JKK: Hey, everybody! I'm Jinso Kitsune-kun, but you probably already knew that, so welcome to Chapter 10! If you DIDN'T know that...then read my GODDAMN pen name! Before we start, I'd like to make an announcement! As of this post, I am going to start writing scenes at the beginning of every chapter. No, they're not omakes, they're just special scenes involving characters in the story, myself, and possibly a few other authors!
On the topic of those scenes, I am opening a karaoke and contest bar called 'The Kitsune's Den'! Seeing as how I have ownership of both the name and the idea, I am positioned as manager of the club, and have decided to allow other authors to apply for a job.
And on THAT topic, I have already employed a special friend of mine as the head chef of The Kitsune's Den! Please welcome Dutchy Puppy!
Dutchy: HEY THERE, SUGAR TITS! Or...whatever I should call you guys!
JKK:...First of all, *deadpans* I don't HAVE tits... And second, I would make a comment...but I don't have much room for speaking in the insanity department, now do I? But anyways, I have also employed Naruto, Rika, Jinso, Amaterasu, Sasuke, Hinata, and Kami as waiters and waitresses at my bar!
Without further ado, Dutchy, would you please do the disclaimers?
Dutchy: Sure thing! Jinso Kitsune-kun does not own the Naruto anime and manga, or any of the original characters from it! If he did, Tobi (JKK REFUSES to call the man behind the mask by his "real" name) would've died by now, Sasuke would've gotten his ass kicked six ways to Sunday, Sakura would have NEVER existed, and Naruto would have a harem!
"Yo!" –Normal Speech
'What's up?' –Thoughts
'Nothing much.' –Rika, Demonic Thoughts, or any Inner Persona
"I'm fucking pissed!" –Snarling/Furious Speech
"Why is that?" –Summoned Creature/Demonic Speech
"Kishimoto-baka is fucking up the Naruto anime and manga once more, so he's annoyed by it." –Boss Summon
"I know! He already fucked it up by overpowering Sasuke and making Naruto keep spouting crap about 'just knowing that he can save Sasuke' and 'fulfilling his promise to Sakura', but now he confirmed the Tobito theory! What the hell?!" –Author Speaking
*Insert BGM: Kishimoto is an idiot* —The part where you go to Youtube, plug in your earbuds/headphones, and listen to some awesome freakin' music while reading this story
Chapter 10- Second Exam and a...Timeskip?
Jounin Meeting Room
"The first exam should be done by now. I wonder where Jei-san is?" Asuma asked, taking a drag. On cue, Jinso flickered into existence right next to him.
"Speak of the devil, monkey man." Asuma let out a girly shriek and hopped into Kakashi's arms before the porn-loving jounin dropped him on the ground. That caused even Jinso to stare awkwardly before giving him a sadistic grin.
"Hand over your man card, Sarutobi." Asuma grumbled and took out his wallet before giving Jinso a yellow card with his picture on it. The choconette took out a hole-puncher and put a hole in the third of three circles at the bottom.
"Uh-oh, you got your third strike!" Jinso said, still grinning evilly. He took out a washable Sharpie and crossed out half of a part that said 'Status: Man'. Jinso then scribbled in above the crossed out part, making it now say 'Status: Manbitch'.
"Sorry, Manbitch, but it's the rules..." Jinso told the scowling chain smoker. Ibiki gave Asuma a pitiful pat on the back as he walked over to Jinso.
"Alright, Jei, don't ridicule the manbitch just yet. How did the first exam go?" Jinso took a drag of his blunt.
"I effectively got half of the little shits to leave within 30 minutes, and then half of that on the tenth question." Ibiki nodded in appreciation before giving the blunt a questionable look.
"That weed?" Jinso nodded before counting off parts of his answer on his fingers.
"Yeah, it's weed. Don't worry, it's perfectly legal; I grew it myself, and there's crushed pocky mixed in, so it's not 100%." Everyone sweatdropped. Only he would mix weed with pocky. Jinso took out his Ninsung Galaxy S™ (pun on Samsung Galaxy) and looked at the home screen.
"Oh, would you look at the time? I got to go collect a bet from Rasu-chan!" Jinso formed the necessary hand seals for a Hikari Shunshin (Light Body Flicker), but was stopped by Ibiki.
"Aren't you gonna tell us anything else about the first exam?" The scarred jounin asked. Jinso looked at Ibiki like the man had grown two heads.
"Are you mentally deficient?!" Jinso yelled. Everyone was startled by the god's sudden outburst.
"Why in the name of Kami's lucky fuzzy fucking pink dice would I do that?!" Ibiki shrugged.
At Ichiraku Ramen
"Achoo!"
"Are you okay, Kannouteki-chan?"
"I'm fine, Ayame-nee. Thanks for asking."
Back in the Teacher's Sanctua-I mean, LOUNGE
"Thought you might have something interesting to say. What's this bet, anyways?" The choconette let a perverted grin appear on his face.
"I made a bet with my girlfriend that if I could get at least half of the participants out before the 30-minute mark, we would do whatever I wanted tonight." Seeing the look he was getting from some of the women, Jinso held up his hands.
"Hey, it's mutual, alright? I'm not that kind of guy!" Kakashi, being the pervert he was, asked,
"What were you planning, then?" Instead of answering, the choconette's eyes drifted upward and he got a far-off look in his eyes. Jinso then began humming the lyrics to "Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'" by Journey. Of course, most of the people there recognized the song due to the fact that Jinso hummed it every morning.
The first time they saw the god doing that was one morning when he was seen walking around with his girlfriend who had a limp. When asked about it, the white-haired goddess would blush heavily, get a nosebleed, and then giggle at her boyfriend like she was drunk. Kakashi grinned underneath his mask, and then gave Jinso a questioning look.
"Are you sure you don't want to tell us anything about the first exam?" Jinso broke out of his thoughts before pimp-slapping Kakashi.
"Fuck that shit! I'm getting laid tonight!" The choconette then disappeared via a flash bomb to the ground.
Training Ground 44
The moment all the genin arrived at the Forest of Death, Amaterasu's happy demeanor turned into a serious one.
"Everybody, listen up! This is Training Ground 44, also known as The Forest of Death! This is where the kill-off round begins!" Many of the genin went pale at the word 'kill-off'.
"Each of you need to sign these waivers stating that neither Konoha nor the proctors themselves are responsible for your gruesome death should you die during the next 5 days! If you refuse to sign them, you will be sent out with a shoe up your ass!" Anko shouted as she began to pass them around. Naruto smirked as he immediately signed the waiver.
"Forest of Death, eh? This'll be easy as fuck!" The blonde exclaimed. Suddenly, Naruto's acute senses warned him of an incoming kunai. With a grin, the blonde decided to let it cut him. A quick streak of red made itself known on his cheek, accompanied by the tongue of one Mitarashi Anko.
"Mmm...Your blood tastes good, gaki. Too bad hotheads like you usually die within the first day..." Anko joked. Naruto smirked back at the special jounin.
"I remember you saying that I had something much tastier than dango or blood when we were in my room last night, Anko-chan. Was that a lie?" Most of the people there, especially the blonde's teammates, gawked at him. Amaterasu covered her mouth and let out a small giggle. A blush lit up Anko's face like lights on a Christmas tree as Naruto's grin grew bigger. Most of the male genin there all had simultaneous nosebleeds.
Anko then composed herself and said,
"That's enough of that, smartass." Amaterasu suddenly perked up.
'My Jin-koi senses are tingling! Somewhere in Konoha, my boyfriend is looking extremely sexy! '
At the Hot Springs, a certain chocolate haired god let out a sneeze.
The white-haired beauty turned to Anko with wide eyes.
"Sorry, Anko-chan, but I gotta go! Something important just came up!" Amaterasu then dashed towards the hot springs, leaving behind a cloud of dust. Anko blinked owlishly before composing herself.
"All right, you shithead little maggots! On your marks...Get set..." Everyone tensed at their gates, ready to head into the Forest of Death. Anko then shrugged, and gave them a shooing motion while saying,
"Meh...get your asses in there..." Most of the genin faceplanted before running inside. Anko then tapped her chin in thought.
"Hmm... Should I stay here and listen to the screams of terror? Or should I go to the Hot Springs?" The purplenette continued tapping her chin for a few more minutes before grinning.
"Hot Springs it is!"
Hot Springs
Jinso was suddenly tackled by a white-haired, female ball of energy.
"Rasu-chan, what are you doing in the Men's side?" Jinso asked bewilderedly. Amaterasu had put on a white, two-piece bikini with crimson flame patterns on the bikini top. On the back of the bottom part, the words 'Property of Jei-kun' were written in crimson block letters. The sun goddess giggled before kissing him on the cheek.
"I came to see you, silly!" She replied. Jinso suddenly frowned.
"Although I wish you could stay on this side, it's not Mixed Bathing Day, and I don't want any perverts to see your body. Please go over to the women's side for now..." The choconette said in a down voice. Amaterasu pouted at her lover, as she hated to see the god so put off.
"Fine... I'll see you later, Jin-koi." The white-haired goddess wrapped herself up in a towel before going to the Women's Side.
10 Minutes Later
Jinso was startled by someone giggling perversely near him.
"Ehehehe...Such beautiful women..." A certain white-haired Super Pervert intended to say to himself, but ended up speaking it loud enough for Jinso to hear him. Jinso's eyebrow twitched before he walked over to Jiraiya with a fake perverted grin.
"Mind if I take a look?" The choconette asked. Jiraiya gave him a serious face and held it for a moment or two before grinning perversely and nodding. Jinso put his eye up to the peeping hole and looked through. On the other side of the wall, there was Inuzuka Hana, Anko, Amaterasu, two female Chunin, and Yuhi Kurenai.
The god's eyebrow twitched before he looked back at Jiraiya.
"You can have the hole back." Jinso then stepped and the Gama Sennin focused on his "research". When the Sannin thought Jinso wasn't listening, he giggled once more and said to himself,
"That white-haired babe has a great rack! And those red tattoos look exotic, too!" Jiraiya had intended to only speak loud enough for himself to hear it...buuuut he accidentally caused Jinso to hear it as well.
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?!" Jinso sucker-punched Jiraiya, forcing the Sannin onto the ground. All the women on the Female's Side covered themselves with towels and came over to see what was happening. What they saw when they got there was a bloody and nearly toothless Jiraiya with two black eyes being repeatedly punched by Jinso, who was sitting on the man's chest.
"What makes you think you can peep on not only my GIRLFRIEND, but SEVERAL other women and GET AWAY with it?! HUH?! ANSWER ME!" Jinso shouted furiously as he kept smacking Jiraiya. The Sannin tried to reply, and was punched before he could answer.
Amaterasu had hearts in her eyes as she watched Jiraiya get a reverse suplex-pile driver combo to the balls that would make all his male great-grandkids feel it in the future.
In a Distant Period of Time
"FUCK!"
Back at the Hot Springs
Jinso grabbed the back of Jiraiya's head and began slamming it repeatedly into the concrete.
"People like you make me sick; using other people to get some kind of sick fucking pleasure or happiness!" The choconette shouted as he broke more and more of Jiraiya's teeth. Jinso then held Jiraiya up above him before slamming him face-first into the ground and running through hand seals and slapping his hand on the ground.
"KUCHIYOSE NO JUTSU!" A dragon as tall as the divider appeared in a puff of smoke. It was covered in glistening chrome scales that looked rainbow in the light.
"Hey, why'd you summon me here, Jei?" The dragon asked. Jinso pointed to Jiraiya, and said,
"Houkama (Pyromaniac), if you chase this guy around town and maybe burn part of his nutsack off, and I'll get you free chocolate for the next three MONTHS." The dragon's pupils were replaced with chocolate bars before it shouted,
"BURN, MOTHERFUCKER, BURN!" A stream of fire hit the Toad Sannin's ass, branding the word 'Pervert' into his ass flesh for all eternity, and sent him flying into the air with a cry of pain, after which, Jiraiya promptly fled the scene and ran all around town. The women and one god all heard shouts of,
"GET BACK HERE, SHITHEAD! I'M GETTING PAID IN CHOCOLATE FOR THIS!"
They also heard cries of,
"NO! I WANT TO STAY A MAN, DAMMIT!" Jiraiya then appeared back at the hot springs and hid behind Jinso, shouting,
"SAVE ME!" Houkama then appeared with angry chocolate bars in his eyes. (WTF was I thinking when I typed that?!)
"Houkama, stop for a second." The chrome-scaled dragon scowled at Jinso before lying down on the ground. Jinso held Jiraiya up by the scruff of his collar and glared directly into the Gama Sannin's eyes. The choconette's normally calm seawater-colored eyes had gone directly into Fury Mode.
"Give me ONE good reason why I shouldn't cut off your dick, bronze it, and hang it on my mantle for peeping on my girlfriend and these other women?" said Jinso to the perverted Sannin. All the women who had been on the other side (yes, even KURENAI) started cheering for him to castrate the Super Pervert. Jiraiya held up a Limited-Edition Gold Cover Icha Icha Tactics that was autographed.
"I-I'll give you some of my b-books..." Jiraiya pleaded as sweat rolled down his neck and face. Jinso looked at the book filled with smut and seemed to be contemplating it, which made Jiraiya become hopeful. But that hope was shot to hell when the choconette's eyes focused back on the Sannin with a harsher glare than before.
"Houkama, burn the book." Jinso said coldly. The chrome-scaled dragon raised his snout and blew out a stream of fire that completely obliterated the smutty piece of fiction. A sadistic grin crossed Jinso's face.
"Sorry, Ero-sennin... But that answer was incorrect!" Jinso threw Jiraiya high into the air and readied a leg as the white-haired Sannin fell downwards.
*insert homerun sound effect from Super Smash Bros*
Jiraiya went flying across the sky of Konoha with a kick to the balls via Air Chocolate Nutcracker. All around the village, and even in the Forest of Death (where the 2nd round had just started), every single person, animal, living being/object heard a high-pitched squeal of,
"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUU—"
Jinso covered his eyes from the sun with one hand and looked before stating,
"Looks like Team Rocket's got some competition..." The choconette turned around to see 3 white scorecards being held up (in their respective order) by Amaterasu, who gave a perfect 10, Anko, who also gave a 10, and Houkama, who gave a 01. Jinso then scowled at Houkama, who, realizing his mistake, flipped the scorecard around, and made it now say 10.
Forest of Death
"What the hell was wrong with that team from Ame?! You don't attack a man when he's taking a piss—it's strict man law!" exclaimed Naruto, throwing his hands up in the air out of exasperation. Hinata put a comforting hand on the blonde's shoulder.
"It's alright, Naruto-kun. At least you got your revenge on them." The Hyuuga Heiress told him. Naruto grinned evilly.
"Yeah...I think Megumi enjoyed taking a bite of their flesh..."
Team 7 continued walking through the Forest for a couple more minutes until a large gust of wind sent Naruto and Megumi flying.
"SONOVABIIIIIIIIITCH!" Naruto cried out as he flew through the air. As the blonde crashed down to Earth about a mile away, one of the genin from Kusa appeared before them.
"Hello, Sasuke-kun... Would you like to play a game?" The genin was suddenly sucker-punched by a furious Naruto, who shouted,
"THAT'S JIGSAW'S LINE, NOT YOUR'S, OROCHI-PEDO!" Sasuke and Hinata both sweatdropped at the blonde.
'Note to self: Never copy anyone from a movie while in front of Naruto.' Thought Sasuke. Naruto's teammates then blanched.
"OROCHIMARU?!"
Hot Springs
Jinso suddenly snapped his head up.
"I sense a disturbance in the Anti-Pedo Force! Rasu-chan, Naruto's being attacked by a pale-faced, little boy molester!" The choconette and his white-haired lover changed their clothing in the span of 2 yoctoseconds before making their way to the Forest of Death.
Forest of Death
Orochimaru's flying form was suddenly stabbed through the heart by a golden katana.
"DIE, PEDOPHILE!" Jinso shouted as he chopped off Orochimaru's head. Once the choconette wiped his blade clean, he noticed the looks Team 7 was giving him.
"If you're wondering, I noticed that that fucker was gonna be a huge pain in the arse later on, so I decided to get rid of him right away." Jinso explained nonchalantly. Suddenly, the three genin saw him looking at the sky absentmindedly while pressing two fingers to his ear. Jinso nodded, and said,
"Uhuh...Got it; I'll be there right away." He took his fingers away from his ear and reached into the pocket of Orochimaru's corpse before pulling out a scroll. The choconette tossed it to Hinata.
"Little bro, I've gotta go away for a while. Something came up and it requires my full attention, so I wish you good luck." Said Jinso with a sad smile. Naruto nodded and replied,
"Got it, Nii-san! I'll make you proud!" Jinso then gave his surrogate little brother a quick hug before taking Amaterasu's hand and teleporting away.
Heaven; Threat Detection and Prevention Center
Jinso and Amaterasu appeared before a group of angels who bowed to them.
"What's up?" The angel at the front of the group raised her head.
"My Lord, we've been detecting a strong amount of dark energy on the planet Earth for the past week or so, and have been sending teams of angels to deal with it. However, none of the teams have reported back, and sending more will weaken our forces. What should we do?" She asked. Jinso closed his eyes in deep thought. A silence filled the room for the next few minutes before he opened them and grinned.
"Lady Amaterasu and I will deal with this ourselves. She and I are easily capable of dealing with whatever comes our way." The leader nodded her head.
"We are very grateful, Lord Jinso. We have discovered that the dark energy is being produced by multiple beings, but they all are in the same area; a town known as Karakura." Jinso grinned at her.
"Thanks for the information. Lady Amaterasu and I will head there now." After giving a bow to the group of angels, the couple warped to Earth.
Near Karakura High
Jinso and Amaterasu walked towards Karakura High, dressed in outfits that fit the school's dress code. Jinso groaned and held his head as they neared the building.
"Not this shit again... I already went through high school before, and I hated the experience!" The choconette muttered under his breath. Amaterasu giggled at her lover's antics.
"Well, at least we're in the same classes together. That makes it all better." Replied the white-haired beauty. Jinso sighed in response.
"Let's just get this over with."
G-1 Homeroom
The homeroom period had just begun when a voice came from the...window?
"This G-1's classroom?" All the students present looked to see a brown-haired teen crouching on the windowsill with a beautiful, white-haired girl riding on his back. The male teacher shakily replied,
"Y-Yes." The boy seemed to grin as he stepped inside the classroom and the white-haired girl stepped off of his back.
"Jei, you didn't have to climb in through the window. You could've just knocked on the door and entered." The girl scolded. Jei (Jinso) raised an eyebrow as he folded his arms.
"I could've, Rasu...but it wouldn't have looked as cool." Said the brown-haired teen. Jei and Rasu (Amaterasu) then noticed everyone in the classroom looking at the two of them with wide eyes. They then moved to choose their seats. The couple sat two seats away from each other near the back of the room. Jinso then folded his arms on the desk and placed his head down with a groan.
"You hate it too, huh?" A male voice asked from the choconette's right. Jinso lifted his head up and saw that the owner of the voice was a teenage boy with spiky orange hair.
"Yeah. It's too boring to just sit here all day and do nothing but writing papers and reading textbooks. The only good part is that I can just go home and search this shit on the Web, so I don't have to listen to the teacher drone on and on every fucking minute." Jinso replied with a smirk. The orange-haired boy smirked back before extending his hand.
"Name's Kurosaki Ichigo. What's yours?" Jinso shook the now identified Ichigo's hand before replying,
"Uzumaki Jei. Just transferred here this morning, and I'm already bored out of my fucking skull." Meanwhile, Amaterasu was being greeted by someone else to Ichigo's right and her left.
"I'm Kuchiki Rukia; How do you do?" A girl with short black hair said to Amaterasu. The white-haired girl smiled and replied,
"I'm Okami Rasu. I'm doing fine, thank you for asking." Jinso and Ichigo were practically mirror images of each other; with the both of them having laid their heads down on their desks.
Timeskip: Lunch Period
Jinso and Amaterasu decided to join Rukia and Ichigo for lunch outside. The orange-haired shinigami had been packed a PB & J sandwich by his little sister, who Jinso learned was named Yuzu, plus an apple and a Coke. Jinso reached into his brown paper bag and pulled out two large boxes of pocky, and Amaterasu took out a giant leg of meat from a cow. This caused Rukia and Ichigo to both stare at her like she had turned back into her wolf form. The beauty shrugged before replying,
"My parents always joked about how I act like a wolf when I'm hungry or with Jei-kun, and the fact that my surname means either 'wolf' or 'great goddess' really makes it fit." Jinso nodded with a short hum.
"It's true. She does get like a wolf when she's hungry." The choconette replied. The four of them continued eating their lunch until Rukia suddenly pulled out her cell phone and dragged Ichigo away, shouting,
"Sorry, but we have to go!" The choconette and his lover spared a nod at each other before running to catch up with the pair.
When they found the two, Ichigo was dressed in a black kimono with a white hakama and was fighting a massive and ugly creature—that looked like the love child of a crack-junkie bird and a meth-smoking lizard that was shit on at birth and beaten every day with the ugly stick—with a B.F.S. (for those of you who don't know what B.F.S. means, it stands for 'Big Freaking Sword'.) The beast kept using one of its hands to try and break Ichigo's guard. Suddenly, the beast's head came up and flew down towards Rukia.
"Rasu-chan, I'll save Rukia! You go help Ichigo!" His white lover nodded as they leapt out and prepared to land into the fray.
'Shit! I won't be able to block the hit with my katana in time!'
With Ichigo and Rukia
'I didn't think the Hollow would be this difficult to kill! It's like every Hollow I face is stronger than the ones before it!' Ichigo shouted in his mind as he struggled to push the massive Hollow's arms back with his sword. The Hollow raised its head and roared, preparing to snack on Rukia.
"RUKIA!"
Squelch!
"ARGHH!"
A female scream echoed throughout the area.
The Hollow's mouth was being blocked by a single human body which was dripping with blood.
"*pant* Heh...Can't let you do that, bird shit...(1)*pant*" Jinso calmly stated as he looked up at the massive hollow, his blood dotting the ground. Rukia was so shocked that she had fallen backwards on the ground.
"JEI!" Ichigo shouted at him. Jinso gave the orange-haired boy a heavy smirk as he let out another pant.
"I'm fine, Strawberry. There's no way I'll let this walking, talking pile of bird shit bump me off...*pant*" The Hollow attempted to close its mouth further on the god.
"AGHH! FUCK!" Jinso was forced to his knees as pain racked through his body. The choconette may have been un-killable...but that didn't mean he couldn't feel pain.
"Jei, get out of here! That monster is too tough; attempting to fight it is SUICIDE!" Ichigo yelled back. Jinso grinned.
"*pant* Maybe I have a death wish, then. Besides, *pant* I'd never pass up the chance to kick *pant* to kick some ass!" The choconette replied to him. Jinso kicked it away before he turned and faced the Hollow.
"*pant* You ready to fight, shithead?" He asked. The Hollow seemed to grin.
"Such high reiryoku...You will taste delicious!" It screeched.
"*pant* Sorry, pal...but I don't swing that way...*pant* Why don't you go find some of your Hollow fuck buddies down in Hueco Mundo and see if they'll give you anal!" Jinso retorted with a bloodthirsty grin. Rukia stared at the seemingly 16 year-old's ecstatic grin which caused a shiver to go down her spine.
'That grin... It's just like Kenpachi-taichou's... Who is this boy? And how does he know about Hollows?!' Rukia asked herself. The Hollow roared in anger.
"FOOL! I WILL ENJOY DRINKING YOUR LIFEBLOOD AS IT SPRAYS FROM YOUR CORPSE LIKE A FOUNTAIN!" It screamed, heading straight for Jinso. A large black claw stretched forward and pierced through Jinso's chest. The choconette let out a gasp of pain as the claw went straight through his heart and his neck went limp.
"JEI!"
Ichigo's cry of shock echoed louder than Rukia's had.
"I told your friend that it was pointless to fight me, and now he's dead! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The Hollow laughed menacingly, shaking with an evil sense of victory. A feeling of dread swept through 2/3 of the people there.
But what came next...surprised everyone.
"Oi, bird shit! *pant* Next time you try to kill something...*pant*...ya might wanna make sure it's dead! Assuming stuff like that could get YOU killed someday!"
The Hollow quickly spun around to see Jinso using his sword as a crutch to get up, blood dripping down its handle and onto the earth.
"HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?! NO HUMAN COULD'VE EVER SURVIVED THAT ATTACK!" The choconette grinned and slowly held his katana at his side as it began to glow a bright cyan.
"*pant* I stopped being human a long time ago... Besides...*pant*...I will NEVER die as long as I can protect those I love!" Jinso shouted at the Hollow.
"THEN THEY WILL SOON FOLLOW YOU TO THE GRAVE!" Jinso bent his knees slightly and tensed.
"Houfuku! (Retribution)" Time seemed to slow as Jinso crossed past the Hollow with a blue streak following him. On the ground, a blue pattern formed, making a ¾ complete circle around the Hollow with two full circles equal length apart on each side of it. The choconette shifted his grip on the katana to his right hand and with a single kickflip off of the brick wall, began bombarding the Hollow with streak after streak of divine energy.
"AGHHHhhhhHHHHhhHHHH!" The other three watched in amazement as the Hollow spasmed in pain while blue streaks crossed over its entire body. Discreetly, Amaterasu used Veil of Mist at ¼ of its regular power to see what Jinso looked like while doing the attack, but not enough to hamper his fighting.
The choconette was gritting his teeth in rage as he unleashed slash after slash on the Hollow. Its impure blood coated his blade from tip to hilt.
With a final skyward streak (Not a Skyward Sword), the Hollow had blood spraying from multiple cuts all over its body as its mask broke in half, causing the Hollow to let out a screech as it was purified and sent to Soul Society. Jinso touched down the moment the Hollow disappeared, landing with one hand on the ground to steady himself.
Covered in his own blood, the choconette shakily stood up.
"*pant* And stay down, you pile of shit..." Suddenly, Jinso was knocked back down by a flying glomp.
"JIN-KUN!" Amaterasu screamed happily as she held onto her lover, kissing his face repeatedly. The sun goddess helped Jinso to his feet and then put his arm around her shoulder. Jinso and Amaterasu then walked over to the only other people in that alleyway. The choconette smirked at Ichigo.
"Told you I could handle it, Strawberry." Said Jinso, grinning all the while. The grin then turned to owlish blinking as Ichigo zoomed around his personal space, inspecting every wound.
"Uh... What the hell are you doing?" Jinso asked the teen. Ichigo stopped his inspection right before he suddenly got in Jinso's face.
"Why are you giving me that look?" Ichigo looked as though he had seen his dead mother come back to life and fuck the choconette.
"HOW THE HELL ARE YOU ALIVE?!" roared the orange-haired shinigami. Jinso blinked twice before gaining a serious expression.
"Kurosaki Ichigo, the entirety of what I am about to impart upon you does NOT leave the sanctity of this alley...This is not a request; it is an ORDER." The choconette said in an ice-cold voice.
'And I thought nii-sama was cold...' said Rukia in her mind. Jinso continued his explanation.
"As to your question about how I am alive after taking a strike through the heart and most of my torso...I have been alive since the creation of this world, and the creation of all worlds, as I was one of the first humans to ever breathe the air that surrounds us even now. My true age has been lost to the winds of time itself, as I have not aged a day beyond the 16th year of my life..." said the choconette with soul-piercing eyes.
"You...stopped aging?" asked Ichigo dumbfoundedly. Jinso nodded.
"Indeed; upon the sixteenth year of my life, I was both blessed and cursed at the same time with the ability to never grow old; to never die...for the rest of eternity. Time has no hold upon my body, nor does Illness, nor War, nor Rage... Not even the darkest depths of Hell itself can take my soul. No mortal wound, no incurable disease, no suicidal attempt can take my life; even the most lethal of toxins will merely keep me down for about 3 hours." Ichigo was so shocked by this news that he couldn't even form any words.
"The cause of my immortality goes back a long time ago, about 10 years after the beginning of Life herself and the first humans."
"Life herself?" interrupted Ichigo confusedly. Jinso let out a small growl.
"If you would let me continue, I will explain everything. As I was saying, the cause of my immortality goes back to ten years after the beginning of Life herself and the first humans. The first humans, known to many different religions by many different names, were always said to have two children. Every tale varies with each religion, but there is only one living being who fully knows the true story..." said the choconette, staring into the sky before he continued.
"With the creation of my mother and father came the birth of Life herself unto the world. Life's very first breath created the ever-blowing winds which roam the planet, and her first cry gave life to the roaring storms. Life eventually breathed a single unborn soul into the womb of the first woman to exist on this planet, and thus, I was born of the gods themselves. This being said, I had divine blood flowing through the veins of my body, but it was locked away until I was trained to free it, which was at the age of sixteen, when my training with the man who previously held my title was near its end.
The story of my apprenticeship is for another time, but nevertheless, what I am about to tell you is important, so listen well... My true name is Jinso, and I am the ruler of Heaven, Earth, and Hell, known as the Elder God. I was informed by some of my elite soldiers that a STRONG presence of dark energy has been detected around this town and the Soul Society. In fact, I was told that this source of dark energy is so powerful that it completely wiped out 6 teams of my top soldiers. As such, I took it upon myself and my lover, Okami Amaterasu, goddess of the sun, to find this source of energy and OBLITERATE it.
Now that you know my mission, I am required to tell you this: you are to speak of my abilities or my immortality to NO-ONE; not even your closest friends or your family. As far as anyone but you, myself, my lover, the shinigami beside you, and everyone in Soul Society should be concerned; I am but a sixteen year-old boy who just transferred to Karakura High. If you fail to comply with this order, I WILL wipe you from any form of existence; be it life, the afterlife, reincarnation, memories, etc. GOT IT?" Jinso finished, shooting a blaring amount of KI directly at the boy in front of him so as to make it clear that if Kurosaki Ichigo fucked up even ONCE...there wouldn't be a single memory of him left in existence. The teenage Kurosaki nodded fearfully with sweat beads zooming down his forehead. Jinso's demeanor instantly cheered up.
"Good. I would actually hate have to bump off someone with the amount of potential that you do. Now then, I'm going to bandage my wounds, and we're going to go back to class. That sound okay?" Ichigo now nodded calmly, having composed himself once Jinso relaxed. The choconette grinned and turned around to grab his bloody and sliced-up shirt...and was met with Rukia holding out a piece of paper.
"Eh...What's that?" Jinso looked from the paper to Rukia's face, but instantly regretted doing so.
Why, you ask?
The girl had hearts in her eyes, giving off a sign that was so obvious to Jinso that the only thing that could top it was a big neon sign glued on her forehead saying 'I'm part of the Jinso-sama fanclub!'
"Ehm...Could you...could you please autograph this, Jinso-sama? Do you think you could also autograph one for Shinigami-sama?" Jinso blinked owlishly before giving her a laid-back smile.
"Sure. But how about instead of signing a piece of paper for you, why don't I sign...oh, I don't know...a giant Chappy the Bunny?" Rukia instantly let out an uncharacteristic squeal before pulling out a Chappy the Bunny plushy the size of herself. The other two people (Ichigo and Amaterasu) sweatdropped at the sheer size of the stuffed bunny. The choconette gently took the bunny out of Rukia's hands before pulling out a Sharpie.
"Where should I sign?" asked Jinso. Rukia pointed directly at the bunny's stomach, where a circle had been drawn with the words 'Reserved for Jinso-sama's autograph' written near the top of it. Jinso grinned before writing down a message there and handing the bunny back. Rukia instantly snatched it like a feral wolf would (ironically) catch a bunny in its jaws and read the message out loud.
"'To Rukia: Keep practicing your kido and remember to respect your zanpakuto! –Jinso
P.S: If you want to achieve Bankai, learn what your zanpakuto likes to see in people and make sure to do that when speaking to it!'" The girl let out another fangirl squeal before fainting with a blush stuck on her cheeks. Jinso sighed before taking the piece of paper reserved for the Shinigami out of her hands and giving it an once-over. He then smirked before letting his hand rest flat and levitating the paper. The thin sheet began spinning before it broke up into little dots and then reformed, somehow making a giant scythe with the sickle blade coming out of a dragon's mouth at the top. Jinso took out a gold Sharpie and wrote on the black staff of the scythe. Turning it back into the paper and having written an extra note for the Shinigami, Jinso got the orange-haired teen beside him to wake Rukia up.
Timeskip: Next Period (5th)
Ichigo and Rukia walked into the class supporting a limping Jinso, whose bandages were slightly tinted red. Most of the girls in the room blushed at his bare (excluding the bloody bandages) chest.
"Wow, Jei-san, did you get your ass kicked or something?" A brown-haired boy asked. Jinso smirked at him.
"Keigo...right?" Receiving a nod, the choconette continued.
"There isn't a person in town that could kick my ass without landing in the ICU. I had just finished eating my lunch, and this gang of thugs comes out of nowhere and tries to fight King Stoic over here. So I just got up, tried to get 'em to leave, and when they wouldn't, I sent 'em running with black eyes and bloody asses. The fuckers got a couple of cuts on me, but it still ended the same." Replied the choconette, who wasn't fully lying. A group of thugs actually did try to fight Ichigo, and he did actually end up kicking their asses six ways to Sunday.
"Wow... That's pretty impressive." Keigo remarked. The choconette nodded.
"Eh, it's pretty much routine for me; kick ass, take names, then go to sleep and do the same tomorrow. What really bothers me, though, is the goddamn construction. Why can't they do that after school ends?" Jinso asked rhetorically. Shrugging in reply to himself, he continued.
"But I digress. Every day is just about the same." Jinso would've continued, but part of the classroom ceiling suddenly broke and an I-Beam fell down from above Orihime's desk. Jinso unhooked his arms from around Rukia and Ichigo's shoulders and immediately leapt into action. Stopping right on top of the girl's desk, Jinso bent his knees and let the I-Beam fall onto his back. Jinso-san even caught it with one hand, might this author add.
One Dimension Away
"Achoo! Somebody must be talking about Tobi!"
Back in the Classroom
Everyone had been shocked into silence at Jinso's act of bravery and strength. As far as everyone knew, only someone like Sado could lift an I-Beam, and the gentle giant was always forced to use two hands. With a primal shout, Jinso tossed the support beam back up to the construction workers and then collapsed onto one knee.
"Fuck...*pant*...that always takes a bit out of me...*pant*when I'm not at my best..." Looking at Orihime with a concerned frown, he asked,
"You alright? No broken bones or anything?" Unable to form any words, the girl nodded her head in reply. Jinso's frown turned into a happy grin as his eyes seemed to light up.
"Good." Shakily getting off of the desk, Jinso attempted to walk back to Amaterasu. However, both his injuries and his exhaustion proved to be too much, and he fell to the floor.
"Looks like it's gonna be one of those days..." The choconette mumbled as he fell to the floor, slowly passing out.
Back in Konoha
The Prelims were about to start, and Kabuto had already left.
"Does anyone else wish to leave?" Gekko Hayate called out, and, seeing no other responses, nodded to the Hokage. Hiruzen got up and proceeded to explain the reason for the Chunin Exams and how that since there were too many genin left over from the second round, they would need preliminaries to even the numbers out.
"Well, this is gonna be fun." Naruto said with a grin.
Timeskip: Start of the Invasion (Don't worry, I will cover the Prelims, the Finals matches, and Jinso's side of the story later on. Instead of covering the events right now, I thought I'd do something...unorthodox...and put them in a flashback chapter instead.)
Konoha was in chaos. Oto and Suna shinobi were attacking the Leaf defenders, the Kage's box was being wrecked by Hiruzen, Orochimaru, and the somehow undead Shodaime and Nidaime Hokages, the Sound Four had been knocked out and captured, and the ENTIRE Chunin Exams stadium was filled with corpses and fights.
With Amaterasu
Amaterasu stood beside two very...interesting characters, to say the least. One was what looked like Tony the Tiger's Asian cousin on steroids, with the same crimson markings she had covering it, a large bow on its back, and a quiver full of lightning bolts. And the other was a HUGE, white dragon with four arms that each held an orb of a different color than the rest, and was literally attached at the hip to an unraveled scroll.
"Mother Amaterasu, why have you called us to this place? It seems as if my powers have completely diminished here, which is most unsettling." The dragon asked her. Amaterasu smiled at them both.
"Yomigami, Gekigami, I called you both here because I need you to help me push the enemies of this village back. The reason your powers seem to be non-existant is because these people do not worship more than one god. While you may not have your full powers, what you can do is what these people seem to hold in equivalent to a natural disaster." Yomigami (the dragon) raised an eyebrow.
"How will we know which ones are the enemies and which ones are the allies?" He asked. Amaterasu tapped her own forehead before saying,
"The enemies will be wearing these metal plates that either have the symbol of a gourd or the symbol of a music note. All the allies are the ones that have symbols of leaves on their own metal plates." Yomigami nodded, but Gekigami (the white tiger on 'roids) raised his own eyebrow.
"What do I get out of this? I'm all for wasting bad guys with lightning, but if it's gonna be a chore, then that's no fun." Gekigami asked Amaterasu. The sun goddess merely sauntered over to the overgrown tiger and planted a kiss on his cheek, causing a bright red blush to light up the lightning god's face. Yomigami, who was usually stoic and reserved, had to force laughter back down his throat.
"Is that enough to make you help me out?" She asked rhetorically. Gekigami suddenly snarled and let out a fierce roar that sounded like thunder.
"LET'S DO THIS SHIT!" He roared, swearing for probably the first time in his immortality. Amaterasu giggled and then added something to her previous speech.
"Also, if you see a young boy with spiky blonde hair and whisker marks or a man with hair the color of chocolate and eyes the color of seawater, they are VERY important to me, and you need to make sure they don't get hurt." Gekigami and Yomigami both nodded at Amaterasu, after which the white-haired sun goddess stepped back and began to walk in the opposite direction that they were going. Yomigami leaned down to whisper in Gekigami's ear.
"So...how was the kiss?" The rejuvenation god joked, causing Gekigami to snarl at him.
"You didn't see anything, you damn overgrown gecko." The lightning god retorted before running off and into the fray. Yomigami let out a rumbling laugh as he took to the skies. Right after the pair left, Amaterasu turned around and smiled.
"It's good to know that the Celestial Plain isn't in chaos after my leave." As Amaterasu was about to head out to fight, a small voice stopped her.
"A-Ammy?!" Wheeling around, Amaterasu spotted a slightly aged Issun standing before her on the ground.
"Issun! It's you!" Letting the small Poncle climb onto her hand, Amaterasu smiled at him.
"How has everything been since I left for this world?" Issun scratched the back of his head a short while before answering.
"It's been pretty much the same. Yomigami took up the position of leader after you left, and he's kept everything in order." The Wandering artist replied. Amaterasu nodded.
"Good." Issun then looked up at her questioningly.
"How's life been for you, Ammy?" Amaterasu's eyes trailed upwards and a small blush crossed her face. Issun, being close to her of course, stared with sly eyes.
"So who's the lucky dog who managed to get you?" Issun asked. Amaterasu smiled at him.
"I believe you already know who he is. Remember the boy we met with the brown hair who looked around 16 years of age?" Issun cocked his head to the side.
"Yeah? So?" Sighing at her old partner's obliviousness, Amaterasu set him down on the ground, leaned down, and used her two hands to make a certain motion that told all he needed to know.
"Holy crap! You mean—you—you had—with—and the stretching—and—and the bouncing—and the complete package?!" Issun could barely that one sentence alone. Amaterasu didn't vocally answer. Instead, her eyes glazed over at ALL of the memories. 128 of them, to be exact.
Kage's Box
Hiruzen and Kushina were struggling against the resurrected Shodaime and Nidaime Hokages, as the duo's flawless teamwork kept them on edge every second.
'This is NOT good! I'd need a miracle to make it out of this with my life!'
*insert BGM: Super Smash Bros Brawl OST- Tabuu Battle Theme*
A dark blur fell from the sky and landed in the middle of the roof, forcing many shinobi onto their asses and creating a spider-web-cracked crater. As the dust settled, a lone figure rose, something golden shimmering on their back.
*End BGM*
"Who said the party could start without me? It's pretty rude not to invite someone who enjoys these kinds of things." The person said, slowly drawing the golden item off of their back, revealing it to be a katana. The figure's seawater-colored eyes glinted with mirth behind his chocolate bangs. Orochimaru scowled.
"YOU! You were the one who nearly killed me in the Forest of Death!" The Snake Sannin hissed. (*rimshot*) Jinso grinned at the pedophile.
"Oh, good. You're still alive. I was hoping that you could provide SOME form of a challenge instead of dying in one hit like a weakling." The choconette replied in a casual tone, as though he was talking about the weather. And Jinso was also checking his nails while doing so, making it known that he didn't view Orochimaru as a real threat. And then...they all heard the sound of a flute, but as far as they could tell...no one was playing any instruments.
The eyes of every fighter on top of the Kage's Box turned to a single pole near them, where a lone figure stood, a cherrywood flute(1) held to their mouth. A white set of what looked like wings with red-edged tips atop their head swayed back and forth in the breeze.
A gentle yet firm voice broke out from the figure's lips.
"Hark! The call of the heavens, the earth, the sea...They summon me forth to defeat evil..."
(A/N: Okami players...this line should look VERY familiar...Muhahahaha...)
The sun poked its head out from behind a set of dark, stormy clouds, revealing the figure to be a blonde-haired man with fair skin and two circular birthmarks on his forehead. The man stood on two high-platformed wooden sandals, and had a sheathed sword at his waist. Striking a...shall we say...fruity...pose, the man finished his introduction.
"Waka, the gods' gift to man is here! Bonjour!"
Wherever the Hell Gai is
Gai suddenly felt a tingling sensation in the back of his head.
"Lee-kun, someone most youthful has just made themselves known! We must make our flames of Youth burn brighter than ever to not be outdone!" The spandex-wearing jonin shouted. Lee gave his sensei a thumbs-up.
"Hai, Gai-sensei! If I cannot make my Flames of Youth burn brighter than ever, then I will carry 5 boulders up the Hokage Mountain on my back!" Gai would've cried youthful (I think I just puked in my own mouth) tears, but this author had to stop typing before he suffered a brain aneurysm and died of extreme Youth poisoning.
Back on top of the Kage's Box
Jinso grinned.
"So, Ushiwaka, you finally decided to make your appearance. What prompted you to suddenly guest-star in this little fight?" The choconette asked. Waka smiled as he began tapping the cherrywood flute lightly against his palm.
"Well, it was getting awfully repetitive on the Celestial Plain, and the days just seemed so lack-luster, mon ami." The Tao Master replied in the same casual tone as Jinso. (Mon ami is French for 'my friend'.)
"Oh, look, a nice reunion! I can't wait to break it up!" Orochimaru yelled, having gotten irritated by the complete disregard to his existence. Jinso and Waka both turned their eyes to the pedophile.
"Excuse me, but I believe I was in the middle of a conversation. If you want an ass-kicking, please take a numbered ticket, sit your ass down, and wait until your fucking number is called!" said the choconette back with narrowed eyes. Waka seemed to be looking up in thought.
"You remind of a certain eight-headed demon I used to know who was named Orochi—a particularly dreadful character, he was. He always demanded a sacrifice from a single small village every year in order to keep said village out of destruction's reach, which would be caused by his own hands—or rather, I should say his own claws." Giving a shrug, Waka continued.
"Orochi even killed his own loving subjects if they messed up any command he gave them—quite like you, if what I have heard is correct." Orochimaru scowled at him and pulled out the Kusanagi.
"Well then, tell him I said hello after I send you to Hell!" The Snake Sannin charged like a rabid animal at Waka, who shook his head.
"So pitiful. You fight like a rabid animal, and think like one too. *sigh* Why is it that I am always tasked with defeating the more moronic villains?" Waka asked himself. Just slightly grinning, Waka spun his flute in hand and brought it up to his face. The flute itself halved in length, and Waka then placed two fingers on the tip, drawing out a katana that was surrounded by mint-green energy.
"Now you shall get an earful of my beloved sword—Pillow Talk!"
CLIFFHANGER! MUAHAHAHA!
(1): I do not know EXACTLY what kind of wood Waka's flute is made from, but if anything I learned in woodshop was true, it's most likely cherrywood. Also, seeing as how Okami is filled TO THE BRIM with CHERRY BLOSSOMS and CHERRY TREES, that adds on to the possibility of his flute being made from cherrywood.
JKK: Hey, Dutchy-chan, mind getting me a glass of Pepsi! All this story-writing has made me REALLY thirsty!
Dutchy: Kay, Jinso-kun!
JKK: Well, everyone, while Dutchy goes and gets me some Pepsi, I think I'll say this: See you all next time!
-Jinso Kitsune-kun