She had told him everything that she knew, and he had graciously listened to her.
Sakura's heart pounded painfully in her chest as she watched him go about getting a team set up to hunt down her missing 'husband'. She was not actually married to Sasuke, nor did she take on his family name, but she did tend a home for him and their child. So in essence she was playing the role, however the man was never home so were they even a real family?
The kunoichi sighed, and laid Sarada down on a plush bench in Gaara's office. She loved her daughter very much, but she had to admit that she was not happy with her current predicament. She did not regret having Sarada, she never could regret something so wonderful, but she wished that her life with the girl could be different. That her baby could grow up with a father who cared, and showed them love.
Sarada was out for the count, and the room was quiet with everyone now gone. Gaara had left with some of the other parties more than a few hours ago, and she was waiting anxiously for his return.
Waiting...anxiously...for Gaara's return? Not Sasuke's?
Sakura blinked at that, and then shook her head wildly before smacking her cheeks. She knew she had missed him, she knew it hurt horribly every time she saw him, she knew she still loved him in some way, but she thought that she had given up on the redhead a long time ago.
After watching him cry like that.
It was at that time, when she watched him sink to the floor absolutely broken that she told herself that she wouldn't do it anymore. She never wanted to see him like that, and it made her regret falling in love with him. If she had just kept to herself he would have never felt that way, he would have never mourned like that. Never suffered. She hated herself so much after that, and seeing him even occasionally on missions was absolutely gut wrenching.
She had tried focusing on Sasuke again to get her mind off of Gaara, and she had succeeded in forming a bond with the Uchiha, but it was nothing like what she had with the redhead. It was... detached.
The way Gaara had looked when he saw her after so long was one of shock, but the smile that came afterwards was so beautiful it was as if nothing horrible had ever happened. His love for her was still so bright, and beautiful.
She started to cry.
Sakura cried over how much her heart pounded seeing him, and how much she just wanted to run into the man's welcoming arms. It hurt so much, knowing they could never be together again. So close to almost touch, but still chained to their lives and duties.
She couldn't handle it, she wanted to break everything into a crumbling pile of rubble. However, she knew that even something like that wouldn't ease one ounce of the heartbreak she felt. This was why she never wrote, never visited, and never talked to him on missions. It was too much to not just try to kiss him, and she knew it would ruin his life if she did.
"Sakura?" A warm voice washed over her, but sent horrific pangs into her heart. "Sakura, I'm sorry... we couldn't find him. I have teams out searching still, but the original teams are back to rest. I will go out and look for him again tomorrow, so please don't cry."
Gaara had come back, and was now circling around her chair to kneel in front of her. He was so handsome, and his eyes showed nothing but kindness. He was probably hurting more than she was, and yet he could stay so strong in the face of heartbreak.
'He's felt heartache all his life... He's used to it.' The thought made the kunoichi want to vomit.
"We will find him. I promise you. You won't have to cry anymo-"
"That's not why... I'm crying..." Sakura blurted out, and instantly regretted it. Knowing him he would pry until he got every last detail. It was careless.
"I see... then I am sorry for giving you grief. That wasn't my intention." Gaara looked bitterly to the floor, and the guilt slammed through the kunoichi like a blade.
"It's not your fault!" She whimpered painfully before grabbing him roughly by the shirt. His eyes widened at her, but she was too upset to understand what she was really doing. "It's not your fault! It's mine! I should have never approached you! If I hadn't then this wouldn't have happened, and we wouldn't feel this way now!"
Sakura was crying hysterically now, and the redhead blinked unsure of how to handle her. She could tell he was trying to figure out what was supposed to be appropriate behavior between them, but she didn't want appropriate. She just wanted him to know how sorry she was, how much she still loved him, and how much he still meant to her without pushing the boundaries. Yet, she also wanted the boundaries gone.
"Sakura, it's okay. I'm fine now. It was in the past." Gaara said almost robotically, and went to stand up, but she pulled him back down to the chair she was sitting in by his shirt. He stumbled slightly, and had his knees on either side of her with his arms caging her in. His eyes went wide again, and his body visibly tensed throughout. "Are you insane?!"
"Yes! Yes I am insane!" The kunoichi choked, and her hands burned with the need to hold him. He was so close now, and she already had her hands on him. The urge grew too strong, and she finally wrapped both arms around his abdomen before hiding her face against his chest. He smelled so nice, and felt so warm. He was more built than before, but that was fine with her. "I missed you so much..." Her voice cracked painfully.
It didn't take long for him to return the embrace, and she knew that what they had never truly left them.
"I missed you too, I missed you so much. Sakura..." Gaara arched himself further down so that he could nuzzle into her hair, and she wrapped her arms around his neck.
This was what it was supposed to feel like. This was what love truly felt like, and he was the one who made her feel that way.
"Mama..." A small voice called out from the bench as the toddler tossed in her sleep.
Sakura tensed thinking her child had caught her in the embrace of a man that certainly wasn't daddy, but the girl's eyes were shut soundly. She sighed with relief, but then felt another wave of guilt sink in.
She had done it again...
"Gaara... I'm sorry-"
"Don't. Go to her, she needs to sleep in a real bed, and not on a bench." Gaara pushed away from the chair to finally stand up straight. He adjusted his wrinkled clothing, and then nodded to her. "I can take you to your room."
Sakura accepted his offer, and went about gathering her child to put her to sleep.
- ... - ... - ... - ... - ...
"She's so beautiful, and so tiny..." Gaara smoothed Sarada's hair out of her eyes, and smiled. "She'll be breaking out of her crib soon if she's anything like her mother-"
"Hey now, I was a perfect baby. I hardly ever cried until I got older." Sakura smiled down at her daughter lovingly, and felt warmer with Gaara next to her wearing almost the same expression. She watched him carefully as he pet the girl's head with an incredible gentleness. He was a perfect man indeed. "You'd make a wonderful father."
Gaara paused, and retracted his hand almost somberly before looking at her.
"I think that time has passed..." He gave her a sad smile, and her heart plummeted. "I think I'm going to be stuck being 'weird uncle Gaara' till the end of time."
Sakura snorted at that, and he gave her an accusing look.
"Is that funny to you?" He raised a hairless brow at her playfully, and she felt that familiarity between them flourish.
"Not the idea, but that title is hysterical." She turned away from the crib, and walked to the door. As she thought he was close on her heals.
'Forever the puppy-tanuki...' She giggled inwardly.
"I have other titles, you know." He said almost defensively as they walked into the hall. He closed the door with a great carefulness, and Sakura was more than appreciative.
"Oh? Like the Prince of the Sand Gourd?" Sakura snickered at that one as well, gaining a narrowed gaze from her companion. "Find any princesses lately?"
"Nope." Gaara replied almost instantly, and passed her hastily to continue down the hall. His reaction had her curious.
"Hmm, well you've been entertaining more than a few ladies..." The kunoichi rushed up next to him to match his stride, and at her comment he only quickened his pace. "Care to indulge my curiosity, Gaara?"
"No. I don't care to." The redhead huffed as they turned a corner down a darker hallway, and by then she'd had enough of his dodging. Snagging him by the wrist she abruptly stopped her pace, and the initial tug almost made him fall over. "What are you doing?!"
"Gaara, speak to me please." Sakura made her voice stern, and he visibly bristled. Her mothering skills had gotten more intense after she had Sarada, but she never thought they would have any effect on the great Kazekage. "Does it make you feel better?"
"I'm sorry, what?" Gaara furrowed his brows in a bitter confusion, and she felt as if she might be starting an argument here.
"Sleeping around. Does it make you feel better?" She tried to be gentle, but low and behold the angry side of him reared its ugly head.
"That's none of your business. I'm not your husband, or your boyfriend, or even your lover." He practically gritted the words through his teeth, and the kunoichi could feel years of hurt slipping out in the form of bitterness. "So get the fuck off my back-"
"Woah! Hey now! Language!" Sakura scolded him, and he was actually dumbfounded by it. Breaking his train of thought worked for a moment, but she knew she would have to gently revisit this clearly open wound. "It's okay, Gaara. I just still care about you... that's all."
It worked flawlessly. Almost instantly his rage settled to a low blue flame, and he looked about himself shamefully. She didn't want this to hurt him, she didn't want him to feel shame for anything he had done to ease his pain.
"I don't really blame you, I mean if I were a handsome powerful man with great responsibilities I'd find some pretty things to help ease my tension too-"
"Its... not like that." Gaara grimaced, and her curiosity was peaked. "I... I was... It's not love... It's not us."
The kunoichi felt a blush she hadn't sported in a long time, and it filled her cheeks to the brim. He seemed to notice, and was suddenly very flustered himself about his strange admission.
"So... your the Prince of Sluts because-?" Sakura attempted to re-break the ice, but it only made him scowl.
"I'm not a slut." Gaara pouted, and she couldn't help the giggles escaping her. He was just too precious every time he got uppity. Serious, deadpan Gaara caught in his huff-puff was the most adorable thing she had ever seen.
"You are too a slut! I hear you take them two at a time. I mean, I know for a fact that you're talented, but can you really satisfy multiple women in one go?" The kunoichi crossed her arms with a smirk, and waited teasingly for his reply. At first she thought he might start another tantrum, but then he managed to get down to her level, and finally find humor in it rather than shame.
"Well, I'll let you watch if you want to find out the truth on that." He answered almost darkly, and for some reason it sent a strange shiver down her spine along with the shock. "Or, if you're more daring, you can find out first-hand..."
"God you did turn into a slut, didn't you? Oh! I've created a monster!" Sakura played into the dramatics, and he raised both of his naked brows at her in humor.
"Is that so wrong? We stopped seeing each other, so I filled the void." Gaara gave a half grin, but when examined closely one could tell that it was empty. She didn't like it.
In fact, she hated it.
"I wish things could have turned out differently-"
"You know, you keep saying things like that, but I'm not seeing any changes being made." The redhead stopped her sentence dead, and the shots he made were acussatory.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Once again the kunoichi's hands found their way to her hips in a power stance, but the stance bounced right off of the man in front of her.
"Leave him, and marry me." Gaara's voice had never sounded so sure, and it almost leaned on an authorative order. She was caught completely off guard by it, and gaped at him slightly.
"Gaara, I can't just... I can't just up and leave my family-"
"I'll take in Sarada as my own, you don't need to worry about that. I will love her as if she were blood." His eyes were firm, and his mind was completely sure of everything he was saying. As if this had been his life's calling all along.
"Okay, and what about Sasuke? I just leave him to die alone?" She clenched her fists finding herself growing irritated by how confident he seemed.
"He's already abandoned you. Again. Or have you forgotten that?" Gaara narrowed his eyes once more, and she felt the heat radiating off of them. "The man who had abandoned you and your team, tried to kill you, knocked you up, and then abandoned you again when you needed him most. What the fuck kind of man is that?! That's not a man! That is a coward!"
"Let's not forget, Gaara, that you have also done two of those things to me as well. The only part your not in on is the fact that you never got me pregnant-!"
"I WISH I HAD! I WOULDN'T HAVE LEFT YOU ALONE WITH MY CHILD TO FEND FOR YOURSELF!" In his rage, the redhead threw her up against the wall to cage her in. "HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU LIKE I DO! HE DOESN'T DESERVE YOU! I ALMOST SACRIFICED MY WHOLE VILLAGE FOR YOU, AND STILL ITS NEVER ENOUGH!"
"Gaara, calm down." Sakura looked around herself to make sure no one was coming, she didnt want anyone seeing him in this state.
"Calm down? No I won't fucking calm down! Why does that bastard get to have you when he has done nothing but treat you like the dirt on his sandals?! I LOVE YOU! I CARE ABOUT YOU! I WANT TO HEAR YOU SPEAK! I WANT TO BE NEAR YOU ALWAYS!" Gaara finally broke, and his voice cracked painfully as tears flowed down his cheeks.
"You were my girl! My mate! My favorite person! I wanted you to stay forever... every winter... together... forever with me... Sakura, why didn't you come back? I'm sorry, I couldn't control what happened! It was you or my people, and I couldn't be selfish! I am Kazekage, and my life belonged to them... but then there was some space. You could have came back, we could have been together, why didn't you come back?!" His fists pounded against the wall behind her, and she couldn't help the tears falling down her cheeks.
"Gaara... I-I'm...s-so sorry..." Her breath heaved, and he shook his head before embracing her painfully tight.
"Don't say no... please don't... please come back to me I promise it will be better this time. We can get married, and we can be a family...You, Sarada, and me. We can have that!" Gaara's voice cracked again, and he outright mourned onto her shoulder. "P-please... I love you... I love you so much..."
Sakura cried, and hard. She didn't know if she could make this decision. It was too much. This was too heavy for her to carry. She didn't know what to do. She wanted to leave Sasuke, but her duty to the nearly extinct Uchiha clan was iron clad. Sarada, and Sasuke were the last of their line.
"Sakura... Sakura please." The redhead started again, but calmer this time. "I promise nothing will ever come between us again, I swear on my life. Please say you'll stay..."
"I don't know what to do..." The kunoichi shivered almost violently in his arms, and her knees started to weaken from mental fatigue. He held her upright with ease, and cradled her body as close as he could.
"Say you'll spend every winter with me. Stay by my side while we sleep, and wake with me every spring..." Gaara pleaded.
That's when it hit her. A painful idea that was also a way to heal their souls...
"I'm going back to Konoha-"
"Don't say that-!"
"-But I will come back to spend the winters with you... I will stay until spring, and then go back..." It was a strange request, but she knew she couldn't leave Konoha for good. They would never let the only Uchiha heiress, Sarada, leave to another village. However, they could spend a season in Suna every year, and that would be fine. They could have what they wanted for short periods of time... but at least they could have some form of happiness.
"Is it... because of the Uchiha clan?" The redhead seemed to calm down, but he didn't seem completely satisfied. When Sakura nodded, she felt him hold her a little tighter. "Are you leaving him?"
"He'll always be Sarada's father, but he won't be my husband. We were never married to begin with... The title was merely for convenience." Sakura held him back, and inhaled his warm scent. "I am sorry, but I can't marry you either... I'm so sorry... I want to, truly I do-"
"It's okay. I understand." Gaara nuzzled his face into her hair, and sighed. "God, I'm going to have to try to get you out here frequently for missions..."
"You are so needy!" She laughed heartily while wiping what was left of her tears off of her cheeks, and he chuckled along with her.
It was going to be rough with the distance, but with how often she could possibly visit Suna, and how often he came to Konoha, she knew it could work. The winters with him would be beautiful, and she imagined the Sand Village completely covered in snow. Or perhaps it didn't snow here at all... She couldn't remember, but it didn't even matter. All that mattered was his smile.
"Sakura?" Gaara put some space between them, and she wiped away her remaining tears.
"Yeah?" Sakura looked straight into his seafoam eyes, and felt like she was in a dream.
"I love you..." He leaned down, and she leaned up to meet him. It had been so long since she felt his lips against her own, and feeling them now spouted a whole new session of tears. He pulled back to smile sweetly at her, but she continued to cry.
"I love you too."
AN: Hey guys! Sorry it's been a while, but I'm trying to get this fic rolling again. Thank you to everyone who is still on board! Hope you are still enjoying the story :3