A/N: Hey all. And more updates are here. For those of you who haven't yet read my journal (link in profile) as it stands I have officially enlisted into the military. I am supposed to leave for boot camp Monday. I tried so hard to finish this story in the downtime of not updating, but I've been so busy with pre-training, my muscles are killing me by the way X(, Marines show no mercy! Among other life stuff. So I only managed to satisfactorily (meaning that I'm comfortable with publishing them, the others have a few kinks to work out) finish five chapters. This story is actually 21 chapters long, including the epilogue. So, boot camp lasts for 13 weeks meaning that after these few chapters the remaining seven chapters will be posted sometime in March. I know...DAMN! But I do hope that you guys will stick around and wait until I come back for the updates. I really hate leaving my stories like this but I honestly don't have a choice. I elaborate on this more in my livejournal. So today and tomorrow are update days for this story okay? Anyway, back to the fic, enjoy!
In this Chapter: Koga struggles with the reality of Inuyasha and Kagome.
Disclaimer: See first chapter.
Song Disclaimer: "Behind Blue Eyes" lyrics ownership of The Who. Version featured by Limp Bizkit.
Side Note: This entire fic is sort of AU, considering that certain things in the Anime and Manga are not yet canon, (i.e the Band of Seven Arc has not yet occurred). In other words, this is pretty much like the same principle as the Inuyasha movies.
Obsessed, Devoured, and Disturbed
Chapter 10: Koga
Complicated. That's what things had so quickly become for the wolf prince. Utterly and righteously, complicated. He couldn't understand anything anymore. Everything had been thrown out of proportion. His world had begun to crumble. He was confused, pained, afraid and lonely. And it was all because of one girl. It'll always be for her.
The sun was just beginning to set as he rested on his hands and knees beside a spring. He let the tips of his fingers graze the cool, smooth surface before collecting a palm full of water and bringing it to his parched lips. Closing his eyes, he allowed the refreshing liquid to wash throughout his system before opening them once more to catch a glimpse of his reflection. The image before him rippled and danced in the small rapids of spring water. Damn, I look terrible. He took notice of his weary eyes as well as the fine cuts and bruises upon his flesh from his recent encounter with a mantis demon. It barely touched me though. It was then that he vaguely remembered enduring another one of his attacks. The torment had been so intense that he had begun to drive his claws into his own flesh as a means to dull the pain.
He had been wandering around blindly for weeks, following her scent. He would've met up with her had her scent not been polluted by the presence of a certain dog demon. Damn him! Koga thought with ire. Inuyasha was always in the way. Even before he and Kagome...Grrr! He's always in the way!
"That bothers you doesn't it?" The Voice began.
Why does she care about him so much anyway? He's just using her! Koga's unconscious mind responded.
"Hmm, interesting choice of words. You are right. He is 'using' her. Just as she used you. Isn't that how you feel? Used?"
I wasn't used! His mind shouted.
"Oh how delusional you are. Of course you feel used. You feel as if she doesn't care; doesn't love you."
She does. She told me. She...
"When exactly did she 'tell you.?'"
She... Koga's mind froze as did his body. He had slipped inside of himself and appeared to be no more than a vegetable in the physical realm as he remained still and dazed by the spring.
"Precisely. She never did. But that is why you must make her love you. It's a mere matter of...getting rid of dead weight."
Getting rid of dead weight.
"I'm sure that Kagome would be absolutely devastated if she were to lose someone dear to her. Say, one of her friends?"
She'd just turn to Inuyasha. Koga's subconscious spoke solemnly.
"Who said that he would be the one who got to live?" The Voice spoke coyly.
Wait...should I kill Inuyasha?
"It's what you want isn't it? Inuyasha out of the picture? And then, Kagome will be yours for the taking."
Kagome...will be sad. I've been hurting her. I've been hurting Kagome! Koga's unconscious mind shouted in protest.
"Just as she has hurt you!" The Voice shouted back, sending a surge of pain throughout Koga's system. The wolf prince then grasped his temples as he toppled over onto the moistened soil.
"Ah!" He cried out in agony as his body began to tremble and shiver.
"YOU are ALL she has LEFT! She will have no choice but to turn to you! She is your mate now! You have joined with her! She belongs to you and NO ONE ELSE!" The Voice bellowed into every fiber of Koga's being, permeating through to his very soul. The angrier it became, the more painful its punishment, and the more Koga could feel himself slipping further from the earth.
I never...the mark...she doesn't have my mark. Koga's mind strained.
"And whose fault is that? Had you completed the ritual she would be yours now! That pathetic half-breed would want nothing to do with her once he saw the mark of ownership upon the flesh of her neck!" The Voice continued to shout.
She wasn't ready for that.
"But she was ready for all else?" The Voice mocked.
"Ah!" Koga dug his claws into the forest floor as if searching for a remedy to his pain. "He-hel-" He couldn't speak, and didn't understand what was happening. He felt as if he was being pulled away from reality by an unknown force. "Ka...Kago...Ah!" A single tear slipped down his cheek and soon another, before he knew it, the wolf prince began to sob. "Oh...Kagome. Help me...please!" He cried out, tears flowing ruthlessly in unbridled torrents down his heated cheeks, the salty contents beginning to sting the fine cuts that grazed his flesh. "It hurts! It hurts so much! Why..." Koga could feel his chest beginning to tighten from stress and sorrow. "Why did you leave me? Alone?" He curled into a fetal position bawling out his pain and anxieties. He had never cried so severely, not even as a cub. God woman...what have you done to me?
Nozomi sat upon a hilltop on the outskirts of a forest, eyes closed as her fingertips rested lightly against her temple. Her red tresses danced behind her like a fountain of wine gently gracing the soft fabric of her midnight black kimono. Her pale flesh seemed to glow in the dusk hour, her ruby red lips mincing with her complexion like cherries in the snow.
Why did you leave me? Why did you leave me alone? I loved you, and you didn't even care! How could you not care? Koga's sobbing heart seemed to scream within her mind. Suddenly she felt a wet something begin to drag down her cheek. She opened her eyes then to reveal her glassy crimson orbs. Bringing her fingertips to her face, she caught the tiny droplets that rested there. She stared at them bemusedly, tilting her head slightly at the foreign substance that dripped from her lithe digits. She then warily brought them to her lips, allowing her tongue to slip through to taste the strange liquid. "It is salty." It was then that Nozomi realized something. "Why, it is...my tears." She furrowed her eyebrows, highly confused as to why she would shed tears at all. She was a powerful and heartless demon; she was incapable of feeling anything...especially sadness. Am I sad?
"Nozomi, come." Naraku broke into her thoughts then, causing her to return to herself.
"Yes, Naraku." Nozomi nodded to herself as she stood to her feet. Staring out into the distant forest one last time, she turned on her heels to head towards Naraku's castle.
The travelers had stopped in the middle of a forest and had begun to set up camp. Shippo had gone with Miroku to collect more firewood, and Inuyasha had gone to sniff out the area to make sure that everything was safe for the night as Sango and Kagome prepared a small meal for dinner. The two girls sat mostly in an awkward silence. Sango sat by and cleaned Hiraikotsu while Kagome finished with the instant noodles.
Kagome had told her to keep quiet about everything. That included Koga's attack, Jun's murder, and Kagome's plan to take the wolf prince down. Truly it was killing Sango. She wanted so much to tell Inuyasha about everything that was going on. Part of her was slightly annoyed with Kagome. She knew that the only reason the other girl didn't want Inuyasha to know about this whole ordeal was because of guilt. She feels like this is her fault. Sango frowned into the other girl's direction. She slowly shook her head as not to draw attention to herself. That still...even if she did do that with Koga, that's no excuse for him to do those things. And besides, he's acting strange anyway. Can't you see Kagome? Something's wrong with him. Something's wrong with Koga. She wanted so much to express all of this to Kagome, after all, she did feel that her decision was a little hasty and quite reckless. Killing Koga? What is she thinking about? Sango released a low sigh as she studied her friend further. She could see the weight of stress and worry heavy upon her. But more so, and she was shocked that Inuyasha with his keen senses couldn't pick up on it as well, was the guilt. I guess even Inuyasha can be dense sometimes. Sango thought tiredly.
"There." Kagome sighed as she finished the instant noodles. She then sat still waiting for the others to return as she idly fiddled with her fingers. She could feel Sango's eyes upon her and she suddenly felt confined and small, wanting to crawl deep inside of herself completely hidden. What she and Koga had done was a result of reckless behavior and bad judgment and now she and those she cared for had to pay for her actions. It was enough to make anyone want to disappear into darkness. Haven't I done that already? Now all she could do was redeem herself through her desperation. Getting rid of Koga? Is this really the way?
"Please! Koga, don't do this!" Kagome cried out as she squirmed beneath his weight in efforts to free herself from his grasp. She then felt him roughly beginning to lift her sundress past her hips and she could do nothing but cry at the feeling of the cool air of exposure.
"What are you thinking about?" Sango's voice tore through her thoughts.
"Huh?" Kagome blinked.
"You're so quiet. I know a lot has happened, but you still don't tell me much, Kagome." Sango sighed.
Kagome lowered her eyes, focusing them upon the blades of grass that swayed in the evening breeze. "I know. I'm sorry, Sango. It's just that..." Kagome trailed.
Sango nodded her understanding. "Don't worry about it." There was a moment of silence before a thought came to Sango. "Kagome, about Koga." Sango began. She was more than certain that she could feel Kagome shrivel before her even though their eyes did not meet.
"Yes." It was more of a confirmation than a response as Kagome released an inaudible sigh.
"How?" Sango was so curious as to what Kagome planned to do. The other girl was being rather ambiguous. Or maybe she's not even sure what she wants to do. Sango sighed tiredly. "Kagome, I really think that we should just tell Inuyasha what's going on." She saw Kagome raise her head, anguish evident within the girl's eyes. "Think about it. He's bound to find out sooner or later. How do you think he'll feel knowing that you kept such things from him? After all that you've been through together, I'm sure he'd feel rather betrayed." Sango winced at the last part of her sentence. She hadn't meant to word it so harshly.
"Either way, Sango, Inuyasha will feel betrayed, because I betrayed him. I...slept with Koga." Kagome grimaced at her words. She had been having a hard time uttering the words aloud. The truth did indeed hurt.
"Well in fairness to you, Inuyasha did choose to be with Kikyo." Sango tried to lighten the situation.
"It doesn't matter anymore. I have to see Koga. If not to kill him, I have to find out what's going on with him. Everything is so messed up right now, and confusing." Kagome shook her head.
Sango nibbled on her lower lip, studying her friend with an inquisitive eye. Sighing, she decided to play by Kagome's rules for the time being, just to avoid further confrontation. "Well, you're definitely not going alone."
Kagome raised her eyes to meet with Sango's. She couldn't believe her ears. Was Sango really going to back her on this? "Sango."
"I love you Kagome. And I'll never let anything happen to you." Sango assured, but continued in a stern tone. "And neither will Inuyasha."
Kagome gave a half-smile using all of her will power to retain the expression for a fraction of a second. I know Inuyasha would never let anything happen to me. But Koga... Her mind trailed. She decided to stop thinking before she confused herself even further. She saw Inuyasha and the others approaching from the distance and immediately straightened.
"Is it ready?" Inuyasha sniffed the air taking in the delicious scent of the instant noodles.
"Yep. Dig in." Kagome urged.
"Great!" Inuyasha didn't hesitate to oblige her orders as he plopped down onto the ground grabbing a bowl and inhaling as many noodles as possible.
"Easy Inuyasha! You're splashing broth on my fur!" Shippo squealed earning a decent bopping on the head by a rather occupied Inuyasha. "Ow! Hey, what'd you do that for!" Shippo griped, rubbing his noggin.
"Shippo, you know better than to disturb Inuyasha while he's feeding." Miroku replied calmly as he sipped his broth.
"You say it as if I'm some sort of animal!" Inuyasha grumbled with a mouth stuffed of noodles and vegetables.
"Hmph! If the dog-ears fit!" Shippo teased causing Inuyasha to ball his fist up, startling the young kitsune who sprang up to perch safely upon Kagome's shoulder. "Geez! He's so violent when he's eating!" Shippo exclaimed.
"You should know better." Kagome sighed softly.
"Is everything alright, Kagome? You seem troubled." Miroku observed.
"What?" Kagome brightened. "Oh no, I'm fine! Just thinking about this new demon we're tracking!" Kagome instantly regretted bringing the subject up as she saw Inuyasha stop slurping suddenly from the corner of her eye. Swallowing, she studied him for a spell before she witnessed him gobble down the rest of his meal, tossing the bowl aside and swiftly nesting himself in a tree.
Sango noticed the silent exchange, and she had to bite her tongue in order to keep from saying anything. She felt as if it wasn't her place to do so, and so she would respect Kagome's wishes and keep quiet.
"HELP ME!" She screamed out.
"No!" Koga retreated from his assaults on her undergarments to cover her mouth, muffling her screams. "Shh, shh. It's okay, Kagome. Everything will be okay, now...I promise." Koga whispered insanely, causing Kagome to widen her eyes in sheer horror...
Sango inwardly winced as the memory of awakening to find her friend struggling underneath the wolf prince's violent advances. She remembered how afraid and helpless Kagome appeared, and so she had collected all of her strength and stopped the assault using Hiraikotsu. Inuyasha. Is she ever going to tell him? Kagome...I don't like this. Not at all. Sango thought wearily watching as Kagome cleaned up the area, emptiness highly evident in her aura. Her emotional baggage found its way onto Sango's heart, making her ache for her friend. She needs help. Something's going to happen.
No one knows what it's like, to be the bad man, to be the sad man, behind blue eyes...
"I can't just sit here. I need her. I need her with me." Koga muttered to himself as he hugged his knees under a tree. He held his fingers taut around his upper arms to somehow ease his constant tremors. It was as if he were suffering from withdrawal from a highly addictive narcotic. And in many ways, that was indeed true. He truly had become addicted to Kagome. Her touch, her scent, her smile, all aspects which he gratefully drank in with every moment that she spent with him in her time of darkness. And when he had made love to her, he had been completely taken under. And since then, he had craved her every second...needed her. In every way to him she was beautiful. In every way to him she was perfect; the perfect...addiction.
...But my dreams they aren't as empty, as my conscious seems to be...
"S-she can't j-just leave me like that and expect me t-to just disappear. I mean who the hell does she think she is? And dog breath, he really needs to just get a damn clue already! I gave and I gave, and what did I get...NOTHING! Nothing from her, f-from anyone!" He continued to mutter manically as the sun slowly descended behind the horizon, painting the sky a hollow tint of violet and orange.
...I have hours, only lonely, my love is vengeance that's never free...
"I can't go on like this. S-something has to happen, I have to do something. It's too much. T-too much. I can't...I can't just...she has to...Kagome you can't just...you don't share someone's bed and not feel anything...i-it's just not possible. She felt something, she's just hooked to that brainless...spineless, useless...he's nothing! I'm everything she needs...I have to be...I have to be...she needs me..." A bead of sweat trickled down his temple trailing towards his chin. "...she needs me..." His shoulders began to tremble as his mind began to feel hazy and a dizzy feeling overcame him. "...I...I, need her."
"Stop your mindless chatter you weakling!" The Voice interrupted.
I'm not weak!
"Nonsense! You're like a lost child, crying after being separated from its mother. You have no direction. Why, you've even lost true sight of who you are."
I need her. I need Kagome. She's all I have. She's...all I am.
"Then take her you fool!" The Voice chastised.
She won't...she won't come to me.
"Then you will go to her."
But he'll stop me. Inuyasha...Suddenly an eerie feeling washed over Koga. It was unlike anything he had felt or experienced before. It was similar to anger but more pure and raw, almost primal. That son of a whore!
"You feel it, do you not?"
Feel...
"The anger, the hatred...rage. Kagome is yours. She made her decision that night. So abandon your cowardice and take back what is rightfully yours! Inuyasha no longer matters. And he will soon understand that fact, once he finally learns...the truth."
The truth.
"You will not tell him. Just allow fate to walk its path."
Fate.
"Do you know why Inuyasha keeps Kagome around? It most certainly isn't because he loves her. The pathetic half-breed is too simple-minded to know the meaning of such feelings. Feelings as strong as yours."
Why does he keep Kagome around? It's like she's trapped.
"Indeed she is. Trapped by disillusioned feelings of love for her dear Inuyasha. In truth it is the spirit of the dead priestess that keeps her bound to him."
Dead priestess? An image suddenly flashed into Koga's subconscious. A memory?
"Who are you? What are you, doing here?" Kikyo questioned...
What the...! She looks exactly like Kagome! "What the hell?" Koga gasped as he gazed into her crimson orbs.
"What she felt for you, however, was real. But the poor girl is frightened. She has never felt anything so strong, and truly...hers."
She wants me?
"She's blind Koga. Just as Inuyasha is blind to her delusional feelings, she is blind to her own true feelings of passion towards you. The girl is trapped in a vicious cycle. One that you must help her escape."
Kagome. Koga's mind soon began to drift and wander. He remembered their first meeting and how disastrous it was.
"AHHHH! Help!" Kagome screamed as the wolf prince leaped and bounded from rock to rock upon the mountain.
"Will you shut-up!" Koga yelled in frustration.
"I'll scream if I want to!" Kagome shouted back in anger as she continued to scream...
"...This girl can see sacred jewel shards, so she's off limits you got it!" Koga warned his comrades sternly who all surrounded the raven-haired girl with ravenous stares and growls, causing her to cower in fear...
"...Back off!" Kagome shouted as her palm made forceful contact with Koga's cheek.
"She just hit Koga!"
"Do you remember how you felt at that moment? You had wanted to take her as your mate based upon her abilities alone, no?"
It's true. I didn't truly love her at the time. I just wanted her because she was a valuable asset to me.
"Hmmm, interesting."
B-but, it's not like that anymore! It may have started out that way two years ago but, I've changed! My feelings...they're unlike anything I've felt before. I really love her. "I feel like I've been ripped in two Kagome." Koga whispered to himself as he rested the back of his head on the tree.
...No one knows what it's like to feel these feelings, like I do. And I blame you...
"You're so restless. So weary. Burdened and heavy with love and sadness. Such a dangerous pair they are."
She hates me. Koga thought idly.
"Why do you say such things?"
She hates me. I'm...a monster. Koga's mind floated, going from one sporadic thought to another. It was as if he were venturing further and further from mental stability. He's going to kill me. What I've done...he's going to kill me.
"He's going to try." The Voice stated firmly.
...No one bites back his heart on their anger, none of my pain woe, can show through...
He'll die trying. Suddenly Koga's demeanor was once again dark. He had lost all rational thought and abandoned all feelings of doubt and insecurities. It was unreal, how he would go from a feeling of complete submission and fear, to impulsive and dangerous. It was almost as if there were two sides of him that were battling against one another for dominance, and he was caught in the middle of a mental crossfire.
"Your love breeds darkness, young wolf prince. That is what I admire about you. Your love...is real." The Voice faded into the darkness that was quickly beginning to fill his soul, and then...there was silence.
Koga stood to his feet then. A gust of wind whisked through his raven tresses as he stared into the settling night. Closing his eyes, he took in the fresh scent of nature that surrounded him. He then began to feel a strange sensation of elation. A disturbing calm held him under, and it was as if emotion in itself was an unknown property. Opening his eyes, they revealed an unusual glow. They were no longer icy blue, nor were they crimson, but a cloudy midnight black. He appeared soulless, as if to be a walking void of some sort. His pulse now steady, and his mind now dormant, he dragged his tongue over his lips idly before speaking aloud to himself. "Kagome, my love...is real."
Nozomi allowed the evening breeze to dance around her form as she sat outside Naraku's castle in a meditative state. She opened her eyes then to show pearl white orbs that were at the moment iris-free. The ghostly appearance of the pair was enough to send chills throughout the system even the most unscrupulous of demons. Blinking a few times, she released a sigh as her eyes returned to their normal crimson glow. She gazed out into the distance, studying the vast opening before her. "Lovely." Standing to her feet, she turned on her heels to head for inside of the castle.
She had made it inside her master's dwelling, passing through the dark and bleak halls with no fear or submission whatsoever. As she ventured deeper into the noble castle, she caught sight of a figure from the corner of her eye. Stopping, she turned her head slightly to view them properly. She saw them then, a young boy dressed in a demon slayer's garb. He sat in a darkened corner, staring at the ground intently. Nozomi narrowed her eyes into his direction letting them rest upon him for a moment. The boy. A jewel shard chains him to the earth. Nozomi then placed her hand over her heart absently at the thought. Her lithe fingers clenched at the fabric of her kimono. Inhaling, she turned from him then, and continued further into Naraku's castle, finally approaching his private quarters.
"Nozomi, you have good news for me I presume?" Naraku gave her a dark smirk. He could read her movements, and as such was anticipating a good report.
"Yes Naraku." Nozomi bowed her head in reverence.
"Oh?" Naraku casted a sly grin into Nozomi's direction. Kagura could only look between the two in anticipation of what the demon had to tell.
Nozomi spared Naraku a glance and then Kagura. Her eyes narrowed slightly, before looking down towards her master once more. Releasing an inaudible sigh she continued. "It has started."
Naraku could only close his eyes in delight. So many things would happen, so many would be hurt. And one will die. A twisted smile spread upon Naraku's pale lips. All of the evil events that were soon to occur brought him great pleasure and on some level entertainment. To watch them all suffer. Oh what a privilege indeed. He opened his eyes and met them with Nozomi's once more, quite pleased with all that had happened, and all that was soon to come. "Excellent."
To be continued...