Chapter ten

Monday morning I woke up to an empty bed and an empty room. I glanced at the clock on the wall and realized that the others had gone to school an hour ago. I sighed. This was going to be a long day.

I called Charlie to report that I had survived the night. He was already at work so we couldn't talk for long, but he still managed to remind me to keep away from Jasper and call him again in the evening.

After Esme had brought me breakfast and helped me in the bathroom, Carlisle came to change my bandages. He worked fast and before I knew it he was done. My leg felt better today. The pain was almost gone, except for a slight tugging sensation, so I didn't have to take the painkillers anymore. Still, Carlisle wouldn't let me leave the bed.

"Can't you at least carry me into the living room so I could lie on the couch?" I begged.

"Not today, Bella," said Carlisle with an apologetic smile. "Maybe tomorrow, if the leg is better and I have discussed it with Amelia. You are her patient and I won't go against her orders." I sighed, dropping my head against the headboard. Carlisle saw my expression and added, "I'm sorry, but your health is our priority now."

"I know, it's just… I hate being so helpless," I admitted with yet another sigh.

He just smiled again, patted my shoulder and after making sure I had everything I needed, he and Esme left.

I burried my head into the pillow, staring blankly at the ceiling. I'd never been a good patient. Lying in bed all day, not being able to do anything, was killing me. Especially when I had to rely on others to help me with even the smallest things like using the bathroom. That was really humiliating.

The rest of the morning I tried to read, watch TV or listen to music. Nothing held my interest for longer than fifteen minutes. Fortunately, I was saved by Edward who sent me a text, asking how I was doing. We kept texting for another hour or so since apparently he was bored as well.

After lunch I took a short nap. Or at least I thought it was short. I was woken up by a loud bang and Edward's angry hiss, "Emmett!"

I sat up, confused, and rubbed my eyes, squinting at Emmett's grinning face that had filled my vision.

"What's going on?" I asked sleepily, trying to peek around Emmett's huge form to see Edward.

"Emmett's being an idiot," Edward said but then was literally shoved out of the room by Emmett.

Emmett shut the door in Edward's face and turned to me, beaming. "I heard you were bored so I came to your rescue!" he boomed, lifting up a hand in which he held a black box which I had seen connected to the TV in the living room.

I narrowed my eyes at him suspiciously. "What does it mean?"

He just grinned and walked to the TV that hung on the wall opposite the bed. I noticed two more black objects in his other hand just before he put it all on the floor and started fiddling with the TV. "Eddie keeps hogging you all the time so now it's my turn," he explained while connecting the black box to the TV.

"So we are going to what… play games?" I asked incredulously, crossing my arms across my chest.

"Yep."

"I don't know how to play, Emmett," I tried to protest but he just waved it off and tossed one of the two smaller objects he'd brought with him on the bed. Now I recognized it as the game controller.

"I'm going to introduce you to the awesomness that is Need for Speed," he announced, sitting down on the edge of the bed, the second controller in his hand. The TV was already turned on and the main menu of the game was on the screen.

I was eying the buttons on my controller warily while Emmett explained the game to me. He then showed me how to play and which buttons to press and it didn't seem that difficult.

"So the point is to beat you at the race," I said slowly, moving forward on the bed so I was Emmett's level now. He surprised me by pulling the chair toward the bed so I could lay my leg on it.

"Yep. But don't get too excited. There's no way you can beat me," boasted Emmett and proceeded to choose a car.

"We'll see," I mumbled. He had yet to experience my competitive streak.

We started to play and, to Emmett's delight, I lost the first ten races. I was determined to beat him at least once though. I hated losing and Emmett's smug face was beginning to annoy me. At some point I found myself in the lead for most of the race but he still managed to beat me in the end. I didn't want to show my frustration so I kept myself from throwing the controller against the wall. I knew it would only delight Emmett more.

"Rosalie wants you to go hunting with her, Emmett," said Edward's voice from the door. From the corner of my eye I saw Emmett's body freeze. "She's thinking about going to the 'special place' near the Canadian border. The things I've seen in her head…" Emmett's head whipped around and I noticed his car go off the track on the screen. I took the opportunity and sped up, crossing the line before he could refocuse on the game.

"Yes!" I yelled, punching the air with my fist.

Emmett's head quickly turned back to me and he narrowed his eyes. "That doesn't count!"

"Oh, it does. I won!"

"You didn't!"

"I did!"

"No, I want to play again," Emmett said stubbornly, throwing a glare behind his shoulder. I felt a cold pair of arms snake around my shoulders and I leaned against Edward's chest.

"I wasn't lying, Emmett. Rosalie's waiting for you downstairs," Edward said, kissing the top of my head.

Emmett jumped off the bed but then he turned to me, pointing at me with his finger. "It's not over, little witch. The same time tomorrow. He won't help you next time."

"Can't wait, big vamp." I grinned at him, tossing the controller on the bed where he'd been sitting before. He grinned back and went to punch Edward on the shoulder but Edward dodged his attempt easily. Emmett grumbled something under his breath and finally left the room.

Edward gently took me by the arms and moved us up the bed so he could lean against the headboard while I snuggled into his arms. I lifted my head so I could see his face. "Poor Emmett. That was really mean of you," I said with a giggle, not really feeling sorry for Emmett at all.

Edward grinned, shrugging. "It's not my fault that he's so easily distracted. Besides, he'd kept you from me long enough." He then smiled at me, kissing my forehead. "How are you feeling? Do you need anything?"

"Yes," I said with a nod and he raised his eyebrows expectantly. "I need you to kiss me."

He chuckled. "I think that can be arranged," he said quietly and leaned forward, cupping my face in his hand. He placed a soft kiss on my nose and then kissed me on my mouth for the first time since the accident. I sighed happily, slowly running my hands up his arms, to his shoulders and finally my fingers weaved into his soft hair. I started gently massaging his scalp, having noticed before that he liked it, and Edward let out a quiet moan against my lips. Suddenly I was lying on my back with Edward hovering above me, supporting his weight on his forearms. His kisses became more urgent, passionate, like he couldn't get enough of me.

Soon I realized that I was getting out of breath so I tried breathing through my nose but it wasn't that easy. Edward must have noticed my struggles because he pulled away slightly and after one last kiss he pressed his forehead against mine. His eyes were closed and he was breathing heavily, his lips twitching slightly.

"I missed you today," I whispered, tracing my thumbs under his still closed eyes. When he finally opened them, his eyes were a little darker than they were supposed to be so shortly after his hunt two days ago. I felt smug that I could affect him like that.

"I missed you too," he mumbled, placing another soft kiss on my lips. Then he moved so now he was lying on his side, his head supported by his hand, his free hand running up and down my arm. "So I was thinking today…" he trailed off.

"About?"

"Well, what are you planning for Thanksgiving?"

His question surprised me. "I haven't really thought about it, to be honest," I admitted. I hadn't celebrated Thanksgiving the last five years so it had completely slipped my mind. "I'll probably just have dinner with Charlie or something." I shrugged.

"What would you think about going to see your mother?"

"Oh." I frowned, biting my lower lip. Edward smoothened it gently with the tip of his thumb, waiting for my more elaborate answer. The idea wasn't actually that bad. I did miss Renee even though I was used to spending even longer periods of time without both of my parents. On the other hand it would mean four days without Edward and I definitely wasn't used to that. "I think I can call her and see if she has anything planned," I said. "But I'd miss you…"

He smiled, gently tracing my lips with his fingertip. "I thought she wanted to see me."

"You want to come with me?" My eyes widened with surprise. Then my excitement faded a little. "But… she lives in Florida."

"So?"

I rolled my eyes. "It's sunny in Florida," I said slowly.

"So?" he said again, smirking.

"You can't go out in the sun!" I exclaimed impatiently. He laughed at my expression, throwing his head back. I narrowed my eyes in mock irritation, swatting his chest, though secretly I was enjoying the sound of his laughter. I'd missed it these past few days. "I'm serious, Edward."

"Let me worry about that, sweetheart," he said and I smiled at the term of endearment. "So, you want to go?"

"Yeah, I want to go."

On Tuesday I was finally allowed to lie on the couch in the living room so I spent most of the morning talking with Esme while she was making me lunch and cleaning. I also called Renee to ask her about Thanksgiving. She was thrilled when I told her that I would like to come for a visit and bring Edward with me. She immediately started making plans where she would take us until I had to stop her and tell her that Edward can't go out in the sun because of his too sensitive skin. It was something Edward had come up with last night and I thought it was brilliant. In a way it was actually true. Renee didn't let that discourage her and said that we would just go out after sunset.

In the afternoon, Emmett wanted another round of Need for Speed since he'd clearly not come to terms with losing the last game yesterday. Sadly, I still wasn't able to beat him without Edward's help and Emmett's gleeful face made me want to kick him.

I received good news Wednesday morning when Amelia came to check on me. She said my leg was healing nicely and told me to make a few steps around the room. It didn't hurt, only tugged a little, so I was allowed to walk short distances, as long as I avoided stairs. I could also use my wand now which made me want to jump in the air with joy.

By Thursday afternoon I was sick of staying in the house so after he came home from school, Edward took pity on me and took me to the meadow. The weather was quite cold but at least it wasn't raining and the sun even peeped out from behind the gray clouds occasionally. There were still remnants of our last visit in the meadow – the fire ring and some firewood spread around it. I made a fire and then we spread the blanket we'd brought with us on the slightly wet ground.

I lay down with my eyes closed, letting the slight breeze fan my face. It felt good being finally outside. I felt Edward sit down next to me. He took my hand and played with my fingers but stayed quiet. I opened my eyes, looking at him. He was sitting cross-legged, staring ahead of him with a thoughtful expression.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked, curious.

He sighed, looking down at me. "There are still some things we need to talk about," he said softly.

I sat up, shifting toward him. "I know." I had been thinking a lot these past few days and waited for the opportunity to talk to Edward alone.

He shortly bit his lower lip, looking like he couldn't decide how to start. "Alice has been hiding her thoughts from me," he stated after a few moments of indecision.

I just nodded. I'd hoped she would and it had been a relief when Edward hadn't brought up my decision.

"She also stopped showing me what you were doing when we were at school," he went on, looking at me accusingly. I raised my eyebrows questioningly but he just shrugged. "What? School is boring."

"Sure it is."

He drew a deep breath. "Anyway, I figured that her blocking me had something to do with you."

"Maybe," I mumbled, lowering my eyes to the blanket we were sitting on. I wasn't sure what his reaction to my decisions would be so now I was trying to stall a little.

"Tell me, Bella," he said, gently lifting my chin with the tip of his finger, making me look at him. "Please?"

I sighed, knowing I couldn't put it off any longer. "I've been thinking about my future," I admitted, trying to avoid my gaze but he was still keeping his finger under my chin.

"Oh," he said, frowning a little. "And what did you come up with?" he asked softly.

I bit my lip nervously but then I straightened my shoulders, determined to tell him my plans no matter what. "Well, since I have no idea how long this war in Britain will last, I've decided to make plans for the future in case it lasts longer than the end of the school year." I took a deep breath. "First I want to learn as many sixth year spells as possible and also finally manage Apparition without splitting myself in half." I meant it as a joke but Edward's pained expression made me regret it immediately.

"Sorry," I muttered quickly, placing my palm on his right cheek. He calmed down slightly and nodded for me to continue. "Anyway, I want to finish my magical education and if I'm unable to go back to Hogwats for my last year, I'd like to talk to Amelia or Toby and see if I could finish it at the American school." Edward frowned slightly but I thought I knew what he was about to say. "I'll ask if there's the possibility of homeschooling. It had been an option in Hogwarts before the Death Eaters took over."

He looked relieved and I had to laugh. Edward rolled his eyes with a chuckle. "And after you finish school?"

I looked him right in the eyes so he wouldn't doubt this part of my decision. "Then you or Carlisle are going to change me," I said firmly.

He froze, hissing in a sharp breath. "No."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Oh, come on, Edward. You know it has to happen! How else is our relationship supposed to work?"

"I can't do it, Bella," he said and the pained expression was back. "Not to you."

"What do you mean?"

He gritted his teeth and roughly pointed at himself. "This… existence… you have no idea what it entails. It would mean no sleep, no real food, hiding from the sun. And the thirst? It's a constant burning in your throat. It never really goes away, no matter how much you feed. And if you have an accident and drink from humans… you never stop regretting it. And I know you said you didn't want children but… you just can't know that at seventeen, Bella."

I listened to all of this with what I hoped was a stoic expression. "Are you done?" I said, fighting to stay calm. Edward narrowed his eyes at me but before he could say something I went on. "Food or sleep aren't that important to me though out of all the things you've said I'd miss them the most. I'd be still able to go in the sun, just not in public, and that really doesn't bother me. The thirst – well, you all seemed to manage somehow." I shrugged. "And I'll have all of you to keep me from killing humans. And the children? Well, the only man I'd ever want to have children with, if I ever even wanted them, is you and since that's not possible then I'd rather not have them at all. I'm pretty sure I'm going to feel the same way in a few years."

He opened his mouth and closed it again as I disproved all his arguments one by one. After a few moments he seemed to find another one though. "The transformation is extremely painful, Bella. It's three days of seemingly endless burning. It hurts so much that you'd beg for death. I can't let you go through that."

That was actually something I'd been trying to avoid thinking about. I wasn't exactly looking forward to the pain but now I put on a brave face. "And I can't let you kill yourself or live forever in misery if I died, Edward. Three days of pain are nothing compared to that," I hissed. As I watched his face, I got the feeling that there was something else behind his refusal of me becoming a vampire. "What is the real reason, Edward?"

His eyes went wide with surprise and he quickly looked away, pressing his lips into a thin line.

"Edward?" I scrambled up to my knees, cupping his face, making him look at me. "Tell me."

"I can't destroy your soul, Bella," he whispered with pleading eyes.

I blinked in surprise, sitting down on my heels. "What?" He just sighed, averting his gaze again. "You… you think you don't have a soul?" I nearly squeaked. A laugh escaped my throat before I could stop it.

His eyes snapped back at me, now looking irritated. "You think it's funny?" he said through gritted teeth.

"I'm… I'm sorry," I stammered, taking a deep, calming breath. "But this is ridiculous. Of course you have a soul, Edward."

He shook his head slowly. "You can't know that."

"Actually, I can."

He snorted disbelievingly. I rolled my eyes and went on, "If you didn't have a soul, your body would be just an empty shell. Alive yes, but you wouldn't be able to think, talk or feel. And there's only one way to lose your soul and it's not by turning into a vampire."

"And the way is?" he asked doubtfully.

"I'll tell you another time." I rose back to my knees, cupping his face again. "The important think is that you do have a soul, and a beautiful one at that."

He was staring at my face, searching for something, probably if I was lying or not. "Do you really mean that?" he whispered after a minute or so and I could hear what sounded like hope in his voice.

"Yes. You can ask Toby in the next lesson, if you don't believe me."

He closed his eyes, dropping his forehead against mine. I snaked my fingers into his hair on the back of his head, running them through it repeatedly. We stayed like that for a few minutes.

"Do you still want to go back if there is a battle?" he asked, pulling slightly away to look at me.

I sighed. "I don't know. I mean… I'm sure that if I was asked to help and didn't go then I would regret it forever. My friends are there and I would always think that I could have helped somehow if something happened to them. On the other side… I have you here and I know now that it would kill you if something happened to me. I wish I could just take you with me."

Edward shook his head sadly. "There would be blood, Bella. I would do more damage than help…"

"I know, that's why I never brought it up." I sighed again, laying my head on his shoulder. "I don't know what I'll do."

"We'll think of something, sweetheart," he murmured, gently rubbing my back. He sounded surprisingly slightly more positive than mere minutes ago.

When we got back, Alice was waiting for us on the porch. She flew down the stairs and stood in front of us in a second, just as I climbed off Edward's back. She bounced on her feet, hugging me like she hadn't seen me for months.

"What is it, Alice?" said Edward, frowning, before I could ask the same.

"You have to talk to Amelia," she blurted out.

"What? Why?" I asked, confused.

"About what you talked in the meadow - " She turned to Edward so quickly, that I hadn't even seen the movement. "Sorry, I didn't mean to spy, really." Then she turned back to me and finally started explaining what was all that about. "I wanted to give you privacy but I can't help it. I always see the decisions, even if I try to ignore most of them. But this time I had the feeling that what you talked about was somehow important… Anyway, when you told Edward that you wished you could take him with you to Britain if there was a battle, Amelia's face suddenly appeared in my mind."

"So you think she might know how to get around blood?" asked Edward with wrinkled brows.

"Maybe? I tried to decide to ask her but all I could see was me talking to her. I don't know what she will say."

I rubbed my hand over my face, suddenly exhausted, and leaned against Edward's chest. His arms embraced me from behind but when I glanced up at him, he was still looking at Alice, now probably reading whatever she was showing him.

"We'll talk to her when she comes to check on Bella," Edward said at last, rubbing my arms. "Thank you, Alice." Then he bent down and kissed the top of my head. "Let's get you upstairs, Bella, you look tired."

A/N: I just want to thank all of you who took the time and left a review or added this story to alerts or favourites. I really appreciate it, so thank you!

J.