Amu pov
His arms circled my waist and his nose nuzzled the uninjured side of my neck.
"You saved my life, do you know that?" He breathed.
"I can end it just as quickly."
"Why did you save me?" That's a really good question, isn't it? I didn't answer. I didn't know how to answer. I felt the need? I was paying him back for protecting me in the past? I was trying to make him guilty?
"Could it be… because little Amu loves me?" He smirked against my neck. Semi-compassionate moment over.
I wiggled out of his grasp again.
"Don't touch me!" That came out much harsher than intended. I tried to cap my emotions, it was something I learned from the insane asylum, but they were breaking out and it was all his fault!
His hair masked his face.
"What did I do?" My eyes widened. What did he do? What did he do? He started the chain of events that led to the destruction of my life! When he left, I tried so hard to be upbeat. I went out with my friends every day, faked a smile every day, and held hands with Tadase every day. I tried so hard! So why, when I killed myself inside for those people, did I come home from seeing those people because they insisted upon it, to doctors covering Ami with a sheet in front of my burning memories! WHY?
FLASHBACK
"Amu-chan!" My mother's voice rang out.
"You have visitors!" I groaned. Didn't I just see them yesterday? I spent all day with them getting ice cream!
"Okay, be down in a second!" I splashed my face with cold water in the bathroom to wake myself up, and then looked for my holy grail. Ah-ha! My concealer!
I never wore makeup before, but after Ikuto left, for some reason I kept losing sleep and getting bags under my eyes. They appeared the day after he was gone, and I snuck out and bought concealer that day when Tadase commented that I looked tired. Since then I'd worn a heavy bit under my eyes to recreate the old Amu.
I ran down stairs when I finished.
"I hope you didn't wait long!" I smiled at each of my friends, Rima, Yaya, Tadase, Nagihiko, Kukai and Utau.
"Not at all." Tadase took my hand, smiling sweetly.
"Those two are 'in the mood' again!" Yaya giggled as we walked out of the house and down the street.
"Y-Yaya!" I stuttered as well as I could, holding my breath to fake a blush. Everyone laughed, including me, sort of.
The day consisted of the amusement park, cotton candy, ring toss games, and fake smiles.
*6 pm*
"Well guys, I've got to go! My mom will be mad if I'm late for dinner, bye!"
"Why don't we walk you home?" Because I'll strangle you, that's why.
"Yeah, let's walk Amu-chii home!" Let's not.
I completely lost that battle. We walked home, chattering about assorted things, how my thirteenth birthday was, how Yaya's little brother was getting along, stuff like that. Until it happened.
First we saw the ambulance. It was a relatively normal occurrence on my street considering the kid five doors down from me never seemed to get that swing+ jump=broken arm.
Next came the smoke. It was thick black smoke that didn't come from chimneys.
Last, I saw the orange glow and heard the wailing sirens in the direction of my house. I broke off into a run.
The others were too absorbed in their own superficial world of teen gossip to notice all of these signs, or even the fact of my sprinting like a mad woman.
I screamed. It seemed like all I could do was scream. My throat started to burn before it went raw to the point of numbness. People buzzed all around me as I knelt, screaming. Neighbors stood in awe, doctors and firemen tried to calm me but I didn't hear. I screeched out, tasting hot salt water on my tongue. My voice was being used up quickly, and if I kept it up I thought my throat might bleed. I didn't care in the slightest.
I wailed at the top of my lungs, rocking back and forth as they pulled a blackened six year old from the ashes. At least I thought that's what it was. I couldn't see from the tears blurring my vision, I couldn't hear through my own cries. My senses were fried.
I could just feel hands stroking my back, and the hum of the familiar voices of the six teens I'd been out with. I slapped them away. Hard.
Again I was running. Running with bloody lungs, my frame trembling. My name was called from every direction, echoing through the night. The voices contorted as I ran further, they chased me. More voices joined, unfamiliar now, screams that mocked my stupidity, why wasn't I there? Why did I leave them? Why can't I convince anyone to stay with me?
'STOP IT! PLEASE!' My voice was gone; if I spoke it would come out as an indecipherable rasp. The voices didn't heed my pleas. They tripled in force, suffocating me in their toxic clutches. They chuckled at my panic, mimicking the voices of all I once trusted. I was much too far from the house for anyone to be calling me.
The shoelace of my converse caught on a branch of some sort, sending me toppling forward. Rocks caught my fall, bruising my torso and scraping my palms, but I didn't mind. I kicked off my shoes and socks, dipping my hands in the flowing ice water of the small creek.
My eyes squeezed shut at the pain of the water coming in contact with the dirty cuts across my palms.
'That's nothing to burning alive! Get used to it!' My mother's voice spat.
'Wipe those filthy tears! As if you'll miss us! You planned this!' I dunked my head under the churning water at my father's hate-filled voice.
The last voice drove me to do the unthinkable. It wasn't angry at all, just sad and lost.
'Onee-chan…' Ami sniffed 'Why weren't you there, Onee-chan? I'm scared. It burns and I can't stop it.'
'SCREW IT!' I screamed at the voices, chucking the closest thing I could find at a tree. It smashed into millions of little red pieces, and I instantly felt a infectious pain in my chest. Ran's egg. My heart. I just smashed a piece of my heart. It seemed like a low price to pay for killing my family. I felt around to find that the eggs had spilled from my bag, all marked with white x's.
Experimentally, I threw Miki's egg against a rock. The same result ensued. The pain was raw and jagged. Like a deep wound reopened. I liked it.
'So that's what was wrong with me. My heart is my weakness.' I reassured myself as I ground Suu into the earth with my bare foot. The pain was more intense as I got closer to the ultimate end of my heart. I loved it.
I held the last of my heart in my hands, laughing with the voices at the pathetic memory of trying to get the x off of this very egg. The egg that I crushed to smithereens in my hand. The pain ripped through me like a dull rusty knife plunged into my chest. I fell to my knees at the crushing force of it. I pressed my nails into my palms to try to balance the pain. The creek ran red as I plunged my hands under. Ice pulsed through my veins, making my mind spin. The voices screamed, invading my head, taking control.
I heard a violin play from afar and I stiffened. It was as beautiful as his music. The tune was unemotional, but I still dragged toward it like a moth to light, in hopes. A female voice was added to it.
(One Republic- Fall Down)
"Step out the door and it feels like rain,
That's the sound, that's the sound on your window pane.
As I wandered toward the lovely voice, rain as sharp as glass hailed from the sky.
Take to the streets but you can't ignore,
That's the sound, that's the sound, your waiting for.
Strangely, even though I had tried to forget Ikuto, I still yearned for the sound of his violin. This song started to freak me out, but at the same time, the voices and pain were fading out.
If ever your world starts crashing down,
Whenever your world starts crashing down, whenever your world starts crashing down,
That's when you find me…
And that was exactly what I was doing. Even though it wasn't Ikuto, I felt the need to find the voice. The sadness in me was leading my blindly towards the sound.
Yeah,
God love your soul and your aching bones,
Take a breath,
Take a step,
Meet me down below.
Everyone's the same,
Our fingers to our toes.
We just can't get a ride,
But we're on the road.
If ever your world starts crashing down,
Whenever your world starts crashing down, whenever your world starts crashing down,
That's when you find me…
Yeah,
Lost till you're found,
Swim till you drown,
No, no we all fall down.
Love till you hate,
Strong till you break,
No, no we all fall…down.
I came to a clearing. Steam rose in the conflict between the icy rain and the sun-warmed grass that was strangely soft and fine between my toes.
I looked on to see several lost and pathetic beings, like me. There were birds with bad wings, flying at new speeds, the wings seeming to grow stronger each time the bow stroked the cords of the violin. There was a rabbit with an ear missing; a wolf that had lost its pack, a clawless cat, all of them seemed relieved of their troubles. I felt it too, listening. The voices were gone, I felt like I was walking on air. I breathed in deeply and her flat midnight blue eyes beckoned me to sit and listen with the animals.
She had glossy black hair cut short and spiky. It made me think painfully of Ikuto, but at the same time I got the feeling she was the one person who could take my mind off of everything.
I sat at her feet as she uttered the next line from her song.
If ever your world starts crashing down,
Whenever your world starts crashing down, if ever your world starts crashing down,
That's when you'll find-find me!
Lost till you're found,
Swim till you drown,
No, no we all fall down.
Love till you hate,
Strong till you break,
No, no we all fall down!
All fall down,
We all fall down,
All fall down!
(down)
We all fall down,
All fall down,
All fall down!
Lost till you're found,
Swim till you drown,
No, no we all fall down.
Love till you hate,
Strong till you break,
No, no we all… fall… down…
She drew her bow away from the strings on her glass violin, putting it carefully in a space made at the base of a tree by the roots curling around each other.
The animals scurried away when she finished, but I didn't move a muscle.
"Something bad has happened to you." It was a statement, not a question. I forced myself to look past her pointed black toenails, up her bone-like black leather clad legs, past her black and white striped long sleeved midriff top, to her white porcelain emotionless face.
The memory of Ami's charred remains sent me into a fit of tears again. The girl got on her knees in front of me, about the same height as I was, only emaciated.
I threw myself into her arms, somehow feeling safer in her embrace. It was very much like the relationship of a young child and her older sister even though I didn't even know her name.
"I need to get out of here, Onee-chan." She nodded, her white face still unexpressive, and lifted me quite easily into her arms, which surprised me. I let out a yelp as she started running.
The speed was exhilarating. I felt like I was flying. All I could think about as I looked up at her face was the Twilight Saga, strangely enough.
"…Onee-chan… What… is your name?" I chickened out, my voice small.
"In this life? I don't have a name, just nicknames. But in the time when there was a soul in my body, it was Alice. Yours was Jane. You were my younger sister by seven years. I died with much too many sins and… well now this body serves as a demon." She smirked down at me. Was this funny to her? I would accuse her of lying, but seeing as she was running in possible circles at speeds unimaginable kept me quiet.
FLASHBACK END
'Onee-chan' was a figment of my delusions. The voices created her to mock me. I should've figured it out, with her eyes, the violin, and the 'demon' thing. Only when she'd waved to me as I was being dragged away then vanished did I realize that she wasn't really there. The whole chain of events was caused because of the man in front of me.
"What did I do?" he replayed after I came back from zoning out.
"You left me when I….I…."
"When you…?"
"LOVED YOU-YOU IDIOTIC DUMBASS!"