Disclaimer: I still don't own any part of Warehouse 13 and honestly, I really don't want to. It's much more fun to play with the toys and put them back to play with later.
A/N: Thanks to all comments and reviews. Always appreciated and considered. Keep crying, keep laughing. Without one, you can't have the other.
"Has anyone heard anything from them yet?" Abigail asked pouring her coffee and nodding towards the office door.
"Yeah, they're out on the porch. I think they've been up for awhile. They were up before me and Myka already had the first coffee pot made."
Abigail looked towards the porch contemplating if she should interrupt. She knew she needed to check on them. She sipped her coffee reaching out for a croissant. Her face scrunched up and her mouth puckered just before spitting her coffee back into her cup. "Oh my God, who made this swill?"
Claudia looked up from her cereal. "Oh, that would be Pete. He's not known for his coffee skills or at least its consistency. You want Myka's or mine."
"Hey! My coffee is just fine. If you think mine is bad try HG's."
"She's a tea drinker," Abigail mistakenly claimed.
Steve laughed. "Who happily drinks half of Myka's coffee every morning, if not more, and still thinks we don't notice. She just can't make coffee."
Claudia already started a new pot. "Yeah, she was banned. Myka won't even let her touch the pot. Personally, I try to keep her a safe five feet away from it. At least Pete can brew up something drinkable half the time."
"Well, not this morning. Can we at least make a 'Pete coffee' warning sign?"
"Hey, I like that. Why didn't you think of that one, Claud? You're the genius." Steve turned to her.
"Here." She handed Abigail another cup. "I think the real genius here is HG. I'm the Jr. Genius." Claudia smiled.
"Ahhhhh." She closed her eyes in bliss. "Okay, Jr., this is great coffee. Sorry, Pete." She patted his shoulder on her way out the door.
The two women picked up their heads, having leaned them back against the swing as they swung back and forth. "Wow. It's really nice out here today. It's been hit or miss with the cool weather coming on." Abigail leaned against the porch rail enjoying the much improved brew in her hand. "Okay if I join you?"
They had expected a visit first thing this morning, even though the plan had been to meet after Helena's PT. They looked at each other before nodding.
"I know you know this was not an accidental thing, though I admit, I wouldn't have wanted to miss this morning on the porch. And, can I just say, Pete makes horrible coffee and where do these magical croissants come from?" She took another bite.
Myka snorted as she took a side-glance at Helena, then pointed at her. "Not as bad as this one. It can melt a spoon. We swore the coffee maker would turn into an artifact after that."
"You are exaggerating. It was hardly that bad. Certainly not as bad as your tea before I taught you how to make it properly," Helena responded indignantly.
"Honey, I tried to teach you how to make coffee. It's not that hard. I'm surprised the coffee maker hasn't sprouted legs and runs away when it sees you coming. What is it Claudia said…a five foot radius?"
"Fine, so I can't make coffee. I can, however, make a lovely duck dinner and Steve is teaching me to make his burritos," she declared brightly. "If it weren't for me, we'd have the most wretched cognac in the house."
"I really don't care. I only drink it when you put it in my milk at night so I doubt I'd notice the difference. You're the one that drinks it straight up."
"Do you two always do this?" Abigail asked.
"Do what?" Myka asked confused.
"What you're doing now; bantering back and forth."
"We most certainly do no such thing," Helena scolded the new arrival.
"Yes, we do, to both of you," Myka answered, mock glaring at Helena. "Always have. Why?"
"It's kind of funny." Abigail pushed herself up onto the rail.
"It annoys Pete. Want some more coffee?" Myka asked getting up, causing the swing to momentarily swing off kilter without her weight.
"Only if it's not Pete's. Two sugars please and…"
"A dash of cream. I know," Myka said on her way in through the door.
Helena shrugged. "Powers of observation."
Abigail nodded. "How are you doing this morning and how is your head? Forehead looks a little bruised. I don't recommend that by the way, for future reference."
"I took some ibuprofen. It's better. She's the one with the snot."
"And you?" Abigail probed.
Helena shrugged again. "I'm not entirely sure I have an answer to that question."
"Fair enough. It's good to see you outside. I haven't pushed the issue, but you need to get out of the house. Go to the garden today with Myka. Or...alone. She's right you know. You are holing yourself up in the office. I know you're working on something and I know she brought some files over to you that you've been focused on, but it's time to work on the files at the warehouse. Not here. There is no physical reason for you to stay here to work. If you get tired, you come back. You still get fatigued and that's understandable, but you need to get through that door. I know you're afraid and I would be too. That first time is going to be hell. Either with someone, even me, or by yourself. It's your choice. At least try. I'll be here for the morning."
"I'm not holing myself up."
"Yes, you are," Myka stated from the door before handing over Abigail's coffee and offering another croissant from a plate. "And I think you are avoiding the cottage for some reason. I don't even think you know what it is. I know I had a hard time going in there at first. I don't know why, but I did. It's my house. It's still hard, because we aren't there. You're not there. It's just this cold space I spend without you in fear."
Myka sat back on the swing, passing Helena her coffee. "I don't like coffee."
Myka smiled, shaking her head. "Right, that's why you drink most of mine first before I get a second sip. Just get it over with so I can enjoy what's left. At least I admit I like your bloody tea."
"You really need to work on your delivery, darling." Helena smiled drinking the coffee. "Claudia does make very good coffee."
"You two really are very funny. No wonder Vanessa likes you so much. She's the reason I'm here, you know. I didn't want to come here. It took a lot of convincing on her part, but I'm really glad I said yes. I can't imagine being anywhere else now. Professionally, she can't admit it, but you're a part of her family too, and I didn't just say that." Abigail looked over both of her shoulders in mock conspiracy.
"We know. She keeps complaining we're like her kids. I think it makes it harder for her sometimes. I know this certainly did. She was very upset when I kept sneaking out of her house to stay at the hospital."
Abigail nodded. "She cares a great deal." Abigail sat absorbed in her own thoughts, drinking her coffee. Shaking her head clear, she looked at the two women. "So, out of the house? I can come if you want."
Myka looked at the silent Helena. "Maybe that would be a good idea. We'll try."
"I think that 'thoughtful spot' of yours might be a good destination. It's a comfortable place for you both, and it's obviously going to be a beautiful day. Remember, yesterday was…yesterday. Today is today. I'll see you later." Abigail headed inside.
"Helena, we need to do this." Myka took a deep breath.
Myka could barely hear her as she got up to take a shower. "I know. I'm tired of struggling to live a normal life."
Myka roared with laughter, getting up to follow her in. "Helena, you have never lived a normal life and never will. We can shower together. That's at least fun, again." She sobered as Helena paused at the door. She wrapped her arms around her and pulled her back close, resting her chin on her shoulder. "I know you're struggling. So am I. One day at a time. One hour at a time. Whatever it takes us to get through."
Helena quickly nodded her head before disengaging herself to head to the shower.
Abigail accompanied them on the walk out to the garden, commenting on the changes occurring with the setting in of fall. They'd worked through two small panic attacks before arriving at their destination. Myka was the first to take her place against the colorful maple, pulling Helena by her weak left hand to sit beside her.
"I'm just going to go wander around. Take your time." Abigail walked off, inhaling the scents of the day surrounding her.
Helena exhaled a shaky breath and rested her head against Myka's shoulder, closing her eyes. Myka held her hand sitting in silence and exhaled her own shaky breath. It had been a challenging trip, but they had made it to their destination, at least for today. Every day meant progress.
Despite the nice weather, it was quiet. Most of the migratory birds had moved on, leaving the garden for the forthcoming silence of winter. Occasionally, a crow would announce its presence, laughing from the top of the trees.
"I'm sorry," Helena finally said, breaking the quiet.
"For what?" Myka asked, mystified by the rare apology. "You have nothing to be sorry about."
"For making this so difficult. For getting us in this mess in the first place. I've become so impotent. I can't even walk out the door without someone holding my hand." Helena slid to the ground, placing her head in Myka's lap. Unconsciously, Myka took up her habit of running her fingers through the dark hair spread in her lap.
"I'd say you are far from impotent. Only a coward would refuse to make the attempt at facing their fears. You have nothing to be sorry about. Besides, I kind of like holding your hand. I wish you'd ask me to do it more often. It's not a sign of weakness, Helena, it's an admission of trust. I think it takes a far stronger person to admit they are in need of help and comfort instead of sitting and try to solve everything on their own in misery." She started to stroke the arm lying haphazardly across Helena's stomach, circling the scar on her forearm. "Can you tell me about this?"
Helena raised her head slightly to examine the prominent scar in question. She let out another shaky breath before laying her head back down. "It was stupid of me, actually. I was already deeply in trouble and being watched. I'd made my…abilities, already known and needed to make a quick exit from my present accommodations, as lovely as they were, and literally crawled out the back window into an alley. My foot got caught in the fence I was scaling and when it gave way, I lost my grip and caught my arm on the top of the wire fence. I didn't even realize it had happened until I made it down two more alleys into a hovel with a homeless man. I'll never forget his face. He pointed out the warm blood streaming down my arm. He took care of me and kept me well hidden for two days. He was the one able to get word through and got me into the hospital when Vanessa arrived. One of the nurses there watches out for him, apparently. Two days later, I missed the second check point."
Myka sat listening to the distant, detached voice, unable to imagine the experience. "Wait a minute. You saw Vanessa between the two check points you missed?" Myka's hand stopped. She was completely confused.
"Yes. I knew by seeking treatment that they would be close behind me. They knew I was injured. They'd most likely be watching the hospitals. I knew where their base camp was. I'd already been there once, holding up my part of the Regents' bargain. She took a great deal of risk in coming, but it was safer than just walking in for treatment. It was a deep laceration and needed medical treatment. Infection was already setting in and it required debridement. I knew I'd be able to get some sort of communication through, as well. She has been a silent and often anonymous liaison too many times for my comfort. Why do you ask?"
"All we were told was that you had missed the last two check-in points and extraction was not an option. They had no intention of even trying to find you. That's when we took things into our own hands. I was frantic, Helena, trying to find any clue. We had nothing to go on until we got the note with the hospital's GPS coordinates and your quotes. They never said Vanessa saw you. We didn't even know until later she was responsible for the information."
"They may not have known, or more likely did not care. I was expendable in their minds at that point. I'd already tracked the artifact and had it sent on its way. To where, I do not know. I never did know. Often it was passed off to a select few. My 'friends' didn't know it had already left my possession. I didn't even know what the damn thing's attributes were. I rarely did."
"You did this all the time, just for me." A tear trailed its way down Myka's cheek.
Helena reached up to touch Myka's face, wiping the tear away. "No, I did it for us. I was happier trying to stay alive and have 'us' than just give my life up completely to the Regents again. More accurately, give it up altogether. I wanted 'us', not death. I needed you most of all."
"Aside from perilous escapes, what did that include?" Myka asked hesitantly.
"I think you have a fairly good idea what that included. You know my less than honorable skills," Helena whispered, frowning.
"I need to hear you say it, Helena. I don't know why, I just do."
"I don't know that I can." She closed her eyes tight, fighting to hold the tears back behind her lids to no avail.
Struggling with her own emotions, Myka lay down beside Helena on her side to envelop the tormented woman. "I think saying it out loud will help you release it. I've learned that from Abigail, and I think you have too. You never have to say it again if you don't want to. I promised I wouldn't let you go and I'm holding on with everything I have."
Silent tears fell unheeded into the dry ground beneath them, leaving dark spots behind to evaporate. "Myka, I never wanted to do it. For months I have killed at least eight men, tortured many more, leaving many behind most likely to die from the injuries they sustained. I deserved to die in that hole, Myka. I deserved it. I ultimately had the choice, didn't I? I was instructed to do whatever was necessary as quickly as possible to attain a successful retrieval in the shortest and most covert way possible for the greater good. I don't even know if the artifacts were demanding of such tactics. Is anything really worthy of such tactics? Never again, Myka. Never again."
"No one deserves to be treated like that, including you. You were being treated the same way, emotionally and mentally, by those Regents. I still love you, and so does everyone else." Helena rolled into Myka's arms, crying at the memories and faces of every one of her victims until she had no more tears. Abigail sat on the other side of the maple, behind the bushes, silently crying for the pain and suffering of one woman.
They walked back later to the house in silence, Abigail hanging behind. Helena needed to be back in time for PT. Helena watched the ground in front of her in her own thoughts.
"Myka, would you hold my hand?" She held out her hand.
Taking the proffered weak hand, Myka gave a slight squeeze holding it firmly in her own. "Always."