Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly or any of the characters on it, but I do own Isabel and Jacob.

"Hey Sam?" Freddie asked curiously as they walked out into the pouring rain, waiting for both Sam's mom to pick them up (they later found out she had fallen asleep and never come) and for Carly to meet up with them (she exactly got detention on purpose to spend the time with Jake).

"What, Fredloser?" Sam said calmly and smugly all at once. Freddie glared at her for a second, but the look on his face didn't last long.

"Does Carly like me?"

"No."

"Well, I mean, not even like a little, at all-,"

"No."

"Sam!"

"She doesn't like you at all Fredward! I'm sorry!" Sam cried out angrily, and Freddie turned and stared at her with shock. When was the last time she had actually said sorry?

Freddie hesitated, and then quietly muttered, "So, you're sorry? You're genuinely, really sorry? You..." he smirked, "Do you wish Carly did like me?"

"No!" Sam screamed at him, her hair plastered to her face as she strode away from him.

That day, both of them walked home alone and in the pouring rain.

"Sam," a voice whispered quietly on the other side of the guest room Carly and I were sharing. Ms. Benson was sleeping in Freddie's room, and he and Jacob were sleeping in the living room.

Freddie! My thoughts leapt happily as I scrambled to the door, almost knocking Carly right off the side of the bed she had gotten. I wanted to brush my hair or something, but I knew it didn't matter. Looks never seemed to matter to Freddie, for some reason. I guess he was just...good like that. A genuinely good person.

I flung the door open, and then sighed as I saw that it wasn't Freddie, the boy I loved, standing right there in the doorway, but Jacob. I sadly trudged out of the room and closed the door behind me as he lead me into the living room.

Freddie slept heavily, snoring as I stepped over him and to the couch. I desperately wanted to just collapse next to him. I wanted to touch him, to be with him, to smell and feel and talk to and listen to and overall love. But just looking at Freddie's sleeping form made me nervous. I wasn't used to him anymore. The old Sam would've been used to him already but now...the new Sam was shy. That was the unfortunate truth.

"He's only been dating Is for a week. I asked him that already," Jacob jumped right into the conversation, and I nodded slowly.

"They're not boyfriend and girlfriend. Just dating. She was over here because she brought him over some leftovers from her parents' dinner. They've been friends for a while. She...she..." Jacob drifted off, biting his lip. I wanted to hit him, or force it out of him, but I bit my lip to force that side of me down. "She reminds him of you, he said. She reminds him of the way you used to act."

That was the last thing I wanted to hear. I did not want Freddie to like some girl who was like the old me. I wasn't the old me anymore!

And I hated that, more than anything. I hated the chronic struggles for power that were being waged in my head. I wanted either the old Sam, or the new Sam. There was no healthy balance between the two- there was only emptiness.

"Well, that's too damn bad for me, isn't it?" I snapped, and Jacob winced. I could still be mean when I wanted too- the problem was that I rarely ever wanted to anymore.

"Sam, I think the current you is...perfe-," "Shut up," I commanded him before he could continue. He went on normally, then, saying, "Just fine," instead. "But," I hated buts. (Ha) "Freddie is confused. He won't tell me anything else but that Isabel stuff because he wants to tell you, but he's not going to tell you anything until you tell him everything. Starting with why you didn't want him to be with Carly, all that time ago, before he moved. He doesn't want to talk about the move, either. He said it was a mistake to go, but he said you wanted him too...then he wouldn't talk to me after that."

I stared at him, feeling like I was about to cry, but no wetness touched my face. Years of practice made it so easy not to cry anymore. Years of practice made it easy to hide my emotions. So I stared, shrugging. Even though inside I was screaming, "That was the last thing I wanted! That was the one thing I did not want out of everything else that could happen in the world!"

But what would I be able to tell Jacob? He wouldn't understand, anyways. So I just stood up, mumbled, "I'll talk to him, okay? I don't want to hear about it," shot one more look at Freddie's peaceful, slow breaths and the way his chest rose with each one, and then walked back to my room.

"I think sleeping is the only time you can be happy," Freddie told Carly one day, sitting next to her at the counter as Sam went through the fridgerator, searching for scraps of ham or some other meat form.

Nobody noticed the way she froze up. People rarely noticed oddities in Sam, because she was so naturally odd. She was so naturally random. It was hard to know when she was messing around, or when she was serious, so when she did something like get suddenly deathly still even though ham was right in front of her, nobody questioned.

"No way," Carly rolled her eyes and started clicking onto the iCarly comments. "Hey look, this guy thinks your hot, Sam," Carly called, and didn't really care when Sam didn't respond. She didn't truly expect her to.

"Is he on medication?" Freddie mumbled, and was shocked when Sam didn't throw anything at him. That was one of the many things Sam noticed about Freddie. He contradicted her thoughts about nobody noticing when she did something weird- Freddie always seemed to notice.

"What, Sam, hypnotized by ham?" "Oh, don't provoke her Freddie. Remember your last atomic wedgie?" Carly said quickly after Freddie spoke, but for once he ignored her, and walked over to Sam.

"Why do you think somebody would be happy when they're asleep, only?" Sam asked him, standing up to her full height. With her new heeled high tops she towered over him easily. He stared at her as squarely as possible, but his eyes betrayed the fear she could strike into even hardened criminals.

"Because, well, when you're asleep, nothing bad is happening to you, I mean, you're asleep, dreaming, and..."

"What if you're having a nightmare? If you're living a nightmare, you'll be having them too," Sam said quietly, and Freddie raised his eyebrows.

Before he had a chance to spoke, Sam called to Carly, "I'm out. Gotta go check out the new bacon straps at Build-A-Bra,"

"Ooh, I'm coming!" Carly called, tossing the cup she had into the sink and running after Sam, leaving Freddie standing alone in the kitchen, utterly confused.

"Sam?" Freddie's voice called in the morning. I recognized it easily, especially since it was clear. Completely clear and loud and perfect.

Carly wasn't in the room, and I vaguely remembered her waking me up to tell me she was going to go outside and call Spencer and Jake, and told me that the latter might take her a while. I vaguely remembered saying something like the old Sam would've- "Bring me back some bacon!"- And I vaguely remembered how happy she got when I said that.

"Sam, I've got bacon cooking," Freddie said, and maybe it was the smell of bacon in the house, or maybe it was Freddie's voice, but I jumped out of bed, opened the door and smiled at him.

"Bacon? Whoa, be out there in a minute," but before I closed the door I turned slowly around, and with one question the old Sam disappeared. My timid voice wrapped around the words, "Is...uhm, Is, here?" I asked, and Freddie raised his eyebrows and shook his head.

I closed the door before he could continue talking.

"Hey, Jake," I called to Jacob when I walked in, and he grinned at me, standing up to pull out my chair. It was hard to look at him, when he was being so nice. If I didn't love Freddie as much as I did, I probably would've ended up dating him. And that wouldn't have been so bad. Jacob is a great guy.

Only he wasn't the guy for me, and he knew that, and yet he was still nice to me, all the time. I smiled at him, said thanks, and got in my chair. He pushed it back in for me before he climbed back into his chair.

Freddie glanced at me with questioning eyes, but looked away when I looked at him. "Is Carly back yet?" I asked curiously, and he spun back around.

"Carly left?" he asked, and I was shocked. Back in the day, Freddie would've known exactly where Carly was. Then again...he didn't like Carly anymore. He liked Isabel.

"She said she was gonna go outside to talk to Spencer and Jake," I said, and Freddie nodded. I was surprised how calm his voice was when he asked, "She's dating Jake now, right?"

It would take a while to get used to this Freddie, the Freddie that wasn't obsessed with my best friend. Then again, it was a relief. If he still liked her...it would've crushed me completely.

Carly came in a little back after breakfast was finished, but didn't have much of an appetite. "I miss Jake," she sighed, passing me her bacon.

"Sorry. Did you tell him I said hi?" I asked, and she nodded. "He told you not to eat anything poisonous."

I had to laugh at that. Jake tried desperately to treat me like I used to be treated, and I appreciated that. "Good old Jake," I said, and Freddie twitched slightly in front of me.

When I finished, he stopped eating immediately. It was no surprise to him that I finished first, but it was a surprise to Carly. "Wow, Sam, I haven't seen you eat that fast since," she stared up at Freddie and shifted the conversation immediately. "In like, two years." Nobody missed the time frame she was going by.

"Sam," Freddie said though, trying to continue on. "I need to...uh...would you talk to me? Alone, I mean," he stumbled over his words, and I stared up at him, wide eyed.

"Yes," I said, of course, and stood up and followed him out.

I turned back just before I walked out the door she was holding open for, and saw a mixture of emotions everywhere. Mrs. Benson looked happy, smiling and nodding. She didn't really care about anything lately, I noticed, but Freddie. Of course, that's all she ever cared about, but now she just seemed to ignore the world. She focused on her son.

Jacob's eyes brimmed with sadness that made me wince, but he was whispering, "Good luck!" with a forced smile. Carly was bursting with exuberance, practically hopping in her seat. "Don't do it! Don't chicken out!" she whispered, and I nodded once, and then walked out of the door, butterflies pounding so fast in my stomach I felt sick.

Author's Note: I know...this really isn't soon is it? Haha, I'm sorrysorrysorrysorrysorry. Please know that I don't just abandon this website. I read tons of people's fics and work on this during my downtime, but I never have enough downtime to finish. I've been super busy all of this week even though I've had vacation, and before that I've had school, constant projects, friends, family, and I've been really busy helping my uncle move to L.A., and he lives downtown right now, so it's been a ton of back and forth trips (I live the farthest possible place away from downtown that is still in town). I'll stop making more excuses. 'cause I know you guys don't care. xD Sorry, sorry! Anyways, next chapter is basically the chapter we've all been waiting for. Will Sam tell Freddie? Even I'm not sure yet. :D I'll TRY to force myself to do it sooner, but I hate breaking promises, so I'm not going to promise haha. Thanks to all the readers and reviewers, and I hope you liked this chapter!