10:

We all go a little mad sometimes

Blood.

Death.

Bodies.

I took in the scene in front of me. I couldn't collect my thoughts enough to help anyone clean up the mess. I stared down at thing that just tried to take my life. Daryl stood behind me, ready to catch me if I lose my grip on reality. I had been in life or death situations before. Hell, I was in a life or death situation every time I stepped into the bar. But this is different. I've had knives pointed at me, guns aimed at me, but never have I seen a man so broken. This body in front of me - face caved in, skin decayed and missing, bones broken – this is something I'd never anticipated in my entire life. I was scared. This wasn't something that you live through and then go on with life; this was something that truly stays with you and changes you. I don't know how any of us can survive this world.

"Kay..?"

I don't know how long I had been standing there staring, but I knew Merle had called my name about twenty times. I couldn't answer him. I didn't want to answer him. I wanted to scream, shout, kick, throw a fit. I wanted to let it out. I was a wreck inside. I was screaming and crying in my head but I couldn't make myself do anything.

"Kaydence, snap out of it."

Merle said jerking the dead man thing out of my sight.

My eyes followed the crushed, broken thing all the way to the pile of corpses. I hadn't noticed the pile of bodies stacked in the middle of camp. I hadn't noticed anything, honestly.

I took in the scene for the first time since the attack. The aftermath was just as bad as the attack. People were frightened and huddled together. There were whispers all over – most asking what we were going to do, but others were about Andrea and her sanity.

I looked around for Andrea. I was so caught up in my own near-death experience that I had forgotten Amy. My bet is she never even saw it coming. I stared for a minute, watching the surroundings, then forced myself to walk over to Amy.

She was lying on the ground, blood all around. Andrea was sobbing over her body, gun in hand. I knew what she was waiting for. We were all waiting for it.

"Don't touch her."

Andrea warned.

"Wasn't going to."

I said sitting on the ground next to her.

It was awkward, I admit, but someone needed to be around in case Andrea wasn't strong enough. I hadn't killed before but I know what it's like to lose a sister. I couldn't kill my own.

"What are you doing?"

She asked frustrated with my presence.

"Sitting."

"Why?"

"Someone needs to be here."

"No, you don't. You didn't even know her."

"You're right. But someone still needs to be here."

I said studying the bleeding bite mark on Amy's neck. It didn't even resemble a bite mark, really. It was a gaping hole. It was a huge portion of her neck that had been bitten off. She wasn't moving or breathing. It was clear she had already bled to death – it was a matter of time now.

I knew she would come back. I knew she would open her eyes and twitch her nose, smelling for food. I knew what it was like to stare at your own sister and wonder if you're strong enough to put her out of her misery.

"I'm fine."

Andrea said wiping the tears off her face.

"I'm still not going anywhere."

I sat and I waited and waited and waited. All day was spent sitting on the ground waiting for the once vibrant young teen to reanimate into a walking corpse.

My mind was breaking. I felt it happening. I was disconnecting from the real world.

My body may have been sitting there on the ground, but my mind was gone. I wasn't myself, but that's no excuse for what I did…

I saw it happening. I saw the twitch of the finger. She was coming back and she would be hungry.

I kept thinking about last night. I heard the walker coming toward camp. I heard it walking and groaning. I knew Merle's theory – they travel in packs. I let this happen. I should have killed it. I won't let it happen again.

"Andrea…"

She was sitting still as stone.

"Andrea, you need to do it."

I said. Then I saw Amy open her eyes. She was just starting to turn. Her skin was still the same color as before, her hair was still wrapped around her shoulders, but the worst part was her eyes. They weren't glassy or cloudy; they were still blue and alive. Andrea stiffened, dropping her gun to her side.

"Andrea!"

I shouted as Amy sat up. She looked around and opened her mouth. I almost expected her to say something but instead she let out the worst screech I'd ever heard.

Andrea cried. She just sat there and cried. I wanted to hug her, comfort her, and tell her it would be okay. But it wouldn't. This wouldn't be okay.

I knew what needed to be done. I knew what I needed to do to keep the camp safe. I have to do this. I have to redeem myself.

I reached over and picked up Andrea's gun.

"What are you doing?"

Andrea screamed at me.

"What needs to be done."

I said pointing the gun at Amy's head.

I had never shot a gun before. I wasn't sure I knew how. But I did as Merle had taught me.

I stood up, planted my feet, and took aim.

"Kaydence! Stop!"

Merle screamed from behind me.

"The fuck are you doing?"

He asked angrily. I wasn't used to Merle ever being mad at me, but I wasn't going to let that stop me. I needed to protect myself.

Andrea screamed at me. She was screaming every thing she could think of, but I did what I needed to – I took a deep breath, aimed for the head, and pulled the trigger.

The shot was loud against the silence that had fallen on the camp. The only noise was Amy's body hitting the ground.

Andrea stared at me, her face twisted in hurt and anger.

I looked over at Merle and realized what I had done. I took away the only closure Andrea would ever have. I turned into a monster much worse than those we faced last night.

"Oh my god…"

I could believe I really just let myself go so far.

I dropped the gun and looked around. Everyone was staring at me. I could tell they were all shocked and angry.

"I'm so sorry."

I whispered as I ran away from the scene.

What did I just do?

Have I really lost myself that much?

Can I come back from this?