A/N: So, here it is, the big moment! Well, one of them anyways. Thanks to those who reviewed the last chapter and I hope you approve of this one. Thanks.

Chapter 8: Truths and Answers

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

I was 15; Phill was pinning me to the bed, sitting on my back. I was naked and afraid, very much so. I didn't know what he planned to do, why he forced me to lay on my stomach. What did he want this time? Was there even anything left to take?

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

"If you scream, you and mommy dearest will be begging for death. Got it, bitch?!" He sneered as he pulled my head up by my hair; I had to stay strong and remain as silent as possible.

It was weird that he warned me not to scream; he hadn't done that in years. He knew I would never scream - Renée could never know.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Where the hell was that annoying sound coming from?

He pushed my legs up so I was leaning on my knees and spread them. Was he doing what I think he was doing? God, I hoped not! Then, I felt the tip of his penis at my ass and I knew he was going to do exactly what I thought he was going to do.

I believe the kids nowadays referred to it as 'doggy' style. I felt so sick I thought I'd throw up. He had done so much to me already that I shouldn't be surprised by this, but I was. I don't know why I was, I just was, no reason to it.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Couldn't anyone turn that the fuck off?!?!

I almost screamed when he pushed inside me - it felt like he was tearing me apart, even more so than usual - but managed to hold it in and moan silently. He took the moan as a sign I was liking it, which I definitely was not!

"Like that, hu? I knew you would. Shoul've done this a long time ago. You're all mine now cockslut," He whispered in my ear, enjoying every word and action, knowing how much I hated him.

BEEP! "Isabella, wake up." BEEP! "It's okay, you're safe. It's only a nightmare." BEEP! "Open your eyes, Isabella. I promise, you're safe here. No one can hurt you here." BEEP!

Where was I? Who was talking to me? What was that beeping sound? I was afraid to open my eyes; afraid to come face to face with my nightmare. It was irrational, I know, Phill was dead - he was never coming back. Still, I was terrified.

"Open your eyes, Isabella," the voice commanded yet again, though it sounded more like friendly concern than a command. I swallowed several times, then opened my eyes.

I blinked several times, then looked around the room. Was I in a hospital? It was likely, since it smelled that way and I was laying in one of those typical uncomfortable hospital beds. How did I get here? Then it all came flooding back.

Edward. Alice. Lunch with their friends. Cold. Dizzyness. Sick. Edward picking me up. Then, everything went black. Oh no! I was in a fucking hospital!!! I was SO screwed! Everyone would hate me now. I HAD to get out of here!

At the foot of my bed, there stood a man - a doctor.

My immediate reaction would have been to panic, but I did not do so. Why? Because he reminded me of Edward. It weren't his eyes, they weren't green, but blue. It was the hair that reminded me of Edward. It wasn't the same color, but it was the same disaray of hair like Edward, as if he never combed it. The tag on his coat confirmed it - it said Dr. Cullen.

"Welcome back, Isabella." He smiled, a genuine Edward smile, though it was a sad and sympathetic one - he knew something.

"I need to get out of here," I croaked, my throat dry and slightly painful.

"I'm sorry, but I can't allow that. Do you remember what happened?" He asked, still holding that sad, pittying look in his eyes - I hated when people looked at me like that, but from him, it didn't bother me as much.

"I fainted," I replied glumly, already not liking where this conversation was headed.

"Yes, you fainted at school and my son, Edward, brought you in. You went into cardiac arrest but we were able to save you. You had a severe blood infection caused by cuts on your leg. You're very lucky we caught it in time or it could have spread to your brain," He explained, though once he said the word cuts, I couldn't follow another word. He knew about them, so he had to know about the bruises as well. Did he know more? God, I hoped not. Charlie would hate me. He'd probably kick me out and never want to see me again. I couldn't handle that.

"Isabella," He started but I cut him of, "Bella," I clarified, he nodded.

"There are some things we need to discuss and they aren't going to be pleasant. But I am required to ask you these questions. Do you understand?" He asked, I nodded, knowing nothing I said would stop these questions from coming. I didn't agree to answer them, however. I would only answer the ones that wouldn't be too harmful to my case.

"How long have you been a cutter?" He asked, his tone grieving, as though he were sad for me. I was most likely interpreting his tone the wrong way. It was probably disgust instead of sadness and worry.

"I'm not a cutter." My reply was short, but firm. I was NOT a cutter! I had a slip up that caused me to have and infection and almost die, but I was not a cutter.

"Your leg states otherwise." I nodded, I understood what my leg would mean to anyone besides me - that I was a freaky, emo cutter, but that was not the case. As I said, just a slip up.

"That was a mistake. I wanted to try it; it was only one time. I never did it again and don't plan on doing it again. Are the questions over now?" I asked, holding my breath, hoping he'd leave me be, knowing he wouldn't since nothing good ever happened to me.

"I'm sorry Bella, but I need to ask just a few more. But I need to tell you something first," He voiced, and if it was possible, his expression turned even more sad and even a little angry. The anger was small, but it was there; for me, it was the most recognized expression.

"We noticed severe bruising on your body; some were in the shape of hands. There was also proof of many healed injuries on the scans; broken bones. Too many for us to believe they were accidental. With Charlie's concent, we performed a rape kit...," He trailed off, looking at my horrified expression.

They knew! They actually knew! I mean, I had expected them to see the bruises and maybe even finding evidence of the former injuries, but I hadn't expected they would perform a rape kit. Now they knew! They knew my shame, how dirty and used I was. They knew I was a slut, a useless slut.

"N-no," I mumbled, shaking my head. And then it happened; the tears came. I hadn't cried since Renée's death and now I was crying, just because they knew. I was actually crying. Part of me was relieved I was crying, but most part of me was ashamed that they knew now. I never wanted anyone to know.

"Bella, please calm down. You're still very weak. You don't need to talk about it right now, but there is more you need to know. I will not tell you if you can't handle it right now," He said grimly.

"T-tell m-m-me," I sobbed, I needed to know. I looked at him through my tears and begged him with my eyes to tell me. Finally, he nodded.

"This will be hard for you to hear." I nodded. It couldn't be any worse than everyone knowing, right?

"We tested for STD's and discovered you have Chlamidya; it's not serious, we've put you on the right drugs for it and you will suffer no long term effects of it. The examination also showed you have severe vaginal and anal tearing. We had to stitch you up; the stitches will be able to come out in a few weeks, but you will be soar from it. Bella, I'm sorry to tell you this, but due to the extent of injury, it is very likely you will never be able to have children."

I cried harder, for what, I didn't know. I didn't cry because of my injuries; I had suspected as much years ago. I didn't cry for the loss of possible future children; I would never be intimate with anyone ever again, so children wouldn't happen anyway. I just... cried.

I think it was the hardest I've ever cried, I just couldn't stop. Eventually, I think I cried myself to sleep, after countless hours of tears. It was a dreamless sleep; maybe Dr. Cullen had given me sleep medication. I'd have to thank him if he did. It was the first time since Renée's death that I slept without bad memories or nightmares haunting me.

***

I woke up to bright lights; it was morning. I remembered yesterday's events and almost began to cry again, but held it in. I couldn't deny it now; they had proof. But maybe I could tell them it was voluntarily? That it was just rougher than anticipated? The thought of saying that i wanted it, set me off again. I began to cry again, even harder than last time.

"Bella?" I heard someone say - Charlie? I looked to my left, and he was there, worry and fear written all over his face. I had yet to detect disgust, but it would come, I was sure.

"Bella? Are you okay? Does something hurt?" He asked, appearing to be frantic.

"I'm s-s-so s-sorry," I cried, over and over again - he needed to know how sorry I was, maybe then he would someday be able to forgive me, though I doubted it. I just needed him to know.

"Bella, you have nothing to apologize for! You did NOTHING wrong. It wasn't your fault!" He axlaimed, trying to comfort me as he came closer to me and closer - he was coming to close. I was starting to panic, my breathing was irratic and I was trying to move away from my father. He seemed to understand and took a few steps back, pushing on a button on the wall next to the bed.

I was finally calming down when the door opened and Dr. Cullen walked in. He smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes - the sadness remained in his eyes.

"She was terrified. I-I didn't know what to do doc. She thinks it's her fault," Charlie said, apparantly forgetting I was in the room. Dr. Cullen didn't reply, through my tears I saw him shake his head, he awknowledges my presence.

"How are you feeling, Bella?" He asked, I shrugged.

"Did Renée know about this?" Charlie interrupted before Dr. Cullen could say any more. I shook my head franticly; of course she didn't know! Only in my dreams, did she know.

"Did Phill?!" Charlie continued; my heart rate sped up as soon as I heard his name coming from Charlie's name. Dr. Cullen and Charlie knew too, they heard it thanks to that stupid monitor which I desperately wanted to throw out the window.

"Bella, why did your heart rate speed up just now?" Dr. Cullen asked, probably already catching on - I turned my head, I wouldn't say another word, ever again if that was necessary.

"Phill." It was only a name that came from Dr. Cullen's lips, but it was enough to do the trick - my heart rate sped up, once again.

"What the hell does this mean?" Charlie cursed - he never cursed, ever!

"I appears that this man, whoever he is, is the man who did this to Bella." Charlie cursed a flow of profanities that I would never have expected to come from his mouth and then stared at me in shock and yes, there it was, disgust. He was disgusted with me.

"I'm, I'm s-sorry. He made me! I-I-I didn't w-want to. I-I d-din't know. I was j-just... P-please f-forgive me d-daddy. P-please," I sobbed, calling Charlie something I hadn't said since I was five; daddy. I was crushed that he would hate me now; I loved him, more than I thought I was capable of.

"You listen to me now, Isabella Marie Swan, this is not your fault. That, that ANIMAL is lucky he's already dead, or I'd kill him myself," Charlie seethed.

"Don't," I replied with the only thing that could come to mind. Charlie and Dr. Cullen gave me questioning looks.

"Don't ever call me I-Isab-bella. My name is Bella. Just Bella." My voice was surprisingly steady, giving the state I was in.

"How long?" Charlie asked through clenched teeth, his face a deep shade of red, almost purple even. The vein on his forehead was throbbing; he was very angry, I could tell. I didn't want to tell them, but I knew I had to, they would just ask me again and again. But I would never tell more; I would never tell anyone the extent of what he did to me. It was too horrific.

"S-since I w-was 10," I cried, by which they both gasped and looked at me with pure shock and hatred, even the doctor who didn't even know me. I turned my head, curled up in a ball and resumed my crying, berating myself for being so stupid to allow them to find out about this. I truly had nothing left to live for, now.

***

'I heard there was a secret chord
that david played and it pleased the lord
But you don't really care for music,
do ya?

Well it goes like this the forth the fifth
the minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah'

Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley