A/N: Thank you for reading and all the reviews!

Ten.

To say that Judas' house was close would have been an understatement. As soon as I agreed to spend the night there he whirled around, cold water from his umbrella flicking me in the face and walked off. It took me a second to realise that I was meant to follow.

It was less than twenty freaking steps to the lobby of his apartment block and no more than ten after that to get into the elevator after he nodded at the doorman in greetings.

There was also no question about it, this guy was rich. I felt kinda out of place, following him with my head down, dripping wet and all hunched over. Judas walked briskly with long strides and some pretty impeccable posture in front of me but didn't say anything, not that I was really in the mood for chatting, every time Gilbert crossed my mind I felt really bad and like I wanted to run away and hide forever.

The floors were made of marble and the elevator was clean and polished with brass buttons and classy music playing, it was like a hotel. We arrived at the top floor and he gestured for me to get out so I did. He took the lead again and we made it to the room at the end of the hall, Judas produced a key and unlocked the door for us, opening it for me.

The first thing I noticed was how much I seemed to sink into the thick violet carpet, it had to be at least an inch deep, there were also expensive looking paintings everywhere on the lilac walls and fish tanks. In my opinion, fish tanks were a symbol of wealth.

But something seemed off, I didn't know what but there sure was something up that I wasn't getting. My eyes scanned the place looking for clues as to what was wrong but before I could figure anything out, Judas started to speak again,

"I trust the place is to your liking?"

"Yes! Of course." I thought that was a bit of a stupid question, even if I hated the place, I wasn't exactly gonna start complaining...

"I'm glad." He said softly, as if my opinion mattered a lot to him... Maybe this guy was okay.

"But," I spoke up, I tried to approach this light heartedly, "You seriously like the colour purple."

My statement was a valid one, the walls were purple, the carpet was purple, the curtains, the doors, much of the furniture: all purple. They were in different shades though, it was even kinda impressive how Judas had managed to make it so no two things were the exactly the same colour purple, it was like he had tried to convince himself that his love affair was not only with the one colour, but I wasn't fooled.

He laughed, I was relived he didn't take it as a criticism but his laugh seemed empty and hollow, it wasn't really a joyous laugh, "That's observant of you," Listening to his voice you would have never guess that he was laughing just a moment ago, "It is true, purple is a colour I admire- but not for the aesthetics, for the history!" He almost sounded passionate, but didn't quite get there.

"It has a history?" I wanted to sit down but I didn't wanna soak the indigo couch.

"Of course, everything does. You have a history, I have a history, the pope has a history." He smiled but let it drop after two seconds, "You look like a smart boy; you should know these things."

"I do!" I protested.

"Purple," He began, "Is a colour that symbolises power. In the era of the Romans this colour was only allowed to be worn by royalty."

I wasn't certain how to respond to that, "Oh..." Is what I decided on.

"So naturally I like the colour because of what it represents- rulers and the most important people."

I nodded, understanding but decided to change the subject, there was just something about Judas's demeanour that made me uncomfortable, "Can I have a shower?" I decided I'd have a shower and then take my leave, coming here was a mistake.

"Right this way." Any wistfulness disappeared from his face and he led me around a corner to a door, "It's in there, I'll prepare some dry clothes for when you finish."

"Aha... That won't be necessary..." I put my hands up, "I don't know if I can really stay..."

His expression darkened a little, "But I already have a room ready..."

I raised my eyebrows, "Really? Well..." I couldn't be rude, Judas, though unsettling, was offering me kindness... Just as Gilbert had, and I had fallen in love with Gilbert... So if I could love Gil' then surely I could become friends with this man! "I'll try not to take long."

"No need to hurry." He told me, his back already to me as he headed back to the main room.

I took a deep breath and entered the bath room. It was at least three-quarters of the size of Gilbert's 'home'. It had a bathtub on one side of the room and a separate shower in another corner. Again, there was a lot of purple but also lots of cream and gold, it seemed like he had made more of an effort to make this room pleasing to the eye.

I stripped off my clothes; I was freezing with my skin still damp from the rain. It was tempting to take a nice hot bath but after a little bit of internal debating I decided that I was offered a shower so I would take one, I didn't want to do anything out of line.

The shower was so amazing. I had gotten so used to showers in public bathrooms with Gilbert, where the soap was as rough as sandpaper, there was constant worry that the door wasn't locked properly, the floor was dirty and covered in human hair, the whole place reeked of urine and I had to deal with Gilbert telling me to feel his legs because he had tried shaving them with his razor. They were some soft, smooth legs though.

The shower at Judas' place was hot, there was one constant temperature instead of changing every two seconds, the soap was creamy and smelled nice and I could be as open as I wanted with my washing and didn't even consider that someone could walk in on me.

It was kinda quiet without Gilbert singing badly in German next to me, his comments about his cleaning process and his exaggerated shrieks whenever the temperature changed slightly.

I turned off the water with a squeak and stood there for a moment, bathing in the warmth for a few more moments before opening the shower screen and letting the cold air in. I grabbed a fluffy towel and wrapped it around my body. Towels had become a luxury to me; I just had to rub myself off with my clothes before.

In the corner of my eye, I noticed my body in a mirror that hung in the corner. Gosh... It had been a while since I had gotten a long look at myself...

I rubbed the water off myself and moved closer to the mirror, took a deep breath and dropped the towel.

Wow... I was skinnier; the chubbiness that I showed up with just over a month ago had mostly become tight skin. It was kinda nice to look at, I had wanted to lose weight for a while and as I turned to the side, examining my thighs I saw that I actually looked better, slender but had managed to so far avoid looking undernourished.

I had longer hair too; it reached my shoulders without me even noticing. Gilbert did offer to get a haircut with him once but I was too afraid of being recognised to accept it. Now my blond hair tickled my neck the more I gazed at its new length. I snorted at the realisation that I could tie it back if I wanted to.

I bared my teeth, they hadn't changed, nor had the milky paleness of my skin or the little scar above my eyebrow that I could never remember getting. I pulled the towel back around my shoulders.

I opened the door with caution, even though I had known him for less than an hour, standing right outside of the bathroom seemed like the kind of weird thing that Judas would do. Luckily he wasn't there but at my feet was a stack of folded clothes and a note. Still pretty aware of my nakedness, I grabbed the bundle and closed the bathroom door again, sitting on the toilet seat to read the note, it said,

'These will be too large but that cannot be helped, wear them. Your wet clothes on you are a sight for sore eyes- these will offer comfort.'

I tossed the little card away; it seemed pointless to be there, just like Judas was giving me a reminder that he was going out of his way to be kind. I didn't need to be reminded.

I unfolded the pile of clothes and felt myself smile at how soft they were. I didn't want to wear the clothes I came here in ever again so left them in a dripping pile in the corner.

I had a button up shirt and a pair of smart black pants. Judas was right, they were too big, if I wanted to, I could have worn the shirt and nothing else and wouldn't have been exposing anything, it came over my hands and the bottom of it reached mid thigh.

I even had some underwear there for me, but if the clothes actually belonged to Judas like the size suggested I wouldn't feel right putting them on, they would be too big too anyway, so I just pulled on my own.

The black pants came to the ground and covered most of my feet so I rolled them up a little to above my ankles, they looked cooler this way, and they didn't looked three sizes too big like this either.

There was also a tie, but I wasn't gonna be wearing that anytime soon. I had a strange premonition that Gilbert's vibes of totally casual clothes without a single care for looking smart had rubbed off on me. I tied it around my waist for a belt.

I towel dried my hair one more time and exited the bathroom, once again, Judas wasn't around but this time I could hear music, it was soft music but also kinda techno, chill out music. There was also a smell coming from the same direction that made my gut twist in a sharp reminder of how hungry I was.

I followed my nose and ears and the smells and sounds grew stronger and louder until I arrived in a tiny kitchen, which was again decked out in purple.

"I trust you're not opposed to eating meat?" He asked in the same cool tone as usual, not turning around.

"You mean a vegetarian?" I stepped closer, "I'm not."

"Good, good." He stirred something in a pot before turning around, his brows knitting together when he saw me, "Ties are not belts."

"Sorry!" I smiled guiltily and gave a nervous laugh, "The pants were gonna fall down."

Amusement flickered through his eyes, but only for half a second, "I suppose I can forgive it on this occasion."

"What're you making?" I tried to peek over Judas' shoulder, maybe it was time to move on from what I was wearing.

He was quick to give me a description, like he was reading from a menu, "Roast beef in a red wine sauce, accompanied by asparagus and duchess potatoes."

That sounded like I was gonna get something pretty different to the usual convenience store food, "Do you like cooking?" I asked and took a seat at the breakfast bar. With a meal as complex and luxurious as this, he had to enjoy making it. It smelled good too, maybe that was from practise.

"No." He said shortly, adding salt to whatever was in his pot, "I don't do it when I can avoid it."

I felt bad, was he doing all this for me when it wasn't even something he wanted to do? "You don't have to cook! I'm the one imposing, you can order a pizza if you want..." I chewed on my lower lip as he narrowed his eyes.

"It would be rude." He cleared his throat and turned back to the stove, "It would be rude not to. For a guest. One that I have invited into my home."

He was doing it again, reminding me that he was being so kind to me and giving me his time and effort. I don't know why he kept doing that but I really wished that he wouldn't. I was doing all I could to show my thanks and he knew that! So why did he wanna make me feel like I owed him more? ... I didn't have any money.

I didn't reply, he didn't try to get a reply to that out of me, I just swung my legs on the chair and watched his back. His spine was so straight it was like a metal bar under his skin, he didn't even lean over the food as it cooked. I tried mimicking his posture, I was kinda surprised to find myself grow another two inches just by straightening it, but after a minute it got uncomfortable and I decided that slouching wasn't that bad.

x++x

We were in silence right up until the food was served. I was given my plate and found it impossible to believe that Judas didn't like cooking; the presentation was amazing, too good to eat!

"You can't only cook for guests and have it looking like that..." I stared at my food as Judas laid a napkin over my lap.

"Yet alas I do." He said, putting his apron in a drawer.

"But you've practised so much! It's obvious!"

He was quiet for a minute and I thought he had left the room; I tore my eyes away from the masterpiece on my plate and saw that he was still there, across the room, looking at me sternly.

"I have many guests."

"Friends?" I tilted my head, "Or do you give lots of people with nowhere to go this treatment?"

He advanced closer and didn't say anything until he was right up in my face, "You know, it's rude to ask your host so many questions." He was speaking through gritted teeth, "It's nosy. And curiosity killed the cat after all."

Then he did something totally unexpected. Judas raised his hand and slapped me right across the cheek. I yelped as sharp, hot pain covered my skin and I bit my tongue as the blow struck my jaw. I yelped, tears springing to my eyes and my glasses falling half to my face.

I cowered, scared in case another hit was coming my way, and I could feel my pulse in my face.

"Understand?" He asked, the saccharine voice returned and I swallowed down my gasps of pain. I nodded, not trusting my lips to move in the right way, "Good."

"Ow...!" I couldn't help it; it was like expressing the pain softened it as I rubbed at red skin.

"Do you drink wine?" He asked cordially, taking out two glasses from the cabinet as if what he had just done had never happened.

"N-No..." I was almost too afraid to speak.

"Then what is your drink of choice?" He examined a bottle of red wine.

"Water, please." I choked.

"Very good." He ran my glass under the cold faucet and brought it over to the table. I hid my hands under the tablecloth to hide their shakiness.

I swallowed and we both began eating. I clenched my knife and fork so hard that my knuckles were white.

"Is the food to your standard?" He asked suddenly.

"Yes!" I nodded quickly. True enough, our meal was delicious but I had a feeling that any reply that wasn't that one would be the wrong answer, "It's wonderful!" I made sure he knew what my answer was.

"I'm delighted," He didn't sound it, "I'm sure you're exhausted so I went ahead and prepared a bed for you..." A sly smile cropped up, "You will be sleeping in my bed."

For the first time since he slapped me, I looked up at Judas, my fork clattering to the plate as I stared at him in shock... No, no, no... This isn't what I came for, but I couldn't see a way out of this that didn't risk getting hurt again, my stomach turned to ice. How was I gonna get out of this!?

But then Judas started to laugh, "I jest. I have another room prepared." He took a sip of wine and raised his glass to me, "I raise my glass to you. You innocent boy."

"Thank you..." I said, I wasn't sure what I was thanking him for but it seemed like the right thing to say. He went on eating, as if to tell me that that was the right response.

I was quite relieved to find out there wasn't a dessert

x++x

I'm sitting in my kitchen, I don't know what time it is but I assume that it's morning because the sun is high outside the window. My family are no where to be seen and I drum my fingers on the dining table, waiting. I don't know what for.

I'm not even surprised when Gilbert enters, he looks fresh, like he's glowing and grins at me,

"Good morning!" He waves at me and sits at the other end of the table.

"Morning." I'm still waiting.

"How did you sleep?" He asks, picking a grape from the fruit bowl and throwing it, trying to catch it in his mouth. He lets it roll on the floor and stay there when he misses.

I open my mouth to answer but I'm interrupted.

There's an ear piercing shriek and I cower down, though Gilbert doesn't move. He's still smiling at me from across the table, he doesn't move a muscle.

The noise comes again, but this time it sounds more like a wail that breaks off into sobs. I looked around, my eyes wide and flustered. I look at Gilbert again. Say something! Do something! I reach across the table. Move! I try to voice the words but they get lost, my lips feel like blubber and my tongue is being crushed.

The noises get louder and louder still, I grab at my ears, clutching them because I think if I have to listen to any more of this my head will implode, I want to scream.

Now I'm kneeling on the floor, my chair must have been swept from under me and I didn't even notice. The air feels more viscous, it enters my lungs by oozing into me like tar.

I scramble back on the kitchen floor, turning just in time to see my parents enter through the doorway.

Mom looks so tired, the lines on her face stand out around bloodshot eyes and her hair is less rich in colour, a wispy mess. She cries so loudly that I realise that she was the one wailing, her hands twisting around a black handkerchief.

Dad looks defeated, his eyes void of life, and his arm slung around mom like it's an object not part of his body, and his jaw is set and his lips thin. His skin looks gray and corpse like. He doesn't wail like mom does but fat wet tears still leave their tracks down his face.

They're both dressed for a funeral.

"Our baby!" My mom speaks frantically, "We should have looked after him!" She is overcome by another drawn out wail and hides her face in her hands, "Paid him attention!" She sniffs, "I never wanted him taken away..." She closes her eyes, lower lip wobbling, "We're horrible, horrible people, George!" She runs her hands through her hair, clumps of it coming out with her fingers, "Scum!"

No, I want to say, no, I'm the one to blame, I never even told you how I felt, and I should never have left you like this!

"We drowned his brother, just like he would have wanted," My father said sombrely, "After all; he hated him for all the attention he got."

Drowned my... What? No! No! I never wanted that! I didn't want there to be pain!

I leap to my feet and run at them but I'm barely moving, the air is still tar around me, sticky and thick, unyielding even though I was still determined.

Mom looks up and right through me, "We would have given him anything he wanted, anything! I just didn't want my baby taken away! But it's too late now! Too late! Too late!"

I have to say something! Scream it out so they'll listen and stop crying, my mouth feels like it's full of gum but I have to voice something to them.

I push it out; they have to hear me,

"I don't care."

Huh?!

That wasn't supposed to come out, that isn't what I meant to say! My parents huddle together as I try again.

"I don't care."

Again!

"I don't care."

I have to say something, something that make them stop,

"I don't care."

No!

"I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care."

"YOU!" The roar is what stops me, the words wouldn't stop, but finally a shout from either mom or dad stops me, it sounds so angry that I can't tell who it is.

They've turned on Gilbert now who until this moment has been watching the scene.

"You did this! You took him away!" My mom points a trembling finger in his direction; he's not smiling at me anymore.

No! No he didn't, that was me.

My dad speaks, "We'll kill you... kill you."

Suddenly I'm in front of him, my arms spread out, "Stop!" I don't know if the word gets out of my mouth but it rings in my ears loud enough.

"God, Mattie. You are sick."

Eh?

I turn around, I'm at Gilbert's place now, but the walls are covered in the dark painting outside Judas' window.

"You just want attention- you do not care how, you selfish boy! Little young boy!" He snarls, his face becomes contorted with anger

But I do care! Because I want it from you! Because I love you! I was trying so hard to tell him that.

"You will ruin me! I will go to prison and rot because of a selfish kid!" He looks upset as well as angry and that's what tears me apart.

"Why did you lie to me!? Why should I ever forgive what you did?! You put me in all that danger so you could make the whole world look at you!? Your parents are at their brink." He finally hissed,

"I hate you."

He raises a black spray can to my face, and pushes down.

Then I woke up.

x++x

I sat up in a cold sweat. My throat was dry and sore. I put my hands over my eyes and tried to stop shaking.

Another bad dream, the third of the night, but the first that featured my parents. It was already fading from memory and I lay back to stare at the purple ceiling, trying to calm down.

All of my nightmares had Gilbert there and in all of them he called me a kid and hated me.

Sounded like my dreams were telling me something.

I pulled the pillow out from under my head and pressed the cool side to my face. I never realised how guilty I felt for leaving my parents like that... I pushed the thought aside, I was right to say I didn't care in my dream, I couldn't afford to. Going back would put Gilbert in danger and he had become more important. He would be more important if I saw him every day and would be more important if I never saw him again. That's how it was.

Guilt still sank like a stone in my stomach whenever I thought of them.

I sat up on my purple bed; I couldn't stay here any longer. Judas was clearly a guy I wanted to avoid and it was morning now, time to get out of here.

I got out of bed and pulled on my own clothes, thank goodness they had dried, I hated putting on wet clothing but was not putting on Judas' shirt and pants again.

I crept out of my room onto the thick carpet and looked around. It was dark, maybe he wasn't up yet... I could just creep out without having to talk to him.

No such luck.

I found him standing at the doorway to the kitchen, blocking my path,

"I was wondering when you would wake." His voice was as cool and smooth as usual, his expression neutral.

"Y-Yes... I think I should leave now." I wanted this to be quick.

"Leave?" He raised his eyebrows slightly.

"Yes." I wasn't going to give in and stay this time.

"Now? But you haven't even had a morning coffee..."

"A what?"

"Coffee." He repeated, "I've made it already."

"Hey, I'm sorry, but I really have to go." I tried to push past him Judas planted his hand firmly on my shoulder.

"You have to drink it, it'll be a waste."

I gritted my teeth. I didn't want him to slap me again... And what was the harm in one drink before I left?

"Fine..." He stepped aside and I could see two steaming cups of coffee on the counter.

I wanted to make this quick. I walked over to the counter and put my hands around the hot cup.

He smiled over to me, "Sugar? Milk?"

I shook my head, I just wanted out of here, I'd take it strong.

I raised the cup to my glass and took a long sip. It was hot and bitter... and somehow tingled my tongue.

I put the cup down and blinked a few times. The room was melting.

The floor spun and I stepped back.

"Did no one teach you that you shouldn't talk to strangers, Matthew?" Judas' laugh and voice sounded like they were underwater as he showed his first emotion to me.

Satisfaction.

I felt like shouting out but then my head hit the floor.