Chapter 10
Strange Things
XXX
It was the second time that Light woke up to find their bed more crowded than usual.
The first thing that met his eyes was a fluffy mess of white hair; Near was curled up between them, facing L. Light pondered briefly about the symbolism of curling up to sleep between a serial killer and the world's best detective, but kicked the thought out of his still foggy mind as soon as he realized that he had referred to himself as a serial killer.
"Morning, Light-kun," L murmured, shifting so that he could peer at Light over Near's head.
Light smiled sleepily. "How do you do that? Know instantly when I wake up?"
"Practice is what makes you perfect," the detective whispered; Light could only see his eyes, but he could hear a small smile. "Is Matt on that side of the bed or has he gotten up already?"
"You don't know?"
"I did sleep tonight, Light-kun."
Light closed his eyes for a moment, feeling far too comfortable to crawl into the world of the living just yet. Something warm was pressed up against his back; he could feel a protruding spine touching the small of his back. "Judging by your wording, I believe you have Mello there. If that's the case, I have either Matt or a skinny, bony alien hiding behind me."
"'M n' 'n 'lien," the redhead faxed straight from the land of Nod; the boy moved a bit, snuggling more comfortably into his pillow and apparently falling back asleep.
"Based on the evidence collected, I have concluded that the creature behind me his, indeed, Matt," Light decided to tell L, just in case the man hadn't realized it yet. "Which is a huge relief, because I don't think I'm quite ready to deal with an alien in our bed at this hour, whatever the hour is."
"Mornings," L mused, "do strange things to your sense of humor."
"You," Light shot back, "do strange things to all my senses."
Something moved on the other side of the bed; L glanced over his shoulder, which apparently was where Mello resided. An arm rose and fell – either the boy had attempted to reach for Matt or had just intentionally wrapped his arm around L's midriff to keep himself from falling off the bed. "... Ma', you traitor," the blond slurred through a mouthful of L's cotton shirt, "what you doin' on tha' side o' bed? You switchin' to Light's camp?"
"Ouch," Light admitted under his breath, and L's eyes twinkled over Near's white hair in quiet amusement.
Matt, however, was too comfortably asleep to hear his whining companion, so Light had to take the role of a messenger. "Hey, Matt-lien," he called, nudging the boy gently with his elbow. "Mello-dator is missing you."
Matt glued himself to the wall, trying to crawl away from his prodding elbow, murmured something and drifted back to his dreams.
"Light-kun's puns are awful," L judged.
"I know," Light sighed with the air of someone who was never enough no matter how much he tried. For some reason, the expression didn't suit him very well. "It's the curse of my name; I'm plagued by horrible puns no matter where I go. But luckily," he added, grinning a little and propping himself up into a half-sitting position, "my existence is lightened by yours, now."
L eyed him with slightly wary eyes as he bent over Near to cup the detective's face in his hand. "I'm afraid I failed to wish you a good morning earlier. Let me try this again: good morning, L," he said, his smile widening as he saw the corners of L's lips twitch as well.
His own lips were only millimeters away from L's when three things happened simultaneously: Mello twitched and tightened his grip on L, effectively pulling him away; Matt turned around and managed to accidentally kick Light in the shin and hit him with his elbow at the same time; and Near performed a very innocent-looking morning stretch, almost punching Light's teeth out in the process.
L chuckled, and his eyes expressed a hint of annoyance and a great amount of mirth. The mixture was so adorable that Light couldn't help but laugh as he sat back up, rubbing his sore chin. "And to think that I almost believed you were asleep, Near..."
The boy opened his eyes, blinking blearily, and faked a confused look at him. "I apologize – did I hit you? I'm terribly sorry."
"Near, I just might like you after all," Mello declared into L's shirt.
"No morning sex in our company," Matt chided them, all sleepiness suddenly gone – either because he had been faking all the time, or because the possibility that the two adults might see it fit to make out right here and now had shocked him out of the La La Land. "Or noon sex, or afternoon sex, or evening sex, or -"
"- privacy -" Near added quietly.
"... or midnight sex, or five-in-the-morning sex, or – actually, no pre-marriage sex either, because we certainly didn't raise L to be the kind of brother who sets a bad example. Honestly. Some role models you are..."
"No, we raised him to be the kind of a guy who is influenced by the bad example set by people ten years younger than him..." Mello muttered.
Light listened, mouth wide open. Was he really getting the Talk from these three miniature Ls? Seriously? "Now listen up, kids, I have absolutely no intention to ever perform anything of sexual nature in front of your greedy eyes in any shape, way or form -"
"Did Light-kun know," L interrupted him suddenly, looking thoughtful, "that when Matt was little, he would always steal my stuffed panda when he thought I wasn't looking?"
Light, Mello and Near fell silent. Matt's silence was the kind that almost screamed.
"I once asked him why he did that," L mused. "He said it was because it looked like me, and since I never slept, he had the panda sleep next to him. He said it protected him from all kinds of dangerous things – ghosts, spiders, bullets, Barbies, Mello..."
"You were scared of me?" Mello sounded hurt. "I was your roommate! I still am! And I will be until we're fifty or something! Hell, until we're hundred!No, I'll even make sure we're buried side by side! You'll never get rid of me! Just try and keep me away with a stupid panda!"
Matt, whose face now matched his hair, shot a glare at L, then at Mello and finally told Light, "I think I have all the reasons in the world to be scared of him..."
"Just you wait," Mello threatened. "One day, you're going to wake up to find out that I've stolen your dentures from your nightstand!"
Light tried to imagine that: a 100-year-old Mello speeding the corridors of a retirement home in a wheelchair, cackling madly and snapping a set of fake teeth at the poor nurses that crossed his way. It was frighteningly easy.
Mello would never need a Death Note to cause heart attacks, that was for sure...
"Oh, and Mello," L continued in an alarmingly sweet voice (yet magically managing to keep his monotone at the same time), "do you remember how you tried to come up with a completely new language so you could teach it to me and Matt and no one else would be able to understand what we said?"
Mello blinked.
"You abandoned the idea, I think, when you tried to teach me the words you thought were new, and I told you what they meant in some other languages... You managed to form sentences like 'I'm a yellow beaver' and 'Rubber ducks and bears like skiing', if memory serves..." L blinked back innocently, a little smile on his lips.
"'I'm a yellow beaver'?" Matt snorted, now notably closer to his normal skin color, while Mello had gone quite pale. "What was that supposed to mean?"
"I believe," L replied serenely, "that it was Mellish for 'Near is stupid'."
That was so weird and so cute that Light had to bite his lip to not laugh.
"That," Mello started in a slightly shaking voice, "was completely unnecessary -"
"And Near," L continued, making a point of gazing into emptiness with a distant look in his eyes, as if recalling the events, "used to hide his toys and claim that Mello had taken them when he wanted to get Mello in trouble..."
"Oh no you didn't!"
"Oh," Near said, "I suppose I may have done that a few times. When I was young and immature."
Light did not want to know what Near did to get Mello into trouble (not that the blond needed any help...) now that he was, what, twelve, and thus, no longer young and immature. And what about when he'd be twenty?
Matt snickered. "You actually never wondered why they were blaming you for stealing his toys when you hadn't even touched them?"
"Oh, come on," Mello scoffed. "Everything here is blamed on me. A broken window? You know, Mello was playing football earlier today... Cookies eaten without permission? Can't have been anyone but Mello. Toys disappearing? Alright, let's raid Mello's room. Socks gone missing? I swear, it must be Mello, because he'd definitely want to use countless of mismatched socks of various sizes and colors in his evil plans..."
"I think," Near changed the subject suddenly, "that the reason L decided to remind us of our earlier epic adventures is that he tried to make us so uncomfortable that we would leave." He smiled calmly at the detective. "Isn't that right?"
L formed a tiny pout. "Yes, but my plan seems to have backfired."
"Mine won't," Light promised, grinning suddenly. L wanted to make the kids leave – L wanted to be alone with him. Well, Light certainly wouldn't deny the joy from the dark-haired man... "If you don't get out now, I'll get so disgustingly sweet and sugary that L's diet pales in comparison."
"I dare to doubt that," L muttered.
"Watch me." Light flashed his Oscar-winning smile and then proceeded to act the role that would earn him said Oscar.
"Good morning, kids," he all-but cooed, propping himself up on one elbow and reaching out to stroke Near's white locks gently. "Did you sleep well?"
Near froze under his hand, and Mello and Matt went very, very still as well.
It wasn't the words, or the touch. It was the tone – the warm, caring tone – and the gentleness of the hands. That voice could say, "Where does it hurt, dear?" and "Good night, honey, sweet dreams", and those hands could brush your hair, and tuck you in, and put a band-aid on your knee and wipe your tears away.
"No nightmares, I presume?" Light hummed softy, glancing first at Mello, who had sat up behind L, and then at Matt over his own shoulder. "I told you: no ghost or monster in this or any other world will dare to bother you when L and I are watching over you." He grinned at L, who seemed almost as paralyzed as the younger ones. "Isn't that right, love?"
L didn't exactly blush. But he certainly didn't seem as deathly pale as usual, either.
"Now," Light continued his monologue, sitting up so he could run his fingers through Matt's hair as well, under the pretense of brushing them out of his eyes, "it's only two days until Christmas, so we have much to do! I was thinking that we could even bake gingerbread cookies later today, if everything goes well and you behave yourselves. How does that sound?"
L's eyes had visibly lit up at the mention of baking something good; Near was just nodding mutely, and Matt even muttered a very small, "Cool".
Light blinked, tilting his head and frowning slightly. "Mello? You're awfully quiet today. How are you feeling? Maybe you caught a cold last night..." He reached out to press his palm against the boy's forehead; the blond's blue eyes widened at the contact, but he didn't pull back. "No, I don't think you have fever... Well, just tell me if you feel under the weather. It's better to rest today than to spend Christmas in bed, right?"
Mello found his chin bobbing up and down and his lips allowing a whispered, "right" out.
Light smiled at him and then motioned them to get up. "Alright! Since we have a long day ahead, you'd better head for breakfast now! Matt, see that Mello's breakfast isn't just ChocoPops."
"What's wrong with ChocoPops?" Mello whined.
"Nothing, honey, but you need to eat something else, too," Light replied; Mello almost fell off the bed at "honey". "Besides, I thought L said you're to go without chocolate until Christmas? That's two more days, Mels."
"No fair..." The blond pouted, but got up and wandered out of the room anyway, with Matt and Near trailing after him. "Don't stay in bed too long or you'll go old and fat and bald!" Mello called back once he was safely behind the door.
"Don't worry, we'll follow you in a minute," Light sang back, allowing a wide grin spread on his face as the door slammed shut. He chuckled a little and turned to find L staring at him. "Hm? What is it... love?" he just had to add.
L blinked at the final word, but apparently decided to think about that later. "I... I admit my defeat. Light-kun did indeed succeed in challenging my diet in sweetness."
"Mm-hm. I'm not finished yet," the younger man smiled, crawling closer to the detective and leaning in to peck him on the cheek. "I didn't expect them to freeze so completely, though."
L's potentially existing eyebrows hid further into his bangs. "You just offered three orphans something they have never experienced in real life – the feeling of belonging to a family. They had absolutely no idea how to react."
"Just three?" Light blinked innocently.
"... I may have excluded myself – purely by accident, of course."
"Of course."
L tilted his head slightly, eying Light with a contemplating expression. "Sometimes," he murmured, "I cannot honestly be sure if Kira and Light are the same person or not. These hands..." He touched the tan hand resting on his shoulder. "... Can hold a child as easily as they write down a name on the Death Note, and this mouth," Light's heart skipped a beat when the spindly fingers ghosted over his lips, "can challenge me as a detective and claim to love me as a person in one sentence. Who are you really?"
The younger man smiled slightly. "Do you even know who you really are, L?" he drawled.
"... A valid point." The detective's lips curled ever-so-slightly upwards, indicating that he was pleased with the witty retort.
"Feeling a little poetic, are we?" Light teased, leaning closer and making L lean back in turn until the other man's bent back was almost touching the bed.
"Mornings," the raven-haired man countered, slipping out from beneath him and rolling agilely off the bed and onto his feet, "do the strangest things to my creativity."
Light had to grin at that, even though the man had just caused him to land most embarrassingly on his face in the cushions. He could get used to morning banter like this, he thought as he, too, clambered to his feet and proceeded to change his clothes.
A moment later, sudden squealing and screams of delight from outside the window interrupted him; L, who had been performing a thorough autopsy on his wardrobe, turned to grace Light with a curious look as he inched towards the window to take a look.
"That bloody brat!" he grumbled as the sight of Mello running in the snow, a snowball in his hand and aiming at a younger kid caught his eyes. "Can't do as he's told, I see! And always," he added, gritting his teeth as he saw Matt running after the blond, and even Near shuffling to the view after a while, "always drags those two in, too! They're not even properly dressed!"
He whipped around and marched out of the room, pulling a forest green sweater over his head as he went, leaving L staring after him with wide eyes. In the hall, he stopped to collect a pile of scarves, gloves and hats and headed out, halting only to stuff his feet angrily into his boots.
"Mello!" he yelled as soon as he had gotten out of the door; the boy turned around so fast that he almost fell. "Leave that poor kid alone and get here right now!"
Mello obeyed, looking extremely alarmed but oddly fascinated at the same time. To an orphan, being a part of a family seemed to be as effective as any drug: you knew it wasn't as easy and fun as it seemed, but you had to give it a try because everyone else did it – and then you had to try it again, just to see if it had the same effect under different conditions, and then again to see if it still worked, and then once more just for fun...
As soon as the blond was within reach, Light wrapped a scarf around his neck, pulled a hat over his ears and handed him a pair of gloves, spicing his jerky movements with a disapproving frown. "I can't believe they have absolutely no control over you here," he growled. "Seriously!"
"I would have thought," Near commented from where he was sitting on the final step to the porch, drawing pictures in the snow with his finger, "that you were clever enough to have realized by now that trying to control Mello is much like trying to slam a revolving door shut."
"Why thank you, Near-dear!" Mello smirked.
"Luckily," Light noted dryly, turning his attention to putting Near in warm clothes, "I'm quite notorious for attempting the impossible – and succeeding in it amazingly well, if I may say so."
"Big words and no action," Mello scoffed.
Light cocked an eyebrow at that, leaving Near to arrange his woolly hat so that it didn't cover his eyes and turning to Matt, who was already waiting resignedly, knowing full well that there was no escaping this. "Well, I have managed to get quite close to L, for example. Do you think that's something anyone can do?"
"... Point taken." Mello grabbed Matt's arm the moment Light had placed the hat on his head and dashed off with him, either to finally play in the snow or to get as far from Light as possible. That bloody devil in male model disguise hadn't been supposed to take his family act out of L's room, dammit!
The auburn-haired man turned his gaze to Near. "Let me guess – no breakfast?"
"It snowed last night," Near said as if it explained everything, drawing perfect circles in the cold, white powder. "It'll only be fresh for a precious few hours."
Light rolled his eyes, smiling inwardly at the way the boy could act like a little kid and a cynical grown-up at the same time. But he had to admit that he enjoyed the snow as well – just like this, when it wasn't too cold. It had been years since he had seen so much of it, since it rarely snowed at all in the southern parts of Japan.
"Light-kun," L's low voice suddenly called softly right next to his ear, and Light blinked, realizing that he had spaced out for a moment.
"Sorry, L," he chuckled, turning to look at the detective. "For running out like that..."
Black eyes stared at him from between a blue knit toque and a thick, woolly scarf; the mitten-clad hands were holding out a pair of black gloves and a familiar dark scarf. "Light-kun was in such a haste to get the poor children properly clothed," he drawled, a decidedly amused look in his eyes, "that he failed to dress up properly himself."
"..." Light stared at the articles of clothing in question, only now paying attention to the chilly breeze sneaking its way right under his coat (which he had, luckily, had the insight to put on). "Alright, alright, that's very funny," he agreed finally, accepting the offering with a touch of gratefulness and proceeding to finish his attire. "Thank you, though..."
He had just pulled the gloves on when something hit his back – hard.
"Hey!" He whirled around to find Mello and Matt aiming their next snowballs at him. "Oh, no, don't you dare...!"
They dared, but one of them missed him and landed in the middle of Near's drawing.
Light could almost feel the already chilly temperature drop.
"Oh, shi -" was all Mello got out before Near had flung the first snowball in his direction, hitting him in the leg. Another one caught Matt in the shoulder almost immediately.
"Language, Mello -" Light and L started at the same time, stopped abruptly as a they realized what they were doing (standing in the snow, hands deep in their pockets, watching the kids play and scolding them for swearing? If that didn't scream parenthood…) glanced at each other and turned their eyes quickly back to the children. Four other kids – the one Mello had chased among them, Light noticed – had joined the snowball fight.
"Children," L murmured, burying his nose in the folds of his scarf – but not before Light had caught a glimpse of his small smile.
"Indeed," he agreed and blinked as something white flew past them. "That was too big to be a snowball."
"Near," L told him. "He can move incredibly fast when he has to. You should have seen that one time when we were on a vacation in Paris and a man attempted to abduct him..."
Light's first instinct was to gasp and say, "You've actually been on a vacation once?", but he opted against it. That way, there was a chance that the detective could be persuaded to do it again. "What happened?" seemed like a more interesting question, anyway.
"Oh, nothing special. The problem was taken care of without my assistance. I merely had to call the police to take him into custody. And the ambulance to take him away. Ah, and then I had to buy Mello a new light saber because he broke his on the thug's head. And Near pretended he was deeply traumatized to make me buy him another vanilla ice cream..."
"And... presuming that Matt was with you, what did he get out of this epic battle?"
"... Three stitches. He – oh!"
A stray snowball had interrupted L by hitting him in the shoulder blade. The detective was moving before Light had even had the time to register that, and once the auburn-haired man's brain had caught up with his eyes, L was already firing back at the supposed culprit (who was, unsurprisingly, Mello).
"Sorry! Sorry!" the blond wailed, waving his arms and trying to dance out of the snowballs' way. "I aimed at Light, I swear! It was an accident!"
Well. If the three best detectives in the world, along with his three detectives-in-training, could take part in a snowball fight, then maybe... just maybe... Light Yagami could forget being an adult, being responsible, being a suspect and saving the world for just a little while.
He crouched, gathered an appropriate amount of snow in his hands, shaped it into a ball and joined the battle.
A/N: Obviously, Matt-lien and Mello-dator come from "Alien vs. Predator". This is a prime example of what my brain does when it's well past my bedtime and something seems incredibly hilarious at the moment. :D