"Phil… I…" Dan suddenly felt ill and he darted his eyes between Phil's face and roof. Had Phil's friend… killed himself?
"It was nine months ago. If he had a girlfriend and she'd have gotten pregnant that night instead of him dying, he'd have a baby now," Phil said. Dan was confused. It was such a strange thing to say. He looked over at Phil and noticed that his eyes were watering, but he was smiling. "Jonathon used to share a room with Peej, while Chris and I shared this room. Me, Peej and Chris were out in the cafeteria and we decided we were gonna go out to walk around the grounds, so we got up to go and PJ called Jonathan to see if he wanted to join us. He didn't answer, but um… that wasn't unusual, so I said I'd go get him and meet the guys out by the far side of the Library. I knocked on the door and he didn't answer, and so I just typed in the key and opened the door. He wasn't in there. At least that's what I thought. I quickly checked the bathroom before I left and he was laying on the floor, not moving… I froze for a moment and looked at his wrists, but he wasn't bleeding, the blood had stopped and dried. I'd known about it for months, the cutting, I mean. I should have done something… but then there he was, on the floor, not bleeding anymore, just… motionless. I ran over and I couldn't wake him up, and then… I saw the, the um- the three empty bottles of sleeping tablets… I called 999, but it was too late. He wasn't breathing anymore and his- his…" Dan watched the tears fall from Phil's eyes and leave dark, wet drop marks on Dan's shirt, "his heart had stopped."

Dan didn't know what came over him, his heart went out to Phil. He moved his arm over and pulled Phil tighter to him, brushing the tears from Phil's cheek and feeling his damp eyelashes graze his thumb.
"I'm sorry…" Dan whispered, running his fingers through Phil's hair as he sobbed, "I'm here for you too…" he uttered. It was a sentence he'd never articulated before, words he'd never felt he needed, or wanted, to say to a person… but this person, Phil, cared about him. Phil cared. Phil was nice, and sweet, and kind, and Dan was going to be damned if he didn't scoop up this opportunity for an actual friendship.
"I know, this is weird…" Phil whispered, Dan shook his head and looked down into Phil's eyes. Once he got past how red and bloodshot they were from crying, he noticed how blue they were and how they sparkled in the afternoon light. Dan's stomach flipped and he felt a pulsating sensation running through his arms as he pulled Phil even tighter. He rested his forehead against Phil's and felt the heat from his face, and then he leaned in.

Phil felt Dan's body close to his own and it felt so good, so nice, so comforting. Dan wasn't at all like PJ thought he was. Dan cared about him. Dan was here, with Phil, holding him in his arms as he calmed down and attempted to stop crying. Phil shuffled himself slightly so that Dan could pull him closer; Dan was a little bigger than he was, and it felt so safe to be in his arms. He felt Dan's forehead press up against his own, Dan's skin was nowhere near as hot as his own. After a moment, Dan's forehead pulled away and Phil opened his eyes, staring into Dan's chocolate brown, puppy-dog eyes, and it hit him. That's what got him those girls. This… Dan's eyes, his soft smile, the way his hands held him so close… this would be exactly what the girls' saw in him. He moved his eyes from Dan's, hoping Dan wouldn't think it was weird that he was getting lost in them, instead his gaze focused on his lips which were slowly, ever so slowly, getting closer… and closer… and closer to his own. The second Dan's lips grazed against his own, Phil felt a little shiver throughout his body. Dan's lips were warm, soft, and so experienced; they moved expertly in rhythm with Phils as he kissed him back. It was shyly at first, but for the remainder of the moment they shared, it was completely natural. Dan pulled away first, his hand still playing with Phil's hair,
"I'm sorry…" Dan whispered, moving his head back but keeping his body firmly in place close to Phil.
"Dan…" Phil murmured,
"I- um… was that okay- that, like, I did that?" Dan struggled to spit the words out, Phil tightened his grip around him,
"I- um, I…" Phil said quietly.
"Have you… have you, um, ever kissed someone before… well, before now?" Dan asked, unsure of whether or not it was offensive, or rude, or too personal. Phil hesitated, insecure about his answer,
"I- uh," he stuttered, still not looking Dan in the face, "…no."

Dan swallowed. Hard. He had kissed Phil. Phil. His kind, nerdy, sort-of-lame in the opinion of most, roommate. Phil. He had just kissed Phil, and normally, a kiss would mean nothing, but this was different. Technically, anything involving a bed would usually mean nothing for Dan, but this was different. He and Phil were curled up and intertwined together in his bed, both harbouring a lot of emotional baggage, and Dan had just given him his first kiss. Phil wouldn't look at him, he was looking down, his face aimed in the general direction of Dan's ribs, and he knew he was crying.
"Phil…" Dan breathed, "I didn't know… I wouldn't've…"
"I can't do this," Phil almost shouted, suddenly pushing Dan off of him and leaping from the bed and rushing out of the room, the door slamming shut behind him with a bang. Phil leaned against the wall outside his bedroom door and took in a few shuddered breaths before he heard PJ's door just a few feet away open up.
"Phil? Phil, are you okay? What happened? What did he do?" PJ ran over to him, dropping onto his knees beside his crying friend, "Phil, talk to me, okay?" Phil just shook his head and buried his damp face into his knees as PJ wrapped his arms around him.
"PJ, what are y-" Chris's voice was cut off the second he rounded the corner from their room and laid eyes on the pair of his close friends on the floor, "Phil..?"
"I don't know what happened…" PJ looked up to Chris was wide, concerned eyes,
"Phil, just tell us what happened, okay?" Chris whispered, picking him up off the ground and back onto his feet, "Come on."

Phil sat on PJ's bed, rubbing his eyes as PJ sat beside him and rubbed circles on his back. He'd calmed down considerably, but he wasn't ready to tell PJ and Chris what had happened, he didn't know where to start or how to say it, or even what to say. He wasn't even sure he knew what happened.
"Phil, please tell me what he did," PJ repeated for what felt like the millionth time, when realistically, it was probably only the third or fourth. He replied the same was he did each of the other times, remaining silent and shaking his head. "Fine," PJ stood up and left the room, Phil's eyes following him out the door until he was out of site.
"Phil, just humour me on this, okay?" Chris's voice spoke, jolting Phil out of whatever kind of trance he was in, "But, did you… did you see something that, I don't know, maybe you shouldn't have, um- seen?"
"What do you mean?" Phil finally spoke, looking up at him,
"I think you know what I mean, considering you actually answered me," Chris sat down beside him and slung his arm around Phil's shoulders, "You can tell me."
"Did you… did you know about Dan and the…?" Phil choked, Chris nodded to him, "Why didn't you tell me?!"
"It wasn't my place, Phil…" Chris stroked the top of Phil's shoulder with his thumb,
"Did he tell you?"
"No, I forced it out of him," Chris pulled Phil in tighter, "Can you tell me what happened?"
"I found out about it a couple of weeks ago… It's not about that…" Phil murmured.
"What's it about? What happened?" he looked Phil right in the eyes, "Please,"
"He was- and I then I- and then…" Phil stammered, unable to get out an actual sentence, "and then he… he…"
"Did he hurt you?" Chris said seriously, "Phil, tell me right now. Did he hurt you?"
"No…" Phil whispered, "He wouldn't do that,"
"Okay, good. Good…" Chris let out the breath he was holding in just as the two of them heard muffled shouting from the next room. Dan and PJ.