A/N: Hope everyone had a good Christmas Day! Review?! X

Queen's Gambit

::

Chapter Nine

The Dark and Twisted

::

Arthur was in his kitchen, sitting at the table over a mass of paperwork, which he was not happy about. Beyond his frustrations, he'd opened up a bottle of beer—which was hardly professional—and only taken a sip of it. He wasn't even half way finished his work when his sister stormed into his apartment and started to raid his cupboards.

"I have to break it off with Merlin," Morgana said as she strolled into Arthur's apartment.

"Hold up," Arthur finally released the grip on his pen. He stretched his arms and then his hands, hearing the familiar click of his index finger bone. He said, "What did you just say? You want to stop seeing Merlin, the one you were literally dancing over like two days ago?" he continued to watch Morgana shift through his cupboards. "What, did you find out he was a rumba dancer and got scared? Does he have a fear of chocolate? Did he purposely try and imply he was a serial killer because I've had that happen to me before and—"

"You were right," Morgana interrupted him, "I'm not ready for a relationship, or a commitment or anything like that. I..." she sighed, "I'm always going to have trust issues, you were right. It's just who I am."

"Normally what I say is solid and valid but on that occasion," Arthur replied, "I was drunk, I was an ass, you shouldn't have listened to me. I don't know anything about commitment or being faithful or any of that crazy adult shit. Morgana, I still can't work the kettle! I can't sleep in the dark and when a girl asks me out, I'm literally already thinking of ways that I can blow her off if she doesn't look good naked. I'm definitely not someone you should be listening to."

Morgana stopped rifling through Arthur's cupboard when she came across his secret stash of chocolate. She opened the tin and sat down across from him, indulging in food she hadn't ate in what felt like years. "I freaked out," she murmured, shaking her head, "I just... freaked out. And it wasn't like a subtle freak out, I mean, he could tell, I was freaking out."

"You're freaking out right now," Arthur reached out and grabbed some chocolate from his secret stash tin, "Just take a deep breath and tell me what actually happened."

"We went to lunch," Morgana stole his hardly touched beer from the table, "And everything was fine until the stupid waiter broke my phone. And... I had a lot of things on my phone. Mother related things, you know and... when Merlin asked me what was on my phone, I froze. I couldn't tell him. I literally couldn't find anything in me that wanted to tell him about her. I mean, I know, we've only had two dates and known each other less than a week but... I got scared. What if I never trust him? What if I never want to trust him? It's just easier this way. I'll tell him I'm too busy to see him again and—"

"You took him to the aquarium," Arthur interrupted her.

"So?" Morgana frowned.

"It took you a month before you told me where you usually disappeared off to," Arthur explained, "And yes, you don't really know Merlin, but you still showed him the aquarium. If you really didn't want to trust him, then I don't think you would have done that."

Morgana fell into silence, and she let out a breathy sigh.

"I'm sensing there's more to this than just a guy," Arthur said suddenly.

"I saw her today," she whispered, "I saw my mother."

Arthur rubbed a hand over his face, shocked. "Wow. Morgana, that's—wow."

"Yeah," she agreed, leaning back into her chair.

"Did she...?" he asked.

"No," Morgana shook her head, "No, she didn't."

"I'll get us a bottle of wine," Arthur said suddenly.

::

Merlin walked into Gaius's hospital room with a bag slung over his shoulder. Gaius was sitting up, the hospital table slotted into the bed so that his old mentor's elbows were leaning on it as he completed all the cross word puzzles with his favourite ink pen.

"You better be carrying my release forms," Gaius said lowly with a raised eyebrow. He put down his crossword puzzle and looked at Merlin.

"You're not getting discharged anytime soon," Merlin said with a mischievous smile, "I brought you some fresh clothes and more books. Gwen's gonna try come up after her shift ends and she needs to know if you want anything."

"A nice red steak, that's what I want," Gaius snapped irritably, "I want fried chips and a bottle of beer and a cigarette!"

"You don't smoke," Merlin laughed again.

"I know," Gaius grumbled, "But suddenly, everyone's treating me like I'm going to snap. I've lived eighty years, Merlin, I've survived worse things than a minor heart attack, I don't need these Doctors and nurses treating me like I'm a repaired toy about to break again! I'm not even allowed to watch certain TV programs because the Doctors think I might get too excited! It's ridiculous."

"They're taking good care of you," Merlin sat down on the bedside chair, "The company is doing just fine. Everyone misses you and they signed this giant card for you to get well soon, but I left it at the office by mistake, I forgot, I'll bring it up tomorrow, or Gwen will."

"No rush Merlin," Gaius said softly, "I'm well aware that people care for my welfare," he smiled at his young apprentice. After a tense pause, he asked, "What's wrong?"

Merlin, who was unaware that his facial expressions held anything about sincerity, looked at Gaius with a slight frown. "What do you mean? I'm fine, you're fine."

"Oh you're not fine," Gaius murmured, "I've seen the looks of many men, some guilty, some innocent, some tortured, some ignorant. But I know enough of the world to know when someone is not fine. Tell me Merlin, I can take it. I'm strong enough."

Merlin's shoulders slumped slightly. His lunch with Morgana earlier had ended on a sour note – and for the life of him, he couldn't work out why. Had she seen through his facade? Had she been able to detect a glimmer of glee in his tone at her broken phone? Had he ruined everything—Gwaine's plan, his potential feelings, Gaius's future—because he hadn't been able to mask his own festering emotions?

"There's a girl," Merlin started, "That I like, and I think she likes me too, I hope she does. It's early, nothing serious... Yet. But it's complicated, there's things to consider. She's head strong and vulnerable and I'm messed up and optimistic. Too optimistic for someone like her, I think."

Gaius chuckled, "If there's one thing to be said about your generation Merlin, you all seem to have a thing for acting like the smallest things in the world are the biggest! Back in my day, if you liked a girl, you just asked her out and went steady! Then came marriage and children and old age, like it should. Nobody sat around pondering their feelings and weaknesses and all the reasons it shouldn't work! We just did it, and hoped for the best!"

Merlin refused to question Gaius about his own love life, ask his old friend why he didn't have a wife, if it really was just too easy for two people to jump into the ring together, blind and unaware.

"I know you don't think I have some expertise on this matter," Gaius added, "But I do. I had a girl once. A long, long time ago. And she was the light of my life, and I regret all those days that I never told her how much I liked her. How much I loved her. So just do it, Merlin. Go tell your girl that you're ready and that you want it to work. The only person you'll have to blame in the end is yourself."

"You're right," Merlin whispered, eyes wide. His old friend was right. He wasn't just going to let Morgana get away from him, not when she was all his could think about.

"Yes, I am," Gaius said proudly, "Now go. Go on, Merlin. Stop wasting your time on an old man like me and get out of here."

"But I only just got here," Merlin protested.

"I've still got Gwen coming up, haven't I?" Gaius retorted, "I'm hardly alone, Merlin. Just go! Go before it's too late."

"When you're healthy, I'm gonna buy you a big red steak," Merlin promised as he was already heading to the door.

"I'm going to hold you to that!" Gaius cried after him.

::

Morgana was knee deep in plans for the opening of Albion in three week's time with a bottle of red wine when the front door went. She sighed, pushed back her chair and walked through her hallway to her door, almost a little light headed and tipsy. Maybe she shouldn't have been drinking with Arthur as well earlier. She stopped short when she looked through the peep hole and saw Merlin outside her door in her landing.

Morgana hesitated. She didn't want to have to deal with Merlin right this very second, she thought she'd at least have another couple of days at the least, but here he was, hours after their rather weird lunch date. She sighed and began to unchain her door. When she swung the door open, he looked at her like he was expecting her to slam the door in his face. She stared, admiring his lanky frame and broad shoulders. He was so tall, but for some reason at that moment in time, he looked so tiny and vulnerable.

"Hi," he said lamely.

"Hey," she leant against her doorway.

"Can I come in?" Merlin asked.

Morgana ignored her better judgment and moved aside so Merlin could enter her apartment. They trailed to the living room after one another and when they reached the living room, she had her cardigan wrapped around her front tightly, looking almost a little scared.

"So today really sucked," Merlin blurted out.

Morgana couldn't help but laugh slightly, "Yeah," she agreed, "Yeah, it really did."

"I keep thinking about it, over in my head," he continued, "Was it something I did? It was weird, wasn't it? It was... weird."

"It was all me," Morgana confessed lightly, "I... have a hard time opening up to people about my life. It may not seem like it, but I don't trust strangers I just meet. I made an exception with you and the aquarium but that's because I was drunk and wanting to piss Uther off and a little bit high... on you. It's not something I usually do. I'm not one of those girls who needs a man in her life to feel complete. I don't need someone to trust. I get on better when I don't trust people, because then they can never let me down."

"You don't wanna trust me?" Merlin asked her softly.

"I do," Morgana nodded, "And there's the problem."

"Wait, there's a problem?" he frowned.

Her nostrils flared suddenly and without warning, "Yes! Yes, there's a problem! I don't do this, I never do this kind of stuff. I'm not a Mary Sue, I don't want a white picket fence and a big yellow house! If I never get that, that's fine with me! But then I met you and maybe I wanted that, for like a second—for like a minute, I wanted to be that girl in those stupid romcom films that everyone adores. The sad little junior high loner who wants to become a mother right out of high school with the only guy she's ever been with. When I met you, I wanted to trust you but it's just not... in me. Can you understand?"

"Of course I can understand but that doesn't mean I agree," Merlin snapped, "You can learn to trust people, you can learn to trust me. You can, if you just want to. If you don't wanna do this, then just tell me. Don't try and make up some excuse for why you can't open up to people."

"If that's what you honestly think, then you don't understand," she fumed, "This isn't a choice, Merlin! I'm damaged goods, I'm one of those people that sits at home on Friday night and likes it. I'm one of those sad, angry, annoyed people who mock all the other happy little couples. I'm not someone likable. I'm just me."

Merlin stared at her for the longest of moments. He was heaving, from anger, from pain, from the heat of the argument. And then he said, "I used to steal things."

"What?" Morgana frowned.

"Remember when you asked me what kind of stupid teenage things I used to do and I didn't tell you? Well, now I am. I used to steal things. I used to shop lift, not because I was poor, not because I wanted attention but because I wanted the adrenaline, the rush, the need to feel alive. And I used to smoke, cigarettes that is, not drugs. But now I don't anymore, because Gwen forces me to eat one every time she smells it on me," he was full on rambling.

Morgana had frozen in place, just staring at him.

His rambling continued, "And I have this cat, Kilgharrah. I hate him, he's a horrible, evil, nasty little cat, a stray really, but he stays with me, so I stay with him. My first girlfriend already had a boyfriend when I met her and he put me in the hospital. He stabbed me, two inches away from my appendix," he lifted his top and showed her the scar.

Her eyes dropped over his pale skin, darkening.

"I'm scared of cockroaches, like deathly, deathly terrified of them," Merlin swallowed, "I mean, they're weird and they can still walk around with their head cut off, it's just not natural. And my mother's a drunk! I was the only one who knew, until Gaius and... now you. She started when my dad left, at first it was nothing, just a small drink here and there and then it became her entire life. Anything I did, anything I do now just goes unnoticed by her. She's forgotten everyone of my birthdays since I turned fourteen. I haven't visited her in years and every single day I'm terrified I'm gonna get that phone call... Letting me know she choked on her own vomit or fell down the stairs or wrapped her car around a pole."

Morgana's lips parted slightly.

"Oh and I'm allergic to nuts," he added, taking a deep breath.

She frowned, "I... uh..."

"You have a hard time trusting people, I get that," Merlin said, "I have a hard time as well, but I did it. I just opened up and told you nearly everything that you can know about me. I did that to show you that you can trust me, if you want to."

Morgana rubbed a hand over her face, feeling exhausted. "Okay," she suddenly announced.

Merlin frowned, tugging his ear. "Okay?"

"I want you to meet my mother," she stated sporadically.

"Your mother?" he asked softly, "I thought you said your mother left?"

"She did," Morgana nodded, "Well, she didn't. It's complicated. Look, my life is difficult and I'm not easy. You can meet my mother, you can decide for yourself if you really want to do this. I'm giving you an out. You keep saying you can do this, so, let's test that. And at the end of this, if you want an out, you can have one."

"I'm not going to want an out," Merlin said fiercely.

Morgana's lips moved upwards ironically. "We'll see," she said.

::

"Miss le fay," the woman at the receptionist desk said, "Twice in one day. Your mother will be happy to see you back. Is this a friend?"

Morgana and Merlin were standing in the lobby of a well known London building at the receptionist desk. It was almost completely night, the sky darkening outside.

"Yes. Merlin Ambrosius," Morgana said. The woman at the receptionist desk signed Merlin into the guest book and asked for his signature. Then, a security guard stepped over to them and scanned them with a miniature metal detector.

"There's no sign on the front of the building," Merlin said lightly, "You have to be scanned to get into this place?"

"It's for the safety of our guests and residents," the cheerful receptionist on the front desk said as she handed them two visitor pass badges, "Have a good visit now."

Morgana left her bag with the security guard and waited until another security guard walked over to them so he could lead them through the lobby towards the elevators.

"Is this a prison?" Merlin asked Morgana again as they stepped into the elevator.

"I wish," Morgana replied. "Feel free to leave anytime now," the elevator doors closed and the security guard escorting them pressed for the sixth floor. The elevator whirred upwards.

"Not happening," Merlin murmured. In less than a minute, the elevator doors opened and they stepped out on the sixth floor. The security guard followed them, and made Merlin all the more anxious.

They were lead down a narrow hallway but Morgana walked with purpose; she already knew where they were going. They finally stopped outside a door with the number 14A written on it.

"I'll be waiting right outside," the guard told them, "If you need any help, please just call."

Morgana nodded at him and walked inside. Merlin followed after her and almost stopped short at the sight before him. The room was quaint, the walls painted beige and the rest decorated in light colours. There was a bed in the middle of the room, and bars guarding the window. There was nothing in the room apart from a bed and a bedside chair, which was currently being filled by an older blonde haired woman.

She was just sat there, with a blank look on her face, staring a hole into the wall. Her legs were pressed together and her hands were rested on her lap. Her hair was perfect; not anything out of place. She looked like a portrait, just one of those perfect little portraits that seem so real, and it's only when you touch them that you realise how not real they are. The door clicked shut behind them and the woman still didn't move. Hadn't even acknowledged their presence.

"Mum," Morgana said softly, "It's me, Morgana. I brought someone to meet you. This is Merlin."

"Hello, Mrs le Fay," Merlin started tentatively.

Vivienne le Fay didn't move an inch, didn't even blink. It didn't even look like she was breathing.

"She can't hear you," Morgana sighed sadly, "At least, that's what I think."

"What's wrong with her?" Merlin looked around the minimal room. There was nothing personal, no photo frames, no books, no lights, no nothing. There was nothing personal, nothing to suggest that a human being ever lived here. Nothing to suggest that a human being ever left an imprint on that room. It was cold and sterile and unwelcoming.

"She has Catatonia," Morgana explained, "For twelve years, ever since my father's death, this psychiatric unit has been her home. She's just been like this, in a trance. Some days she'll turn her head and say something but that hasn't happened in a while. She's just trapped inside her mind, aging but not living."

Merlin's lips parted slightly.

"She had a nervous breakdown, after my father died," Morgana sat down on the bed, "She lost her mind, screamed horrible things, about Gaius and Uther and... She just lost her mind. Uther made sure she got the best care and after a while, the screaming and the fighting stopped. She just became catatonic, not moving, not even realising I was here. I haven't visited her in years. Arthur does, every month or so, he likes to talk to her, read her stories. The Doctors think she won't ever be the same again."

"I'm so sorry," Merlin took a step towards her. "Morgana, I'm so, so sorry."

"This is what I deal with," Morgana said quickly, "I have a dead father, a crazy mother and I spend all my time either working or getting drunk with Arthur. Anything in between is just foreign to me. I'm all twisted inside, and broken, I don't work properly. You're Merlin, and shiny and optimistic, and I'm dark. Dark and twisty."

"I want dark and twisty," Merlin confessed.

"You want dark and twisty?" Morgana raised her eyebrow.

Merlin nodded back. "Yes. Yes. I want dark and twisty."

::

Uther was sitting at his office desk in his expensive London apartment when his assistant opened the door and said, "Sir? Myror's here to see you."

Uther waved a hand at him and Myror strode into the office, looking as cocky as ever.

"Do be quick," Uther demanded, "I have some heavy paper work to do."

"Anyone you need getting rid of?" Myror took a seat across from Uther.

"Not today," the tyrant replied. He rubbed his left temple and asked, "What do you have for me?"

"Normally I wouldn't bother you with these petty rumours—"

"You're my Head of Security, Myror," Uther interrupted him, "But you better not be wasting my time."

"A black market informant told me of a plan in the works," Myror clasped his hands together, "A group—a very well oiled meticulous group—of conmen are going to rob the Albion on opening night. I could only get one name and when I asked around, nobody knew who it really was. There wasn't even a match on the police database."

"Then it's obviously an alias," Uther snapped, "Tell me. What's the name?"

"Emrys," Myror replied, "Somebody called Emrys is going to rob you."

::

Morgana and Merlin stepped out of the psychiatric unit and onto the cold crisp winter night. London was always so beautiful at Christmas.

"So?" Morgana asked him. "Do you still want an out?"

Merlin smiled at the sight of her rosy red cheeks. "I never wanted an out in the first place," he told her.

And then he took them both by surprise and pulled her flush against him. He pressed their foreheads together and slowly leaned in to kiss her. Her lips parted immediately, her hands grasping the back of his neck. His lips pressed against hers, moving with untold passion. Everything he was feeling was just flowing out of him and she was absorbing it.

"I'm in," he whispered suddenly against her mouth, "In case you didn't know."

"Good," she whispered, kissing him back.