Chapter 10: Night Rain

(This one is for ReelJustine. I hope you heal quickly. I got this done just in time to be off to work and I have added it to the update list to keep it going. Hope you brought tissues. The angst is definitely setting in, but there is something big on the horizon. Enjoy the chapter. Spunky loves ya!)

Byakuya sat alone in a small waiting area, just outside the doors that led to the surgery wing. He stared blankly out the window, watching the steady, pounding rain that had begun to pour down outside.

It's like the night when our daughter was conceived.

It's hard to think about what we were like then. It seemed so much simpler. We were taichou and fukutaichou, just comrades and friends. I was so sure back then that I would never fall in love again. And yet, Renji stole my heart with his energy, with his enthusiasm about having our children and with his admission that he was attracted to me. He grew more beautiful by the day as our pregnancies moved forward. He was so accepting of everything. He didn't have my insecurities.

But I think he will be more insecure now.

He will need love and support. I will, of course, try to give him that. But he probably won't be receptive, once he knows that I went against his wishes. Yes, Renji will be devastated and he may become horribly angry with me. I have to try to handle it without reacting too strongly, lest our other child be endangered. I have to take care of our son while Renji recuperates.

Byakuya closed his burning eyes for a moment and sighed wearily. He leaned his damp cheek against the fogged glass and breathed slowly. He stopped breathing altogether and came to his feet reflexively as Hachi emerged from the surgery room, wearing a sad expression.

"Please come with me," he said softly, guiding Byakuya towards Renji's room, "Renji is in a recovery room. It is a private room, so you may be left alone together. I will bring your daughter to you so that we can explain to Renji what has happened, and he can say goodbye."

"She is...?"

"She was stillborn," Hachi said solemnly, "but the reiatsu did solidify, so...you will be able to hold her."

Byakuya swallowed hard.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" asked Hachi.

Byakuya nodded.

"I owe it to him."

"As you wish."

They stopped at Renji's room and Byakuya took a steadying breath before entering. Renji laid on the bed, covered with a blanket, hooked up to several IVs and connected to a number of monitors.

"Renji will recover fully," Hachi said reassuringly, "I know it looks bad, but he is actually doing well. I will be back in a moment with your daughter."

Byakuya nodded silently and sat down at Renji's side. He watched as Hachi left the room, then turned his dark, devastated eyes back onto Renji and slipped his hand into his husband's.

"I am so very sorry, Renji," he whispered, "I know this isn't what you wanted. It isn't what either of us wanted. But I couldn't let you go. When you wake, and you learn of the decision I made, I know you will hate me for it. I will...understand. I wish that it didn't have to be like this."

Byakuya stiffened as the door opened and Hachi entered the room, carrying a tiny bundle in his arms. He stopped in front of Byakuya, who gazed in silence down at the lovely, perfect looking, red haired baby girl that rested lifelessly in Hachi's embrace. The vizard set the baby in Byakuya's arms, then moved to Renji's side and lowered the level of his medication. Within a few moments, Renji stirred and started to wake.

"Ugh," he moaned, "D-doc, is it over?"

"You are out of surgery," Hachi explained to him, "You did very well."

"My girl? My baby girl?" Renji mumbled dazedly.

Hachi took Renji's hand in his.

"I am very sorry, Renji-san," he apologized, "The situation inside your body was even worse than I had thought. We did all we could, but we could not save her."

"Wh-what are you saying?" Renji managed, his cinnamon eyes filling with tears, "My girl is...?"

His head turned and he spotted Byakuya sitting at his bedside, holding the baby in his arms. Wordlessly, he took in the sight Byakuya's tear-filled eyes, his slumped posture and the dread stillness of the child he held. Tears rolled down his face and he reached out with shaking arms.

"P-please, can I hold her?"

Byakuya nodded and set the baby gently in his arms, remaining at Renji's side as he looked down at the infant and cried shamelessly.

"She's so beautiful!" he sobbed, "So perfect. How can she have died?"

"It was too early," Hachi said mournfully, "The reiatsu was not fully developed. But there wasn't room and her reiatsu was being slowly smothered. The encroachment was also damaging you, so there was nothing we could do."

Renji frowned.

"What are you saying? Are you saying that you had to make a choice...and you chose me?" he asked.

"It's not that simple," Hachi said firmly, "You were absolutely going to die if you continued to carry her, and even if we had allowed the pregnancy to continue, your daughter had only an outside chance of surviving. And even if she did, there would have been damage to her...and fatal damage to you."

Renji's tortured eyes moved to meet Byakuya's questioningly.

"Did you make that call?" he asked, his voice taking on an angry edge, "Did you...against what I said, you...?"

Hachi shook his head firmly.

"Byakuya made the best medical decision possible in this situation," he insisted, "I told you, there was..."

"I heard you," Renji said, cutting him off, "I just didn't believe my ears. Byakuya, you knew what I wanted! You promised me!"

"It wasn't a straightforward decision," Byakuya explained, "If it had been, I promise you, I would have done exactly as you asked. But Renji, her chances..."

"No!" Renji shouted, holding the baby against his shoulder, "I told you what I wanted and you promised me you'd do that! You promised!"

"I promised that if there was a choice, I would choose to protect her life, yes," Byakuya agreed, "but there wasn't a choice. She was likely to die, no matter what the healers did. It would have been throwing your life away along with hers. I would have lost you both!"

Renji touched a wet cheek to the baby's, his jaw clenching and hard, silent sobs making his chest heave.

"W-well, it looks like you lost us both anyway!" he managed.

"Don't talk like that, Renji," Byakuya said in a low, controlled voice, "You are going to be all right."

"I'm going to be all right? Is that what you just said?" Renji sobbed, "I don't know what you call all right, but I am nowhere near it and I'm not gonna be!"

"I know you're hurting now," Byakuya acknowledged, "I am too. I love our daughter as much as you do. I have also been eagerly awaiting her arrival. I know you're angry because you think there was a choice and I made the wrong one, but when you have had time..."

"Time isn't gonna change the facts, you bastard!" Renji managed in a choked voice, "You threw her life away!"

"No, it wasn't like that, Renji."

"The hell it wasn't!"

"Renji-san, you really must rest. You may hold her for a while, but you must try to rest. Your body is still healing and cannot take such..."

"Well, I'm sorry I'm a little stressed out, Doc," Renji snapped, "But I'm sitting here with my dead kid in my arms and looking at the reason why!"

He turned his glaring, wet eyes on Byakuya again.

"Get out."

Byakuya paused breathlessly, closing his eyes and loosing a tear from each, then opening them and taking a slow step back.

"I will go and let you rest," he said softly.

"Get out of here," Renji growled, "I never want to have to see you or listen to your lies, ever again!"

A hard chill went through Byakuya's tensed body, and he backed out of the room, leaving Hachi alone with Renji and the lifeless baby. As soon as the noble disappeared, Renji deflated, holding the baby and crying soundlessly.

"I am sorry, Renji-san," Hachi said, placing a hand on his shoulder, "We did everything we could."

"I'm not gonna blame you," Renji managed brokenly, "I'm sure that you tried your best."

"We did," Hachi agreed, "and I humbly ask that you try to understand that your husband did the best he could as well. I know that you don't want to hear this, but I will tell you that the choice weighed very heavily on him. He is in a delicate condition and the child he is carrying could still face similar challenges."

"I don't want him in here," Renji said defeatedly, "I just can't look at him right now, after...after this. Just, please keep him away from me."

"I will tell him that you don't wish to see him, but you understand that your other child still requires your reiatsu. He will need infusions."

"You can just take some and give it to him without me being there, can't you?" Renji asked stiffly.

"Yes," Hachi said, lowering his eyes, "If that is your wish. But I do hope you will think this over carefully. You have been hurt, both physically and emotionally. You need your family and friends around you."

"You can let in Rukia...and Ichigo...Tetsuya, and my other friends. But not him. Just...I can't look at him right now. I can't."

"I will respect your wishes."

"At least somebody does," Renji sighed, recovering a measure of his composure.

He touched his daughter's soft, porcelain cheek and kissed her on the forehead.

"Do you know what color eyes she was gonna have?" he asked, more calmly.

"They were dark, likely would have been grey."

"Hmm," Renji sighed again, closing his eyes, "That would've made us both real happy. Some of me, some of him."

"She is a beautiful child," Hachi agreed, "I am sure that her brother will also be very beautiful. I know it is...so very hard to lose her, but even in your loss, there is still a little soul that needs you, Renji-san."

"What're you talking about?" Renji said numbly, "That boy he's carrying isn't mine. He's the Kuchiki heir."

Hachi gave no answer, only looking back at Renji quietly. The redhead hugged the baby to his shoulder and place a final kiss gently on her forehead.

"You can take her now," the redhead said woodenly, "I get that she's gone. Thanks for letting me hold her."

Hachi accepted the baby from Renji's shaking arms and watched as Renji turned away to lie on his other side, looking out at the rain.

"We were going to call her Amaya," Renji said, blinking tears out of his eyes.

"And so, she is," Hachi answered, "We will put that on her records."

"Thanks, Doc."

"I will be back in a little while to check on you. Please rest."

"Okay, Doc."

Hachi left the room and stopped Hanatarou, who was passing through the hallway.

"Hanatarou-kun, will you please keep an eye on Renji-san? He has just lost his daughter, and I am concerned he might try to leave the hospital. He is in guarded condition and must not be allowed to leave."

"I'll stay with him," Hanatarou promised.

"Just stay outside the door and go in every so often to check his vital signs and make sure he is comfortable. You will also, as soon as he is strong enough, need to draw a small amount of his reiatsu to infuse Byakuya-san's body. I am going to have him stay here tonight, as the stress from what has happened may wear on him physically, and he is also at high risk for losing his child."

"I understand," Hanatarou said, "I'll take care of it."

"Good boy."

Hachi turned away and headed to the private waiting area, where he found Byakuya seated by the window and looking out at the storm. He crossed the room and laid the baby carefully in his arms.

"I thought that you might want a moment with her," he said softly.

"Thank you," Byakuya said solemnly, accepting the baby from him.

He held her to his shoulder, continuing to look out the window.

"It would have brought such peace and contentment, holding her and looking out at the rain," Byakuya intoned, "It was raining the night that Renji and I were together and made the children. We considered calling her Amaya, because of that. It means night rain."

"It's a lovely name," Hachi agreed, "Renji-san told me that you had chosen it for her. I will be happy to put that on her records for you."

"Thank you."

Hachi watched in silence for a moment as Byakuya touched the baby girl's soft hair and face, then kissed her on the forehead and cheek.

"Please take care of her," he said, handing her gently back to the healer.

"I will," Hachi promised, "But I also need to take care of you. Remember that your own pregnancy is high risk and you still need balancing infusions."

"Renji doesn't want me anywhere near him."

"I know. You don't have to be in the same room. We will draw a measure of Renji's reiatsu as soon as he is well enough. I do wish there was a relative who could assist with the infusions. A relative could also have been helpful in stabilizing you."

"You cannot use one of my relatives?" Byakuya asked.

Hachi shook his head.

"They are too closely related to you. Their reiatsu is like adding more of yours. You need Renji's, or a similar reiatsu. I can check your friends to see if any match well enough. It is unlikely that we'll find a reiatsu close enough, but Renji should be well enough in a few days, and he has agreed to supply the reiatsu you need."

"I am relieved to hear that," Byakuya sighed wearily, "As angry as he is..."

"He is suffering from this loss, just as you are. But he is focusing his emotions on you."

"Because he blames me. I told you before that he would. I did promise him."

"Byakuya-san," Hachi said, looking into the noble's sad eyes, "you made the only viable choice. Given time, Renji will come to accept this. I will have him watched for his safety in the meantime."

Byakuya nodded.

"Thank you."

Hachi gave him a sad smile.

"We should find you a room for the night."

"It's fine," Byakuya said, shaking his head, "I have a knowledgeable healer at the manor, and I am sure you can send the reiatsu once you've extracted it. I don't handle being in the hospital well."

"Ah yes. If you prefer, I suppose we can have the reiatsu sent to you once it's drawn. I will see to that. Just be sure that you rest and eat properly. As much as there are many stresses right now, your baby needs your care."

"I understand," Byakuya said, standing slowly, "I will take care of myself. Thank you again. And please, do what you can for Renji. If you can, let me know when he is willing to see me?"

"I will," Hachi promised, "I will have a counselor begin speaking to him in the morning."

Byakuya nodded and took his leave of the vizard.

Hachi sighed and looked down at the deceased baby, his eyes regretful.

"Let's take care of you, little one," he said kindly.

"May I see her?" asked a deep, male voice from the doorway.

"Renji-san?" Hachi said, turning.

He froze at the sight of the tall, shadowed man who stood facing him. The man extended a hand, showing the vizard a crest from the royal family.

"I was sent by Reiou-sama," he explained, "You must tell no one I am here."

"Of course."

"I have come to provide reiatsu for the child that survives. I...believe I will be compatible."