He was aware that his mom must be going through a back catalogue of memories she had with Emma but why he was unsure, its not like she was going to suddenly figure out where Emma was. His Mama was too unpredictable.