Author's Note: Post "All Hell Breaks Loose" Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks!
Sighing, Hannah folded the shirts that she had just laundered for her brothers. She made a mental note that Dean needed under shirts and that Sam needed a couple more shirts in general. They were getting a lot of blood on them lately. She supposed that since the gates of hell had allowed over 200 demons out that the boys would be getting a lot more blood on their clothes. She folded a pair of Dean's jeans and wondered if he was going to continue to fit into the ones he owned. Dean was eating an exorbitant amount of food, and if he kept it up he would outgrow his jeans soon.
"I really don't want to have to spend money on new jeans if he isn't going to be around." She froze with the thought. And that was exactly how Sam found his sister; standing in front of Dean's bag with his jeans clutched tightly in her little hands. Her knuckles had long since gone white and they were now shaking with strain.
It didn't take him long to figure out what was wrong with his big sister. She was thinking about the deal that Dean had made. It must have just now finally occurred to her that Dean wouldn't be around much longer. Sam felt the guilt sting his stomach. Dean and Hannah had always been close. Hell, he had forced them to be close when he moved away. It had to difficult for her to have to choose one brother or the other. He rested a hand on her shoulder and she startled and shook her head. A tear slipped down her cheek and he encouraged her to sit down. Sitting down next to her, she rested her head on his shoulder. It took him a little by surprise. Hannah usually didn't seek out affection. She was one to comfort, but otherwise she, like her brothers, didn't engage in affection.
"I'm sorry. He shouldn't have made the deal. I'm not worth it." Sam found himself saying. Since he fount out what had happened he had wanted to apologize to his sister and brother; he knew that Dean would never acknowledge the apology, but he felt that he at least owed that to Hannah. She pulled away from him and he was acutely aware of her absence. She shook her head and took his chin in her hands and looked up into his hazel eyes.
"Don't you ever apologize for that again!" she said. Her voice never exceeded a whisper and today was no different. Her eyes held a ferocity that he had never seen in his sister before. "I would have given up my life for you. Dean just wouldn't let me." Sam closed his eyes and sighed. He pulled from her grasp and stood up.
"I'm not worth more than you or Dean." Sam ran a hand through his hair and his frustration was evident. "Did Dean ever think about how I would feel about this? He of all people should know how it feels! God! I can't even imagine life without him. He's been the one to raise me and take care of me." Sam started pacing while he yelled. "I can't let him go. I won't. That damn demon is going to have to go through me before they take another Winchester." His bravado belied just how scared and frustrated he truly was. Sam continued to rave and then tears got the better of him and his posture slumped. "If it wouldn't defeat the purpose I would kill him myself." Sam sighed. "He must really hate himself if he is willing to go to hell."
"Have you thought that he just loves you that much?"
"How could he love me that much? I've ditched him, treated him like he's an idiot, I've never really appreciated him."
"Sam, all brothers do that to each other. Dean isn't a saint either. He's chewed you out for no reason. He's embarrassed you and me." She said with a smile. "We all do things that we regret."
"But not all of us only have a year left with our loved ones. If I had just paid attention I would have seen Jake coming at me with that dagger. I was just so relieved to see Dean. I thought 'finally, Dean has come to get me. What took him so long?' How horrible is that?" Tears started free flowing down his long face and Hannah stood and wrapped her arms around his middle and rested her head against his upper stomach. He wrapped his arms around her and said, "What happens if I can't save him Hannah? What are we going to do when he's gone?" Hannah hugged him tighter because she had no words. She didn't know what they were going to do without Dean, their brother, protector, their family—their father