Rimmer trembled with fear as he watched the creature's silhouette snarling hungrily.
"Lister - " he squeaked.
Lister didn't reply. The thick vine holding him aloft upside down had provided a perfectly good view of the plant creature for himself. The huge blood-red head growled, revealing a row of razor-sharp teeth, dripping with drool. The two men blinked twice before somehow hauling themselves upright with renewed energy to scrabble desperately at the tentacle vines tightly wrapped around their ankles.
Realising that his current plan of action wasn't going to free him anytime soon, Lister's brain scrabbled for a new tactic. In a flash of inspiration, he fished out his lucky silver Zippo from his inside pocket. Despite the bleak situation, he allowed a small grin to surface on his features. Lucky indeed.
Hauling himself back upright, Lister grabbed hold of the tentacle vine holding him and flicked alight the Zippo underneath it. The plant squealed in pain, the tentacle thrashing and whipping him about until it finally let go. Despite the cushioning effect of the clay mud below, Lister hit the ground hard, hissing through gritted teeth as pain flashed up and down his spine. He'd had quite enough of falling from heights for one lifetime now thank you very much.
Rimmer however was having less luck. A second tentacle vine was helping to snare him, coiling around his midriff and pinning his arms by his sides.
"In your own time, Lister!" he cried sarcastically. As the vine tightened its grip and squeezed mercilessly, Rimmer wheezed, his chest feeling like it was caught in a car crusher.
Lister quickly hauled himself to his feet, grabbing the first tentacle that held his ankles and thrust the flame underneath it. The plant creature released a screeching cry and the first tentacle let go, Rimmer dropping a couple of feet before halting against the tension of the second tentacle's grasp. Doubling its vengeance, the vine curled further up Rimmer's body until it reached his neck, the thin, tail-like tip teasingly garotting him. Lister scrambled over to the base of the second tentacle vine and put the Zippo to work, watching desperately as the fire quickly took hold. The plant creature cried out a second time, leaving Rimmer spinning in mid-air as the tentacle quickly unwound and dropped him heavily to the floor, gasping and wheezing for breath.
Snatching up the torch and stashing it in his jacket, Lister swung off his backpack and rustled through the contents. Whatever this thing was, it was clearly plant-like enough to be highly susceptible to fire. However, they could hardly fight it off with a single lighter. It would be like trying to put out a housefire with a water pistol. They needed something to feed the fire, something potent enough to cause enough damage to kill it, or at least allow them enough time to scarper. Lister pulled out the hipflask of hooch and spun off the top. He knew exactly the stuff to use.
Rimmer scrabbled backwards towards Lister, his jaw jabbering silently as more vines and tentacles slithered towards them. Lister tossed him the Zippo, which landed in his lap.
"Rimmer, man, cover me back! I need to sort somethin'," he called out. He fished through the backpack once more for the gauze bandages that Rimmer had previously used for his hands.
Pulling himself to his feet, Rimmer brandished the lighter before him, sweeping the flame from side to side. With each movement, the vines recoiled back at the heat of the fire. "Lister, if you have some clever plan up your sleeve I suggest you pull it out sharpish," he whimpered.
Lister admired his handiwork. He'd stuffed a length of gauze into the neck of the hipflask to act as a rudimentary fuse, creating a crude but hopefully effective firebomb. He gestured to Rimmer with his hand. "Rimmer man, the Zippo, gimme the lighter quick!"
At the brief moment that Rimmer thrust out the lighter to Lister, a huge thick tentacle swept across them, smacking each of them hard across the head and sending the pair flying. They skidded to a halt in the mud several feet away, entangled in the mulchy remains of another member of the CANARY batallion. Wretching in a mixture of shock and disgust, the two men scrambled to their feet.
"Sweet smeggin' Jesus, I'm gonna need a whole lot of therapy when I get outta here," Lister whimpered, as he wiped off a slimy something from his arm.
Rimmer patted himself down and cast his eyes desperately across the muddy floor. "Lister, the Zippo!" he cried, "I've lost the Zippo!"
Lister fumbled in his padded jacket and pulled out the torch, sweeping the beam across the floor, deliberately avoiding the rotting human remains to the right of him. "Shittin' smeg!" he yelled. "That's our trump card, Rimmer! Without it we're screwed!"
Panting with fear, the pair scrabbled around in the mud in a desperate attempt to locate the lighter. A flash of light reflected back in the corner of Rimmer's eye a few feet in front of them.
"There!" Rimmer thrust out a finger towards the tiny sparkle, a gesture that Lister followed with the beam of torchlight.
Keeping low to the ground to avoid unwanted attention, Rimmer raced over as fast as the squelching clay mud would allow, dropping to his hands and knees just as he reached the lighter. A strange, squelching sound stopped him in his tracks as a thick green tentacle slithered towards him and reared up a few inches from his face. The dark green leaves on its end peeled back to reveal a deep purple bulb that exploded into a flare of colour as the flower opened. Rimmer froze on his hands and knees, hoping that the plant could only track sudden movements.
Lister tried to keep the shaking torchbeam as still as possible, but it still threw the enchanting flower into a dance of light and shadow. "Rimmer," he hissed desperately, "don't smeggin' move."
Keeping his head still, Rimmer cast his eyes down to the mud to his right where the silver of the Zippo flashed, reflecting the quivering torchlight. Returning his eyes to meet the flower's sightless stare, he gently leant towards the lighter, extending his arm out inch by painfully slow inch. Curling his fingers around the cool metal, he flicked open the top and struck the wheel. A tiny, hopeful flare burst into life, and as soon as he registered the light flicker in the corner of his eye, Rimmer wrenched it forward directly under the flower bulb.
The plant shrieked, recoiling immediately. Taking this as a perfect time to do a runner, Rimmer quickly hauled himself to his feet and half-turned to leg it. Yet he wasn't quick enough. A strange thwip sound whistled through the air towards him and he felt a hot, sharp pain in the side of his neck.
As the flower reared back in agony and shrunk back into the shadows, Lister noticed Rimmer grunting in pain, bent-double. His brow furrowed as he ran squelching through the clay mud towards his companion. He grasped Rimmer's arms, hauling him upright once more.
"Rimmer, man, are you - ?" Lister's voice trailed off as he noticed a small, green, dart-like object with a deep purple tail hooked in Rimmer's neck. Lister's nose wrinkled involuntarily, instinctively wrenched it out as quickly as possible and throwing it away into the darkness.
Rimmer hissed between gritted teeth. "Do you mind, Lister? That smegging hurt!" His muddy fingers unfurled to reveal the Zippo nestled in his palm as he massaged his sore neck with his free hand. "I believe this is yours?" he grinned.
Lister mirrored his grin and slapped him playfully on the arm. "Nice one, man." He jogged back to his backpack where he'd stashed the hipflask.
Rimmer ducked down and followed quickly, content that he'd actually done something right for a change. He hissed again and rubbed his neck. Smeg, it was still really hot and sore, throbbing as if his blood had turned acidic. His legs began to drag slower and heavier as if the whole scene had reduced to slow-motion and a sudden lurch of nausea gripped his stomach. He could see before him that Lister was desperately fiddling with the hipflask, tipping it up and back again to soak the gauze bandages so that they would catch once the Zippo lit them. But the image warped and waned in his mind and he blinked heavily to restore clarity. Rivulets of sweat trickled down his temples and he began to wheeze in fear. He felt far too hot. The blurry Lister turned to him and spoke, but the words were muffled and indistinct, as if he were speaking to him through glass. With a final wheeze, the edges of his vision clouded black and his mind fogged.
Lister's eyes flitted back and forth over Rimmer, who stood swaying a few feet away from him. He'd asked him if he was feeling alright as he certainly didn't look it. In fact, he seemed to be doing a fantastic impression of a drunk freshman who had ventured one drink too far and had the glassy look of someone who was about to hit the deck; an imitation that Rimmer followed through with frightening dedication. Lister watched him shudder to his knees, his eyes rolling back in his head and flutter closed, as he pitched forward into the clay out cold.
It was as if the plant had sensed that the poison had overcome its prey and that dinner was served; two dark green tentacle vines snaked through the mud towards Rimmer and began to curl around his inanimate body. Lister immediately sprinted forward as quickly as the squelching clay would allow. With a primal snarl, he brandished the Zippo like a weapon, the dancing flame flickering before him. They'd come too smegging far to end this now. He was half-starved, dehydrated, injured and sleep-deprived after two days of hell, and there was no way in Hades he was going to let some smegging houseplant stop them from getting home.
Lister thrust the flame underneath each tentacle, watching sated as the fire spread greedily across the surface. The plant howled in pain, the tentacles whipping back immediately and retreated back into the dark. Lister quickly dropped to his knees and rolled Rimmer onto his back, casting the flame over his head so that his pale face danced in a flicker of light and shadow.
"Rimmer?" he cried. "Rimmer, man, can you hear me?" Lister pressed a couple of fingers to his neck, his skin hot and slick with sweat. Rimmer's pulse was racing, his chest rising and falling rapidly in a shallow wheeze.
A low rumbling growl emanated from the back of the cave as the plant beast snarled at them menacingly. Lister snarled back mockingly. He was ready to roll.
He flicked his Zippo alight and held it towards the hooch-soaked bandages that dangled loose from the hipflask. They caught surprisingly quickly and Lister recoiled slightly in shock. His face eerily uplit from the blazing flame, a grin inched its way across Lister's weary features at the plant that reared up before them.
He threw it a cheeky Liverpudlian wink. "Bye-bye, beastie."
Hurling the hipflask as hard as he could, he watched the arc of light stream away from him and towards the plant creature. The hipflask shattered on impact, unfurling a hot flare of charged fire directly underneath the plant's snarling mouth. The creature released a high-pitched squeal of pain as the licking flames engulfed it, illuminating the cave in a hot, bright light.
Lister needed no further encouragement. Pocketing his Zippo, he stooped down and pulled Rimmer's heavy arm across the back of his shoulders, and attempted to heave the taller man upright. Rimmer stirred briefly, surfacing from the dark black pool of unconcsiousness enough to groan raggedly.
Lister heaved him up to his unsteady feet. "That's it, man. Come on. I really need you to help me on this," Lister encouraged desperately as thick black smoke began to creep across the cave. He chest racked with coughs. "Don't make me haul your skinny arse all the way out of here, ya gimboid," he chided with little malice.
Through the swirling smoke that slowly choked the cave, Lister helped Rimmer into the tunnel and into the safety of the maze of caverns. With the poison still pumping through his system, he knew that Rimmer didn't have much time.
Mwahahaha another cliffhanger for you all. Will Rimmer survive? Well the next chapter will be the last, so leave me a review and let me know what you think!