CHAPTER 10

Of course I hadn't been able to go through with it, but Levi had been fine about it. We had ended up lying in bed together, doing nothing but just looking into each others eyes, with our fingers intertwined with the others.

When we had lay on the bed for the first 5 minutes, I had gotten a small panic attack, but at least I hadn't tried to hide in the bathroom this time. He had wrapped his arms around, calming me down until it stopped.

It had been an hour between that and now.

"I'm sorry," I said, probably for the 100th time, hugging him more tightly.

"Don't worry about it," He answered, burying his face into my hair. We kept quiet for a few minutes, where nothing else but our breathing could be heard.

"Levi," I finally said, making sure to sound serious this time.

"Hmm?" He answered, pulling back a bit to look me into my eyes.

"I … "

I looked at his collarbone, suddenly nervous. How was I going to be able to say this the right way?

"Back then, I … "

I took a deep breath, lifting my eyes up to his. He looked at me patiently, sending me a smile that told me that it's okay.

"Do you remember that time at my house? When we kissed for the first time?"

Levi nodded.

"How could I forget?"

The comment made my face light up a bit, but only for a second.

"Well, apparently my dad knew … I don't know how though,"

Levi's eyebrows furrowed, him looking slightly confused.

"Okay … ?" He asked, wanting me to continue. That, I did.

"Well, after you quit your job after that, and moved away … There was this weekend," My hands started shaking, until I was unable to hold hands with him anymore. I pulled away, sitting up beside him. He didn't move though, just stayed down. I could feel his eyes on my back, but I didn't turn around. If I was really going to tell him everything, then I couldn't look him in the eyes while doing it.

This was the only way.

I placed my shaking hands into my lap, and kept my gaze only on them.

"My mom was out of town, and Mikasa was sleeping at a friend's house. My dad had gotten home late that night, and I was already asleep. But he woke me up,"

I bit my bottom lip hard, when the memories flooded through my mind.

"He started saying all these weird things to me, about me … I wasn't sure if he was drunk, but even though it was dark, I could see that he was naked. He started touching me, and even though I told him to stop, he … He didn't,"

It wasn't only my hands that were shaking anymore now.

"He pushed me down so I couldn't move … He said that I wanted it, that I was teasing him. And that when he found out that I had thrown myself at you, he … "

I tried swallowing, but a painful lump in my throat had appeared.

"Let's just say, he had made himself believe that I was some horny, little teenager who just wanted to be fucked by a grown man … He kept saying that he was doing me a favor. That I wanted him,"

I finally felt Levi's hand on my shivering back, and I only have to tilt my head a bit to see that he was finally sitting up beside me.

"But I didn't," I said, turning my whole body to face him. Finally looking into his eyes, tears filled my own and made my vision blurry.

"I know you didn't," He said in a low voice, rubbing my back gently. I threw my arms around his neck, silently sobbing.

"I'm sorry," I whispered after a few minutes, when I had finally calmed down again.

"There's no need to apologize. You did nothing wrong," He said, gliding his fingers through my hair. I buried my face into the crook of his neck, taking deep, slow breaths.

"He molested you, Eren. He's the one in the wrong here," He said, leaning his cheek against my head.

I knew he was right, yet I was still wordless. What was I supposed to say?

"I know, I just … "

My voice faded out when I pulled away from him.

"I can't seem to keep those thoughts out of my head, whenever someone starts touching me like he did …"

"Maybe it is because you've never talked about it before. You've been supressing it for so long, that it's so strong when you finally remember it," Levi grabbed my chin, so I wouldn't look away from him.

"It's certain that it wasn't helping you at all, not talking about it. Maybe it will get better now that you've finally opened up about it,"

I wanted to nod, but since he was still holding my chin, I just grabbed his neck and pulled him towards me.

"Thank you," I whispered, just before kissing him softly. I could never have expected this from him, yet he was treating me with such kindness and support. I couldn't even remember the reason why I had been so afraid of telling him, when he was the only one who was able to calm me down like this. To understand me like this.

"Thank you," I said again, this time a little louder. He smiled at me, letting his hand slide from my chin to my chest. It stayed there, rubbing it softly.

"You're welcome, Eren," He answered, looking deep into my eyes.

"Believe me when I say that I'm here for you. I'll never leave you again, and I certainly will never let anyone else touch you ever again,"

He grabbed my other hand, intertwining our fingers.

"I love you. I promise to protect you. And I will never force you to do anything that you don't want to do,"

I closed my eyes for a moment, letting his words sink in to fully understand. I believed every word he had said.

For the first time in my life, I felt complete.

"Levi, I … "

I noticed how he suddenly looked up, having an intense look in his eyes. More focused than more, he raised his eyebrows, expecting me to go on.

Come on. Say it. You know you want to. Tell him how you really feel.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, sending him an apologetic smile.

There was too much pressure.

"I really appreciate you being here for me … You're amazing," I kissed him quickly. "Can we … Can I, um … "

"Yes?"

Yeah, I couldn't say it. But there was something else on my mind, though.

"Are we a couple now? I mean, can I … " My cheeks started to fluster, so I ended up looking down on his collarbone again. "Can I call you my boyfriend?"

I heard laughter. Confused, I looked up at him, only to be pushed down onto my back again. He kissed me passionately for only a few seconds, leaving me breathless.

"We've been together for almost a month, and this is the first time you've actually thought of it?" He gave me a quick kiss again, before winking at me. "Brat,"

"Hey!" I protested, though smiling a bit. "I thought you were supposed to say it out loud before it's official?"

Still chuckling, Levi laid down beside me, snuggling into my side. The blanket that was still on top of our legs, was pulled over the both of us by Levi, and I moved a little to be more comfortable. He grabbed my hand, leading it up to his mouth to kiss the back of it, before whispering something in my ear.

"Then I guess it's official now,"