When I wake up, an overwhelming feeling of sadness overtakes my body. What have a just done to Gale? Besides probably scarring him for life with what he most likely witnessed last night, I am one hundred percent sure I have destroyed our friendship. I struggle to free my sweaty body from out from underneath the furs, pull my shirt back on and quietly make my way to the sink. The water doesn't run as hard as it should; even so it's more than sufficient for splashing cool water onto my face. I rest both my elbows on the edge of the sink and take a deep breath, most of me wants to slide down the wall and cry but that is not an option. I feel Gales hand rest on my shoulder and quickly straighten up, I am too ashamed to turn and face him.
"Katniss..." His voice is surprisingly soft, "Look last night wasn't necessary. I get it okay? I was going to try and tell you that in the control room but...we got cut off."
Oh no. Now I just feel even worse than before. I turn and look up at him, searching his face for any kind of answers. I find nothing but hurt and confusion, which i feel myself. I do the only thing I can think of at the moment; I lean my head against his chest and wait to see if Gale still accepts me. He does.
"I'm sorry" I whimper, "Can we just go back to how we used to be?"
"I doubt it, but I'd like to try." His honestly is far from reassuring but, I'll take it. "Just, never ever let me see that again."
I pull back and nod. I also give him a rare feature, i smile. This seems to lighten to roughness in him, even if temporary. i feel us sliding backwards in time, like we are standing in the middle of the woods at dawn. Just the two of us. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, but the musty smell of fur brings me instantly back to our reality. Nothing will ever be the same. I pull away from Gale and make my way back to Peeta.
He is sweating profusely, both his hands dig deep into the pile of fur the cover him. His knuckles and white and I can make out every vein in his upper body, this is no ordinary nightmare. I shake his shoulders, but he doesn't snap out of out. So I try another approach, I calmly brush the hair from his face and whisper his name gently. Nothing. At this point all of Peetas body starts to shake and he sits up abruptly and screams my name. I clasp my hand over his mouth and rest the other on his cheek, locking my eyes with his. Or so I thought. His eyes are wild with fear and confusion and he pushes me away. His breathing is erratic and he can't seem to figure out where he is. I crawl back to him and straddle his lap, and hold his face in my hands.
"Peeta. You're okay, calm down. It was just a dream" I hold his face tightly, probably more so than necessary but, I am scared.
"Katniss." Slowly his hands cover mine and his eyes come back to the beautiful sky blue I love.
"It's okay, I'm here." I kiss him softly on the lips and wait for him to kiss me back before I decide it's okay to stop.
I feel Peeta let out a deep sigh as he pulls me closer and buries his face into my hair. "I hate it here" he whispers into my ear. I know he does, the closer we get to Snows mansion the worse Peetas nightmares seem to become. We cannot stay in this basement forever, it's vital that we push forward.
I can hear Tigris rummaging around upstairs, which makes me think about the time. I look over at Gale, who is helping Finnick change his bandages. I tilt my head to the side and squint, hoping to make out the time on his watch. Four o'clock? Did we sleep an entire day away? I slide off Peeta and let him catch his breath, I turn to Cressida and Pullox who seem to just becoming out of hibernation. Just as i am about to speak, i hear the small panel to the cellar slide open.
"I brought some food for you." Tigris rather loudly, so i assume the shop has been closed.
We make our way upstairs, where we split a chicken and some canned soups. It's time for the Capitols daily news feed, so we gather around the small television and prepare for the latest news. They have narrowed it down to the six of us. I begin to wonder what Coin is thinking at this precise time, oh how she would have enjoyed having me torn to shreds by mutts. I come back to the news as Peeta wraps his arm around my neck and kisses my head. It's mostly shots of us and Peacekeepers, as the Snow tries to portray as a threat to anyone we encounter. After this the most disturbing news comes up. A boy that actually looked nothing like Peeta was beaten to death in the City Center today. My stomach turns when they show a close up of the poor child's body. I can feel Peetas pulse racing, so I carefully slips my fingers between his and squeeze. It seems to calm him a little, but the look of desperation never leaves his eyes.
We come to no rational decisions tonight. Despite the fact that I am certain if I am captured Snow will make a public appearance where Gale could shoot him from the audience. This idea does not go over well with anyone, too many alternate endings says Peeta. The only thing that does get decided is our group of six, cannot travel together anymore. For tonight we will help Finnick try to regain some strength and then by tomorrow afternoon...we make our way into the City Center.
xXx
It's early, because when I peer out the window there is still a low fog covering the ground. Tigris has told us that the President himself is taking in people of the Capitol that have been evacuated; this is our best chance at a shot into the mansion. So here we stand; Dressed head to toe in expensive furs and makeup, as ready as one can be to face their possible last day. As far as I know, none of us will make it out of this alive. I turn to Peeta. He spreads his hand out for me to take with a smile.
"You know why we have spaces between our fingers?" He blushes a little.
"No, why?"
"For the person we love to fill them."
I close my eyes; the sweetness is his voice is so sincere. I do not want anyone to take this moment away from me, this simple sweet statement that I could cling to for days. I squeeze Peetas hand tightly and nod, yes Peeta that is why we have spaces between our fingers.
We need to start leaving, the crowd outside seems to be growing and it is imperative that we blend in. Cressida and Pollux will be sent together, since the two of them will be safer farther away from our 'star squad'. That leaves me, Peeta, Gale and Finnick. There is no ideal way to split us up, but before I can even come up with any sort of argument Peeta let's go of my hand and pushes me towards Gale.
"Peeta? What are you doing?" I say frantically.
"Go with Gale, Katniss."
"No. I want to go with you." Do I mean that? Or is Gale my more ideal partner in this senario?
"Too bad. We've already decided." His tone is suddenly harsh, but I can see right through it.
I look around the room. Not one person will make eye contact with me, when was this decision made? I rush back at Peeta and cling to him like a child. Emotions start to get the best of me, I start to breath heavily and my body feels stiff and scared. I know I need to protect Peeta, especially here in the Capitol. But I am on a mission to kill Snow. And his imminent fear of what happened in the mansion could hold me back. Either way, I cannot lose him again.
xXx
Cressida and Pollux exit the shop. My heart sinks, but after several minutes I don't hear any gun shots or screams. I turn to Peeta and Finnick. Finnick pulls me into a hug first, holding me so tightly it's hard to breath. "I'll do my best to bring him back to you." He whispers, and I kiss his cheek. I stand next to Gale as Finnick and Peeta are about to exit the shop. My heart pounds so loud in my ears I'm not sure how loud my next words come out.
"Wait!" I dash across the room into Peetas arms.
He embraces me, holds me against him without ever letting my feet touch the floor. I pull back a little and lock my watery eyes with his.
"Be careful." He whispers as he presses his forehead to mine.
"I love you." His mouth crashes into mine just as I finish saying that words.
He sets me down and walks back to the door, opens it and allows Finnick out first. He turns, just before exiting and mouths to me: "I love you" puts his fingers to his lips and holds them out to mine. The door shuts, and I lose the will to stand.