Chapter 10

"What was on my mind? What was on my mind?" Louisa thought. Well she had many things on her mind. Where to start was the problem.

Louisa started with the most recent development . "Well, we had no idea that you had remarried."

"There was no need for you to know. It wasn't your concern"

Louisa hesitated. "But Martin and I are your family! You have a grandson, who, by the way, is doing very well. Why not let us know?"

Margaret rose from the sofa dramatically, smoothed her dress and stood at the window. Louisa wondered if she thought she was in a play. "What a drama queen" was all she could think. Margaret turned to face her.

"When I left Portwenn on my last visit Martin begged me to stay. He told me that seeing James Henry and I together was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, and it was obvious that the little tyke adored me. He was close to tears. I, however told him that Portwenn was claustrophobic for me since I was so used to the atmosphere of a cosmopolitan environment."

To Louisa this seemed far fetched. "Well, I can't say that Martin shared that with me, but then, you know him as well as I do. He's not much of a talker, is he?"

"Exactly, but then I asked if he would help support me, as I wanted to go back to Lisbon. He almost broke down, asking me not to tell you what he was going to say. He said money was tight and he wouldn't be able to help me. Some of his investments had gone awry and you were just making ends meet. I suppose he takes after his father in that respect."

Louisa had heard nothing of financial difficulty and firmly believed that Martin was a rational and prudent manager of finances, in fact he was rational and prudent with any undertaking. "So you asked Martin for money?"

"I didn't ask for much. I just wanted to go back where I had been comfortable for the last 20 years before Christopher died."

Louisa summoned every bit of the gumption she had. "So Christopher Ellingham is really dead? There were some rumblings that you may have lied about that?"

Margaret laughed sardonically. "We weren't together, dear. He had taken up permanent residence at the Bull Club. They had a special program that supported aristocrats that had befallen hard times. They gave them room and middling board. The upper class in England has faced hard times as of late. Some of us are losing our entire livelihood. I'm sure Christopher played numerous games of backgammon, but with his drinking he was in no condition to perform surgery ever again. One day I received the call that he had a stroke. By the time I got to St. Bart's , I'm not sure enough of him was there to even recognize me."

"Oh Margaret, that must have been awful, losing someone you loved like that." Louisa thought about the grim reality.

"Oh, yes, Christopher was the love of my life, but that's a story for another day. What else can I tell you?"

"How did you come to remarry? Why didn't you let us know?"

"When I came back to London, after leaving Portwenn, I was in a terrible state. Creditors were around every corner. I checked into the Savoy using every penny I had from the liquidation of our villa to pay. I sold my clothes and jewelry, but I always made an effort to come to dinner looking the best I possibly could and mingle with the guests who were always present." Margaret looked pensively out the window. "One evening I met Phillip and things went from there."

"But Margaret, he's a invalid."

"Never question what a woman does to survive, my dear. Yes, he is an invalid, but he is a man and still had certain desires and demands that I was willing to fulfill, no matter how repulsive. When he finally asked me to marry him I figured all that torture and repulsion had been worth it. I finally had a roof over my head and someone to call off the collection agencies."

Louisa was speechless. The story Margaret had had shared was so amazingly pathetic and very very sad. Louisa loved Martin...the man, she loved Martin so much that she couldn't imagine how Margaret could enter this horrid marriage of convenience. In fact she worried about Lord Phillip. Had he thought he had met someone who cared about him?

"Margaret, I'll be direct. I know you don't care about Martin, but I would like to retrieve the clock you took from him. You know the one, Grandpa Henry's clock...I think it means a lot to Martin and now that you find yourself in the catbird seat, perhaps you could give him some of those memories back..

"Oh, Louise, I care about Martin very much, but I won't tell you in what way. His birth and existence destroyed my ideal life. There is so much you don't know." She stared out the window again.

Louisa felt helpless. "I'm sorry."

Margaret turned to her, eyes full of fury. "Come back tomorrow, around noon. I won't be feeding you, so don't get your hopes up. I will dig that bloody clock up and let you have it. There is a bit more that you need to know."

"I will be here". Louisa was adamant. "I want that clock back for your son, Martin. I love him very much...and I love the child that we share. James is your grandson and will never know you. That's your loss, as far as I'm concerned. See you tomorrow."

Louisa left the house and proceeded to walk in the general direction of Mayfair. She needed time to calm down and process the information she had just received. She cried part of the way, thinking about what Martin had suffered, but also for the punishment that all people inflicted on one another. The world could be so cruel.

Between walking and finally flagging a taxi Louisa made her way back to the Hilton. She had a little time before the convocation and used it to ponder what she had learned and to take a welcome nap. That first trimester exhaustion had finally hit her and the force of gravity had become more than she could overcome. She laid her heavy body down for an hour, which would prepare her for the evening ahead.