9 Months

Chapter 10

Missing Breakthrough

-Month Three, Week Four-

"Reid?", Hotch's voice for once cut Spencer out of his daydreams that consisted mostly of images of doom, naming Spencer falling flat on is face in front of a laughing Harper, or a screamed out declaration of love, that hadn't been suppressible and an even harder laughing Harper and so on and so forth. His head went up, startled from the sudden addressing.

"Could you have a look at victimology?", his boss looked firm but understanding, probably thinking Spencer was happy in expectation of his soon-to-be family and not horrified about the time when they were. The time when Harper would probably disappear and leave him a heartbroken-weekend-Dad.

"Sure", he nodded wryly, happy about the distraction, "the three women where all in their twenties, two Caucasian, one blonde one brunette and a Hispanic girl with short hair, the others had long hair, there's no preference for types, I'd say they're randomly chosen, based on how well of a target they are. All three have been killed on their way home from work and found in three different side alleys, easy to be found"

The case they'd been put on was nauseating; three women found dead in Dallas, Texas, all three strangled and cut open postmortem. The pictures in the case files showed that there where two cuts on each body, the one starting just below the ribcage and fading above the pubic bone and the second going from one side of the waist to the other, creating a cross whose intercept point was the navel. Spencer had looked at them just once, but like every time the grossness stayed ever-present in his mind. If there was anything he had had enough of from his job it was seeing dead people, their widened eyes haunted him.

"Also, they are no signs of rape on either on them, the unsub is not a sexual sadist", he added, "what makes it even harder to find out who he is, if he chooses randomly and we can't cross-reference him with former rape-victims-"

"-this will be tricky", finished Rossi, his hands folded in his lap, looking like calmness in person.

Of all his team-mates Rossi always seemed the less affected by the horrors of their job, he was content, almost case-hardened, he knew his way to not be twisted and turned by all the death and the pain. Something that Gideon had never learned, no matter how brilliant of a profiler he was and eventually, that had drove him away, from Spencer and from everyone else that had leaned on him and trusted him. A jolt of bitterness flushed through him, although he wasn't really angry at Gideon anymore. He understood him. He really did but...it still hurt, having someone who understands you walk away from you. Like his father did and the common sense of his mother...and like Harper would, too.

"Also, they're not of the exact same age, Lisa Williams was twenty-seven, Lesly Ardine was twenty-two and Paula Lee was twenty-five, they were socializing in different cultural groupings and cross-reference shows they didn't know each other or if so than only barely, being realistic, in a town like Dallas, all they probably have in common is the person that killed them", Spencer said. "And we're standing somewhat under the spotlight", JJ stated now, "the media is pretty interested in the case...they're calling him the Dallas Ripper"

The Dallas Ripper...that should be fun, thought Spencer grim and leaned back into his seat to listen to the others discuss.

The Dallas Police Department was a futuristic, large building with lots and lots of windows and a stylish Lobby that looked more like that of an hotel than a police station. Spencer and the team went there straight from the airport and met the local Sheriff, who, and Spencer was already tired of seeing them, wearing a cow-boy's hat. Not wearing one singled you out in this town, apparently but Spencer did see the appeal, the weather was almost unbearable. It was so hot he could feel the sweat drip down from the back of his neck in the most uncomfortable way. The day stretched into oblivion for him, they went over previous cases of stabbings and strangulations and even rape only to find less then nothing. The signature of the unsub had never occurred in the area before. Garcia was already on it nationwide but it didn't look good on that front either. Morgan, Hotch and Emily had been to the dumping alleys but didn't find anything useful, returning in a bad mood and hanging with their heads over their coffees now.

"I guess there's not much we can do here today, it's getting dark, we need to talk to the victims families tomorrow and hope we'll be luckier there", there was a silent "or else" in his voice that every one could hear and understand and no one liked it. If they wouldn't breakthrough with the families, there was little else to do than wait until there was another body found. Also the previous murders where committed with once a month and then a week in between, he was increasing the speed, the last victim had been found five days before...they were running out of time and Spencer had the bad feeling that they would be finding another girl dead.

When Spencer closed the Hotel-door behind him he felt weird, for the last month, closing the door to the outer world meant coming home, to this strange but beautiful world Harper had made his apartment and now, all alone in this dead room he missed the relief her presence had always been for him. It was like entering his home lifted up his mind just as much as the burden on him, carrying around all the horrid images and screams and accusing voices in his head that he could've saved so many more, if he'd been a better profiler.

Right now, all that weight was on him, he was alone and to his surprise he also felt...lonely. He'd never felt lonely. Not that way at least; not in that way lonely but still knowing he could feel different. Feeling different had never been an option but now, it wasn't impossible any more, for the last weeks it had been more of a reality to him than just a firm wish. Harper had worked constantly to build this sense of home, of normality and now it was gone and the fact that he could have it back if he wasn't in this forsaken hotel room but at home was harder than knowing you had nothing else waiting for you anyway. As he'd known before the missing stroke him full-throttle as he sat down on the edge of the bed. Everything was so silent without her around. She was always talking or singing or whistling, there was a constant Harper-made-sound scape and no matter how annoyed he'd ever been by it, now he would've done a lot of things to have it around again. He let himself fall down onto the double-bed, starring at the ceiling. This was more than miserable, it was all that he wanted to have prevented, he missed her like he would miss a part of himself. She'd invaded him and he hadn't even noticed, not before it had been too late anyway. And there he was, a twenty-seven-year old homesick little boy with a heartache.

He nearly jumped up from the bed when his pants pockets started to vibrate to the beat of "The Bare Necessities".

"Harper", he whispered to himself reflexively and took about thirteen deep breaths before he picked up the phone. This would be the first phone call after he'd admitted to the way he felt about her.

"Ye-yes", he said, making his hand a fist, to control himself, he could speak in full sentences without stuttering, he knew that, it wasn't impossible. He could do it.

I can do it!

"Hey", her voice was soft as silk, laying itself in a thin layer all over his skin, with just one word a layer of comfort, of solace spread around him and wrapped him in tightly but at the same time his pulse started racing under this odd blanket, the hairs on the back of his arms stood up and he started to sweat yet again.

"Hi", he said.

"Uh", it was more of a grunt she made, a sound of displeasure and Spencer was automatically alert.

"What?"

"Ah, I...I made too much food, it's all piling up here", she sighed and almost seemed a little desperate, "I'm so used to cooking for two, I completely messed up the amounts and measurements, now there's no one here to eat it all"

Spencer couldn't help the smile as he pictured her in the midst of pots and plates, completely swamped.

"You can freeze it, you know?", Spencer said, happy having used six words in a row without once saying 'uh'.

"I think I will", she chuckled, "but you do will eat some of it, won't you?"

"Of course", Spencer said and then came a moment of the dreaded silences, he thought hard about what to say to her, wondering why it was all of the sudden so hard to, when they had never before had issues finding a topic to discuss.

"It's so quiet here without you", Harper said all of the sudden, again more high pitched than usual but Spencer didn't catch it because he was too busy laughing quietly.

"I was just thinking the exact same thing", he admitted, "though I don't know how I do much to fill the silence at home"

"Oh, you do, you know, I can hear you think", she said briskly, "not literally, of course, I mean...I'm not Edward Cullen"

"What do you all have with this Colon guy?", Spencer asked, remembering JJ speaking of it, some hero out of a vampire-book.

"Nevermind", she sighed, "all I'm saying is, it's boring here without you wandering around thinking...the baby's bored, too"

"How do you know?", he asked, wrinkling his forehead.

"It makes me throw up even more than usual, I don't know but I thought it lessened the last couple of weeks but...as soon as your gone, 'swoosh'", she made this funny motion noise, "the nausea has me right back again"

She was about the most graphically describing person in the world but he couldn't get himself to find it obnoxious.

"I...uh...I have a question", surprisingly it was her stuttering, "I...have this...uh...ultrasound three days from now, I...uh...do you think you'll be back by then, I mean...would you...like to come along?"

Spencer was a little dumbstruck, of course he wanted to, if he could see his child with his own eyes...that would be...magical. But only three days...would the case be over that quickly? He doubted it and felt a sting to his guts, he didn't want to disappoint her. Even though she wouldn't have asked for him, as in him, Spencer Reid, but for the father of her child and he didn't like to say no.

"Uh...I'd really love to, Harper, but...", he replied uneasily, "I don't now how this case will turn out...we kind of have no clues yet, I...I don't know if I can make it"

"Oh", she said, again with that higher version of her voice, mixed with something that sounded like...hurt?!-how was she hurt by that? Did she believe he didn't want to see their baby? But he wanted to!

I want to, he thought but the words didn't leave his mouth as she spoke again.

"Oh-okay, well, I guess, there's nothing you can do, huh?", she sounded enthusiastic again, but there was something off about it. She didn't like it.

"I'm sorry", he hurried to say but it was only followed by silence. After a while she sighed.

"It's late", she stated, "I'm gonna go to bed, uh...Spence?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I have one of your t-shirts for sleeping? I wouldn't ask but, mine are all starting to feel tense and...well the maternity shirts are too wide still and after all way too good for sleeping...uh", she paused, "I'm talking too much again, huh? To cut it short...can I?"

"Yeah, sure", he answered fairly quick, "I don't have that many t-shirts but in my closet, on the upper shelve there about three from Yale, you can take one...and keep it, if you like, I don't...wear them a lot"

Hey, I want to give you my worn-out clothes, he thought in a pathetic voice, mentally kicking himself, that's not creepy at all!

"Thanks", she said but it didn't sound like she was smiling anymore, "Good Night"

"Good Night", he said reluctantly. Just ...four...three...two...one...and the light inside his chest had burned down when she'd hung up the phone.

The next day was even worse than the first, concerning the case. The families had nothing to share but how happy and lovely their dead daughters, sisters, aunties had been and of course nothing had ever seemed suspicious before.

And then, to top it all off, when the sun shone in her zenith, another body was found, Linda Hirsch, only twenty years old and last seen only an evening before.

Morgan and Emily were just as glum as the day before when they came back from inspecting the crime scene, there hadn't been anything more, the only light at the tunnel had been half a fingerprint on the victims neck but as Garcia had it processed through the data banks, there'd been nothing, nothing and a little more of nothing.

This was not only tricky, as Rossi had said, it was also about impossible and Spencer just couldn't think of a motive. There was something important to the unsub about the cuts but it could either be a sexual perversion or simple enjoyment of destruction or maybe even a message to the finders of the body but...he couldn't figure out which. He felt stupid, annoyed by himself, he needed to figure out this guy before he went on killing and...he couldn't. Days like these were the most terrible of all. Days when his genius, all his brains, all his experience couldn't help him at all because he had not enough information, he felt like a fish washed ashore, or a bug that's been turned upside down. His little legs were frantically kicking the air, clinging to every blade of grass but absolutely unable to get onto his own feet again.

He was still sitting on the same desk he'd sat on since morning and he could only see JJ wandering around and Rossi and Hotch talk uneasily who were just as moody as he was. Cases like this always got to the team because it made them feel useless and to a certain extend, even a little embarrassed.

He was just about to go over to JJ to offer her to have coffee somewhere, only to get away from this damned desk that held no help in form of files or whatever and just depressed him more, when his phone rang.

Harper, this time only his inner voice reacted, his real voice was kept inside, the others needn't know why his ears turned bright red again. He got up from his place and walked into a nearby corridor to have a little private, he certainly needed it as all his colleague's heads had snapped up at his ring tone and even some smiles that had lessened during the days in Dallas. The way he'd hurried to get away he could've might as well yelled across the hall "It's HARPER", it was crystal clear but he wasn't too bothered when he picked up the phone.

He'd still been worried about her strange reaction to his ultrasound-answer, afraid, she'd still be sad or mad about it but his heart took a dip as she greeted him with the same enthusiasm as always.

He apparently didn't.

"What's with you?", she asked straight after his 'Hi'.

"What?", he had no idea what she meant.

"You sound...off", she explained, "sad or...more annoyed and...I also hear a hint of desperation"

"Uh", he pursed his lips, she was right of course, he'd just thought he could've hid it better.

"What's wrong, Spencer?", she asked again, "Still nothing new on the case?"

"Precisely", he answered and let himself fall to a bench standing in the corridors for the waiting.

"Tell me about it", she said, "what's bugging you out?"

"I don't know if I can", he really didn't although he wanted to, he wanted to confide in her so she could say something to make it better, "uh..."

To hell with it.

He told her. About every nasty detail, once he'd started, he couldn't stop, as always. Once you ever got Spencer Reid to talk, you could barely stop him. He sometimes heard her suck in air, in terror or out of shock and he felt sorry to scare her, but after all she'd asked and he just did what she'd wanted him to do. Like every single time she did.

When he stopped she was quiet for a while, he guessed her to be considering.

"So you need a connection between the victims to find the...what was it? The unsub?", she started, "I thought...well...you said he cuts open their bellies"

He wondered why she used that word as opposed to "stomach".

"It's just a weird idea but...well...let me explain, my Grandma was a...very...very religious woman and...uh...one day my Mom told her about my abortion and...uh...she...she said she didn't want to talk to me anymore, that, once I died, I would burn in hell and they would cut my guts out, revenging the murder of...my...of my child...so...I don't know...maybe...I'm not sure but, I...it made me remember...the cuttings, maybe he punishes them for killing their babies and the cuts are his way of...announcing the...judgment"

Spencer's mouth fell open as his brain started ticking and working and rolling at new speed. What she said made perfect sense.

"Harper", he whispered, "I think you might be right...I...I'll call you back, okay...be safe"

"Okay", she said surprised and then, with a second of regretting, he thought that she'd attempted to say something else but it had been to late, he'd already pushed the button.

When he ran back to his team-mates, he wondered what she might've said but other things pushed themselves into his mind.

"Hotch, Morgan", he called them, his urgency coming through, "can you put Garcia on the screen?"

A second later his colleague appeared on the screen, the only one smiling.

"Don't you look...jolly?!", she said, "What's wrong my pretties?"

"Garcia, could you please check if the victims ever had an abortion?", Spencer said and caught the other turning to him in surprise.

Garcia also looked bewildered for a second but then her fingers hammered their way over the keyboard and then...

"Oh my god", she breathed heavily, "all four had abortions at some point in their lives...and all at the same hospital"

Spencer's blood buzzed through his veins with new excitement and energy. They finally had their much needed breakthrough; they could find him and stop him now, from one second to the other he was again fully engaged in his work. They would find him.