Things had changed in the time that passed. Things changed for everyone. While on the outside it may have appeared fine, it was an illusion, the appearance of the host club is being faked. If you looked close enough then you could see it, the tine fractures in the image. The gritted smile that Tamaki wore, just dazzling enough that most wouldn't see it. Most also missed the occasional longing glances that my boyfriend and I sent each other. Kyoya, the sneaking boy he is, also found reasons to sit near or at my table. More than once he would brush my knee with his, under the table so nobody would see.
It was tense as well. The atmosphere choked me at times, it was filled with anger. A fight was brewing on the horizon one that would be a lot bigger than before. Kyoya and Tamaki had both made it clear, in the own ways, their feelings and neither was going to back down. It was hard to say who would crack first. My bet was on Tamaki, he was the drama queen after all. Still I missed the friendship I had with him but I wanted Kyoya, I wanted a chance at our relationship.
Did I not deserve that at least? Did I not deserve a chance to be happy with whomever I chose? I worked so hard to get where I was and I was only going to have to work harder in the near future. I deserved to get to try love, to try and date a boy who liked me for me. Why did it have to so complicated? Tamaki always seemed to be the roadblock between me and happiness. Well that wasn't entirely true. For a short period of time I did think that he would be my prince, the one to sweep me off my feet. It was then that I realized something. I didn't want a naive prince who was rather selfish in regards to me. No, I wanted the king who would let me reach my potential should I chose to.
The others seem alright with the situation considering everything. The twins, mostly led by Hikaru, had chosen Tamaki's side while Mori and Huni rooted for me and Kyoya. It was like someone had picked up a pencil and drawn a line on the host club paper. This line divided Tamaki from Kyoya and forever would until they figured out. This wasn't just about me and them; it was about their long time jealousy and resentment that lingered in their friendship. Tamaki was jealous of the family Kyoya had, while Kyoya resented how easily everything in life was handed to the blonde. They would have ended up here at some point with or without me.
That was how I found myself swinging alone on a childrens' swing set. The nearby park had seemed like as good as place as any to be alone and think for a while. As a child my parents would take me here and laugh as I played with the other children. One of my favourite springtime activities was to chase butterflies. I never once caught a butterfly but I wouldn't forget the words my mother said.
"Sometimes what wishes to be caught, isn't yours to cage. It takes a gentle, certain hand to catch what wants to spread its wings. Only those who wish to set it free once more, despite their own selfish wishes, will ever be able to hold their butterfly."
Innocent as my five year old brain was at the time I had failed to grasp the deep meaning of those words. Now though they seemed to haunt my brain. My mother has involuntarily taught me a lesson that I was only beginning to experience now. I was the butterfly and both Kyoya and Tamaki wished to catch me. Which one would cage me due to their selfishness? Who would love me enough to set me free? Tamaki was overprotective but with Kyoya I may be 'caged' by the social protocol that binds him. It was hard for me to determine which the right choice was truly. All I knew for certain was that with Kyoya my heart raced and my stomach was full of butterflies.
Stilling my feet I allowed the swing to slow to a near stop. Why? Why couldn't this be easy? I knew I wanted Kyoya but I also knew that once I had felt something for Tamaki. Was it just puppy love? He had been the first boy I really noticed. With Kyoya it was different though. That night we danced it had been like a movie moment. That cliché second when in each others' arms they are all alone in the world, dancing to the fading music. My magic moment crashed and burned when Tamaki entered it.
Ever since I met him, nobody else has been worth thinking about. Nothing worth having is easy to get but why? Why can't they decide who is the one to love me enough to let me decide? Would the other even settle with the decision I make? I knew deep down that if I asked Kyoya to leave he would, he would bow out of this so called battle is I simply asked him. Is that love? I thought if you loved someone then you would fight for them?
I guess I'm sort of a hypocrite, thinking all these things like I am. Here I am expecting Kyoya to stand alone and fight for me. No, I have to fight as well. I'm not going to let the one I care for stand up alone. Love is not a one person thing; it takes two hearts to be intertwined. I need to make up my mind and decide who I am going to tell to back off. It isn't much of a decision, I already know the answer. I don't need the whole, wide world to be happy. I needed my career goal and I needed him. . I wanted the one who made my heart race simply by looking up from that darn laptop of his and turning his silver gaze onto me. I wanted the boy who held me tight in his arms and who kissed me in the snow. I wanted the boy who made up an entire story just so he could dance with me at a ball.
Soft hands found my waist, a gently shove pushing the swing into motion once more. The swing had stopped as I got lost in thought but was suddenly going again. As my hands tightened around the chain I flew forward in the arm, legs flailing for a moment. A small yelp of surprise was the only sign that I hadn't been paying attention. It was when I looked down from the peak of my height did I see the one who pushed me forward, who started my swinging again.
"Hello love"
I found myself swinging back towards the boy with dark grey eyes.