Chapter 9

Were our words are that what binds us

It was the middle of the night and the castle was silent. Smoke was drifting tranquilly out of the open window. The burning tip of the cigarette was a warm glow in the darkness of the deserted tower. When the smoke slowly erupted out of his nostrils, Sirius quietly thanked the silence. As much as he loved the night time walks with the Marauders, these lonesome moments were important to his sanity. He needed the time for his thoughts, empty space surrounding him and the comforting darkness wrapped around him like a selfish lover. This was Sirius' time and he loved every minute of it. Lately there hadn't been many opportunities to wander off by himself. What with Remus acting all weird and moody and all the other stuff that had been going on.

Moony had been trashing around his bed again when he was digging around for the map and the cloak in order to leave the dorms. He had briefly considered waking him up, but didn't want to risk anyone asking questions about his nightly comings and goings. And what would be the point anyway? Remus would just start all over again when he fell back to sleep. They had tried to help him search for answers with James, both of them able to be bloody brilliant when ever they wanted to be, but even the three of them (sense Peter wasn't much of a help to be quite honest) weren't able to find anything useful. It was frustrating to no end and they were all at loss off what to do. Even the full moon thingy had been easier to figure out… in theory at least. He led out a dark laugh while he remembered the practical part of it. It sill got pretty dangerous at some nights, even though they had grown used to it by now and knew how to handle themselves when things got a bit rough.

He took a long drag from his cigarette and then stumped the rest of it under the sole of his shoe lighting up another one straight away. He had originally picked up the habit just in order to wind up his folks, but it had stuck like the permanent grease on Snivellus' hair. It annoyed James occasionally but they had developed a truce about the matter, he never complained about him playing with that bloody snitch anymore either. Sirius entertained himself for a moment by blowing the smoke in to different shapes. He sometimes smoked the muggle ones too, but you couldn't play around with them like this, and now that he had left the Black residence for good, there was no reason to over do his statements anymore. Absentmindedly his fingertips found the few scattered scars his family had generously provided him with at his yearly summer visits back home. Never again would he step even one toe inside that house ever again, that much he had promised to himself at least. He felt a bitter sense of accomplishment, thinking about the night he had finally decided that that part of his life was permanently over.

The emotion stirred a surprising memory in his mind. The hollow dark blue eyes that were so much like his own not so long ago. The quiet desperation of the endless days, always another one waiting at the end of the one you had finally managed to pull yourself through. He couldn't help the deep resonating sensation, even though he had tried to ignore and deny it for a while now. Here in the dusty calm of the empty tower he was finally able to admit it to himself. They were so different and yet somehow at the same time they were the same, and that had to be the reason why he had felt so drawn to her in the first place. Why her impassive silence had irritated him so much. It felt too much like his own, the one he so desperately wanted to suppress somewhere to the deep end of his consciousness. He simply couldn't help it.

It was a curious sensation, wanting to get closer to someone yet at the same time feeling like running away as fast as you could, he mused while leaning back against the cold stonewall. Tonight the sky was clear and he could se the stars through the open window. Somehow the night reminded him of her. Maybe it was because he had just been thinking about her or simply because the dark was her domain. Nevertheless he conveniently overlooked the smile that pulled the corners of his mouth, while he shut his eyes to enjoy the last moments alone before returning to his dorms for the night.

-XXX-

It had been a dream. Of course it was a dream; it would have been too good to be true. The scent of the night lilies and moonflowers had been heavy in the air, curtains pillowing in the gentle breeze. The comforting familiarity of her surroundings and the sound of Avena telling her that it was time to wake up; sun had set and it was time to join her father at the entrance hall to meet the quests. The memory of her mothers gentle laugh brought tears in her eyes. Eyes, which Valerian refused to open up to ascertain that she undeniably was not at home anymore.

"Valerian, are you awake honey?" there was a gentle knock on the door. So it had not been all of her imagination then. Someone was actually trying to wake her up, and that someone sounded awfully like Madam Pomfrey.

"Valerian, there are some who would wish to see you. I told them to come again after sunset, so they will probably be here shortly. Can I come in?" It was funny how she asked that, this was her office after all, so why would she need a permission to enter? Val chose not to say anything. Instead she turned to face the wall, hiding her face out of sight, hoping that the healer would just think that she was still asleep and leave her alone. She heard the door open hesitantly. Steps neared her from across the room and then the bed creaked under added weight when someone sat on its edge.

"Sweetheart, I know you are not sleeping anymore." the woman sighed. When Val turned to look at her inquisitively she smiled her sadly. "You are never that relaxed when you are asleep." she answered to her unspoken question. Her answer annoyed Valerian a great deal. She didn't like the fact that someone had seen her sleep, not to mention in so many occasions that they were able to make generalisations about her sleeping habits. It made her feel uneasy and wish they had allowed Kayn here so she could guard her while she slept. Frowning she pulled herself up to a sitting position and waited. The healer probably had an actual reason to waking her up and the sooner she hear her out the sooner she would be left alone again - or at least so she hoped.

"I wanted to warn you in advance." Madam Pomfrey began. "I know you will probably be upset when you meet them, but I hope you will at least hear them out." She looked at her expectantly, like Val was supposed to say something. All she could think about was why the woman thought she would be meeting anyone, and then it clicked.

"No." she managed to choke out.

"Valerian, be reasonable, they only want to apologise." Pomfrey tried to calm her down, concerned expression plastered on her ordinary looking face.

"No!" she repeated desperation thick in her voice. She could feel her eyes burning again, and she couldn't stand the thought of seeing their faces ever again - bastards, every last one of them.

"You will have to face them eventually, and it is better to do it now than procrastinate it to a point it will be even more unpleasant than it has to be." the witch told her firmly, in a tone that clearly said that she had made up her mind on the matter.

"They would find a way eventually anyway. Besides this way I am there to keep an eye on things just in case." she added more gently. "Put some clothes on while you wait. We will have to move you back to your dorms tonight." after this was said, she placed a small potion bottle on the nightstand and left the room closing the door softly behind her. Val wrinkled her nose at the bottle. They weren't allowed to give her any potions meant for humans, sense you were never really able to predict what would happen, so it contained only herbal extracts. She couldn't really see the point in making her drink those, but downed the bottle anyway, shuddering at the foul taste.

-XXX-

She had finished digging out her clothes and after putting them on was stretching her wings out after so many hours spend in bed, when the door slammed open.

"I TOLD YOU TO KNOK BEFORE YOU OPEN THE DOOR!" Madam Pomfrey's voice screeched at the other side of the open doorway.

"Sorry Poppy, won't happen again." someone's raspy voice tried to reassure her while two other students marched in to the small room.

"Hey Val, are you feeling better?" The one - was it James? – asked her, with a seemingly genuinely worried look on his face. Val wasn't fooled though. She proceeded to bare her teeth at him and let out a warning hiss, her posture rigid and crouched into a pose vaguely resembling a fighting stance. This seemed to shake him up a bit, and he took a surprised step back, holding his hands out in a gesture of surrender.

"Whoa! Calm down. We are not here to hurt you. We just wanted to tell you that we are really sorry about what happened. The whole thing just got really out of hand and…" he tried to explain.

"I don't want to hear any of it." Valerian interrupted him, hastily collecting her things around the small space and stuffing them inside her bag. When she tried to squeeze through the door past the two boys blocking her path, the other one gripped a hold of her arm.

"Please, can't you at least hear us out? You know we won't leave you aloe before you do." Sirius told her with a funny mixture of pleading and threatening. He kept a firm hold of her arm in order to not let her escape while waiting at her response.

"I'm not interested in anything you could possibly say, so juts leave me alone!" She seethed at him, building as much menace behind her words as she could muster. Knowing that her sidhe ways were most likely too overwhelming for him to bear when she used them in this extend. To her pleasure, Sirius swiftly let go of her arm and stood back, blinking rapidly before composing himself. It was impressive really, how fast he was able to recover.

"You want us to leave you alone?" he interrogated her, his grey eyes burning with sudden intent that confused her.

"Yes, that is exactly what I want!" she wasn't sure what the point of this conversation was anymore. The turn it had taken didn't make any sense to her.

"What if I would promise to give you what you want, but only with one term?" he continued to question her, his expression hard.

"Why would I agree on something as silly as that?" Valerian asked him mockingly, thinking that this whole thing was getting rather silly.

"Because you know how stubborn we can be, we definitely will not leave you alone otherwise." Sirius stated calmly, like this was a fact set in stone. Val pondered this for a moment, chewing her lip while thinking back to the previous week and their stubborn attempts at trying to hex her, and where their obsession had eventually gotten her. At this light, the outcome he painted with his words was not very appealing to her. Repeating what had happened the day before yesterday was not a possibility to her.

"Let's hear it then. What's your condition?" She eventually consented.

"Four months." he simply declared, taking a stand arms crossed like this was the battle of the wills and he was determined not to yield.

"What!" Val shouted exasperated and confused. She couldn't believe that the boy was making fun of her yet again, and she had fallen for it. How stupid could she be?

"Give us four months." Sirius repeated calmly, like her shouting had no effect on him what so ever.

"Four months to earn your forgiveness and prove to you that we are worth your trust." the end of his sentence came out a bit rushed, but other than that, he managed to sound rather convincing. Val, who had recently received a bitter lesson on humans lying and deceiving abilities, was not so easily persuaded however.

"And why would I believe that you are not just planning something nasty again?" she voiced her thoughts, lifting her chin up defiantly even though Sirius was a good deal taller than her, towering over her small frame.

"We will make a pact out of it, that way its binding right? Sense you are a fay and that's how it works with you guys?" funny how he suddenly sounded so unsure, Val thought tilting her head as she weighted out her options.

"So after four months you will leave me alone for good?" She ensured, and after Sirius nodded in response she chewed on her lip some more.

"If we make a pact, there must be something in on it for you too." she stated, looking at him a bit accusingly. Sirius hadn't really thought about this aspect at all, and seemed a bit lost for a moment.

"Well… if we are able to gain your forgiveness and trust, that would mean that we also win your friendship right?" he finally grinned, not wanting to rise the stakes too high so she would be more likely to agree. Wasn't this kind of what they were after in any case? Having friendly relationship with her would mean that they had accomplished what they were set out to do in order to help Dumbledore with the negotiations, right? Valerian frowned at his choice of words, but didn't say anything to deny them either.

"Very well then, Sirius Black. From here on out I will hold you to your words. Remember that they will bind you." She said holding out her hand. Sirius took it without any hesitation and felt a strange magical current creeping up his arm. When she released her hold there was a cold spot on his palm near the base of his thumb. It tingled the same way his skin used to, when cold winter wind bit his cheeks at mid winter quidditch practices. When he turned to look at it, there was a tiny indigo mark etched to his skin. It kind of looked like some kind of a flower, but he couldn't say for sure. It seemed like an ink splotch when you didn't look at it too carefully, but he instinctively knew that the tiny thing was a lot more than just that.

Valerian felt like she had just opened the Pandora's Box of disasters when she watched the reactions she had caused in the boys. They were supporting looks of triumph, amazement and confusion to name a few, and before they were able to recover from the shock of their sudden victory, she quickly took a firmer grip of her back and slipped out of the hospital wing. Nodding to the worried looking Madam Pomfrey in passing before the door clicked shut at her wake.

I am so nice aren't I? :D I was not planning for an update before the end of the next week at the earliest, but didn't really feel like studying to my pedagogy exams ^^'

I know Val reacts kind of strongly in this chap, but her emotions are a bit on the surface right now. Sirius is a funny boy, he doesn't really mind having a lung cancer but it doesn't mean you guys should smoke too. What do you think about the twist? Good, bad or too predictable? I had planned on it sense the beginning, but had to change it around a bit. What do you think the meaning of the little mark is? Any wild guesses? :D

I purposefully left the other Marauders kind of out of this part, sense this was from Val's POV and she didn't really pay them much of attention. Her mind is just a messy bundle of things... hard to write and keep it coherent at the same time. Wow, this must be my longest authors note so far! Sorry about that, if you don't want to hear my nonsense you can just skip these.

Send me some love!

- Kaie