A/N: Hello again my lovelies. I'm sorry for the delay. I'm in the process of writing the next chapter but with the death of my beloved blackberry it might take a little longer than the others. I won't have a new one for maybe a week so I'll work on the next chapter between homework, assignments, and classes. As always I don't own a damn thing. I will is a song by MoZella. As always I hope you enjoy. The quote is from a poem that MGG actually reads on his website. I thought I'd throw it in here. Reviews are love...

"But our love it was stronger by far than the love of those who were older than we, of many far wiser than we. And neither the angels in heaven above, nor the demons down under the sea, can ever dissever my soul from the soul of the beautiful Annabel Lee."

~Edgar Allen Poe (Annabel Lee)

Ella felt like crap. That was a nice way to put it. She felt like shit. That was an honest way to put it. She missed him already and it had been maybe a week since they broke up. She couldn't help feeling like she should have told him the truth. That asshole shouldn't affect her life anymore, she'd grown up and if anything it made her one tough cookie.

She had never loved a man the way she loved Dr. Spencer Reid. He was beautiful and for some odd reason no one had ever told him that. She didn't want him to see her like a victim; she never wanted to see pity when he looked at her. She loved the way he looked at her. There was always so much love in his eyes. He loved her that she knew. She never doubted his love. She just wanted to keep the sad shit in her life away from him. She meant what she'd told him at the charity dinner. She wanted him to know who she is, not who she was. She made mistakes, she knew that. She was nowhere near perfect. She never lied and said she was.

Her heart hurt all the time, there was this dull ache in her chest that never went away. She'd find herself rubbing her chest absently whenever she thought about him. She'd chosen the music for the photo shoot; she didn't want to listen to anything that would make it hard to do her job. She'd cried herself to sleep the night before, got drunk and cried. Spencer had been the only thing that kept her from falling apart after the letters started coming. Now he was gone, he didn't want her anymore. That hurt like nothing she'd ever felt. She cried for what felt like two whole days in her room at Peyton's. It took everything she had not to wallow, it hurt like hell but she refused to stay down.

Ten months, that's all it took. She knew people who were in relationship for five years and they still weren't sure. There was this dull throbbing ache in her chest all because she couldn't let him in all the way. As she packed up her stuff she found herself humming the song that was playing the first time he told her he loved her. She promised herself she would never be this girl. She didn't want her whole life to be based on the actions of a man but that's what it felt like. As much as she hated to admit it the idea of being alone brought tears to her eyes every time.

Now she had Tate and Juan following her around because they were worried about her. She was too quiet for them. It didn't help that she'd disappeared after about thirty minutes in her room with Honor. She needed to fix something or change something. She couldn't make him forgive her; she couldn't force him to want her. So instead she tried to change how she felt. Even after the massage, the manicure, the pedicure, the cut and color, and the shopping trip she was still ridiculously sad.

She rolled her eyes at herself as she pulled her shoes back on and put her stuff in her bag. She turned around and there he was. He was moving towards her and she was so scared to move. She didn't want him to change his mind and run the other way. Ella's heart pounded in her chest like it was trying to escape. Her body overrode her mind moving on it's on. When she was close enough she reached for his tie and pulled him to her body. His mouth found hers, one of his hands pulled her body to his and the other made its way to her hair. She could feel the tears on her face as he kissed her senseless. Her arms went around on his neck as she pressed as much of her body to his as she could. Her fingers found his hair and scalp holding on tight. She opened her mouth to him letting him go where ever he wanted to go. When he pulled away she was dizzy and breathless but she didn't care. She hugged him as tight as she could.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." She kept whispering that in his ear. He wrapped his arms tight around her body burying his face in her hair. "You were right, you deserve to know everything. I didn't want you to see me like you see your victims. I didn't want you to look at me and think about what was done to me. I'm sorry I kept it from you. I'm so sorry." Ella held on to him for dear life.

"I understand why you didn't tell me. I'm so sorry, Tesoro."

"I love you so much. Please, don't tell me you don't want me." He pulled back and put his hands on her face brushing her tears away with his thumb. His mouth found hers and he kissed her like he was trying to prove a point. It was slow and wet and a little sloppy but she didn't care. She loved him with everything she had. As long as he was there she wouldn't let him go. It took her a few minutes to calm down but he held her while she did. He pressed a kiss against her lips that was meant to be chaste but it didn't happen that way. His arms wrapped around her pulling her flush against his chest. She opened her mouth and he sunk into her mouth as she melted against his body. "I'll tell you everything, but I'm guessing Aubrey already told you the worst of it." She whispered after he'd pulled away and pressed his forehead to hers.

"She told me some, Garcia found out the rest. I'm sorry that he hurt you, I'm sorry you had to go through that. If I ever get my hands on him…" she kissed him before he could finish.

"You're a lover, Carissimo, not a fighter. I'm okay, I'm better than okay when I'm with you." He reached in his bag without fully letting go of her. He pulled out an envelope and handed it to her.

"I know so much, and I know there is more. You can tell me when you're ready. This is everything I can tell you. I'll tell you more when I can." She took the envelope and looked up at him. "I know you need to pace so you can think. Go ahead, I'm not going anywhere." She gave him another kiss before she pulled away and read the letter. Her heart broke when she read some of it, especially about him getting kidnapped and tortured. She wanted to hug him and tell him she was never going to leave him. She couldn't believe the amount of people that had walked away from him; from the girl he lost his virginity to, to the coworker that took advantage of him. If she ever met Elle Greenaway, she'd punch her. She'd used Spencer, screwed him and then screwed him over. He'd lost his father and a father figure. She read about his addiction and how it was forced on him but he fought it. He has cravings but he hasn't relapsed. He got shot and they put him on morphine without really asking before he told them to give him non-narcotic pain killers, so for that reason he counts from that day. After she read it all she pulled him back to her body and kissed him like her life depended on it.

"I love you, do you hear me? I love you. You are the most amazing man I've ever met. You didn't deserve what those people did to you but I'm not going anywhere. You are beautiful, and brilliant, and strong. There is no one like you in the world, and I'll be damned if I let anyone else hurt you like that." She wasn't finished speaking but he kissed her and kissed her hard. He buried his fingers in her hair when she opened her mouth and let him in.

"Marry me?" He asked breathlessly.

"Yes." There wasn't much else she needed to say. He pulled a blue velvet box out of his bag and handed it to her.

"I wanted to do this differently; it's supposed to be special. I was going to plan all this stuff and get down on one knee…" she cut him off pressing her lips to his feverishly.

"You must have missed my answer." She took out the ring and handed it to him so he could put it on her finger. She was looking him in the eyes, not at the ring. He grabbed it but before he slid it on her finger he showed it to her. It was beautiful and perfect. It shouldn't have surprised her that he remembered how much she loved canary diamonds. There was an inscription inside. Mio bel cielo, mio Tesoro which meant my beautiful sky, my sweetheart. He slid the ring on her finger and she kissed him again. "We have a lot we need to talk about."

"I know, dinner?" she smiled and nodded. He picked up her bag for her and she let him. Normally she would fuss about being perfectly capable of carrying her own bag. He grabbed her hand and she smiled at him. There were tears in her eyes and she cursed herself for being such a girl. She stopped and pulled him to her body kissing him again. Suddenly his hands were everywhere at once and it was hard for her to think. Her back met the wall in the hallway and she really didn't care. It just turned her on more. He pulled away to breathe and she trailed kisses from his chin to his collar bone. He gasped pressing her harder into the wall before capturing her lips again. His fingers slipped up her dress and just under the lace on her panties. She didn't even care that they were in a hallway and his hand was up her dress. Someone whistled in the hallway making Spencer pull away. His hands landed on either side of her head as she pressed herself to the wall instead of him. His eyes were on her, they were cloudy and pupil blown.

"It's hard to breathe when you look at me that way." Ella whispered softly.

"Did I mention that you look unbelievably hot?" He whispered pressing his face against hers. She chuckled trying to keep her hands off of him. He leaned back and looked at her pressing his hand to her cheek. His eyes changed as if there was something that had just occurred to him. His hands held her face tenderly making her look him in his eyes. She searched them feeling the urge to wipe every ounce of sadness in them away. "No matter what I say, no matter how I act, don't… just don't leave me." His thumb brushed her cheek. His voice took on a vulnerable edge that brought a sad smile to her face.

"I already told you I'm not going anywhere. But you have to promise not to ask me to leave again. I know I'm not easy to love but I need you to keep trying. If you would have left her apartment thirty minutes after…you would have found me sobbing on the steps. I love you and I need you to love me even when I make it hard."

"I guess we have a lot of talking to do."

It was hilarious to say the least. Ella couldn't help the chuckle in her head. They had to have this conversation, it was important, but it was sad that they had to have it on opposite sides of the room. They were on opposite sides of Spencer's hotel room because when they got too close talking went out the window. It was sad, but at least they knew that still worked right. They had fought, kept huge secrets, but somehow never actually lied. Well, that wasn't entirely true. Ella admitted that she was lying to him as well as herself when she said she was fine. The letters had shaken her and she thought Spencer would be like every other guy she had been with. She felt stupid for that now; she'd never met a guy like him. She'd eaten all her steak and he'd demolished a bacon cheeseburger. Spencer was on the bed leaning up against the headboard while Ella was sitting Indian style on the dresser finishing her second beer. She was leaning back against the wall playing with her dress to keep from thinking about what she really wanted. They needed to talk; she had to keep reminding herself that it was important.

"So there is one thing I don't know. What happened between you and Emily?"

"When Iles and I were about 13, Em was seeing this guy. He gave me the creeps but Iles thought he was cool. He treated her like she was an adult, which probably should have told us something about him wasn't right. I wasn't there the first time he tried to force himself on Iles but I know he almost got caught by one of the maids. Iles told me a few hours later and I was pissed. My twin sister was in tears and she was scared. I told her she needed to tell mom or at least Em but he threatened her. Well technically he threatened me; he told her he would move on to me if she told anyone. I caught him the second time. I walked in and Iles was in the corner of her bed against the wall and he was moving closer to her. I beat him with his own Lacrosse stick. He told Em I was crazy and I hurt him for trying to comfort my crying sister. Iles didn't speak for a while and she wouldn't talk about it to anyone but me. My mom was pissed so she set up to send me to boarding school when Iles told her that if I went she went. My mom decided she could live with that and kicked us both out."

"Wow,"

"And you wondered why my mom and I aren't close? She still thinks of me as the unbelievably honest kid I used to be. Everyone else was always so comfortable with pretending the bad stuff didn't happen. It was easier to sweep it under the rug, I didn't do that well. I still don't, honestly, there was just something bigger than my desire to rip band-aids off. Speaking of that concept, I owe you a huge apology. I should have never hit you."

"All things considered, it makes perfect sense. Even before I knew, I'd seen how you reacted to people grabbing you. I wasn't thinking when I grabbed you. Knowing what I know now it makes perfect sense. I'm sorry I did it. I'm ashamed actually."

"I understand; if I was normal it would have just pissed me off."

"You are normal." She shook her head and climbed out off of the dresser. She was tired of being so far away. She couldn't touch him where she was. She climbed on to the bed and sat next to him reaching for his hand. She locked her fingers with his and met his eyes.

"You were right; you deserved to know where I was going all the time. Sometimes it was just out to breathe when I worked myself up into a bundle of nerves. Before the letters started showing up I was fine but not so much after. Others, it was to go to a meeting. Sometimes it was NA and others it was a group for rape survivors. That's how I met Sydney. She's adorable, petite, blonde, and smart as a whip. She reminded me of Honor when I first met her. She had just enrolled in AU when she was drugged and raped at a party. After she told her story I offered to be there for her and gave her my number. It took her a while to call me but when she did she was in the park crying. I know I changed after the letters started and I'm sorry for that. I was freaking out but I didn't want you to see this. I just wanted you to see the good side of me. I didn't realize how unfair that was."

"I'm sorry I accused you of cheating on me. I know you wouldn't do that, nothing you've done should have made me think that."

"That's not true; I disappeared when my phone rang. I hid stuff and never told you where I was going, I didn't tell you about Connor or why I was with him. I can see how you got to that conclusion. After I was raped I was pretty beat up. I was going to go home and hide out. Peyton wouldn't let me. At the time I didn't know he had kids. I found out when he took me to his house. Honor was 10 and Connor was 13. I thought they would be afraid of me, I was black and blue. Connor was protective and Honor insisted that I was pretty and wanted to do my hair all the time. I fell in love with those two because they were so pure and honest. It was new; I didn't grow up around kids like that. I grew up in the land of trust funds and nose jobs and trips to tropical places during the holidays. Hannah's heart, the ranch, is named after Peyton's wife. She died of cancer when Honor was three. I always say they saved me from myself but I think we saved each other. Connor is like the little brother I never had, I should have just told you. He wanted to meet you because Honor had been so excited that I had a boyfriend. I hadn't had one in a while. I know Em probably told you I used to be kind of slutty, that's not altogether true. I used to be more free with who I let in though. Now getting in my pants and my heart is a lot easier to get into then my head. I stopped caring what everyone thought of me and decided to be who I wanted to be. I'm sorry I made you work so hard, there are attack dogs and electric fences around that part of my life because every guy who knew ran away. By the time I fell for you I knew I wouldn't be the same if you left too. I couldn't let him change me completely. There were parts of me that I liked, I was fun and wild and carefree. I was a free spirit, and it was hard to get any of that back. I'm not the wild child I used to be but I'm no angel either. I think that's where I want to be."

"You are all of those things; you terrified me when I first met you." She sat in front of him on the bed looking at him in disbelief. Reid pushed his plate away and pulled her into his lap and kissed her softly.

"There is absolutely nothing scary about me."

"Actually, your right hook is quite ferocious. There are a few people from high school I would like to sic you on to be honest." She frowned at him and he smiled. "You were this force of nature, still are, you scared me because I'd never met a girl like you."

"You think I wasn't terrified of you?" He gave her a look that clearly said he didn't believe her. "I've dated some ass holes in my life but you aren't like that. I know how to handle those guys. After I met you the first time I couldn't stop myself from asking Em about you. She just kept giving me this knowing look and told me I wasn't the only woman obsessed with you. She mentioned something about hookers and nurses. Apparently when you got shot, you were like cat nip for nurses. She said the same thing happened when you had some sort of respiratory problem she wasn't allowed to disclose. Your nurses were swooning in the hallway after they were in your room."

"So why were you afraid of me?" he asked trying to hide the blush creeping up his cheeks. Ella laughed softly and he frowned at her till she raised her hands in surrender.

"You really don't know how amazing you are. There was no preparation for you. I just knew I wanted you. You were too good and too different to not try. When I tell you you're beautiful I'm not just saying it for the fun of it. I mean it." He leaned forward and kissed her. It was soft but possessive like he needed to remind her that she was his. Spencer's hand slipped into her hair as she opened her mouth for him. He fused their mouths together pulling her body flush against his. Ella's arms wound around his neck and her fingers got lost in his chocolate locks. He sat up deepening the kiss even more pulling her hips against his. Ella pulled away breathless meeting the eyes of the man in her arms. He pushed her hair behind her ear brushing his lips over her cheek and below her ear. Ella raised her head to give him better access to her neck holding on to him tight. She was scared to let him go. She didn't want him to disappear, she was afraid he wasn't really there. He spilled her back onto the bed gently knocking things on the floor as he went. It was amazing how fast clothes can disappear in the midst of desperate need. Everything he did was so soft and tender, removing her dress dragging his fingers over skin as he did. Her body was on fire before she knew what was happening. He kissed her all over sometimes just brushing his cheek against her like he was marking her with his scent. Spencer held her body to his like she would float away without him as an anchor. She didn't understand how he could be so calm, she was frantic. He'd had to grab her hands more than once because she was shaking so hard trying to get his clothes off. Every time he would just kiss her until she was laid out beneath him again holding on for dear life. There was something very different about this moment, his body filling hers like never before. Her hands roamed the bare skin of his back like it was new territory riding a wave so intense she wasn't sure she could handle it when it was over. His muscles bunched and grew taut under her fingers as he moved inside her. At some point she had closed her eyes lost to the sensations around her and inside her. She hadn't even noticed she had done it until he asked her to open her eyes.

"Michaela, look at me." He commanded softly. He used her full name and that caught her off guard. His voice was breathy and strained. She opened her eyes and met his big brown ones as her finger wove into his hair. There was so much love in his eyes she could barely breathe. That was all it took for her to fall apart. The orgasm tore through her like a freight train bowing her spine and forcing her to cry out for him. Spencer cried out for her burying his face in her neck as he fell with her into the most peaceful oblivion she'd ever felt. She pushed his damp hair away from his face and pulled his mouth up to hers. The kiss was lazy and slow and passionate.

"I can't wait to marry you." She whispered softly after she pulled away. He brushed her bangs away from her face and placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

"I'm just happy you said yes. I can't wait to marry you too." He rolled over pulling her with him wrapping his arms around her. She felt safe, maybe safer than she'd felt in a long time. She laid her head on his chest and listened to his heart pound against her cheek. She raised her hand and looked at the ring on her finger a slow smile spreading across her face. Lyrics popped in her head. I wait for you.I'm mesmerized this love is like a potion in disguise. I'd tightrope walk with a blindfold on my eyes. I can't escape, or so it seems. I'd run away, he's in my dreams. He possesses an enchantment.

She couldn't help thinking about how lucky she was that he was all hers.

A/N: The lyrics are from a song called Enchantment by Corrine Bailey Rae.