Canon vs Fanon (Hetalia)

Author: Ashynarr

Summary: Because sometimes the fandom needs to be reminded what canon is actually like...

Disclaimer: Hetalia's not mine.

Warning: This is making use of my America and Canada in the comparison (as the 'canon' characters, although I will admit they aren't completely true to canon). If you want to know more, check out my stories!

((Human names are (my) canon chars, Nation names are fanon chars.))

Part the Tenth: After Yet Another Hiatus I Return

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Oh god it was getting closer.

America shuddered, eyes darting between shadows as he clung tightly to his battered bat. It'd already gotten so many of his friends, his brothers, his allies. And he'd tried so hard to stop it, but it was cruel, smart, efficient - it got around every trap to capture it, escaped ambushes meant to kill it, and always, always got another victim.

And now he was the only one left, with no backup and no illusion that he could still salvage this and be the hero, not after what it'd left behind.

(Those eyes, those eyes…!)

He heard a small squelsh and tensed, twirling on his heels only to see nothing. Shit, now it was just toying with him, knowing that after weeks without sleep would leave him frazzled and delusional-

Then he shrieked as something wrapped around his leg, dragging him up into the air even as he swung his bat at the long tentacle dragging him towards the thing. No matter what, he wasn't going to go down without a last fight! Even as a second and third joined it, trapping his legs further, he still went at it with the desperation of a dead man walking.

Then the thing's side exploded, its shrieks piercing the air even as it dropped him in its blind rage and pain. The sound grated at his ears, though it didn't last long seeing as a second homing rocket smashed into the thing's head, smattering oozing black innards across the walls.

America breathed heavily, turning to see who had rescued him, but he was obviously still in a delusional state as he felt someone reach under his arms and haul him up, lifting him over a shoulder that was far too familiar. "C-Canada…?"

The man who looked like his brother shook his head, smile more of a grimace. "Sorry, I'm not him. Just try to stay with me, I'll get you to the others soon enough, alright?"

"The… others…?" America blinked sluggishly, the adrenaline starting to wear off and leaving him aching and exhausted beyond all belief. "But… they all were…"

"Not everyone got caught," The man who wasn't Canada replied softly. "Those that did were able to bunker down and plot out the thing's movements and order of attack, which is how we were able to track it and its buddies down."

"...buddies?"

"Two dozen of them, each able to pull its friends out of danger. Would have been a pain in the ass to isolate and kill them without your alien friend's help-"

"Whoooo Mattie, did you see me there?" Another man bounced up, practically familiar except for the fact that America could not recognize him for the world. Probably because he was tired. "I totally blasted the shit out of that freak, and it only took two shots this time!"

"Very good, Alfred," The man carrying him drawled, staring at newcomer as he kept moving. "It's nice to know you don't need to waste half a dozen of them just to bring one down anymore."

"Hey, this is the first time I've gotten permission to use the damn rocket launcher more than once at a time, cut me some slack," The other man whined, falling into line slightly behind and to the side of them. "Besides, who was it who almost fucked up setting up the anti transporter devices the first few times again?"

"Tony didn't exactly give me an instruction manual on the things," Not-Canada replied. "And I was sort of busy being distracted by the thing trying to grab me with four of its arms at once."

"Which I saved you from," Newcomer shot back.

"And I saved you from two of them, so we're more than even."

"Damn, too bad there aren't any more of those things left to blast."

Not-Canada turned his head to look at Newcomer.

"-I just wanted some more time to have free reign with the missile launcher, alright? I like things that make big booms, and I've gotten the hang of aiming it for maximum damage, and you know there's no way my boss will let me have one when we get back home."

"Well maybe if you hadn't blown up two of your military choppers last time you were given one-"

"That was an accident, and no one got hurt anyways!"

"Which is why they didn't want to take the chance."

"Sheesh, no faith in the hero, Mattie?"

"Sorry, I know you too well to believe the best of you."

"Hooser."

"Pardner."

America finally gave in to the calling darkness as their argument bled into something about frequencies. It was really a shame he couldn't figure out who they were, because they seriously deserved something after what they'd done...

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AN: Yeah, I was trying my best to make this funnier, but tbh the whole 'tentacle porn' thing always creeped me the fuck out to the point where I can't really play the thing for as many laughs as I should. Alfred managed to salvage what he could, though, so everything is alright!