"It was all a lie!"
The cracked pitch of anguish and humiliation in JR's voice ripped a piercing hole in Petra's resolve.
Lying was ingrained in Petra, but only because it had to be. It was a tool sculpted to endure her traumatizing past; abusive spouses, corrupt family, daily onslaughts of financial and bodily threats. Her calamitous history growing up had molded her into one of the best; but she only lied for purpose, strategically, and always with a back up plan...until now.
This lie was different. It was born out of her most unexpected and paralyzing fear: Love. Petra was in love, the profoundness of which crippled her.
"I'm sorry!" Petra pleaded after her initial denial, eyes welling with honesty.
JR's silent stare was harrowing. Petra could feel the rift between them widen with each muted second, and was frantic to do anything to repair it.
"I am so sorry!" she tried again.
JR's jaw stiffened, the apology seeming to sting just as deep as the initial wound. She couldn't bare to look at Petra as she started to make her exit from the bedroom, knowing that her walls would crumble if she did.
Time decelerated in a panic-stricken haze for Petra as JR took her first steps toward the door. All she could hear was the blood pumping in her ears as her heart pounded irregularly. She couldn't let her leave. This felt like the edge for Petra; one that she was certain she wouldn't come back from If JR made it out of the room.
"Wait!" Petra screamed, launching forward recklessly, grabbing the brunette's arm to stop her. The depth of heartache and unadulterated rage in JR's eyes froze Petra to her core.
JR was absolutely crestfallen, her eyes shot red and body shaking.
Petra's initial instincts told her to find and immediately brutalize the person causing the excruciating pain she saw reflecting back at her.
She wouldn't allow anyone to inflict that type of pain in JR. That was her love, her heart, only hers to hold. No one else's. It couldn't have been her. She couldn't have done this. Everything had been perfect. She was genuinely and unmistakably happy for once, and had never felt this way about anyone. She couldn't have done this...she couldn't...she just couldn't. Her mind raced in disbelief.
"How could you?" JR muttered torturedly; her voice barely above an emotionally strained whisper,
"I loved you."
"I Love you too!" Petra cried out, deperately trying to get through to JR, "I'm so sorry!"
"I trusted you", JR finished weakily, staring through Petra. The shock had settled in, paralyzing her. She felt numb and detached, hovering out of her body in the distance watching the scene unfold between two strangers.
Petra broke. The dam checking her emotions cracked, and tears flooded. Why couldn't she get through to her? Why wouldn't JR listen? How could she NOT see how much she meant to her?
Petra was inconsolably heartsick; there had to be a way to get through to JR, to make her see.
She hurled herself at the brunette impulsively, crashing her lips to hers, yearning to pour her emotions into the kiss, into JR; but Petra's heart sank when JR remained limp against her lips.
Nothing.
Petra's tears were replaced by full-body heaving as her desperation intensified.
She had to make her see. She had to.
Petra clung to the brunette distraughtly and scattered tear-soaked, ragged, kisses on every piece of flesh she could gain access to: her neck, "I'm so sorry"; her collar bone, "Forgive me, Please!"; her chest "I love you".
She kissed the inside of each wrist, staring at her hoplessly; "Please look at me babe! I am so sorry."
"PLEASE..." Petra croaked as she fell to her knees. "Please".
She lifted JR's shirt kissing her belly softly, before undoing the button of her jeans and peppering kissing across her waist line. "please, please, please..." she chanted senselessly.
The unzipping of her jeans, promptly snapped JR out of her trauma induced haze.
"Stop! Get away from me!" she yelled as she slapped Petra's hands off her belt buckle. JR looked at Petra for the first time, and she was livid.
"Do you expect me to believe anything you say?" she shouted furiously.
Petra looked up into JR's eyes and saw anger. Anger, Petra could deal with; Anger was at least a response. Anger meant there was still care, a connection, a chance. She stood up to confront JR head on.
"Listen!" Petra implored in a choked plea, reaching her hand out to cup JR's face. JR shirked her head sidestepping the contact, causing Petra's stomach to churn in anguish. She doubled down, using both hands to turn JR's head, "Look at me! I'm so sorry, forgive me!". JR grabbed the hands cupping her face roughly, sending them both staggering backwards, as she pinned them against the wall.
JR glared at Petra, faces inches apart, chest heaving, eyes bloodshot and brimming with a storm of emotions; "No!" JR commanded. "No, no, no, no, no...," each declaration wreakening to a strained whisper as her forehead collapsed against Petra's.
Finding her words heart-wrenchingly futile and desperate for any connection, Petra stretched her neck to find JR's lips.
JR returned the kiss anguishingly for a beat, before clenching her jaw, twitching and turning her head away. Petra tried again, placing a soft kiss on the brunette's turned cheek, "I'm sorry". "I love you", Petra continued, placing another one when JR didn't flench. As Petra leaned to tentatively try a third, JR pivoted her head crashing her mouth onto the blonde's. The kiss was brutal and frenzied, teeth clashing, tongues colliding, ravaging; both unintentionally drawing blood as they drew back.
They locked eyes fervently in a mixture of pain, fear, lust, and fury;breaths ragged, impassioned and all consuming. Several long stifling measures past, before JR flipped Petra, pushing her up against the wall. She hiked up Petra's dress and yanked her panties down recklessly, ripping them as they settled around her knees.
JR exhaled heatedly as her hand made contact with Petra's center. The blonde's knees wobbled as she melted into JR's hand, feeling a wave of relief, hope, and arousal wash over her. "Baby", Petra moaned gratefully, rotating her hips into JR's hand, and leaning back to run her hand through her lover's soft dark curls.
"Don't touch me!" JR ordered coldy, grabbing Petra's hand and slamming it back against the wall with a thud. An iced chill cascaded down Petra's spine at the wintry denial.
"No! Pppleasse" she cried out dejectedly; hanging her head, dropping it against the wall.
"Don't!" JR repeated intensely, trying to still her own emotions as she rubbed the woman aggressively.
Petra's heart was lacerated and bleeding, yet her core responded to her lover's touch without hesitation; leaking down her legs as JR rubbed moan after strangled moan of pleasure out of Petra with her long sleek fingers.
Her body was torn and betrayed her. She ached for JR's warm secure hand that would explore every inch of her before wrapping around her stomach; the sweet sweaty kisses on her neck before whispered 'I love yous'; the heat against her back and synched breaths as JR held them close, the tongue that knew her body better than her own, that could have Petra's heart fluttering and overwhelmed with love with just one kiss.
She wanted the intimacy. She wanted the bond. She wanted her love.
This wasn't it. This was feral and merciless. JR had her fixed against the wall, forearm in her back as she ruthlessly stoked a fire in her clit, slipping in the wetness between her lips, before again attacking her sensitive bud relentlessly.
"please..." Petra continued to beg through whimpered sobs. Every fiber of her being wanted her soulmate's embrace, the highest high of being completely enveloped in her as she was brought to the edge; to look into JR's eyes and and see that overwhelming love reflected back.
Not having that, not seeing that, fractured Petra to her core. She wanted the chance to show every inch of JR how much she meant to her, she wanted to make love. But JR wouldn't let her, and it was absolutely devestating. So Petra sat there with her head against the wall, eyes swollen, makeup smeared, voice shot from her crying convulsions, trying to make sense of her conflicting feelings.
Although JR was tearing out her heart with every detached stroke, she was also giving her body that same familiar, beautifully aching pleasure. JR's hand was still on her, still touching her, and Petra would accept that for now. She'd accept anything that kept JR close, that kept her here. Her body shook in fear of what her release and the end would bring; and she hated herself for being so weak to JR's touch. It was pathetic. Petra was not going to last, and it was the only thing in the world she wanted to do.
"Please!" Petra pleaded wildly; begging for contact, comfort, forgiveness, something; knowing the end was near.
JR's forhead fell into Petra's shoulder with a thump, causing Petra to stiffen in surprise, before relaxing in the most elated relief. Feeling JR's face on her back, the weight of her head as it sank and rested in her shoulder sprouted hope. God she'd missed this. The combination of JR's hot breath on her shoulder, her fingertips circling her clit roughly, and her emotional exhaustion made Petra's heart flutter and head spin deliriously.
Petra reached behind her, overwhelmed, searching for more contact. She lovingly caressed the jawline tucked into her shoulder, before running her fingers through the brunette's trusses. "I love you so much", Petra moaned heavily; guiding JR's fingers into her, trembling to keep her orgasm at bay.
Petra rode JR's hand in clutched silence, urgently fighting falling over the edge. She bucked when she felt a warm tear hit her shoulder and roll down her back as JR breathed unsteadily before agonizingly whimpering, "stop, please". JR's tears fell freely now, coating the blonde, as she finished guturally, "How could you?"
The spreading warmth of Petra's impending orgasm travelling up her spine mixed with her sudden emotional grief sent her reeling. Her mind and body were in complete disarray. The contrasting, heightened, extremes of emotions sent her neurons firing in every direction forcing Petra over the edge with a tortured wail, walls clutching sporadically, as tears welled up in her eyes.
Her heart severed as her body exploded.
Petra's knees buckled at the intensity, and she collapsed completely against the wall, taking JR with her.
They wept together in silence for several minutes, bodies heaving against eachother, JR's head resting on Petra's back. Petra was tormented as she attempted to block out the hurt and dispair to relish JR's touch. Memorizing the imprint of her head on her back and fingers filling her to the brink.
She shuddered as she felt the inevitable: JR pull out and straighten herself. The brunette took a few seconds to compose herself, wiping at the tear streaks on her cheeks, before turning to look Petra in the eye.
"How could you? How could you lie to me?" JR started hesitantly as she backed away from the wall, voice trembling with pain."I trusted you".
The look of sheer sorrow in her eyes haunted Petra.
"JR...Jane!" Petra grovelled, panicking as she saw JR walk towards the door.
"We're done Petra, and I never want to see you again."
The echoing of JR's final steps rang in Petra's ear as she crumpled and fell to the floor.