Disclaimer: "EVERYBODY'S GOT SOMETHING TO HIDE, 'CEPT FOR ME AND MY MONKEY!
(An: Well, once again, here we go. You know, I never intended for this story to be this long... or chaotic. Keeping all these seperate stories is giving me a headache. But it's like an ice cream headache! Painful but oh so delicious... yeah I didn't get much sleep. HH: Compliments! Yay. SF: What, no ideas? I live on your ideas, mon ami-cocks head- Interestin. CDLOC: More compliments! ACBPB: I couldn't help but think of soy cubes when I gave him that name... we vegetarians eat a lot of weird foods. I love that part! Why would you think Renee was gay? Oh! You gave me an idea! And you didn't even have to put it in your review! Rice!)
ON THE X-QUEST...
"That was weird," Rahne said, scratching behind her ear.
"Do you realize how much like a dog you are?" Sam asked, watching curiously.
Rahne quickly dropped her hand. "How so?"
Sam shook his head and started off. "Come on, how far can Bayville be?"
"Famous last words," Rahne muttered. "We gotta make sure he doesn't kill himself. Come on, 'Mara."
"But who'll keep us from killing ourselves?" Amara inquired.
"Best not to think about that," Rahne replied, clapping Amara on the shoulder. "Common."
The walk was long, tiring, and exhaustive. Actually, it wasn't all that long. After about five minutes they left the gigantic temple behind and came to a road. A sign on it said "Bayville: 1 mile".
"Well, looks like Bayville's even weirder than we thought," Sam commented, thumbing at the sign. "Bays, mesas, and now a giant spider temple." (1) He shrugged and headed down the road.
Rahne sniffed the air. "Sam... Sam... SAM!"
"What?"
"You're going the wrong way," Rahne said simply, transforming into a wolf and jerking her head in the opposite direction.
"But- the sign-"
Rahne barked and headed off.
"Should we follow her?" Sam whispered to Amara.
"She's probably after a bug again. Let's just go."
Seeing that Amara and Sam weren't following her, Rahne went human. "But- guys! I can see the city! Ye dafties, it's RIGHT THERE!"
Amara and Sam, however, were now out of earshot.
"Finish quest, or save them..." Rahne mused. Then she sighed, and headed after them. She'd never be able to forgive herself if the idiots hurt themselves.
AT THE X-HOTEL...
By now, poor Soy the Spanish dude had passed out. "He must not have a very high tolerance for alcohol," Jubilee commented, peering over at him.
"Who cares?" Tabby responded. "We have cheese and tequila! All is right with the world!"
"Oh. Good point."
A FEW MINUTES LATER...
Renee, also half-passed out, returned to his basic brain function. "Voulez un massage?"
"Thanks, but non," Jubes replied.
"You speak French?" Tabby asked, obviously impressed.
"Remy taught me," Jubes responded. "It's amazing what people will tell you under the influence of alcohol."
Renee shrugged and headed outside. "Ah, Mr. LeBeau!" cried Hank (he was no longer on that plane of non-existence, if you were wondering). (2)
"Qui?" was Renee's response. "Je n'ai pas la fierté pour s'appeler LeBeau." (I'm not this guy LeBeau.)
Normally, Hank spoke French, but Renee was so drunk it made no sense. "Oh, my. You must've found Logan's stash of Molson's. Good thing he's missing too. Come, Remy, we have work to do."
"Mais je ne suis pas-" (But I'm not-) Renee began to object, but Hank was much stronger than he looked, and he was dragged off. "Merde..." Renee sighed and subjected to his fate.
So Tabby and Jubes, back in their room, were pretty bored. They were the only ones awake and drunk in this place, dammit. "What do we do now?" Jubilee asked. "We have cheese, but no tequila."
"Why don't we go get s'more?" Tabby suggested. "The nearest liquor store can't be far."
"Kay."
In the VIP buffet room. the dignitaries were now waking up. Bobby, who was staggering down the hallway to recover from his ass-kicking in his room, noted them. He got a very evil idea. After a bit of work, he made an ice chute from Remy and John's would-be room, then opened the door. The mutant cockroaches, pretty pissed off from being stuck in a cramped room, stampeded down the chute and into the VIP room. Bobby shut the door behind them, cackling madly. Then he slipped on his own ice patch. "Ow... my back... help..."
Needless to say, nobody came to his aid.
BACK ON THE X-QUEST...
The group had been walking, and walking, and walking. The scenery had been getting steadily stranger (i.e. becoming a jungle type place), and there was no sign of life, human or otherwise. That is, until a girl came crashing out of the greenery. "Who are you people?" she asked, not at all disconcerted.
The X-group stared at her, all very confused.
"Well, come on, answer," she said. "I don't have all day..."
They blinked and introduced theirselves.
"All right, I'm Thorn," said the girl. "What're you all doing here?"
"We're looking for Bayville," Sam replied.
"Oh, you're going in completely the wrong direction!" Thorn assured them.
"I hate tae say I told ye so, BUT I BLOODY TOLD YE SO!" Rahne yelled.
"All right, all right, so maybe we were a little off," Sam grumbled. "It's not my fault. The stupid sign was pointing the wrong way."
"Eh, too bad," said Thorn. "Are you guys gonna stick around? 'Cause this is a wildlife preserve, and if they catch you, I can't help."
"What!" asked all of the X-group in unison.
"This is a wildlife preserve," Thorn repeated. "You guys wandered on here 'cause of the road, right? I suppose if you payed attention to the Bayville sign you didn't pay attention to the preserve signs. Nobody does. My job is to kick you all out when you wander onto government land. Now can I ask you or do I have to show off?"
"If by show off you mean use your mutant powers, then no, you don't have to," said Sam, understandably nervous. "We're quite happy to go."
"If you're a mutant," said Amara, "then why're you working for the government?"
Thorn considered this. "You know... you're right... why am I working for the government? They don't pay me, bad dental, I don't get payed- did I mention they don't pay me?"
"Yes, you did," said Amara.
"You know what?" Thorn said. "I'm gonna come with you. What are you guys doing anyway?"
"We've been sent on a quest by the Monkey King of the Almighty Spider Cult to rescue the rights for the Almighty Chihauhua song from the Almighty Maker of Stuff, Forge," Rahne explained.
Thorn grinned. "COOL! I am so coming with you! Just let me get my animal friends!"
"Animal... friends?" Amara squeaked. She tried to hide behind Sam.
"What's up with her?" Thorn asked, pausing.
"She has an unnatural fear of all things foresty," Rahne whispered, leaning in. "Ignore her."
"Can't sleep..." Amara whimpered, rolling into a ball. "Squirrels will eat me... Chickens! Hedgehogs! Oh, aye, death death death!"
"What do we do?" Thorn asked.
"You go on with whatever," Sam replied. "We usually just push her along with a stick until she snaps out of it."
"Um, ok..." Thorn whistled, and a macaw landed on her shoulder, along with a squirrel, a bat, and a purple thing that burped. (3) "Shall we go, then?"
"Sure. Just let me get a stick," said Rahne, breaking one off the tree. "Now we just nudge her and she rolls quite nicely." Rahne prodded Amara and she curled up tighter, rolling forward a few feet.
"Well, that's... interesting."
ON THE X-TRUCK...
The girls were cackling quietly. Jamie was asleep on Logan's shoulder when the truck suddenly stopped. He jerked forward and made several dupes. "Oops."
"Hmm, wonder what's going on?" M.A. murmured. The question was quickly answered as two more girls joined them, Jubilee and Tabitha. "Oh, cool!"
They stumbled on. "Are you guys drunk?" Jamie asked immediately.
"Yes," both of them answered in perfect solemnity and unison.
"Why didn't I notice that first!" Logan cried.
"Hmm, good question," M.A. replied. "Probably becoming a running joke."
"Is this the liquor store?" Tabitha asked, trying to focus on Logan.
"This is the immigrant truck," Zee responded. "But shh, we gotta be quiet!"
"Oh, right, 'kay," Jubilee said.
"I love drunk people," said Zee with a large grin.
IN ROGUE'S ROOM...
Rogue sighed. The French Guy's voice had worn off, but for some reason Jean's anti-talking thing hadn't. Then a lightbulb went off. Literally. The light in her lamp fizzled out. But the room remained lit by the one above Rogue's head (the ceiling lamp, you idiot!). And Rogue got an idea. Cool, no? Well, anyway, Rogue, being the only observant X-men, knew that Ray was still at the bottom of the pool. Ray had a voice. Ray spoke English. Ray swore a lot, but he could talk, dammit!
Rogue dashed off, thoughts of speaking again instead of relying on her inner monologue to narrate for her dancing through her mind.
(And that's that. Sorry for the slow updates, but you know me. Lazy. Review, ppl! Suggestions will be loved, hugged, and put away in a corner to be used. Also, if you suggested something before but I never mentioned it, remind me and I'll try and work it in. I'm lazy -and- unobservant. How's that for multi-tasking?)
(1) Seriously, has anyone noticed the weird geography? I dunno, maybe I just didn't pay enough attention in Joyride, but mesas in New York struck me as odd.
(2) Remember, Renee and Remy look alike, just without the fuzzy cattipillar Remy calls a goatee.
(3) Lockheed, anyone?