Medication:

Chapter Ten: Can You Tell Me?

This was one of those awkward moments in life. Probably one of the most awkward moments either of us had ever experienced.

"...Hi, Squee." Nny said, looking around and trying to break the awkwardness.

"Hello. Devi," he said, and turned towards me, "What's going on?"

"I told you," I started, but he cut me off, "Yes, I know that. The papers all said he was a crazy psychotic killer, and he terrorized me as much as he saved me. You didn't hear the screams at night. And now you bring him here, after I thought my nightmare was over, claiming his reforms are for real, with his bleach blonde hair and his blue contacts? With his brighter eyes? With his new mannerisms, and you want me to attempt to call upon all those horrible things he did to people in his basements? ARE YOU MAD?! I don't want to remember that! I had all I could do just to suppress it enough to sleep at night! And besides! I have SAT's in a month! I can't be doing this dramatic lifestyle changing with those infernal tests upon me-"

"Squee, calm down!" I said finally. He was shaking like a leaf. Like he expected Johnny to rip his new personality off like a sheet of paper and destroy him. God, what this kid must've gone through...

"I don't think you understand how long it took me to close off the tunnel, Devi. It took me TWO YEARS. Two years of concrete, two years of filling up a six foot by six foot circular tunnel, three feet thick. I just needed to feel safe again. I needed to forget. And what you're asking me to do...You're asking me to...To bring back all the horror. The band-aids. The bactine...You're..." tears began to roll down his face, and I suddenly felt like the biggest meanest jerk in the world. He was just trying to live a normal, Nny-free life, and I was being selfish and involving others who survived his reign in my own quest to bring the real Johnny C. back, "You're asking me...To remember Shmee. You're asking for me to remember what he did to me."

"Squee, don't even worry about it." I said. I didn't want to push him to a nervous breakdown, which he was seemingly seconds away from having. "Don't even worry about it. I'm not taking a weapon to your head for not-" I stopped, and the attention of both myself and Squee was drawn to Johnny.

He was blinking erratically, rubbing his face, and his pupils were rapidly twitching around, as though he was watching an intense fight scene in a movie. He was on his knees.

My throat ran dry...

What if he needed some of those medicines I told him not to take?...What if some of them were...For his heart or something? I know it's useless to think of that now, and there's nothing I could do about it now. I should've thought about that before. There was something seriously going wrong with him. I started freaking out inside, and I could feel the shots of adrenaline in my arms as I panicked about what could be wrong.

I know what a novel idea is...How about you fucking ASK him, Devi?!

"Nny! Nny?! Are you alright? Nny, speak to me!!" I was trembling, scared to death of losing him. But I wasn't sure why I needed him so badly...At any rate, it scared the living shit out of me. I screamed his name, falling to my knees. I was scared to touch him, for fear he'd freak out on me and snap my arm out of its socket and beat me with it.

Even Squee seemed a little concerned. "Nny?!"

"Call him Stewart! He might respond to that!" I instructed.

Squee looked at me as if I had ten heads. "Stewart?"

"Yes, they changed his name to Stewart Smith. I just told him today that his name wasn't Stewart. It was Johnny."

"...Was he on medicine?"

"Yes, of course. Do you think he just conformed to their ways upon request?!" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows.

"No, I'd never think he'd do something like that. It's giving up his free will, and if there's one thing he lives for, it's just that. The right to live freely and without being subject to interpretation of others...But the medicine...How much was he on?"

"Enough to make him completely forget EVERYTHING that's ever happened to him. It's disgusting! NNY!! Please, I'm begging you! Please, please answer me!" I screamed frantically.

"Nny! List-" Squee started, but stopped abruptly.

He suddenly stopped, and slowly turned his face up to Squee. My blood ran cold, because for a second...For a second, I saw it. That flicker. But it was just a second. A New York minute. An instant. But it was gone. But I'm positive I saw it.

"...Squee...I guess you should assume everyone is speaking out of some external influence. Believe in whatever makes sense to you..." he said. Squee almost dropped to the ground.

"Oh...God, Johnny. That night...You saved me that night when I got separated from my mom. That guy was going to molest me, and you gave him what he deserved! Nny! You said that to me! You told me to believe in what makes sense to me and only me!! Nny!" Squee was hysterical, tears streaming down his face.

"I...I remember...I wailed him in the side of the head with a metal pipe...Before he could do anything to you..." Nny said.

I was stunned.

Utterly stunned.

These flashbacks...were a God-send.

Just amazing.

Then, Squee did something I never thought I'd see. He reached out and squeezed Nny. He amazingly just pulled him right into a hug. Holy fuck. This was quite a day. Not to mention the part where Nny hugged him right back. I take it he didn't remember the rest.

Indeed, this was quite a day.

Apparently changes are happening all over the place.

"Devi?" Nny asked me.

"Yes?" I asked, quietly watching them.

"I'm getting a sick feeling that that was one of the only good deeds I did, and even that was something warped and probably sick. I can't remember the rest. Just one clip from that one instance. I don't think I want to remember." He said.

My heart sank.

What was I going to do?

He didn't want to be the person he used to be. Not that I wanted him to either, I just wanted him to be the elegant, observant intellectual artist he was before I found out he was a murderer.

"I'll leave that part out. I just want you to be free again." I said softly.

"Devi," he said my name again. It left a prick in my heart, and I don't fucking know why. I keep trying to tell myself he almost killed me. But...

Something's there. I know there's something about it.

"Yes?" I asked.

"...I'm tired."

I looked at Squee, who was still tearing. He nodded. "I'll stay with you guys."

This should be interesting.

To say the least...