Chapter 10 – The Outcast Angels of Lawrence High

Bobby was able to keep them all home from school the next day. Saturday was the funeral. The Winchesters, Bobby, Balthazar, and Naomi were the only people there. Cas' grave was under a tree, one that would be covered in blossoms every spring. It was a beautiful spot. The five of them stood side by side in the shade of the tree. A little bundle of flowers was propped up against the tombstone. One by one, they turned away from the grave until only Dean was left. He glanced over his shoulder as Balthazar walked off with Naomi on his arm, then turned back to the dark slab of stone. Taking a deep breath, Dean cleared his throat.
"Cas, you go your ears on?" he said softly. "I... I don't know if you can hear me but... anyway, I'll get on with it."
He paused a moment, searching for the words.
"Neither of us have ever had it easy. I know when we met... I know that you were at one of the lowest points in your life. I feel like... I saved you that day... and I just wish... I wish I could have saved you this time too. God, you have no idea how much I wish that."
Dean wiped a tear away with his sleeve and continued,
"I don't know if you remember but... it was a Thursday when I met you. And it was a Thursday when... when you..." He fought back a sob. "I guess you could say my life began and ended on a Thursday."
He didn't bother to wipe away the tear that fell this time. It was a few minutes before he could find his voice again.
"I love you, Cas. I love you so much. I wish this was some Disney movie so that would be all it takes to bring you back. But it's not, so... well... I guess this is it. Goodbye, Cas."
Dean took a steadying breath and dried his cheeks on his sleeve. Then he turned and went back to join the others at the car.

The next morning, Dean and Bobby sat at the kitchen table. The news reporter on the TV was announcing that Michael had been caught and rearrested in the early hours of the morning, and would soon be going on trial to determine his sentence. Dean scowled and turned off the TV, tossing the remote roughly back onto the table.
"If only they'd caught him sooner," he muttered bitterly.
"I know. I wish they had too," said Bobby. "But it's good they got him now rather than later. You realize he'd probably come for you next."
"I wish he had come for me!" growled Dean.
"You don't mean that," Bobby said in alarm.
"I do! I'd have taken him down with me so he would never hurt Sammy, or you, or Balthazar, or anyone ever again!"
"Dean –" Bobby began, but Sam came into the kitchen and he stopped short.
"Where's Balthazar?" Sam asked.
"We figured he was still in bed," said Bobby.
"He's not. I thought he'd be down here, but he isn't, and he isn't anywhere else in the house either," said Sam.
Dean and Bobby both frowned. Just then, the phone rang and Bobby stood up to answer it.
"Hello? ...This is him... Yes, I am..." There was a very long pause. "Thank you for calling me. We'll be there soon."
Bobby very slowly set the phone back on the receiver and turned to Sam and Dean.
"What was that about?" Dean asked.
"That was the sheriff. They found Balthazar," Bobby replied.
"Great! Where was he?" said Sam.
"Hanging from the tree above Cas' grave," said Bobby grimly. "He's dead. Killed himself."

Sam, Dean, and Bobby walked over to where a small cluster of cops stood under Cas' tree. A badly tied noose was being taken down from the strongest branch. A stretcher stood just a few feet from the tree, covered in a white sheet. A limp hand hung over the edge and Dean recognized Balthazar's battered old ring on the middle finger. Tearing his eyes away, he turned to the sheriff as he approached.
"Bobby Singer, I presume?" he said.
"That's me," said Bobby.
"I'm so sorry about all this. I know you all were close to him, and to Castiel Novak... I've been very involved in this whole case," the sheriff said.
"Heard you caught the murderer," Bobby said.
"Yes, we did. But I guess he didn't need to walk free to take another victim," the sheriff sighed.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out three folded pieces of paper.
"These were found on the ground beneath him..." he said. "They're for you."
He handed them each one of the papers. Dean looked down at the one the sheriff gave him. His name was written on it in a spiky, angled scrawl he recognized as Balthazar's. Slowly he unfolded it and began to read:

"Dear Dean,
By the time you're reading this, I'll be dead. I'm so sorry to put you all through even more grief, but it had to end this way. For me, at least. I just want you to understand why.
Cas was a brother to me. We were there for each other through everything, ever since we were kids. I know you can get that, you've got Sam. Seeing him lying there when he died, I saw the look on his face... he was terrified. And he was alone. I couldn't leave him alone, Dean. I'd already done that once, I just couldn't abandon him again. I hope you understand why I did this, Dean. It wasn't just that I couldn't live without him. I just couldn't let him face death alone.
Inclosed with this letter is another one. It's for Naomi. I know Bobby will be the one they call when they find me, so... I trust you to make sure this letter gets to her. And make sure she knows just how much I love her, will you?
I just want to thank you, Dean. For everything. For making sure Cas wasn't alone when I was gone. For loving him. For becoming a brother to me.
And promise me one thing, please. Don't give up. Live your life. Sure, you can grieve for Cas and me. But please, don't forget to live. If not for me, then for Cas.
Once again, I'm so sorry, Dean.
Your brother, Balthazar."

Dean looked down at the second piece of paper folded in his hand, addressed to Naomi. Then he folded up his own letter and tucked both into his coat pocket.

Balthazar was buried next to Cas, under the tree in which he died. There was a tiny obituary in the paper recognizing his death, but nothing more. The final week of school was a blur for Dean. It seemed as though most of the people he passed in the hall were just going about their lives, excited for summer, as though Cas and Balthazar were still alive and well and everything was fine. But it wasn't. It wasn't fine at all.

The day of graduation came at last. Everyone was talking excitedly, celebrating the end of high school. Dean and Naomi sat together in silence, surrounded by their colleagues, the only students who seemed to know or care that two of their number were missing. The principal stepped up to the podium and the crowd settled down.
"Congratulations, seniors, on four years of hard work and perseverance. Whether you have spent all four of those years here in Lawrence, or whether some of that time was spent elsewhere, you have been working for this day for a long time, and you've earned it. It is an honor and a privilege to stand in front of you as your principal at the end of this journey. I am proud of all of you," she paused. "Now, graduation is a time of celebration. But I feel as though it would be wrong if I did not take the time to mention those we have lost."
A hush fell over the room and Dean stared at her in surprise.
"Just this week, two of your peers lost their lives. Cas Novak and Balthazar Montpierre were bright students, but more importantly, they were kind and brave young men. I watched them both grow during their four years here. Their circle of friends was small, but fiercely loyal and always there for each other," she paused again, taking a moment to look over the crowd. "Our school mascot is an angel. I don't know what prompted our founders to choose that. But I think, as we celebrate graduation and remember these two young men, that we should also remember our symbol. An angel is so much more than a sophomore in fluffy wings urging on the crowds. Angels are people like Cas Novak and Balthazar Montpierre, who stand up for their friends and stick together. Students like them are the real Lawrence High Angels. So by all means, celebrate. That's what graduation is all about. But as you do, remember them. Remember Cas Novak and Balthazar Montpierre, the real Lawrence High Angels, and celebrate for them. So I say again, congratulations, and thank you for a great four years."
The room was quiet as she stepped away from the podium, but slowly, the crowd began to applaud.

It was two weeks since graduation. Dean and Naomi had driven to a lake outside of town and were now sitting on the hood of the Impala, sipping beers that Dean had stolen from Bobby's stash in the fridge.
"Balthazar and I had planned that after graduation, he and I would rent one of those cabins on the other side of this lake for a weekend. Have the place to ourselves, you know," said Naomi. "Sleep in, get drunk, go skinny-dipping at midnight then go back inside and make love in front of a cozy fire..."
Dean looked at her with a sad smile.
"I bet that would've been great," he said.
"It would've been perfect," Naomi sighed wistfully.
"You miss him a lot, don't you?" said Dean.
"Of course. Every single day. Just like I know you miss Cas," said Naomi.
"Yeah. I do miss him," said Dean quietly. "But I keep reminding myself of something Balthazar said in the letter he left me."
"Oh yeah?"
"He said to not give up, and to remember to live my life," said Dean. "And when I get down... I just... think of that. And I tell myself that that's what Cas would want the most for me. Learning to live without them is hard, that's for damn sure. But we can do it."
Naomi smiled a little.
"The least we can do it try," she said.
Dean nodded and took a sip of his beer.
"Y'know what?" he said suddenly.
"What?" asked Naomi.
"I think we just might be okay."

The End.