EPOV

"So I'll see you," I smiled at her, as I left her apartment. As I hit the sidewalk I took a deep breath. That was needed after the heavy conversation we had just had. A lot of things had been said, a lot of very important things. I had told her what I wanted her to know, that I was ready to jump with her. And I learned that for her, jumping would be a big step. I wasn't the only one who had gone through something terrible apparently. I wanted to know so badly what it was that had happened to her that made her hold back, and have doubts about seeking love. What had happened to this beautiful girl that had made her broken? It hurt me to think about it, because a girl like her didn't deserve anything like that. She deserved the world on a silver plate and I wanted to give her anything she asked for. I just wanted to be with her really, that was the most important thing. God, the way she could make me feel. And hearing her say that she trusted me, was more than I could ever dream of. Because I of all people knew that trust didn't come easily – it's hard to trust people and it's hard to gain people's trust. But she trusted me and I trusted her. As she had said, it scared me too that I could trust her after so little time, and I had no idea how she could have that power over me. I didn't trust people, I hadn't for a long time. Betrayal doesn't make you trust people. I had trusted my mother to take us out of there before it was too late, to do something and stop this monster from hurting us, but she betrayed us. Our own mother, the person who is suppose to love you the most in the entire world, betrayed us. When you had gone through that, trusting people wasn't something you did easily. Esme and Carlisle had gained my trust, but it had taken years. But they had proven they were worth trusting. They had never let me down and they had helped me in very way possible. There simply didn't exist anyone more wonderful than my parents. And yes, they were my parents. Your parents aren't the ones who "make" you, your parents are the people who raise you, help you and give you only love. Biology doesn't decide your parents.

The fresh air felt so good on my skin. My heart was slowly getting back to beating in the normal rhythm. Up in her apartment I was sure it was gonna come jumping out of my chest at any minute. I don't think I had ever felt that nervous in my life before.

I decided there was no reason to just roam around the streets in the middle of the night, or whatever time it was. Sleep would probably be good efter a night like this. So I walked towards my car and drove home. Everyone was already sleeping, so I snuck in quietly and went straight to my bed. As my head hit the pillow I tried not to think about Bella more tonight. Because I really wanted to see her again, or hear her voice. Maybe I should call her? No, I didn't want to disturb her at this time, and I also should probably try to stay back a bit. But it was hard.

I kinda wanted the time to go by really fast, so I could see where all of this would end, with me and Bella. I was so unsure, and I didn't like that. I knew where I wanted to be with her, but I couldn't be sure that we would end up together. The uncertainty was painful. Since I was ready to jump, taking one day at the time seemed so slow. But I would do it like that, I wouldn't want to startle Bella, especially because she had doubted starting anything, because of something in the past. How I was so ready to jump with my past, was completely beyond me.

I woke up when I heard my door being shut. I opened my eyes and closed them again, as I saw Alice had opened my curtains. I rubbed my eyes and opened them slowly, letting them adjust to the light, as Alice plopped down in the chair I had in my room. I sat up and yawned.

"Were you home late last night?"

"I have no idea.. There were other things in my head than looking at the clock."

"How did it go? Did you tell her what you needed to say?"

Alice knew about Bella. Me and Alice told each other everything. We knew when something was up with each other, so there was no possible reason to hide anything. We seeked for comfort in each other. When something was up we knew we could talk to each other. Especially when all of my fears came back, my urge to fall back, to let the demon inside me take control again, I could talk to Alice. Because she wouldn't just say "No Edward, you can't fall back, you can do this" – she would talk to me about it, understand how I felt and see it from my point of view. I kinda admired Alice for always listening to me, when everything was going bad, which happened quite alot, since she had moved on in her life. I mean, she hadn't had dark years, but still. Occasional some of the things I talked about led back to our childhood, and I hated bringing that up, not wanting Alice to think about it and hurt because of it; I still felt very protective of her. Not that she hurt because of it. Alice could talk about it. I admired that too. I just admired her ability to have gotten over it and not having let it control her life. She was a strong person. A lot stronger than me, that was for sure. Alice always told me otherwise, and then when I brought up my monster years, she always replied with that I had had the worst childhood of the two of us, I was the one getting beaten all the time and trying to fight for us, it had been hardest on me, which was the reason I had let it control me, let the demon inside me come out for some years, not because I was weak. She told me so many times how grateful she was for all the things I had done for us, and for her, and that she didn't know a stronger person than me. Because not only had I fought our battles, I had gotten out of my misuse of drugs and alcohol, I hadn't let it be my future, and because of that she admired me.

I could see what she meant, but I don't know if I always agreed. No matter if I had gotten out of my monster years, they had still happened, which I wasn't proud of, and I would always hate myself a bit for it.

"Yeah, I said what I needed to say. I'm glad I did, because she deserves to know."

"I'm proud of you Edward.."

"I didn't tell her my story, Alice."

"No, I know, of course not, that seems a bit soon, plus I know how you feel about that, but you at least told her that you have some things that hold you back and that you are scarred."

"Apparently I'm not the only one."

"What do you mean?"

"Something has happened to her too, Alice. I don't know what, but it hurts me that she has gone through something. I had to convince her that us trying things out, just trying, could work. She was holding back, she is scared."

"It hurts you?"

"Yes, Alice, it does. She's.. god, I don't know what she is, but she's so fucking special, and I don't what her to be scared and I don't want her to be hurt for whatever reason it might be."

"You care about her," Alice stated, it wasn't a question.

"I don't know.."

"You do, Edward, or else you wouldn't say that. You care about her, and it probably scares you, which I understand. You already told me you trust her, but you care about her too. Don't let the fear stop you at any point. Let it happen, it might be the most right thing you do."

"You are probably right, but it's so hard. I'm ready to jump, I really am, but it's still hard. There are so many things I'm still scared of telling her, scared that I might show her."

"Forget all of that, Edward. Think about how you feel now, and not how you'll feel in the time to come or what will happen. Forget all of that."

Alice always said the wise words. She always understood and she always knew what things to say. It was kinda amazing.

I glanced at the clock. It was 3 pm. I guess I had really needed some sleep.

I got dressed and went down to eat some breakfast, well lunch, late lunch. I threw together a chicken and bacon sandwich, and sat down at the kitchen counter.

"See you!" Alice shouted from the hallway.

"Wait!" I got up from my seat and walked to the hallway to see Alice all dressed up. "Where are you going?"

"Going out with some friends, not sure when I'll be home, maybe tomorrow."

"Ah okay, well have a good time."

"You too, Edward."

I grabbed my keys, not in the mood to be home alone in this huge house. My parents were on a weekend stay in Paris, so me and Alice had the house to ourselves.

Being alone in the house probably wasn't the reason I was leaving.

I wanted to go see Bella.

I didn't even know if she was home, and again I would come without an invite.

I ended up at the door to her apartment. I knocked but no one opened. I didn't want to drive home again, not before I had seen her face. I sat down beside her door, and decided to wait for her, which might seem creepy, but I just.. I couldn't really explain why I did as I did.

I had no idea how long I had been sitting there when I heard the door to the building open and my heart started beating faster, hoping it was Bella, nervous about her reaction that I was sitting here.

"Edward, what are you doing here?" she asked apprehensive. "Is something wrong?"

"No.. I just.. I wanted to see you. It's probably weird that I'm just sitting here at your door. I don't even know if you have time, or.. I should probably have texted you..," I rambled on.

"It's okay."

"So.. do you have any plans or?"

"No, I was just gonna watch a movie and eat some fast food," she held up the bag and the smell of fries and pizza hit me.

"Oh okay.."

"You are welcome to join."

I smiled as she unlocked her door and I followed her in.

"You can just sit down on the couch, I'll get somethig in the kitchen."

I did as she said, and sat down in the same exact spot I had last time. This tension lingered in the apartment. I hadn't even kissed her when she had come up the stairs to the front door. Did we do that? Were we all cuddlely and cute? Or was there still this distant between us? I was unsure.

She came back with the food in the bag, two glasses and a bottle of coca cola.

"Not very glamorous, but I was just gonna have a movie night with myself. But we can do something else, if you want to.."

"No, I don't wanna ruin your plans, let's watch a movie," I smiled. "Did you have any in mind?"

"Yes, I was gonna watch Titanic, the chick flick movie, so I don't know if you are up for it."

"Let's do it," I smiled again.

She started the dvd and we ate the food.

When we were done she paused the movie and went to the kitchen with all the leftovers. I took a deep breath and got up, walking in the direction I saw she had gone.

She was walking back, so I meant her on the half way. "Anything you ne.."

I leaned in and kiss her, very slow, very softly. I stepped closer, my lips still on hers, as I cupped her cheek and deepened the kiss a little.

I pulled back and smiled shyly. She was blushing and I traced my finger tips over her cheek. Without any words she grabbed my hand and led me back to the living room. I sat down while she started the movie again.

She sat down next to me, very close. I wrapped my arm around her and placed my left hand on her waist. I looked at her questioningly, she nodded and I pulled her closer to me. She rested her head on my chest and my fingers caressed arm.

This was a perfect moment.

"I've always loved this movie," she suddenly said. "I've watched it so many times when I was young. I rememer seeing it the first time when I was 11, hoping I would find my Jack someday."

I loved how she was sharing her childhood memories with me. It made me warm inside, swell up with happiness to be honest.

"I remember this one boy that I was madly in love with when I was 11. I remember asking him if he wanted to be my Jack, and he just shook his head at me. It was probably a bit too early to started looking," she giggled.

I think that was the first time I heard her giggle. It was a sound I would never get tired of, I knew right away. It was perfect, it touched me.

"Maybe a little," I laughed a long with her.

"I use to believe there was a Jack out there for everyone. Someone who would love you despite anything and give his life away for you. But that was when I was a kid. Now I'm older and well.. smarter."

"You never know. Your Jack might still be out there, never stop believing."

Because I knew that if she asked me to be her Jack, I wouldn't hesitate to answer – "yes" would be the answer right away.

I would be her Jack if she wanted me too.

I wanted to her Jack.

A/N: That was chapter 10, and like I promised; it wouldn't take forever to be uploaded, haha. So what do you think? I would love to hear your thoughts in a review – what you think means a lot to me.

Thank you so much for reading. I'll see you soon again.

x Susanne